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Old 12-11-2010, 08:24   #31
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Originally Posted by capt_douglas View Post
As one-half of a former couple, I learned that there were times when saying anything gets you in trouble - and saying nothing gets you in trouble.

So, how much did that comeback cost ya?
I got off lightly, but I'm well acquainted with the situation you describe. There have been situations in the past where, no matter what I said..... ah well.... onward and upward.

She wants to travel and see places. I've already stayed in more hotels than enough and I'd be happy never to stay in another one. To travel usually involves hotels. Solution - a boat! We take the HOUSE with us and she gets to travel and I get to avoid hotels.

That's the primary goal.

The boat that we use is secondary to achieving the primary goal. Hunters, Beneteaus, Catalinas and Jeanneaus all have a much more home-like feel than some of the others we have looked at so these are on the list and that's why they are on the list. All of them are mechanically sound. That's good enough.

We are going to be living in a confined space for months at a time. We would be very foolish not to use a "homey" boat. What we need is a boat that keeps the wet out, goes from A to B and does not cause arguments.

Life's hectic enough. I don't need a nautical divorce. My advice to the O/P is forget the type of boat and keep his wife happy.
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Old 12-11-2010, 08:28   #32
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Originally Posted by lawdawg View Post
.... more importantly I really don't care what she chooses, all I care about is that she has the chance to feel a sense of ownership and I know how important it is that, like me, she loves the boat and everytime she sees it she thinks, 'Wow, isn't she a beauty'.
Good post! I agree 100%
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Old 12-11-2010, 09:35   #33
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I am of the mind to get as large as you can single-hand. As you can afford to purchase, and maintain. Reasons being are that she will most likely be more comfortable at sea. There will be times when space is needed for some quiet time. Women are nesters, and she can fill the boat with things to make it personal for her. Having guest will not give a cramped feeling, and give privacy for all. We sail a 46ft. cat, and for the 2 of us it fits our needs perfectly.

Yes, men want that salty, traditionl look. For good reasons too, but you're not married to a man, so make the lady happy, and go sailing.........i2f
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Old 12-11-2010, 21:37   #34
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I think you need to get past "selling" the idea. There are some current threads where someone didn't want to go and the other talked them into it, worked a few months. She needs to want to go, not be sold on it.

Other that; like everyone says pick a boat she is going to like.

PS - I always wonder why it seems the "she" in these stories is about comfort and the "he" is about the salty boat. Come on guys lets admit we want to be comfortable too and maybe our parnters will be more on board.
I don't understand how I'm supposed to get past the "selling" of this idea... "What? You mean you don't immediately want to drop everything you've known, worked for, and cultivated and sail around the world with me at the first mention of the idea? OK, very well then, I'll forget about it."

I have a very supportive better half, but she wasn't raised around boats. Her only long term boat experience has been listening to the disasters that were my dad's boats for the last 15 years. Maybe that's one reason the Bene is appealing, because it's not an old fixer. We've been through three fixer houses, and our current boat is in great cosmetic shape but I've been reworking the systems as funds allow.

Our relationship is such that if I really pushed it, she would go whether she wanted to or not. But then again, it's such that I would never do that. She has to want to go, because as important as my dream of cruising is, the family is more important. When I say selling the idea, I mean just that. I'm an (ex)engineer more than a salesman, but even I understand the basics of persuasion. Heck, I got her to marry me... cruising should be no problem.

I appreciate this board, and those of you participating. It gives me a chance to put voice to thoughts and get feedback. With few exceptions, my friends all think I'm crazy to want to cruise. But then again, they (with the same exceptions) told me I was insane to give up my high paying tech job to follow my childhood dream of being a firefighter, and that has worked out better than I could have imagined.

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Old 12-11-2010, 22:08   #35
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Originally Posted by mintyspilot View Post
Face up to reality - the choice you have is NOT the choice you think you have. The only choice you really have is which Beneteau fits your budget best.
I have been pondering this statement for a while (one nice thing about this job, there's often plenty of time to think, with frequent breaks for persepective). I starting to rethink my entire concept of my desired cruising boat, which requires a complete rethink of the budget, and thus the timeline, and so on. I don't have anything against Beneteau. In fact, if I had the cash I probably would have bought Randy's First 42.

I had never considered that large, or new, of a boat as even really being a possibility. That's the beauty of spreadsheets, it's easy to change the numbers. The downside is that those numbers represent additional sacrifices of time and money. And since one of my prespective breaks was just to go and declare a person deceased, the uncertainty of life also factors in.

