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Old 21-06-2005, 10:32   #1
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Location: Thunder Bay, Ontario - 48-29N x 89-20W
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Wind-Force Scales

On the lighter side ...

“The Beerfort Scale”
Posted by Dann Porter on newsgroup

Force 0:
Sails hanging limp. Tiller tends itself.

Force 1:
Beginning pressure on sails. If sheet is eased out, the tiller still tends itself.

Force 2:
Sails flapping in the breeze, and boat drifting to leeward. Sheets must be tightened and one hand put on the tiller. As the wind fills the sails, the boat heels. Case of beer must be placed on cockpit floor.

Force 3:
The beer may be knocked over and must be supported or held in hand.

Force 4:
Empty bottles rolling against each other on cockpit floor. Must be thrown over side.

Force 5:
All beer streaming behind boat must be hauled in.

Force 6:
Nobody can hold onto more than one beer at a time.

Force 7:
The case of beer slides back and forth on cockpit floor. One person must be appointed to sit on it.

Force 8:
Bottles can still be opened by one person. Beginning of difficulties pouring into the mouth without spilling.

Force 9:
Bottle must be held with two hands. Only experts can get the cap off by themselves.

Force 10:
Two people required to open bottles. Empties must be thrown to leeward only. Very difficult to find mouth. Some teeth may be knocked loose.

Force 11:
The beer tends to foam out of bottle. Very difficult to drink. Lips split and teeth fall out.

Force 12:
All open bottles foam. Impossible to drink. Temporary abstinence may be required.

And, of course, this old “saw”:

Beaufort number (Wind Speed mph) ~ Description ~ For Sailors ~ For Landsmen

0 (0-1) ~ Calm ~ Boats move sideways with tide. ~ Cigarette smoke gets in eyes.
1 (1-3) ~ Light air ~ Yachtsmen hoist sail, then wind instantly drops. ~ Wet finger feels cold.
2 (4-7) ~ Light breeze ~ Tea towels blow off rigging. ~ Pubs close one window.
3 (8-12) ~ Gentle breeze ~ Race boats careen. Difficult to make tea underway. ~ Pubs close two windows.
4 (13-18) ~ Moderate breeze. Race boats lose mainsheet through block and have to go aground to recover it. ~ Beer froth blows off.
5 (19-24) ~ Fresh breeze. Racers get book on sailing from cabin and study up on reefing. ~ Customers in pub gardens go inside bar.
6 (25-31) ~ Strong breeze Racers try to double reef and go aground. ~ Elderly customers have difficulty leaving pub.
7 (32-38) ~ Moderate gale. Racers rescued by launch. ~ Pub door cannot be opened against wind.
8 (39-46) ~ Fresh gale. Aaaaaaah!!! ~ Pub sign blows down.
9 (47-54) ~ Strong gale. Racers in pub. ~ Racers struck by falling pub sign.
10-12 ~ Only of interest on TV
Gord May
"If you didn't have the time or money to do it right in the first place, when will you get the time/$ to fix it?"

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