Help selling the dream

[Steve_C]

Try Festiva Charters in the BVI's for a crewed charter.

https://www.festivasailingvacations....n-islands.html

This will give her a week with everything totally taken care of. You just show up and step aboard. Its even better if you bring some other couples to fill up the boat so its more relaxed. I would go late April or early May.

Good Luck!

[JoeRobertJr]

The trip that hooked my wife was a 7-day captained charter in the BVIs. It was arranged through Sailing Collective, and I highly recommend them. They do charters in many places.

Ours was a 50-foot monohull, 3 couples each with their own cabin, a captain and a chef. That trip was a life-changer and put us on the path to ownership.

[mvweebles]

A few thoughts based on years of teaching middle aged people how to drive boats, mostly close-quarter maneuvers:

1. Powerboats are more approachable than sailboats. Running a powerboat is more akin to driving a car. Heeling often scares women.

2. Women worry about what happens if you have a heart attack - how will they get you rescued?

3. Women often get stuck with the BS work of preparing for a weekend trip - cleaning, hauling food, prepping, hauling stuff up/down the dock and clean-up after, working in a cramped space with the engine hatch open, etc. It's a lot of work.

4. Women learn differently than men. A spouse should not teach their mate, especially as they are probably not far ahead on the learning curve and nervous themselves.

5. Communication and understanding is key. Just showing someone how to tie-off a cleat doesn't mean they will remember when the time comes during docking.

6. Women have much different priorities than men. In order, men worry about (i) ego - do they look in control? (ii) damaging their boat. (iii) damaging someone else's boat. Women's priorities are exactly the opposite, except add personal injury.

7. For docking/close quarter maneuvers, novice women tend to be better than novice men. Reason is men develop a plan and stick to it even when it's a bad idea. Women are more intuitive. At intermediate levels, their abilities converge.

8. Women are excellent navigators. They tend to closely inspect a route for obstructions between two waypoints.

Overall, you have to sell religion before you sell bibles. By that, I mean sell the idea of being out and on the water, not just sailing. No idea where you live, but if you're up north, head to Sarasota and rent a 17-foot bow rider. Or better yet, I rented a VRBO near Georgetown Exumas a few years ago and rented a 17-foot with 75hp outboard for a week for not a lot of money. Had a blast running around the nearby islands and walking on deserted beaches. From there, go to the PNW in July and rent a Grand Banks trawler and find some whales to watch or toss a crab trap off the stern while you have a glass of wine in the evening. Or couple it with a couple half-day lesson's with a captain. Heck, go to Lake Powell and rent a houseboat - anything to get on the water and couple it with fun. Once you've whet the appetite, move into sailing - or whatever gets your collective juices flowing.

[mvweebles]

Originally Posted by JoeRobertJr

Ours was a 50-foot monohull, 3 couples each with their own cabin, a captain and a chef. That trip was a life-changer and put us on the path to ownership.

We did something similar years ago on a very nice 65-footer. Hated it only because we are not the type who like being around a captain and crew and structured meals. They were really nice, but mostly we like to hang out with our friends. I'm just not a "Below Decks" kind of guy I guess.

For us, enjoyed a BVI bareboat charter we did a friend who was a pretty good sailor (I'm very good crew, but not a great sailor). We had some very memorable instances including almost destroying our dink when backing-down in Cane Garden Bay.

[tzukulika]

Thank you all so far for your suggestions.
A little bit more info here.
I'm 52, plan to hit the open seas at 57.Relatively in good fitness, former long distance runner and currently biking 100+miles in weekends.

I live in PNW, (Olympia) and plan to get some sailing classes in spring/summer. And see where that will take me. As a trade, I was in Electrical Engineering, and I'm not afraid of hands on stuff. I'm aware the is not all roses owning a boat. I'm already doing the cooking home.

The Admiral part of the equation is the mystery one. Great suggestions in easing her into sailing. Current planned cruise trip not my ideea, but I hope to use the *settings* to open her up to cruising.

The chartering will likely happen in 1 year or so. The Boss (hoping soon to be Admiral!) has already planned vacations for next year (around kids vacations, of course!...)



I'm not yet convinced *myself* I can handle sailing.Prone to motion sickness. It should be lovely. But I hear that people can overcome.



It looks like I found a 3 hrs sailing trip - in BVI- on a cruising cat. Need to book this ASAP as time is short.

