Thinking About Going to the Dark Side for a Girl.

[westwinds]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

...Take the love, sex, emotional side out of the equation and see if they gel as a team.
Relationships are meant to grow and evolve, but only if the 2 people want to be on the same bus. (or boat)
...

To take the emotional side out, you have to stop having sex. No sex does bring instant relief from emotions; however, in our culture, not many are willing to experiment that way. What's interesting about this relationship is that six months out of the year, the relationship will be sexless...

[w1651]

Buy a puppy and go for a walk on the beach. Then decide if you still like or want your boat or this girl.

[tuffr2]

On one hand - there is no shame in being a lone wolf. The lone wolf can enjoy life doing what he wants to and how he wants to do it. There is also a certain poetry to being a man's man.

On the other hand you know that having a woman in your life is a bonus. Not only do they bring companionship but also make your life easier. A good woman is especially a bonus and a huge help in keeping a boat neat and clean.

But as you know - it is a tough decision - Good luck.

[LBW399]

Originally Posted by rognvald

Satdiver,
Those who have a clear vision of life and have goals they desire to achieve cannot be successful when their mantra is "compromise." Compromise is the death knell of those who do not fulfill their life's dreams. Unlike creatures in the natural world, humans excel at rationalization. When a lion is hungry, he is single-minded in his pursuit of sustenance. When a human is hungry, he can be sidetracked for many reasons. Therefore, when looking for a partner/mate, don't lie to yourself about who the person is but rather seek someone who shares your lifestyle and sense of adventure. This is not easy as is attested by many on this Forum who sail solo--not by choice but by necessity. And, it is truly an exceptional woman who can easily maintain the cruising lifestyle since most need their homes, space, conveniences, children, grandchildren and this is how Nature intended them to be(I have prepared my battle armor for those New Age Feminists who believe there is no difference between males and females. . . may evolutionary Science be damned!). The testament can be seen on this Forum that is dominated by males with only a few exceptional females attending. I say, exceptional, because they are not the dream killing variety described above but truly different from their sisters. Look for one of these special people and you'll fulfill your dreams. Settle for the "Hausfrau" and you'll be tied to the dock in an elegant condo entertaining a cadre of Captain NoGos' and experience a slow and quiet death while still breathing. Good luck, good sailing, keep the dream alive!

Fantastic post - 100% correct.

[CarlF]

I love Alden 44's but it's not a boat most women would like. Although there are several interior layouts, they were obviously all designed by men. Tight, no view below, small head, difficult galley, no berth with access on both sides. A great interior at sea but not at anchor much less in a marina. It's a '80s design. Expectations for cruising comfort were lower in those days - and even fewer women cruised.

I've worked hard to keep my wife cruising and have done pretty well. The breakthrough came on a Maine charter of a beautiful Hinckley 42 when we both realized that crawling into a claustaphobic v-berth and not having a separate shower wasn't going to work for her long term.

So we bought a Discovery 55 (a big financial stretch but it kept us cruising). Beautiful view from the salon. Electric heads. Separate shower in two heads. Big inverter that can run a hair dryer. Walk around king size bed. Big hot water heater. My wife also loves to invite friends as there's enough room for some privacy - and friends like to come back (frankly, some friends come back a little more than I'd like)

It wasn't clear to me at the outset (and probably not to my wife either ) whether the Discovery would make her like cruising or not. If it hadn't, it would have been a really expensive learning experience

Do I still look with envy when I see a Hinckley B40. Sure, but you rarely see a woman (and especially a woman over 30) on a B40. Sailing with a bunch of old guys just isn't that much fun.

[tuffr2]

Any new developments in the last month. Just wondered if you are warming up to buying a Cat.

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app

[Rohan]

For another suggestion, what about a trimaran as a compromise? Farrier, Neel, & Dragonfly come to mind, although there are certainly others and many custom made ones as well.

I bring this up because many trimarans function and look like monohulls, but with the stability benefit of a multi-hull.

I would NOT switch from sail to motor yacht. The price of gasoline often goes up and rarely goes down.

