Finding a New Lover

[appick]

My wife is too attached to our first boat, after a few years or work I can understand it. She is sad about selling it for a bigger "dream" boat that will have more ample storage room and cockpit area ect... who'd a thought!? Lucky me. That being said I don't think she is totally sold on the move aboard and go cruising full time lifestyle yet (not that that is even an montary level). So on the other hand lucky you!

[Cuttyhunk]

Originally Posted by ShaktiGurl

FYI, I did not require the catamaran and it doesn't sound like his GF does either. My husband ( and rest of the family) wanted a good dive platform. I actually insisted on a smaller cat than him. I love the cat but would have been happy with a nice (light and airy and shallow draft) mono so I did have my own preferences. But it was about US and OUR dream.

I like multis, and have owned a trimaran, but we have this cat now as much because it has 7' headroom for my 6'8" husband, berths that are open at the foot (he hangs over all beds!), and a wide unobstructed stern so he can fish, as to satisfy any desire of mine for a multi. It works for both of us so far.

[S/V Alchemy]

Originally Posted by shufti

Doesn't really matter what I think, does it.

No, it does not. Fair winds to you regardless.

[S/V Alchemy]

Originally Posted by satdiver

Hahaha I actually will never marry "officially" again. I will do a marriage through a church ceremony but never on paper with a government ever again. Too much money to end it if it ever goes bad.

Did she read that comment, too? If so, she's perhaps more comfortable on that Alden than you might think.

[ShaktiGurl]

Originally Posted by bethflkys

It works for both of us so far.

Yep and that is what matters in good relationships. I love the comfort and sailing on a multi and the dive platform. My biggest concern was cost and maintenance and if the choice was to go in a smaller mono over not going at all, that is what we would do.
Anyway, I wish the OP and GF the best for finding THEIR solution.

[Azul]

I wonder how the women responders would feel if the proposal were reversed? A woman with a career that takes her out of town half the time for ten or more days suggests that her bf of two years give up his (much less income) career to move aboard her $250,000 monohull. Other men have tried to lure her onshore to live in the past, but she successfully eluded them.

She then starts a thread about him complaining that he isn't sure he would like the lifestyle, doesn't like the big mast in the boat's salon and doesn't see anywhere he could conveniently sunbathe. Not to mention he worries the boat doesn't provide enough privacy and maybe a $500,000 boat would work better.

[Tropic Cat]

Originally Posted by ShaktiGurl

Yep and that is what matters in good relationships. I love the comfort and sailing on a multi and the dive platform. My biggest concern was cost and maintenance and if the choice was to go in a smaller mono over not going at all, that is what we would do.
Anyway, I wish the OP and GF the best for finding THEIR solution.

Your Leopard is one of my favorite boats. Gosh...I need a bigger catamaran...

[Cuttyhunk]

Originally Posted by Azul

I wonder how the women responders would feel if the proposal were reversed? A woman with a career that takes her out of town half the time for ten or more days suggests that her bf of two years give up his (much less income) career to move aboard her $250,000 monohull. Other men have tried to lure her onshore to live in the past, but she successfully eluded them.

She then starts a thread about him complaining that he isn't sure he would like the lifestyle, doesn't like the big mast in the boat's salon and doesn't see anywhere he could conveniently sunbathe. Not to mention he worries the boat doesn't provide enough privacy and maybe a $500,000 boat would work better.

Why limit the question to women responders? But I'll bite; I'm snowbound at the moment and have some time. I would say the same thing I said about the OP: who is making the bigger sacrifice here? I could add, no matter whose income is smaller (and that was not made clear unless I missed something, so we do not know), asking someone to give up their job and financial security and do a lot of accommodating to the other person's unusual lifestyle is a lot to ask. What happens if they do break up, say five years down the line, and the land-based person now is five years behind in career growth? Remember, no marriage, no financial commitments at all from the sailor.

After seven years together, my husband is now fairly comfortable with the idea of cruising. I didn't rush it, and I've done my best to get a boat that works for us both. Of course, I married him realizing he might not ever agree to it. He's worth it to me.

