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Old 10-11-2010, 22:09   #1
JRM
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The Admiral Loves the Beneteau 45f5

I'm not sure this is the right place for this, but since it is a monohull sailboat, I'll drop it here. If it fits someplace better, mods please feel free to move it...

I've been working on selling the idea of long range cruising to my better half for a while now. We have a Catalina 30 that we take out to the islands for trips (so far) up to three days. So far, so good.

I've been thinking along the lines of a Tayana 37, Pacific Seacraft 37, Cabo Rico 34 (and for something completely different there's a Cheoy Lee Pedrick with a lot of potential close to me). Standard "traditional" American style cruisers. There are a couple of Beneteaus near us, and she has expressed on multiple occasions how much she likes the look. I also picked up a gig crewing with a rather serious bunch on a First 40.7, which has elicited more positive comments from her than the rest of them combined.

So, on a lark I went and looked at a 45f5. It seemed like something she would like, so I took her down to have a look (at the start of a five hour car trip). During the ensuing discussion, she stated that, "of all the boats you've shown me, this was the first one I could really see myself living on." It's certainly progress.

So, I guess I'm not sure whether I'm looking for validation on the boat itself, or the concept of going with a more modern style vessel. I've done as much research as I can, and talked to a couple of cruisers (and the race guys) that I trust. They all had good things to say about that model in particular (the rest of the guys had chartered one for a race a few years back and won first place overall in it, so they couldn't say enough good things about it).

I don't really see us going around, but spend a summer cruising Hawaii, and then perhaps a year or 14 months in the south Pacific to start. It's a bit spendy for my financial planning, but certainly not out of reach.

So what I'm wondering is... if you were in my shoes, would you run with the wife's penchant for things French and adjust, or keep trying to wear her down with a more traditional plan? I realize that a lot of this depends on the personalities involved, but I'm kind of at a crossroads here. I recently finished reading Cantrell's "Changing Course" and am trying to make this an equal partnership rather than just my dream that I drag her along for. I think the Bene gives me a much better chance to not only get her on board, but to really increase her enjoyment.

Thoughts? Alternate boats that might catch her fancy that we haven't considered?

Thanks,

JRM
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Old 10-11-2010, 22:22   #2
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So, I guess I'm not sure whether I'm looking for validation on the boat itself, or the concept of going with a more modern style vessel.

I don't really see us going around, but spend a summer cruising Hawaii, and then perhaps a year or 14 months in the south Pacific to start. It's a bit spendy for my financial planning, but certainly not out of reach.

So what I'm wondering is... if you were in my shoes, would you run with the wife's penchant for things French and adjust, or keep trying to wear her down with a more traditional plan? I realize that a lot of this depends on the personalities involved, but I'm kind of at a crossroads here.

Thoughts? Alternate boats that might catch her fancy that we haven't considered?

Thanks,

JRM

hi there,

I am in a similar predicament as you but certainly far away as I am still considering options. there areconflicting views modern fast, sleek, production line boats or old (refitted), not so good looking, sturdy boats.
well the battle is still on and looks like its quite a lot of money to own a boat. Ah. will definitely follow your posts.

cheers
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Old 10-11-2010, 22:41   #3
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I'm sorry... Your Admiral wants you to buy a Bene 45, and you're thinking you might prefer a CR 34? Or an ancient Tayana 37?

Hand her the checkbook, tell her to go wild, and thank the gods that she's not trying to talk you into a canoe.
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Old 10-11-2010, 23:02   #4
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So what I'm wondering is......... I think the Bene gives me a much better chance to not only get her on board, but to really increase her enjoyment.
Happy wife is happy life!
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Old 11-11-2010, 02:06   #5
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What all these guys said!

Have you got nothing else to "wear her down" about other than the choice between a Bene and an old Tayana?!

Go with it!

For "validation of the boat itself", look in the archives. And find MarkJ who had been almost all the way around the world on a Bene, and ask him if he's happy.

There are endless arguments on here about what makes a good blue water boat, but any boat your wife likes already trumps most other considerations. If my own choice were between the boats you mention, I would take the Bene myself. Whatever disadvantages the Bene may have will be compensated anyway by being bigger than the others, and there are many advantages, the first three of which are speed, speed, and speed.
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Old 11-11-2010, 02:22   #6
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would you run with the wife's penchant for things French and adjust, or keep trying to wear her down with a more traditional plan?
Isn't there a middle way, a third option?

Not a sailor, but in reading stories here, I often wonder if marriage conflicts about boats are really placeholders for other stuff going on. I just don't buy the canned construct in which one partner is the materialistic Spassbremse and the other is a competent minimalist and the only way to make the former happy is to spend more money.

I'm not saying that's your story at all, just a pattern I've noticed here. That said, the only thing that appeals to me about sailing is the idea of long crossings in bad weather, and if my non-party-line stance on footwear were publicised, I might lose my woman-card, so ...

Anyway, as long as everybody's alive, you have a chance of working things out favorably.
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Old 11-11-2010, 02:35   #7
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....if you were in my shoes, would you run with the wife's penchant for things French and adjust, or keep trying to wear her down with a more traditional plan?
I would TELL her that if she likes the Beneteau then that's good enough for you and here's the cheque - let's go and buy it.

She gets a boat that she is very comfortable with and can live in.

You get a decent boat and a happy wife.

It looks to me like you get the best deal. Now let's look at the alternative... you "force" her into a boat she dislikes, you go offshore and the two of you are confined in a small space with one of you having a simmering unhappiness. How long will it be until the argument?