I'm aware of *do not scare her*.
Safety and comfort is how I need to sell the religion. That was a great quote.

[DDouglasone]

Originally Posted by tzukulika

Hello all!
I'm a dreamer, wishing I would sail the seas and exploring new worlds. I have lurked in this forum for a while, gaining knowledge. I'm planning to sail/cruise in about 5 years ( kids out of high school then). I'm already retired, and financial able to sail.
I need the help and the wisdom of the forum in *selling* the dream to the Admiral. I have gently approached the subject and I was met with *resistance*.
The Admiral did book a vacation in the Southern Caribbean for Xmas/New Year aboard a Cruise-line.
I'm hoping to book a 2-3 hrs sailing aboard a 40-50 feet cat on one of 8 stops in the islands.
The sailing trip should function as a selling point to my wife (and me!). I'm not at the point to sail anything myself so a captain, which reinforces the *safety* and comfort of a catamaran will be needed.
I looked online for a sailing trip around the islands and I could not find anything suitable. There are plenty of day sailing trips, but they do take place aboard not *live about * cats and they are more geared towards schlepping folks to snorkeling places.
Any suggestions or help here ?
Our itinerary is as follow:
Dec 23 St. Thomas (VI); Dec 24 Antigua, Dec 25 St Kitts, Dec 26 Barbados, Dec 27 Martinique, Dec 28 Trinidad and Tobago, Dec 30 Curacao and Dec 31 Aruba.
Thank you for suggestions!

Truthfully, you need to just start sailing...Anything.

If I were you I would get a smaller sailboat now.

Smaller (25'under) are cheap, cheap, cheap!

Get one to use for learning. You may find you don't like it and if it doesn't work out, just sell it even cheaper than you bought it for.

Don't put a lot of money into it, just basics like a radio, hand held chart plotter/gps, depth guage(fish finder).

Make sure it comes with decent sails.

Tell the wife it's for fishing and she's welcome to come play or not.

Then gradually work up to the dream!

Good luck!

[double u]

...if you have to “sell” her the dream -forget it. My lady & I rtw-ed 3x plus the present EU-Tahiti trip. I never had to „sell“ her the dream, but we have met numerous couples with the lady wanting to cancel the „sale“...
If you sell a dream-reality is going to be sooo different!

[tzukulika]

Originally Posted by double u

...if you have to “sell” her the dream -forget it. My lady & I rtw-ed 3x plus the present EU-Tahiti trip. I never had to „sell“ her the dream, but we have met numerous couples with the lady wanting to cancel the „sale“...
If you sell a dream-reality is going to be sooo different!

I'm sure you are right. Afraid to find out what is out at the end of the tunnel.....
Plan is to have a limited 2-3 years *commitment*. Then re-evaluate.

[double u]

What’s your age?

[mark_morwood]

Originally Posted by tzukulika

Safety and comfort is how I need to sell the religion. .

I would suggest a slightly different mind set. Perceived lack of safety and lack of comfort are barriers to the "sale" so you should work to make sure they don't come into the equation at all until you and your partner find and engage with the upside/value.

You need to decide on what the value you are aiming for is. For many, and certainly in our family, it wasn't sailing, it was the independent, traveling lifestyle. The ability to go to beautiful interesting places on your own schedule in your own home.

So I'd focus on some positive experiences to sell the benefits, or see if they are seen as benefits first. So positive personal travel experiences on a sail boat, or motor boat, where safety and comfort are total non-issues. Best would be a fully catered "luxury" cruise to some nice area (like BVI's) where you can both experience the plusses of your own personal mobile home on the ocean. Multi-day if possible, but lunch or sunset style cruises if not. If that doesn't excite you both, then there is no point in progressing further.

If that does go well you can start addressing the barriers - e.g. what level of comfort is required to match the benefits; can you both get comfortable with the apparent level of risk; are you both prepared to build sufficient skills to make it comfortable; etc. And by then it won't be a sale, you'll both be trying to work out how to make it work given both of your natures. Maybe it's full time cruising, maybe its 6 months in the Bahamas each year and 6 months at home with grand kids, maybe its cruising where one of you flies any long passages and the other moves the boat with crew - there are many different ways to make this work.

Good luck - hopefully you will find it excites both of you. If it doesn't, don't push it.