[JGarrick]

I'm wondering what this thread would look like if she were chatting with some non-boating friends. I'll just speculate about some details:

I've been seeing this guy for a couple of years and he wants me to move onto his boat and go sailing for half the year. I'm willing to sell almost everything I own, give up my home, family, and friends, and adopt this lifestyle he loves even though I don't really know anything about sailing.

Unfortunately, he's not willing to trade boats in order for me to have a little more deck space and some privacy below. I didn't think that was a lot to ask, but apparently this Alden boat is the ultimate sailing machine or something and his sailing buddies seem to think it's better to have a great boat than someone to sail it with.

Am I crazy for considering this?

[beverley]

Originally Posted by Azul

I wonder how the women responders would feel if the proposal were reversed? A woman with a career that takes her out of town half the time for ten or more days suggests that her bf of two years give up his (much less income) career to move aboard her $250,000 monohull. Other men have tried to lure her onshore to live in the past, but she successfully eluded them.

She then starts a thread about him complaining that he isn't sure he would like the lifestyle, doesn't like the big mast in the boat's salon and doesn't see anywhere he could conveniently sunbathe. Not to mention he worries the boat doesn't provide enough privacy and maybe a $500,000 boat would work better.

The bulk of the argument would stand: no relationship that is not built on love, respect, friendship and trust will work for long.

This is not really about the boat, it is about trying to find common ground so that both people are happy. Both have to be prepared to give up everything for the other person or else walk away and find a new relationship. Many people contributing - both male and female - have said "compromise is the key".

As for dividing up the assets and "who contributed what percentage?" - that is no one's business except the couple involved.

[Stu Jackson]

A Cal 40 would definitely NOT meet the requirements for extra space down below. The existing Alden is much better for that.

[BandB]

Originally Posted by Azul

I wonder how the women responders would feel if the proposal were reversed? A woman with a career that takes her out of town half the time for ten or more days suggests that her bf of two years give up his (much less income) career to move aboard her $250,000 monohull. Other men have tried to lure her onshore to live in the past, but she successfully eluded them.

She then starts a thread about him complaining that he isn't sure he would like the lifestyle, doesn't like the big mast in the boat's salon and doesn't see anywhere he could conveniently sunbathe. Not to mention he worries the boat doesn't provide enough privacy and maybe a $500,000 boat would work better.

Wifey B:

I can tell you how this woman responder would feel. "What a bunch of bs from that b.....". Goes on public forums talking such things and it all appears so materialistic instead of even talking about love. And when is she going to get over her first marriage, if ever. Won't marry because divorce costs too much. What a cop out. Ever heard of a pre-nupt? And anyway, they live together long enough and it still might get expensive. Seven years and she's honestly consider dumping him over crap like this? Why don't they just admit they're just long term playmates? I mean as long as she holds her first marriage against him or others, she'll never find her true love.

And the dude. I mean he's reading what she's writing online and he still is ok with it? Must be desperate. Now maybe she should be worried. Put up with all that, maybe he's desperate even in being clingy or financially. Does he think she is wealthy and he can jump into that lifestyle? Damn why are they trying to work these things out on a boating forum?

Damn, I just don't get it. I'd give up anything to be with my hubby. And I know he would for me. I know it not just as a belief but factually and proven as we had circumstances before our marriage where we both risked everything to be together. And when I say everything I don't mean just material things. And wait seven years to be with him? No way I would have.

Maybe I'm being too harsh and the depth of our love isn't the norm. Maybe others settle for less and are very happy. But sure seems to me lots of marriages and relationships are of convenience more than love. And if that's what the parties want, then ok. I know I'm exceptionally blessed and ours was a bit story book like. I did know the night I met him that he would be my hubby. And that was 13 years ago.

[rognvald]

********************PROBLEM SOVLED!!!!!!!!*****************

The Stepford Wives (7/8) Movie CLIP - The Female Improvement System (2004) HD - YouTube

[CalienteinCR]

It's not the size of your boat that matters....but what you do with it!!!

My observation is boats are built for MEN, and a toilet with a boat built around it is for WOMAN....

[Blue Crab]

I have a modest proposal for the Bs: Get a room. Please.