Thinking About Going to the Dark Side for a Girl.

[Pirate999]

As was said, right boat, wrong girl. Unless your married don't let her dictate your boat decisions... And even if you are...

[eyschulman]

So It comes down to what is more important to YOU. Sharing your life with a boat or another person or some middle of the road compromise. The very same question all potential couples have to answer even when there is no boat involved. That answer has to come from YOU. Every reader here has their own answer. I have also noted in my life experiences and observing others that the answer is not written in stone and can change with time aging and accumulated experience.

[BandB]

Wifey B:

And nothing wrong if this isn't your forever woman. What's wrong is if you know that and aren't honest with her. I know just as many women as men comfy in not-forever type relationships. Monogamous but not committed. Just be honest. Don't lead her to believe you see more just because that insures she stays and the sex with her is really good.

[onestepcsy37]

Peter Pye was a well known cruiser 50 years or so ago. He told this story...

"It was me or the boat", she said. Well, as every sailor knows, it's much harder to find a good boat than a good woman, so I sent her back to her mother.

[rognvald]

Satdiver,
Those who have a clear vision of life and have goals they desire to achieve cannot be successful when their mantra is "compromise." Compromise is the death knell of those who do not fulfill their life's dreams. Unlike creatures in the natural world, humans excel at rationalization. When a lion is hungry, he is single-minded in his pursuit of sustenance. When a human is hungry, he can be sidetracked for many reasons. Therefore, when looking for a partner/mate, don't lie to yourself about who the person is but rather seek someone who shares your lifestyle and sense of adventure. This is not easy as is attested by many on this Forum who sail solo--not by choice but by necessity. And, it is truly an exceptional woman who can easily maintain the cruising lifestyle since most need their homes, space, conveniences, children, grandchildren and this is how Nature intended them to be(I have prepared my battle armor for those New Age Feminists who believe there is no difference between males and females. . . may evolutionary Science be damned!). The testament can be seen on this Forum that is dominated by males with only a few exceptional females attending. I say, exceptional, because they are not the dream killing variety described above but truly different from their sisters. Look for one of these special people and you'll fulfill your dreams. Settle for the "Hausfrau" and you'll be tied to the dock in an elegant condo entertaining a cadre of Captain NoGos' and experience a slow and quiet death while still breathing. Good luck, good sailing, keep the dream alive!

[David_Old_Jersey]

This is not the woman you are looking for .

[belizesailor]

Originally Posted by satdiver

....

Anyone ever been through this before with a spouse.?

Yep, bought a cat.

[iSaint]

DON'T. DO. IT.

[satdiver]

Originally Posted by rognvald

Satdiver,
Those who have a clear vision of life and have goals they desire to achieve cannot be successful when their mantra is "compromise." Compromise is the death knell of those who do not fulfill their life's dreams. Unlike creatures in the natural world, humans excel at rationalization. When a lion is hungry, he is single-minded in his pursuit of sustenance. When a human is hungry, he can be sidetracked for many reasons. Therefore, when looking for a partner/mate, don't lie to yourself about who the person is but rather seek someone who shares your lifestyle and sense of adventure. This is not easy as is attested by many on this Forum who sail solo--not by choice but by necessity. And, it is truly an exceptional woman who can easily maintain the cruising lifestyle since most need their homes, space, conveniences, children, grandchildren and this is how Nature intended them to be(I have prepared my battle armor for those New Age Feminists who believe there is no difference between males and females. . . may evolutionary Science be damned!). The testament can be seen on this Forum that is dominated by males with only a few exceptional females attending. I say, exceptional, because they are not the dream killing variety described above but truly different from their sisters. Look for one of these special people and you'll fulfill your dreams. Settle for the "Hausfrau" and you'll be tied to the dock in an elegant condo entertaining a cadre of Captain NoGos' and experience a slow and quiet death while still breathing. Good luck, good sailing, keep the dream alive!

Your post is how I think! Thank you for that!