Face up to reality - the choice you have is NOT the choice you think you have. The only choice you really have is which Beneteau fits your budget best.
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Old 11-11-2010, 02:50   #8
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We were opposite way around I (the wife) was comfortable with a good solid old school designed New Zealand boat but he saw the Bene and thought it the best value and most well equipped.

After a very short time aboard I was convinced, so well designed with features you don't initially see but "find" as required and you shake your head and say "Those Frenchies think of every darn thing". So easy to live in. So easy to maintain. So big with so many storage options. Sails beautifully which is an added bonus I suppose:-)

So go for it!!!
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Old 11-11-2010, 03:34   #9
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The smaller 'Bendies' do have a poor storage problem (- 35ft) but once you get past that things improve dramaticly...
I reckon they're great boats, easy to move around in, well laid out and from her point of view.. a damn sight easier to maintain down below... a 'Bendie' will suit your needs superbly....
Remember... this is a long term home your looking for, not a 2 week camping trip... its like comparing a VW camper to a Winnebago

Minimalism is all very well... for a lot of us minimalists its often just a means to an end.... its the best we can afford... but it gets us out there....lol
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Old 11-11-2010, 04:19   #10
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not sure whether I'm looking for validation on the boat itself, or the concept of ,

JRM

Only a dope would buy the first boat of a type they see.

In our industry we have a what we called a 'proof of concept'. When an idea is just a little bit to far out there we would do a proof of concept to see if the assumptions are correct.

So if you are intending on doing a world cruise or long range live aboard then instead of just one boat you need to look at the whole range that the one she likes is part of.

I personally think the best size cruiser is about 45/46 feet ( I water mine to try and make it grow) of the Beneteau range you can look at is the 2 cabin version of the 473 wich is about as perfect a boat as I've seen. The walk in lazarette (walk in from the galley or in through the cockpit) is immense.
Going and having a look at the new 46 would be great fun, but in a different realm price wise.

Theres a few to look at
Beneteau Oceanis 44CC
Beneteau Oceanis 461
Beneteau Oceanis 473
First 44.7
First 456
First 45f5
First 47.7

The Oceanis series is the cruising version. The First series is the racing version. I would think if wifey likes the First then she would love the Oceanis. Horses for courses... racing boat for racing, cruising boat for cruising (although some folks love cruising their racers...)

The 2 photos below I took on the day we first visited a boat show together. I wasn't really trying to include Nicolle in the photos but when I looked at them later there was a coupla interesting things... Notice in one photos Nic is looking all adult and mature and lady-like? In the other photo she is acting like a goose-deluxe? Well it was pretty obvious which boat she liked better.

So my sugestion is to go look at a whole pile of boats she likes and see which boat makes your wife go silly



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Old 11-11-2010, 06:58   #11
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.............
I've been working on selling the idea of long range cruising to my better half for a while now. We have a Catalina 30 that we take out to the islands for trips (so far) up to three days. So far, so good.

...............

Thanks,

JRM
I think you need to get past "selling" the idea. There are some current threads where someone didn't want to go and the other talked them into it, worked a few months. She needs to want to go, not be sold on it.

Other that; like everyone says pick a boat she is going to like.

PS - I always wonder why it seems the "she" in these stories is about comfort and the "he" is about the salty boat. Come on guys lets admit we want to be comfortable too and maybe our parnters will be more on board.
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Old 11-11-2010, 07:38   #12
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PS - I always wonder why it seems the "she" in these stories is about comfort and the "he" is about the salty boat. Come on guys lets admit we want to be comfortable too and maybe our parnters will be more on board.
OK - I'll sign up. I want a comfortable boat.

SWMBO and I will have to agree and I see no reason to have a hair-shirt boat. At the same time I do not think ANY woman would want to be on an unsafe boat any more than I would want an uncomfortable one.

Here it comes...... sit down and take a deep breath folks........ so I'll be looking at Beneteaus, Hunter Legends, Catalinas, Jeanneaus and (perhaps??) Bavarias.

There now - that wasn't so bad. Was it?
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Old 11-11-2010, 08:02   #13
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First and foremost -- please the wife. If she's not happy you won't be happy.

When I hear "traditional" about anything that incorporates technology I think old and outdated, and of what's comfortable for Luddites. Yes old cars and old boats can be eye candy, but generally they would be awful products by today's standards and while the workmanship might have been better the quality isn't up to today's design and construction, or performance/function.

It's a personal thing and traditional could also mean square-rigger, oar-propelled Roman galley, or Polynesian outrigger -- all of which pre-date your idea of traditional. In your case it might mean the type of classic plastic boats that were current designs when you first starting dreaming of boats.

If you were budget-constrained I could understand your preference, but can't believe you'd want one of those rather than a larger newer more-evolved design for the long-term cruise you have in mind.

Maybe it's time to step up to your wife's level. She's moved ahead of you and you don't seem to realize that, but you DO realize it's you who need to be sold. Good on ya!
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Old 11-11-2010, 08:04   #14
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Here it comes...... sit down and take a deep breath folks........ so I'll be looking at Beneteaus, Hunter Legends, Catalinas, Jeanneaus and (perhaps??) Bavarias.
We'd call that pussy whipped. What sort of man are you? Under the thumb! Not allowed to buy his own boat! Has to ask permission from the Missus to go have a piddle.

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Old 11-11-2010, 08:23   #15
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We'd call that pussy whipped. What sort of man are you? Under the thumb! Not allowed to buy his own boat! Has to ask permission from the Missus to go have a piddle.

I'm not sure... hang on and I'll ask her.... assuming she allows me to reply to this.....

err.....

How come you're still posting? I thought you were swimming the Atlantic equipped only with a didjeridoo and 6 pack of "Amber nectar" whilst towing SeaLife with a rope held between your teeth?
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