[Wolfy]

Satrat.....C'mon, you're used to being offshore, stuck in a chamber for possibly weeks on end or dropping down doing some mixed gas Dives and earning the big Bucks, you have the dream Boat that you want....so, what's stopping you?
Cut loose and head out to wherever your heart desires and start enjoying the lifestyle you deserve.
It's very rare to find a woman that can adapt to the liveaboard life....and those few Women that can and do, are absolute Gems.
However, imho you'll have a better chance of meeting one of those rare women when you are actually in the same world that they are in.....I would imagine that converting a land lubber is always difficult, as they're used to todays modern conveniences, Malls and bloody Walmart etc.
Unfortunately, my better half is a Land Lubber to the extreme, but, realizing that and also knowing that trying to change her would be an impossible task that would enter into possible ugly conditions / discussions...we have struck a happy compromise....I sail to wherever I'm going and she'll meet me at the dock once I'm settle in.
We then relax, see the sights, eat the local food, meet the locals and when it's time to move on...my honey jumps on the plane and waits for the next call.
Anyway, best of luck Satrat....

[youngson]

forget the woman forget the kids, you'll be happier without LOL

[w1651]

Get the boat you want, head to a country and pick out the girl you want if you have to have one then set sail. There are plenty of women out there that are more then willing to sail and put up with you as well. Just give them a couple of bucks when you get to port, and be willing to fly her home for christmas and her moms bday.
You don't even have to choose which one you want the first time you get to a country. you can come and go out of that country 10 or 12 times before you choose a woman to sail with.
Better yet get a woman in every port you go to. Then when you have to leave for another port there's one waiting for you. But it's best to have a good carreer like ships captain for her before you meet. Just sayin!

P.S. Don't try this in Europe

[SkiprJohn]

Sometimes boats end marriages. Sometimes marriages end your life with boats. When and if you ever become very lucky you can have both. That doesn't happen often and it probably won't happen with you so you need to make a choice. Which do you want? A marriage that makes you unhappy or a boat that makes you happy without the woman of your temporary desires.

[4music3]

It's math keep looking.
Or
Spend time on shore and then insist on positive when at sea.
Or
Hell if I know. Carry on?

[youngson]

Originally Posted by SkiprJohn

Sometimes boats end marriages. Sometimes marriages end your life with boats. When and if you ever become very lucky you can have both. That doesn't happen often and it probably won't happen with you so you need to make a choice. Which do you want? A marriage that makes you unhappy or a boat that makes you happy without the woman of your temporary desires.

Wise words...

Wrote that down, i need to remember it LOL, good stuff!

[IdoraKeeper]

I was a commercial pilot for 34 years...usually gone 230 days a year. Flying ain't diving but the being gone is similar. That's a huge issue for marriage. First wife failed badly....got smarter, married a lady pilot ( smarter and better looking than me ). She will often meet me at the destination and often does the run home. Has more fun than me when things are rough/not boring. Maybe the OP needs a lady diver?

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by goboatingnow

If you love your partner then do what is necessary to retain that. You can always find boats !

Dave

I look at it differently. Women are like buses. If you don't like the seats on this one, another one will be along in about 15 or 30 minutes. Also like buses, they're always late.

The point is, if you like a monohull and this particular lady is a cat type of person, then one of you will have to compromise and be unhappy. Why does the guy always have to give in and be unhappy?

I've seen plenty of guys who say, "Happy wife, Happy Life." If she wants what you want, sure, that's fine, but if you spend your entire life making her happy and you never do anything you want to do, you'll be lying on your deathbed saying, "I sure regret spending my entire life doing what someone else wanted to do! I should have grown a pair and done what I wanted and found a woman who wanted to do exactly the same!"

Everybody who ever climbed Mt Everest did it because they wanted to, not because their wife gave them permission. If I had a dollar for every time one of my friends said, "Well, my wife/my kids/my dog ate my homework" in a high whiny voice I'd be cruising around in my Gunboat right now! Meanwhile, they'll still be mowing the lawn every Saturday and hauling all 3.5 obese kids to soccer every weekend in the Soccermommobile.


Buy the boat you want, there's bound to be a woman out there who likes the same kind of boat you do. Life is too short to worry about what someone else is going to let you do. Act like you got a pair!!



Wow, that was cathartic! I think I'm gonna grab a beer and see what other problems I can solve for the world!