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Old 12-11-2010, 22:15   #36
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I am starting to get worried with all this talk about Benn, Jenn, Cat, etc. So used to the negative comments especially from our USA friends. Markj will be picking up his bonus CHQ from the French shortly for a sales job well done. I will be working a little harder to make up for the imminent price rise in second hand French boats.
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Old 12-11-2010, 22:26   #37
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Only a dope would buy the first boat of a type they see.
Well, since the 45f5 turns out to have been seriously wrecked (requiring the hull in front of the keel, the stub, and the keel itself to be completely rebuilt), I'd say it's going to be a dope indeed that buys it. I may be a dope, but it's *highly* unlikely I'll be that dope. Even if I could afford it.

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I personally think the best size cruiser is about 45/46 feet ( I water mine to try and make it grow) of the Beneteau range you can look at is the 2 cabin version of the 473 wich is about as perfect a boat as I've seen. The walk in lazarette (walk in from the galley or in through the cockpit) is immense.
Going and having a look at the new 46 would be great fun, but in a different realm price wise.

Theres a few to look at
Beneteau Oceanis 44CC
Beneteau Oceanis 461
Beneteau Oceanis 473
First 44.7
First 456
First 45f5
First 47.7

So my sugestion is to go look at a whole pile of boats she likes and see which boat makes your wife go silly

Mark
Thanks. There just happens to be a 473 for sale here in town. Of course, when I call the broker to go have a look he's going to raise his eyebrows a bit. He knows I can't afford it right now, but he's a really good sport, and he'll show it to us anyway. Wow, I had just never considered spending that kind of money on a boat. Now I get to research boat financing as well. Luckily, there's a forum for that.

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Old 13-11-2010, 07:47   #38
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So what I'm wondering is... if you were in my shoes, would you run with the wife's penchant for things French and adjust, or keep trying to wear her down with a more traditional plan?
My wife and I owned a 1976 Cal 2-29 for many, many years that I was perfectly happy with. The boat served us well and we comfortably (or so I thought) sailed her all over hecks half acre. While we often discussed a larger boat, for 15+ years we put it off for a later—better—time. After 9/11, however, she and I were discussing how one really never knows how much life one has left and how silly it is to put doable things off when one’s hour glass might be running out more quickly than one realizes.

Shortly afterward, we were invited for a post-Thanksgiving Day sail aboard some friends’ newly acquired 1986 First 42. It was a bright but blustery day that, aboard our Cal, would have had the rail down even with a deep reef and partially furled genny. The First, however, thrived. Below deck, the yacht was quiet and reassuring while the “girls” went about preparing a lunch that would have been all but impossible aboard our boat under the conditions. My wife emerged from the companionway bearing lunch and gushing about the beautiful woodwork, tons of storage, and, most importantly, two heads! Later she took a turn at the wheel and settled the yacht into a nice groove, easily making 8+ knots (my wife is actually a better helmsman than I in some cases) on our way home and loudly declared—“This is the yacht I want!”

Later, back at our friends’ slip and sharing a lovely Merlot, my wife confided that aboard our boat under similar conditions, she was always fearful, and worry about bad weather always took some of the pleasure out of our travels for her. With that, and perhaps one too many glasses of wine, I conceded that if she could find an “identical boat”, we’d buy it. Truth-be-told, I knew our friends had spent 5 years looking for theirs and I assumed she’d loose interest long before she could find a match. Not so. Within two weeks she had tracked down a boat on the Internet and within another I was, knee deep in snow in an Annapolis boatyard, looking up at the transom of an all but identical boat (it turns out both boats were on Beneteau’s assembly line at the same time). Try as I might—and did—I could not weasel out of that buy and within a month the yacht was sitting in a Florida boatyard undergoing a refit for Florida cruising. (When the work was almost finished my wife asked me when I was going to move “my boat” so we could put “her boat” in “our” slip!)

Trust me when I say that given the yacht she wants, a woman will take possession of it. She may not be able to rearrange the furniture, but she will “nest” including figuring out how to mount mirrors and pictures—including wedding pictures. My wife has made our boat a cozy home away from home fitted with all the conveniences—expense be damned—she deems necessary for civilized living. Best of all, she is no longer fearful or apprehensive when we go to sea and so is always ready for an “exploration”—which is priceless.

FWIW…
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Old 13-11-2010, 08:28   #39
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hylyte, you lucky, lucky man. My better half gets seasick standing on wet grass, hahahaha

JRM, you are also a very lucky man. Now that you have her permission all you need is the right boat! The only thing that's more fun than looking at boats is sailing them, so enjoy.

