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Old 11-02-2014, 20:46   #1
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Finding a New Lover

I am sorry for the sudden burst of activity this week as apparently I'm really needy right now for some perspectives. I posted a thread earlier this week called Thinking About Going to the Dark Side for a Girl

I recently had a talk with the lady friend and made some great progress. Her big pet pevees about my boat - some of which I share with her - are the mast in the middle of the salon, size of cockpit, ample deck space for laying out, ample living space where we can separate with a book when needed on opposite ends of the boat.

All valid concerns in my own mind or I can at least agree that the Alden 44 does not have good space to lay out for a tan. It's has been a design complaint of mine for years.

She is okay with the size of boat I have now. I guess the new goal which I'll be very specific on to help members help me. If I sold my boat now at an advantageous price...

I would have about 175K cash for buying out right and or 50k down payment.

If I bought at 175k I would have 15k per year for the next 5 years to put into upgrades and maintenance.

If took the 10% down payment choice that would allow me a 500k vessel and leave me 8k per year in upgrades and maintenance for the next 5 years.

I don't buy into the 10% of purchase price rule that is advised to some newer sailors. Not because it's not excellent advice. It just does not apply to me personally.

Now the conundrum!

My idea was find a 100k vessel that I could put 75k into which would give her the experience to pick and choose her wants in upgrades and we could discuss them as a couple.

Then have the 15k per year to add things as needed or wanted.

I gave her the other option as well and now my email is full on 500k boats!

For you financiers out there please don't ask me how I come up with my numbers. The loan option is because I'd be taking a equity line of credit out against my apartment which I own free and clear so the renters would be paying my debt off.

I think my original idea is pretty good. But feel free to modify my numbers with boats that could fit the order.

Boats 40 - 45 ft - Offshore capable - Fiberglass - Speed is not a concern of mine - I like'm slow and fast.
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Old 11-02-2014, 21:06   #2
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Re: Finding a new lover

Keep the Boat you have.....get a new girl friend that appreciates you and what you have to share.....just my thoughts>>>>>

Life is Good if you keepa Smilin.....
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Old 11-02-2014, 21:12   #3
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pirate Re: Finding a new lover

So.. story to date..
She hates your boat..
She wants you to keep her..
She wants a bigger better boat..
She's happy to get you into hock to get it..

Two choices...
1/ Do what she says...
2/ Stand up and walk away as soon as the little finger clears...
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Old 11-02-2014, 21:20   #4
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Re: Finding a new lover

An Alden 44 is a magnificent boat. Are you kidding me? Trust me....no boat will work for her. An Alden 44 is a dream boat. I can't believe we are having this conversation...really seriously. Move on.
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Old 11-02-2014, 21:24   #5
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Re: Finding a new lover

Quote:
Originally Posted by boatman61 View Post
So.. story to date..
She hates your boat..
She wants you to keep her..
She wants a bigger better boat..
She's happy to get you into hock to get it..

Two choices...
1/ Do what she says...
2/ Stand up and walk away as soon as the little finger clears...
I'm not going to toss her aside because I found a lady that will down size her life and cruise with me. I'm a full time liveaboard and she is working out her personal wants to make a change to something she has never done before.

She is not asking for a bigger boat. She originally thought she wanted a cat or motor yacht to make the move. Now she is saying she understands my likes and is specifying the things she liked in these types of boats that I don't have in mine.

I'd like to think she jumped in the "hock" with me because I'm handsome and funny. Plenty of other men out there with bigger boats.
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Old 11-02-2014, 21:26   #6
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Re: Finding a new lover

Don't walk, RUN! She will ruin your life faster than a lee shore.

"Son, when it comes to women, keep your axe held high" --dad
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Old 11-02-2014, 21:28   #7
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pirate Re: Finding a new lover

So why are you asking us.. your convinced...
Go for it
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Old 11-02-2014, 21:31   #8
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Re: Finding a new lover

Satdiver...as one Southerner to another...."you aint a hearin us".....me, Boatman and Cowboy all agree......Keep the Boat...shift colours and git underway quick....
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Old 11-02-2014, 21:33   #9
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Re: Finding a new lover

Boatman....you need to send him your binoculars and blue hammock so he can see the light....
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Old 11-02-2014, 21:36   #10
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Re: Finding a new lover

I will throw in a copy of hustler and a few 1 900 numbers. Will save him 10's of thousands.
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Old 11-02-2014, 21:38   #11
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Re: Finding a new lover

Satdiver....it's still early over there in the bayous....don't give up on us now....
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Old 11-02-2014, 21:42   #12
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Re: Finding a new lover

Is this for real??
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Old 11-02-2014, 21:42   #13
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Re: Finding a new lover

Quote:
Originally Posted by satdiver View Post
I'm not going to toss her aside because I found a lady that will down size her life and cruise with me. I'm a full time liveaboard and she is working out her personal wants to make a change to something she has never done before.

