Friends With Kids

[Little Otter]

Therapy we tried telling the truth several times and all we got for being truthfull was alot of sh*t a$$ rumors spread and two fights got started because of it and we wern't even in the fights! besides we don't like causeing that much trouble sure some mischeif now and then so we tell them were not able to and none asks questions no rumors and no fights and then we usually take them the next weekend and everyone is happy

[Therapy]

Golly jeepers!

[Ex-Calif]

Originally Posted by Cassparagus

has anyone been in a situation like this? and I'm newer to boating so im not totally sure if its completely rude to have a no-kid rule on your boat.

Presumably, as a couple, it's "your" boat and you can invite and not invite whomever you please.

How does your boyfriend feel about this?

My wife and I waited to have a child. We wanted to really enjoy our youth together, so to speak. All our friends in their mid-late 20s were popping out kids and we waited until our mid-30s.

The side effect was that we drifted away from a lot of our friends because we really lost that common bonding. They were into diapers, baby gyms, early nights etc. etc. etc.

However - when we invited them for "couples" type stuff and we indicated no kids - they stopped accepting invitations basically saying that their time was for joint family stuff.

As a parent now with a 10 y/o I totally understand it. I don't go packing off for non kid events because my time with my son is very limited.

Maybe you guys will have a similar experience.

[Latitude9.5]

I agree with what's been said as far as it being your boat and you deciding who comes aboard. I'd rather have kids aboard then 2 drunk adults telling me they don't get sick on boats, etc, etc, puke, puke let's go back (yes i speak from experience)

I enjoy having kids aboard, sans the inevitable conversation that follows when they depart "We should have at least one" and "Oh even you had fun with them, so when are we going to have one".

[Pelagic]

Cassparagus. If you and your boyfriend are stressing over this the answer is obvious….DONT!

Let your Friends w/kids know that it could be stressful as the boat is your sanctuary and kids do the “darnedest” things on boats…

You don’t want to risk a situation like that spoiling a perfectly good friendship

The best etiquette is to tell the truth !

[GordMay]

Seems like we’re seeking a magic bullet phrase:
How to tell someone you care about, that their kids aren’t welcome, on your boat, in your house, whatever...
Good luck; and PLEASE let me know if you come up with something.

[Sunspot Baby]

While we have enjoyed having kids aboard our boat and the positives far outweigh the negatives, I certainly understand and respect your position. Try the straight forward and true:

"I'm sorry, we are not set up for kids and are not comfortable having them aboard."

It shouldn't be anymore uncomfortable than telling smoking friends there is no smoking aboard.

George

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by Sunspot Baby

... It shouldn't be anymore uncomfortable than telling smoking friends there is no smoking aboard.
George

As a father/grandfather, and a smoker; I can tell you that whilst I am much more “attached” (read ADDICTED) to my cigarettes than to my kids, the emotional impact of banning the former is nowhere near as distressing as would be the latter.
I love my kids, but hate my smokes.
I can accept the criticism implied in banning my smoking, but would be somewhat distressed by the implied criticism of my kids, even if not intended to be such.

[svHyLyte]

My wife and I did not have a child until very late in our married life and so had many friends with children when we did not. Our solution to the invitation business was simple--"We'd like to invite you and your wife (or husband) for a sail on such-and-such a day". The invitation was clearly for the adults, only. That said, some invitees sometimes wouldn't get the message and would ask if they could bring their children to which we would respond something to the effect that the event was to be a grown-up's only day.

As a practical matter, its difficult for parents to have "grown-up's only days" on weekends or holidays, at least until the children are well into their teens. Moreover, while most parents might like a day to themselves from time-to-time, they invariably worry about the kid(s), which takes some of the pleasure out of an event, and, most parents want to spend as much free time with the family as possible, as that time is golden and fleeting (as you will discover if you are ever fortunate enough to have children of your own).

After we had a daughter, we "kid proofed" our boat, obtained life-jackets, harnesses and tethers to fit kids and had kids along whenever possible as seeing things through the eyes of a child--even vicariously--recaptures some of the wonder of an event that we, as adults, tend to loose. Our daughter--Hylynn--proved to be the highlight of our family and so we named the new boat that we purchased (to better accomdate more people and kids) in her honor...

Cheers,

s/v HyLyte

[ssullivan]

Originally Posted by GordMay

Seems like we’re seeking a magic bullet phrase:
How to tell someone you care about, that their kids aren’t welcome, on your boat, in your house, whatever...
Good luck; and PLEASE let me know if you come up with something.

I think I had mentioned it earlier:

"We don't have child-size life jackets." "They are required by law."

[ssullivan]

Originally Posted by Little Otter

Hi all i'm 16 and still considered a kid by some)

Na.... I wouldn't consider you a kid like what people are talking about here.

We have trouble with "little kids" or "babies" on the boat. You know... those that are in first grade or under.

We had a 12yrs and up rule when chartering.

I'd make a big distinction between a "kid" and a "child." Kids are 12, children are maybe 6, and teenagers are always fine. In fact, my wife and I get along better with teenagers than most adults! ha ha

Maybe *we* need to "grow up"... Go figure.

[Sunspot Baby]

OK, kids are dearer than smokes and my example was not intended to equate them. Sorry if I hit a soft spot.

Still, on their boat, they can set rules and limits which guests should be willing to accept if they want to share the fun. No smoking, no drinking, no shoes, clothing optional, no kids, life jackets worn at all times, whatever the rule, if stated simply without implied criticism it should be OK.

I am sure those parents go to other places where kids are not allowed. They get a sitter and enjoy the evening. This is just one more place.

"I'm sorry, we are not set up for kids and are not comfortable having them aboard."

They are not saying you have bad children any more than they are saying smokers are bad. It is just not allowed on their boat.

On a previous boat, the Admiral bought a plaque that said:
"Danger, Explosive Skipper, NO SMOKING." It got a lot of laughs and I don't think anyone's feelings were hurt. We have hosted many events that were non-kid friendly. Only once in all the years, did anyone get their feelings hurt.

George

[imagine2frolic]

Sulli,

There's growing up, and there's being a responsible adult. I choose not to grow up to an extent, but I am a responsible adult.....LOLOLOLOLOL,,,,,WANNA JOIN ME!

[FrankZ]

Originally Posted by ssullivan

I think I had mentioned it earlier:

"We don't have child-size life jackets." "They are required by law."

I was just chatting with someone here at work and he mentioned he would like to go sailing with me. He then 'of course there would be a kid in tow', an infant. I used your line, having read it prior to talking to him and he asked how much a life jacket would cost. So I suppose it isn't fool proof. Oh well. He does understand I don't like being around children so in the end no infant on the boat if he comes sailing.

[GordMay]

No soft spot, No insult.
I just meant to say that I don’t feel any personal insult when you ask me to refrain from polluting your environment, by not smoking. The implied criticism is, even in a smoker’s view, fully justified.
I might take some offense, when you ask me to leave my kids at home.
Most parents/granparents would not agree emotionally with the proposition that their kids would present a “problem”, even when they intellectually understand your objections.