On the lighter side ...
“The Beerfort Scale”
Posted by Dann Porter on rec.boats.cruising newsgroup
hanging limp. Tiller tends itself.
Beginning pressure on sails
. If sheet is eased out, the tiller still tends itself.
Sails flapping in the breeze, and boat drifting to leeward. Sheets
must be tightened and one hand put on the tiller. As the wind
fills the sails, the boat heels. Case of beer
must be placed on cockpit
may be knocked over and must be supported or held in hand.
Empty bottles rolling against each other on cockpit
floor. Must be thrown over side.
All beer streaming behind boat must be hauled in.
Nobody can hold onto more than one beer at a time.
The case of beer slides back and forth on cockpit floor. One person must be appointed to sit on it.
Bottles can still be opened by one person. Beginning of difficulties pouring into the mouth without spilling.
Bottle must be held with two hands. Only experts can get the cap off by themselves.
Two people required to open bottles. Empties must be thrown to leeward only. Very difficult to find mouth. Some teeth may be knocked loose.
The beer tends to foam out of bottle. Very difficult to drink. Lips split and teeth fall out.
All open bottles foam. Impossible to drink. Temporary abstinence may be required.
And, of course, this old “saw”:
Beaufort number (Wind Speed mph) ~ Description ~ For Sailors ~ For Landsmen
0 (0-1) ~ Calm ~ Boats move sideways with tide. ~ Cigarette smoke gets in eyes.
1 (1-3) ~ Light air ~ Yachtsmen hoist sail, then wind instantly drops. ~ Wet finger feels cold.
2 (4-7) ~ Light breeze ~ Tea towels blow off rigging. ~ Pubs close one window.
3 (8-12) ~ Gentle breeze ~ Race boats careen. Difficult to make tea underway. ~ Pubs close two windows.
4 (13-18) ~ Moderate breeze. Race boats lose mainsheet through block and have to go aground to recover it. ~ Beer froth blows off.
5 (19-24) ~ Fresh breeze. Racers get book on sailing from cabin and study up on reefing. ~ Customers in pub gardens go inside bar.
6 (25-31) ~ Strong breeze Racers try to double reef and go aground. ~ Elderly customers have difficulty leaving pub.
7 (32-38) ~ Moderate gale. Racers rescued by launch. ~ Pub door cannot be opened against wind.
8 (39-46) ~ Fresh gale. Aaaaaaah!!! ~ Pub sign blows down.
9 (47-54) ~ Strong gale. Racers in pub. ~ Racers struck by falling pub sign.
10-12 ~ Only of interest on TV