Finding a New Lover

[satdiver]

Originally Posted by skippy

Does she know you put this "issue" up on this forum and is privy to the discussions of your personal situation?

Oh yes and she has been avidly reading your comments. In fact she is in the galley now starting dinner.

[darylat8750]

Dad said "Don't marry unless you can't stand not to." Seemed like good advice and when I found Marcy nothing else was as important as spending my life with her. We have forty three years together and in spite of the occasional rough seas I still think I'm better off with her than I could ever be without her. And if she doesn't think the same she is at least polite enough not to tell me. So with that qualification I have a few thoughts.

Our OP doesn't say what type of cruising he prefers now. There is sail around the world or go anywhere the wind blows type and there is more local type. A lot of people spend a good portion of their lives "down East" or on the Great Lakes or in the Caribbean and have little desire for anyplace else. He has tried the tropical "island time" stuff and it didn't suit him long term. I note that a lot of cruiser traps like the Rio Dulce tend to start cocktail hour by noon. Fine if that is what you want but it does get hard for the older body.

My thought is if she isn't willing to put up with a little discomfort for short trips I would be concerned about her commitment. However living full time aboard is not everyones cup of tea. We still have a place in the mountains and she would be very uncomfortable without a place that doesn't move. So of the couples I've met that are happy on the boat and have been so for some time together here are a few things that ladies seem to like and was on our "must have" list. Particularly as they get a little less limber and move a little slower and need to use the head several times in the middle of the night.

A bunk that they can get in and out of without climbing over someone and can be made without climbing on.

A shower separate from the head so you don't have to get on your hands and knees to clean the toilet when you have just gotten clean and non sweaty.

A real chair so one can (even with a bad back) sit comfortably and read a book.

Windows positioned so that one can see out and enjoy the wildlife while sitting in said chair.

Enough pairs of gloves so that if one gets lost she still has protection for her hands.

And yes, as many have surmised, none of the classic yachts that I can afford made the cut. There are several center cockpit boats that have been mentioned that will do so quite nicely.

[sailcruiser]

Satdiver, my opinion here only...relationships require compromise on both parties to be successful for the long term which I think I'm hearing in your original post. I would sit down with the lady and ask her to do a month or so cruise (before downsizing anything). During that cruise keeping a journal of her dislikes or suggestions should she choose to continue cruising. This will give her a chance to talk to other cruisers and perhaps see the boat from another lady cruisers eyes. I don't think she has enough experience right now to make big decisions. I respect your willingness to make changes which sometimes are necessary for the overall relationship.

Or perhaps chartering a few boats that are quite different from your beautiful boat. I'd be thrilled with an Alden but different strokes...

Good luck!
SC

[kieranf]

Oh yes and she has been avidly reading your comments. In fact she is in the galley now starting dinner.



perfect, do you both really want to live together on a boat?

[DoubleWhisky]

Originally Posted by kieranf

perfect, do you both really want to live together on a boat?

May be:

Do You both really want to live together on a boat which really suit the needs of both of You

[Sailing Cowboy]

Originally Posted by satdiver

Oh yes and she has been avidly reading your comments. In fact she is in the galley now starting dinner.

Tell her to watch out for that pole down there. I hear it hurts like hell when you bump into it.

[gamayun]

Why not shift gears a bit here? Since you work half a year and cruise the other half, why not find a nice apartment near the boat that she can live in and have a job to go to when you're gone. When you return, you two go cruise the boat that brung ya. Perhaps rent the apartment while you're gone.

[satdiver]

Originally Posted by gamayun

Why not shift gears a bit here? Since you work half a year and cruise the other half, why not find a nice apartment near the boat that she can live in and have a job to go to when you're gone. When you return, you two go cruise the boat that brung ya. Perhaps rent the apartment while you're gone.

This is actually a really interesting idea. We'd need to discuss establishing a real home port. All I need is a near by airport. It would have to be a place where it is to find renters on the fly.

Or maybe find a duplex where a long term renter could just cover the mortgage of the other place. I would not want to get into something that adds another bill in my life.

I almost bought a place 8 or 9 years ago in Old Town Key West I wanted to set up as a guest house which was essentially a small cottage split into two apartments. I wish I had now because I would have had almost a %300 return today. If I could find a deal like that somewhere I'd jump on it.

[Nicholson58]

Originally Posted by satdiver

Boats 40 - 45 ft - Offshore capable - Fiberglass - Speed is not a concern of mine - I like'm slow and fast.

Call/check the brokerage at Torresen Marine in Muskegon Michigan. Lots of gently used freshwater boats. This is the case all over the Great Lakes. We sail in nice weather 3 months per year, no salt, no sea critters.

Note - there is a CAL40 on the list - one of my favorites of all time.

The Sailboat Specialists Since 1965 | Torresen Marine

Torresen Marine, Inc. - The Sailboat Specialists (Muskegon, MI)

[satdiver]

Originally Posted by Nicholson58

Call/check the brokerage at Torresen Marine in Muskegon Michigan. Lots of gently used freshwater boats. This is the case all over the Great Lakes. We sail in nice weather 3 months per year, no salt, no sea critters.

Note - there is a CAL40 on the list - one of my favorites of all time.

The Sailboat Specialists Since 1965 | Torresen Marine

Torresen Marine, Inc. - The Sailboat Specialists (Muskegon, MI)

It's funny you bring that up I'm actually looking for a Cal40 for a friend on mine that runs an adaptive sailing program and I think I talked to the Broker that is listing the exact Cal40 you're speaking of a few months ago.

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by satdiver

Oh yes and she has been avidly reading your comments. In fact she is in the galley now starting dinner.

Then you should both consider this...

Marriage after 1 year, after 5 years & after 15 years...


?????????? ??? 1 - Safeshare.TV

[satdiver]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

Then you should both consider this...

Marriage after 1 year, after 5 years & after 15 years...


?????????? ??? 1 - Safeshare.TV

Hahaha I actually will never marry "officially" again. I will do a marriage through a church ceremony but never on paper with a government ever again. Too much money to end it if it ever goes bad.

[mikeguyver]

This is like watching a car wreck in slo-mo, you know what's going to happen, these things never end well.

[satdiver]

Originally Posted by mikeguyver

This is like watching a car wreck in slo-mo, you know what's going to happen, these things never end well.

People survive car wrecks all the time.

[sailorchic34]

Boats are very intimate in a relationship. Its a very small area to co-habitate even on a big boat I think spending a month or two together on the current boat might be the first step. A year on a boat as a couple is much like three years (or more) on land. Any niggly little dislikes/ discomforts will quickly raise their head.

A several month trial will let both of you know if the albin is workable and if its worth it to sell it and buy a difference boat.

Second question, is there any modifications to the Albin that will make the SO like it better. My little boat is a dark wood interior. So this year, in order to brighten it up, I did some wall papering with old charts. Really brighted up the cabin. OK I heard a few guys sigh on that one....

What about new fabric in the salon, curtains, etc. So both of you think long and hard on if its possible to make the Albin work. Knowing that every boat is a compromise at best. There just is not a perfect boat for two people.

So you two sit down over the next few days and really thing about it. Gee have the SO PM me if you want. I really don't bite. I was a newbie once too. Moving aboard any boat is an adjustment. I liked the comment about things not making the SO happy anymore. Yes boat life means furniture stores and bed, bath and beyond type stores are pretty much going to drop by the way side. Oddly I've not missed that at all. Its not for everyone that's for sure. But it can be a very fulfilling experience.