She is not asking for a bigger boat. She originally thought she wanted a cat or motor yacht to make the move. Now she is saying she understands my likes and is specifying the things she liked in these types of boats that I don't have in mine.

I'd like to think she jumped in the "hock" with me because I'm handsome and funny. Plenty of other men out there with bigger boats.
Wifey B:

Omfg boy.....slow down.....ssssllllllllllllloooooooooooowwwwwwww.

I mean like really. One day it's keep or not keep and then it's 150K or 500K. Now for some basic facts. $8k isn't enough for the annual on the 500K boat, but really it's all irrelevant at the moment. Don't do anything......you got it? You're like freaking rushing man. Frankly, I think maybe you and lady friend need to grow up some first before jumping in with anyone. Jumped in the "hock" with you? I need a translation but whatever it means why did you jump in with her? I haven't heard one thing from you yet that says why you want to be with her. If you'd said "I so love her that I really want to make this work" but you haven't. Has she told you that either?

See how it works on the boat you've got now. Then if a year from now the two of you jointly find another boat you think you'd like more, fine. Hubby and I didn't start in our dream house. In fact it was a house he'd rented out in the country and it never once crossed my mind to say I don't like it. God, I would have loved being with him anywhere. In fact we stayed there for quite a while and then we found the place we wanted together.

Just please Slow it all down, don't rush into decisions on this. You're acting like it all has to be solved right now. And sure don't go into some big debt for something that is so fragile and unknown. That's the other thing. You don't have debt today it sounds like. So don't jump into it. Debt kills all freedoms.
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Old 11-02-2014, 21:42   #14
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Finding a new lover

I don't mean any disrespect so please don't take it that way. This story just hits way to close to home and reminds me of some past relationships and possibly a current one. My radar is fined tuned to these red flags and it just makes me shudder when I read this. Doesn't help that the Alden 44 is my dream blue water boat. Man oh man.
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Old 11-02-2014, 22:09   #15
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Re: Finding a new lover

Quote:
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Wifey B:

Omfg boy.....slow down.....ssssllllllllllllloooooooooooowwwwwwww.

I mean like really. One day it's keep or not keep and then it's 150K or 500K. Now for some basic facts. $8k isn't enough for the annual on the 500K boat, but really it's all irrelevant at the moment. Don't do anything......you got it? You're like freaking rushing man. Frankly, I think maybe you and lady friend need to grow up some first before jumping in with anyone. Jumped in the "hock" with you? I need a translation but whatever it means why did you jump in with her? I haven't heard one thing from you yet that says why you want to be with her. If you'd said "I so love her that I really want to make this work" but you haven't. Has she told you that either?

See how it works on the boat you've got now. Then if a year from now the two of you jointly find another boat you think you'd like more, fine. Hubby and I didn't start in our dream house. In fact it was a house he'd rented out in the country and it never once crossed my mind to say I don't like it. God, I would have loved being with him anywhere. In fact we stayed there for quite a while and then we found the place we wanted together.

Just please Slow it all down, don't rush into decisions on this. You're acting like it all has to be solved right now. And sure don't go into some big debt for something that is so fragile and unknown. That's the other thing. You don't have debt today it sounds like. So don't jump into it. Debt kills all freedoms.
Okay how do I start here. Budget depends on the boat. I have a boat worth around 250k give or take on the market since she is early 90's built in ME. She is more expensive to maintain than a 500k newer boat because she is a high stress high end performance sailboat. I spent less on my old Hans Christian and IP485 which cost substantially more than my Alden and I sailed them about them same.

I'm not rushing I've been with this girl for several years and now we are talking about moving in together. She has never lived on a boat.

As for debt killing all freedoms.? It has done nothing but exemplify my freedom. I hope I die millions in debt with millions paying off that debt. In truth I keep up with my debt relativity well so I don't have to worry about it. I won't buy anything I can't afford to pay off in 5 years.
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