In our particular journey, it was a 5 day charter in the Whitsunday's that led my then girlfriend, now wife of many years, who had never been on a sailboat before to ask as we were sitting on deck one evening watching the sun set over a beautiful bay "wouldn't it be nice if we could spend some significant time doing this ...". Within 6 months of those fateful words, we owned our first cruising boat and 2 years later left on a 2 year cruise from Boston around the Atlantic, Med and Caribbean.

[NewportGuy]

The BVI charter suggestions are your best first step. Good luck with your marketing campaign!

[tzukulika]

Originally Posted by double u

What’s your age?

I'm 52

[tzukulika]

Originally Posted by mark_morwood

I would suggest a slightly different mind set. Perceived lack of safety and lack of comfort are barriers to the "sale" so you should work to make sure they don't come into the equation at all until you and your partner find and engage with the upside/value.

You need to decide on what the value you are aiming for is. For many, and certainly in our family, it wasn't sailing, it was the independent, traveling lifestyle. The ability to go to beautiful interesting places on your own schedule in your own home.

So I'd focus on some positive experiences to sell the benefits, or see if they are seen as benefits first. So positive personal travel experiences on a sail boat, or motor boat, where safety and comfort are total non-issues. Best would be a fully catered "luxury" cruise to some nice area (like BVI's) where you can both experience the plusses of your own personal mobile home on the ocean. Multi-day if possible, but lunch or sunset style cruises if not. If that doesn't excite you both, then there is no point in progressing further.

If that does go well you can start addressing the barriers - e.g. what level of comfort is required to match the benefits; can you both get comfortable with the apparent level of risk; are you both prepared to build sufficient skills to make it comfortable; etc. And by then it won't be a sale, you'll both be trying to work out how to make it work given both of your natures. Maybe it's full time cruising, maybe its 6 months in the Bahamas each year and 6 months at home with grand kids, maybe its cruising where one of you flies any long passages and the other moves the boat with crew - there are many different ways to make this work.

Good luck - hopefully you will find it excites both of you. If it doesn't, don't push it.

In our particular journey, it was a 5 day charter in the Whitsunday's that led my then girlfriend, now wife of many years, who had never been on a sailboat before to ask as we were sitting on deck one evening watching the sun set over a beautiful bay "wouldn't it be nice if we could spend some significant time doing this ...". Within 6 months of those fateful words, we owned our first cruising boat and 2 years later left on a 2 year cruise from Boston around the Atlantic, Med and Caribbean.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I will not push it.At least initially , just because I'm not this is for me as well.

Good suggestions.

[Macblaze]

Originally Posted by mvweebles

A few thoughts based on years of teaching middle aged people how to drive boats, mostly close-quarter maneuvers:

1. Powerboats are more approachable than sailboats. Running a powerboat is more akin to driving a car. Heeling often scares women.

2. Women worry about what happens if you have a heart attack - how will they get you rescued?

3. Women often get stuck with the BS work of preparing for a weekend trip - cleaning, hauling food, prepping, hauling stuff up/down the dock and clean-up after, working in a cramped space with the engine hatch open, etc. It's a lot of work.

4. Women learn differently than men. A spouse should not teach their mate, especially as they are probably not far ahead on the learning curve and nervous themselves.

5. Communication and understanding is key. Just showing someone how to tie-off a cleat doesn't mean they will remember when the time comes during docking.

6. Women have much different priorities than men. In order, men worry about (i) ego - do they look in control? (ii) damaging their boat. (iii) damaging someone else's boat. Women's priorities are exactly the opposite, except add personal injury.

7. For docking/close quarter maneuvers, novice women tend to be better than novice men. Reason is men develop a plan and stick to it even when it's a bad idea. Women are more intuitive. At intermediate levels, their abilities converge.

8. Women are excellent navigators. They tend to closely inspect a route for obstructions between two waypoints.

You know, I wanted to attack this for being an overt generalization and subtly sexist, but in the end it matches almost exactly with my experience. Except maybe Point 6—I never let my ego get in the way of my fear about damaging the boat...

[Macblaze]

Originally Posted by tzukulika

I live in PNW, (Olympia) and plan to get some sailing classes in spring/summer. And see where that will take me. As a trade, I was in Electrical Engineering, and I'm not afraid of hands on stuff. I'm aware the is not all roses owning a boat. I'm already doing the cooking home.

You're in the PNW? Dude, get you both on a charter this summer to Desolation Sound. Calm, warm, beautiful and right in your backyard. It has whales, dolphins, some great eats, peaceful anchorages and everything good there is to have in a cruising life.