On the light side

[Stede]

The Famous Sea Captain

Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the world. Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains.However, there was one thing different about this captain.Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain's quarters and open a small safe.In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, then lock it back up. After, he would go about his daily duties. For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope. One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and... The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper, two on two lines:

"Port Left, Starboard Right"

[lannen]

A sailor meets a pirate in a bar. The pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. "How'd you end up with a peg leg?" asks the sailor. "I was swept overboard in a storm," says the pirate. "A shark bit off me whole leg." "Wow!" said the sailor. "What about the hook?" "We were boarding an enemy ship, battling the other seamen with swords. One of them cut me hand clean off." "Incredible!" remarked the sailor. "And the eye patch?" "A seagull dropping fell in me eye," replied the pirate. "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously. Said the pirate, "It was me first day with the hook."

[Stede]

A man walked into his back yard one morning and found a gorilla in a tree. He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon a serviceman arrived with a stick, a Chihuahua, a pair of handcuffs and a shotgun.
"Now listen carefully," he told the homeowner. "I'm going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls to the ground. The trained Chihuahua will then go right for his, uh, sensitive area, and when the gorilla instinctively crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap on the handcuffs."
"Got it", the homeowner replied. "But what's the shotgun for?"
"IF I fall out of the tree before the gorilla. Shoot the Chihuahua."

[Troubledour]

50ish guy overheard this evening in the checkout line @ Menard's ... "I am not immature you poopy stinky butt" ...

(I kid you not)

Troubledour

[Stede]

Mr.T,

That's way too funny!! If I had been there, I would've had to of told the guy "you're a liar,sissie,and your momie dresses you funny." ha!ha!ha!

[Stede]

I couldn't remember if anyone has posted this here or not. Check it out!

http://mahnkiman.tweekmonster.org/st...easureHunt.swf