Cheers
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Old 06-06-2011, 10:28   #40
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Re: The Admiral Loves the Beneteau 45f5

I am here to say that I am for the comfortable boat and "she" is all about performance. After 30 years at sea in the Navy I am ready for cocktails and comfort. The idea of wedging my 6'3'' frame into a sea berth on a "traditional" sloop is unappealling -- something about a mailman taking a hike on his day off.

We had the opposite discussion, I had to walk her back from Cheoy-Lee, Pearson or big priced-tagged Sabres and Tartans and convince her that while we didn't need a floating condo (read Hunter), we did need something we could live on that would also allow us a bit of coastal cruising. No more bluewater, thank you.

The Beneteau 461 and 473 seem to be about right for what we have in mind. Anyone have experience with either of these two boats?

We have the best combination, I love varnish, she loves brightwork! Marraige made in sailing heaven.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Don Lucas View Post
I think you need to get past "selling" the idea. There are some current threads where someone didn't want to go and the other talked them into it, worked a few months. She needs to want to go, not be sold on it.

Other that; like everyone says pick a boat she is going to like.

PS - I always wonder why it seems the "she" in these stories is about comfort and the "he" is about the salty boat. Come on guys lets admit we want to be comfortable too and maybe our parnters will be more on board.
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Old 06-06-2011, 11:22   #41
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Re: The Admiral Loves the Beneteau 45f5

Quote:
Originally Posted by BoxerOne View Post
The Beneteau 461 and 473 seem to be about right for what we have in mind. Anyone have experience with either of these two boats?

.
I have been on a 473 2 cabin version and I think its the best confugured cruising boat ever.
The aft end of the galley opens into a full headroom Lazarette under the side of the cockpit. More storage than the Queen Mary.

sails well.

there are a number of them around. The ex-charter ones are mostly 3 cabin versions, see if you can find a 2 cabin owners version.

If she really needs speed, I was amazed at the new Beneteau 50 (not the sense one, just the Oceanis) they are fast. Really fast.
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Old 10-06-2011, 11:07   #42
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Re: The Admiral Loves the Beneteau 45f5

I have a 3 cabin bene 473, OK, the 2 cabin version would have suited me better, but there were none on the market when I was looking. The 3rd cabin really is just a store area now, spinnaker, folding bike etc. I may in the future gut the cabin and convert to store room.
I've made a few mods to the rig for ease of sail handling, but I really like the boat, and there well workable single handed once you figure out all the little glitches.
Granny bars are on the to do list, as despite lines being led aft, I still need to go to the mast to sort out small reefing problems, getting the lazy jacks out of the way.
All in all, a great boat, but I would say that
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Old 18-06-2014, 00:12   #43
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Re: The Admiral Loves the Beneteau 45f5

Came across this thread because I'm considering a Beneteau 45f5. I was surprised that all the discussion was about whether to please the wife and go sailing with no discussion of whether it would be an appropriate boat. In short, regardless of the length, you are comparing apples and oranges when you include boats like a Pacific Seacraft and Beneteau First. One is designed as a great bluewater boat (I've sailed a couple) and the other as a very fast cruiser/racer with the emphasis on speed (PHRF = 66).

I know it has been a long time since this thread began, but were someone in the same position today, I would recommend going with the 45f5 so long as she understood that the boat would not be as stable as say a Pacific Seacraft.

I started out dreaming of a bluewater boat for cruising, but as my experience/skill increased I grew to where I wanted more speed. I really loved the Bavaria 42 (circa 2007) but I just walked away from the purchase of one when two major problems cropped up just before the survey. That's not to say they are not excellent boats.

That boat has a PHRF of about 100; the 45f5 is only 66.

But I have to agree with one thing that was said in the thread. The problem with most bluewater boats, especially the top of the line, e.g. Pacific Seacraft and Valiant, is that they are dark below.
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Old 18-06-2014, 07:06   #44
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Re: The Admiral Loves the Beneteau 45f5

The Valiant 40 can be dark below. But our 42 is not dark below. It does not have big picture windows either but there is plenty of light in the main cabin. We have 3 roof hatches in the main area and 6 large port lights on the sides. The aft quarter is a bit dark unless you open the side hatch to the companion way. The 42's were made to order so they may have different hatch combinations.

Of the 40's I've seen they could be brightened up by rebuilding or adding hatches. Over time the lens will get pretty foggy.
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Old 18-06-2014, 07:28   #45
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Re: The Admiral Loves the Beneteau 45f5

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Originally Posted by JRM View Post
this was the first one I could really see myself living on
you can tell her that living on a boat is different than actually cruising and sailing on a boat .. but it probably will not change anything
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