Overheard on the VHF

[sy_gilana]

anonymous boat 1: "Is it full moon tonight?"
anonymous boat 2: "No, the sun's still up you dumb jerk!"

[Blue Stocking]

True story,honest.

Jimmy was fishing down on the Challenger Bank, 10 miles SW of Bermuda.
AGC fuse blew in the start circuit,so he called Harbour Radio for help.
Mates in the yard heard the call, and told him to go up to Ch 68.
We are all listening now, Jimmy and Bruce discuss the problem with Harbour Radio.
After much discussion Bruce says "Bye', you still smokin them Camels?"
Jimmy says "Yah!".
Bruce says "Roll up the silver foil, and make a fuse"
Jimmy calls in a few minutes and says " Bruce, I'm on the way in, bye', don't stop watching McGiver, see".

[Celestialsailor]

Boat1...Radio check 16
Return...Loud and clear
Boat1...Can you tell me what time it is?
Return...You mean now???
...radio silence

[Andrew Troup]

Years ago, with my own ears, (otherwise I would not believe it) heard a fishing boat call up the local port radio 'tower' saying they were disabled and needed a tow.

The first few salvos of the exchange are seared in my memory:

Where are you?
About five mile off
Off what?
Offshore
(patiently) How far from port?
About an hour
Where are you in relation to Godley Head?
Godley what?
The lighthouse halfway up a cliff
Oh .... It's over there (presumably pointing)

(long pause ...
... now evidently making supreme efforts in the direction of patience) What bearing?

Bearing?
Compass angle

(I forget the exact words from this point but the first bearing he reported turned out to be the ship's head, the second was geographically impossible (and so was the reciprocal), the distinction between Mag vs True was evidently a novel concept etc etc...

I wonder if Darwin has clutched this fellow to his bosom at some early opportunity, or whether he swallowed the anchor and found some more appropriate outlet for his talents .... like, say ..... wheel clamping.

[s/v Jedi]

Me being called by *bleep* on local cruisers channel 74 :

"Jedi, Jedi, this is *bleep*"

"Hello *bleep*, switch 72

-silence-

"Jedi, Jedi, this is *bleep*"

"Hello *bleep*, switch 72

"I can't go there, 66A is my channel"

"Well, that is unfortunate, Jedi out"

-silence-

"Jedi, Jedi, this is *bleep*"

-silence-



cheers,
Nick.

[atoll]

US Warship vs Lighthouse - YouTube

[atoll]

This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a British
Naval ship and the Irish, off the coast of Kerry, Oct 95. Radio
conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations. 10 - 10 - 95:

IRISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid a
collision.

BRITISH: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North, to
avoid a collision.

IRISH: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the
South to avoid a collision.

BRITISH: This is the Captain of a British navy ship. I say again, divert
YOUR course.

IRISH: Negative. I say again, You will have to divert your course.

BRITISH: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER HMS xxxxxxxxx. THE SECOND LARGEST
SHIP IN THE BRITISH ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE
DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT
YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT IS 15 DEGREES
NORTH, OR COUNTER- MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF
THIS SHIP.

IRISH: We are a lighthouse. Your call.

[Blue Stocking]

'arbour radio,'arbour radio, dis is tarapy (Therapy)-can you see me?
Vessel calling, cannot understand name, please repeat.
'arbour radio, 'arbour radio--can you see me
Vessell calling etc

2 more attempts--no luck

Radio operator: Vessel calling, please look over your stern, and spell your name.

after a few minutes-- a'cant spell--eets letters is upside down"

Honest!!

[john540]

I was flying a small airplane one evening and had the following conversation:

Them:Aircraft in the pattern, how's the weather up there?

Me: Um, it looks fine?

Them: I was about to take off, but I was worried that there might be clouds you can't see.

Me: I haven't seen any clouds I couldn't see!

[SkiprJohn]

Atoll,
I'm glad you corrected the HMS vs USS. Makes it more believable.
Just kidding!!!
kind regards from retired U. S. Navy here,