[Pau Hana]

Originally Posted by rognvald

Satdiver,
Those who have a clear vision of life and have goals they desire to achieve cannot be successful when their mantra is "compromise." Compromise is the death knell of those who do not fulfill their life's dreams. Unlike creatures in the natural world, humans excel at rationalization. When a lion is hungry, he is single-minded in his pursuit of sustenance. When a human is hungry, he can be sidetracked for many reasons. Therefore, when looking for a partner/mate, don't lie to yourself about who the person is but rather seek someone who shares your lifestyle and sense of adventure. This is not easy as is attested by many on this Forum who sail solo--not by choice but by necessity. And, it is truly an exceptional woman who can easily maintain the cruising lifestyle since most need their homes, space, conveniences, children, grandchildren and this is how Nature intended them to be(I have prepared my battle armor for those New Age Feminists who believe there is no difference between males and females. . . may evolutionary Science be damned!). The testament can be seen on this Forum that is dominated by males with only a few exceptional females attending. I say, exceptional, because they are not the dream killing variety described above but truly different from their sisters. Look for one of these special people and you'll fulfill your dreams. Settle for the "Hausfrau" and you'll be tied to the dock in an elegant condo entertaining a cadre of Captain NoGos' and experience a slow and quiet death while still breathing. Good luck, good sailing, keep the dream alive!

I must respectfully disagree.

Life is one long compromise, from birth to our inevitable end. Any person so driven as you suggest is quite often a failure due to their lack of compromise. Of course there are also successes that can be lauded.

Humans are adept at multi-tasking, forming consensus, and forging ahead. Study after study supports this. I think it best in this boating endeavor to learn to compromise.

[TeddyDiver]

Originally Posted by Pau Hana

I think it best in this boating endeavor to learn to compromise.

And to avoid serious mistakes like 'navigational hazards' and 'unprotected anchorages'
A good lookout all the time. Be vary of the 'derelict boats' and 'floating containers'

[satdiver]

Originally Posted by Pau Hana

I must respectfully disagree.

Life is one long compromise, from birth to our inevitable end. Any person so driven as you suggest is quite often a failure due to their lack of compromise. Of course there are also successes that can be lauded.

Humans are adept at multi-tasking, forming consensus, and forging ahead. Study after study supports this. I think it best in this boating endeavor to learn to compromise.

I don't think he meant that you should never compromise and that if you ever compromise you'll be a failure.

I think he meant if you're constantly compromising even for things you strongly believe in that you'll be unsuccessful at achieving goals in things you're passionate about. I don't think anyone can argue that there are things that should not be subject to comprise in ones life.

That all depends on the persons personal morals values and goals.

If your goal is to be extremely successful at compromising on everything I think there are plenty of unhappy people out there that have been very successful at it. I used to be one of them.

Life is too complex to be overly generalized.

[bobconnie]

Connie say's, We raised 4 kid's on a 42 ftr, and they are NORMAL. So if a women needs more room then is available on a 50+ ft Mono. she's just to Fru-Fru!! We rattled around on the 50 ftr we just sold ! and we have more junk aboard then we have ever had in our lives !! She thinks maybe the ladys more in love with fancy then with you maybe ??

[Boracay]

Giving up one of the most beautiful boats in the world to keep a girl happy? Not gunna work.

Most likely you'll loose the boat, the girl, your career and your money. Happened to me like that.

Sounds like she's a really nice girl though.

Let me guess - if you don't cooperate some privileges will be withdrawn?

I can't see that she's going to be happy with any boat, no matter how much she says she likes it.

So my suggestion is this : If you are not currently both living on the boat then get some decent eye candy and decorate your boat with it when she's not there. She'll find out and have to make a decision as to whether she can stand watching you have a good time with someone else. My bet is that she'll move on board with you and, maybe with a few grizzles, learn to love the boat you have. She's not seeing it as a boat, she's seeing it as a problem. Big advantage - you're now both playing on level terms.

If you are living on the boat and she's not happy why not park the boat in a nice marina and move into a pleasant flat together. My bet would be that you're just not that compatible together and living together in a conventional environment will bring that out. Big advantage - you're now both playing on level terms.

Either way, it's not likely to have a major affect on your pocket or your career.

[onestepcsy37]

rognvald, i pretty much agree with you; and you certainly said it well.

i think in the op's case i would approach the problem this way.

1. tell her that, due to financial circumstances, you won't be able to change boats this year. so come cruising on this one for a year just to see if you like the life.

2. if she truly sticks it out with you for a year and obviously enjoys it and it appears she might make a go of it for longer, then and only then should you consider another style of boat.

we had a guy here who thought he found his cruising mate. right up until he married her. then she told everyone that it was all just a ploy to nail him. that was the end of his dream. he's now the most pussy whipped guy i know...