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Old 30-01-2018, 07:36   #1
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Fat Man in the Basement

I've been here a while and have had some fun. But I think maybe it is time to come clean.

-I'm really a 400 lb (last I could get weighted) 41 year old man living in my parents basement (how I relate to the anchor out guys).
-It's been 5 years since I have seen the sun or smelled air that hasn't been filtered through the cushions I have been farting into for 12 years (how I can be knowledgeable about holding tank odor).
- I haven't been able to fit into the shower for a long time (how I know about boat shower sizes) and yet I still mostly try to clean between my folds every few days (how I know about boat water management).
- My parents (who are like the water cops) have tried to control my bathroom happens, so I have taken to using a bucket (bet lots of you understand this).
- The cockroaches down here in the saloon (my basement) have gotten bad lately so I got a BB gun to shoot them (my expertise for gun threads).
- Sometime my Twinkie falls off when I cough and my belly bounces the table (like a storm wave) and falls on the floor.
- I can't really get the twinkie by reaching down (like trying to get the last can of spam out of a boat locker) so I came up with a little hook on a piece of string and it took many tries to find the right hook (my anchor knowledge).
- Last night I was on the CB radio using my phone GPS app to send truckers down the wrong road (I'm a navigational genius).
- The finish on my computer has worn off and it gets crusty from the food that falls out of my mouth and folds so I have taken to spraying various things on it to stop the growth (my knowledge of bottom fouling), but nothing seems to work in the long haul and my Mom comes by once in a while and just scrapes it off.
- Last week a water pipe started dripping on my head and I had to call 911 to get help. I was surprised about how many questions they asked before they were willing to send help, but in the end it was a good thing I knew flooding procedures and where I was.
- And let's not even start talking about mold, you boat people don't really know anything about mold.
- The batteries I use for my toys (including the very personal ones) die too often and I just can't get the good ones. So I got these cheap rechargeable ones, but since I'm not allowed to use the house electrical I had to find a renewable green way to do it. I solved it by hooking up a hose to "you know where" and using my massive farts to turn a little "wind" generator. It works well but is very dependent on what I had to eat that day (it was a lot and the beans really help).
- I have tried to get female company to share my adventure. But when they find out what I am really like they run up the stairs to get away (bet some boaters how about this one).

Maybe now that I've come out of the basement others here will also. I bet we all would benefit from lessons learned by each other to improve our basement experience.
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Old 30-01-2018, 07:39   #2
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Re: Fat Man in the Basement

Must be a boring day down there in Marathon?
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Old 30-01-2018, 07:46   #3
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Re: Fat Man in the Basement

Quote:
Originally Posted by a64pilot View Post
Must be a boring day down there in Marathon?
Hehe, see how sucked you are. My basement is in St Louis
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Old 30-01-2018, 08:22   #4
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Re: Fat Man in the Basement

And the truth shall set you free!
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Old 30-01-2018, 08:52   #5
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Re: Fat Man in the Basement

[QUOTE=a64pilot;2566290]Must be a boring day down there in Marathon?[/

Why assume Marathon. There are no basements in the Keys!
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Old 30-01-2018, 08:52   #6
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Re: Fat Man in the Basement

Brilliant... often feel like the man in the basement when at parties ashore. Well done.
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Old 30-01-2018, 08:57   #7
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Re: Fat Man in the Basement

Quote:
Originally Posted by sailorboy1 View Post
I've been here a while and have had some fun. But I think maybe it is time to come clean.
SB, I want to thank you for posting this. Many, many times my wife, family, coworkers, friends, doctors, and two judges have claimed I have a serious screw loose. I intend to print out your original post and keep it in my wallet.
Thanks to your honesty, I will be able to whip it out and explain it's all a matter of degrees of relativity.
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Old 30-01-2018, 09:07   #8
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Re: Fat Man in the Basement

Is this you?
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Old 30-01-2018, 09:09   #9
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Re: Fat Man in the Basement

And I thought this was going to be a post referencing my favorite Little Feat song...
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Old 30-01-2018, 09:17   #10
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Re: Fat Man in the Basement

When I went to work as a Carpenters Union apprentice in 1971, they would razz the men who were either newly weds, and nearly everyone got married pretty young back then, or fellows who showed a little jealousy with the story of the fat man. He was the guy who entertained your lover when you were at work. So when I hear about the fat man I think of an explosive situation. Either some poor schmucks wife with the fat man, or an atomic bomb blast. I 'member that.
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Old 30-01-2018, 09:36   #11
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Re: Fat Man in the Basement

I have met sailorboy1 in person and I can testify that what he says is absolutely
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Old 30-01-2018, 09:44   #12
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Re: Fat Man in the Basement

New to sailboats and water/energy management my wife and son have started calling me the Russian Dictator. I think I'll go climb into the basement now..
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Old 30-01-2018, 09:54   #13
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Re: Fat Man in the Basement


Its all starting to make sense now.
Thank you SB!
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Old 30-01-2018, 09:54   #14
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Re: Fat Man in the Basement

That a shout out to all the haters??? :-)

I love those guys as well and should probably start gathering “classic” “fat man” advice and put together a montage of the same.

For example from today’s collection “I wouldn’t want to be in that boat bouncing off waves.”

Please, if one comes to mind, share it here!
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Old 30-01-2018, 09:57   #15
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Re: Fat Man in the Basement

Quote:
Originally Posted by a64pilot View Post
Must be a boring day down there in Marathon?
Marathon is boring, but with the wind up like it is today I'm glad to be on a ball here.
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