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ReMetau · 16-04-2012, 15:54

If you feel the desire or need to marry and she feels the same, then go for it. Otherwise live your life in love and love it.

ippocampus · 16-04-2012, 16:01

Sounds like you keep saying it doesn't matter but if it doesn't then why not do it?

hellosailor · 16-04-2012, 16:06

Passports? Who knows. The best thing you can do with "smart cards" and "smart papers" is microwave them for fifteen seconds. Gives 'em a little lobotomy and they have to be processed as paper after that. Helps ensure full employment at the bureaucracy, which is a real good thing, right?

Ike · 16-04-2012, 16:18

First let me define the question. Your question has nothing to do with how you feel about each other, and with your relationship. You are mainly concerned with how the two of you might be treated if you travel together? I think if you confine your travels to most north american and european nations it won't be a problem as far as entry and exit and hotels and such. But in middle eastern Asian, Africa and South American countries you may run afoul of the law. As others have said, if something happens to either one of you the other partner is going to be really stuck. I suppose an iron clad will naming each other would help, but a marriage certificate would solve a lot of problems. My son is in a common law marriage and he has had to face some of the financial issues that come up. But he has never traveled outside the US so that hasn't been an issue yet.

I disagree with those who say marriage is just the beginning of the end of a relationship. I have been married 44 years. Many of my friends have been married as long or longer. If you have been together 25 years, saying I do is only going to change the legal aspects, nothing else, especially if you live in a place where all that you own is community property. Then both of you will have ownership. For instance, your boat? Who's name is on the title or documentation? If it's not both of you and something happens, the other has no legal claim.

But all of that aside, How does she feel about it? Have you asked her? Do it.

Mike OReilly · 16-04-2012, 19:31

Thanks all for the advice and comments. But just to be clear, I'm not seeking relationship advice (whether humours or well intentioned ... although some of you are pretty funny). She's good, I'm good, we're both very good together. Don't fret.

And I don't need to know about the legal realities of common-law vs married here in North America. Got that under control, thanks.

I'm seeking advice, preferably from those who have been out there, as to whether there might be legal or bureaucratic challenges for a couple traveling together who is not "married", and who, in either case, won't be carrying the same last names.

Excellent points about Muslim countries. I assume that would be the same for any highly religious country. And thanks for the comments around the issue of one of us becoming incapacitated, and sharing a hotel room. All good points that I hadn't thought of (which is why I posed the question).

What about basic customs clearance issues? Anything to consider?

Mike OReilly · 16-04-2012, 19:33

Quote:

Originally Posted by hellosailor

Passports? Who knows. The best thing you can do with "smart cards" and "smart papers" is microwave them for fifteen seconds. Gives 'em a little lobotomy and they have to be processed as paper after that. Helps ensure full employment at the bureaucracy, which is a real good thing, right?

Geeze, I like this idea HS. Have you actually done this? Does it work?

... Perhaps you might want to PM me the answer

.

**skipmac** · 16-04-2012, 19:50

Married for 31 years but my wife retained her maiden name. She claims for professional reasons but I think she just didn't like my last name.

We have traveled the Caribbean, Europe, Mexico, Central America and Morocco and no one ever asked about her name or marital status, even in Morocco. Only place we ever had a problem was Orlando FL when I had a problem with my key and they would not let me into the room registered in her name, even though I was standing in the hall with two, very tired children.

Bash · 16-04-2012, 20:27

I've been married 34 years now, and there's no way I could prove it while traveling abroad, other than for the fact that the sweetheart traveling with me shares my last name. My passport doesn't report my marital status, nor does my boat's documentation papers.

Come to think of it, I wonder whether we could even find our marriage license at this point, if we had to.

Hmmm.

**Dockhead** · 08-05-2012, 12:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mike OReilly

Thanks all for the advice and comments. But just to be clear, I'm not seeking relationship advice (whether humours or well intentioned ... although some of you are pretty funny). She's good, I'm good, we're both very good together. Don't fret.

And I don't need to know about the legal realities of common-law vs married here in North America. Got that under control, thanks.

I'm seeking advice, preferably from those who have been out there, as to whether there might be legal or bureaucratic challenges for a couple traveling together who is not "married", and who, in either case, won't be carrying the same last names.

Excellent points about Muslim countries. I assume that would be the same for any highly religious country. And thanks for the comments around the issue of one of us becoming incapacitated, and sharing a hotel room. All good points that I hadn't thought of (which is why I posed the question).

What about basic customs clearance issues? Anything to consider?

If you're happy together after 25 years, you're already WAY ahead of the game. The rest hardly matters, I would say. Hard to think of a reason not to do it, I think.

If you do do it, just keep an apostilled copy of your marriage cert on your travels, in case of need.

capn_billl · 08-05-2012, 13:16

I had trouble getting to my wife in a hospital once when we were first married because in the panic she gave her maiden name. That is in the US. Some countries may be stricter or less strict.

Plenty of unmarried folks traveling together, but if something happens, the other has no rights.

SVTatia · 08-05-2012, 13:31

For immigration purposes you would list one as crew anyway.
I know Bermuda does not recognize common-law relationships for immigration purposes, but yachts coming or going, I have not come across anyone asking to prove a relationship.

Now picture this hypothetical situation: You are comatose in a far way land and your significant other comes in to visit you and identify herself as the wife. The hospital staff would say: please let me see your marriage certificate? I don't think so.

Buy rings, it wont hurt and will have the added benefit (oh chucks!) of keeping other girls off you

**Ex-Calif** · 08-05-2012, 18:39

As far as hotel rooms and non-married cohabitation, most of Asia wont care. In regards to immigration and visas each individual stands on their own merits. If both Canadian the entry rules will be the same for each. In fact an American married to a Filipino, for example may have more difficulty. Marriage carries only small sway in granting the partner a visa. So there may be places the American can go and the Filipino will not have luck getting a visa or at least it will be more problematic.

As others have pointed out the issues are when something goes seriously wrong.

A friend of mine had a massive stroke while living in Thailand. He was on life support. His then "common law" Thai wife nor any "Buddhist" (i.e medical team) could not make the decision to suspend life support and let him go. Neither could I. It had to be a family member.

As a close friend I got involved and ended up having to track down a previous wife - he was "married" 5 times - or someone the Thais would recognize as a wife who came and handled the medical decisions and subsequent funeral. It was pretty sad for the last Thai wife as they had a 5 y/o kid and the previous wife (Filipino) maneuvered to get all the assets. The good news was the house he bought in Phuket ended up untouchable. He left a lot of flotsam in his wake...

So my philosophy these days is that the marriage certificate is for the governments and bureaucrats. It is a necessary evil that makes it a lot easier to operate for the surviving partner.

I don't know if a living power of attorney for all matters financial and medical would make a difference or not but if you don't get married the more docs you have the better and this is something I would consider.

I don't think I would "fake" a marriage with rings and a fake certificate. Too many pot holes and once bureaucrats smell blood in the water they can dig into all kinds of crap you don't want them digging into.

zeta · 08-05-2012, 19:34

A good living will is pretty important for both of you and if you have a lot of liquid assets that ether one wants to pass to the other, get them in trusts and property in both names. Probably the worst that can happen is not being able to visit in hospital, and life/death decisions can be handled by a living will. In Muslim countries sneak her in your room with the booze

Mike OReilly · 08-05-2012, 22:15

All good points guys. Assets are easy b/c everything we own is already in both our names. The hotel thing can be managed. Seems like the prospect of not having access, or a say in, each other's emergency health services might be the clincher. Still, I really wonder if being legally married will make any real difference given that we will not have the same last name.