Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 09-07-2015, 11:41   #46
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New Mexico, USA
Boat: International Etchells USA 125 Black Magic, Santana 20 475 Ghost, Hobie 33 3100 Bruja, dinghies,
Posts: 1,118
Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

OP, do you and your wife feel the same way about adventure, thrills, risk-taking, and things that excite you? What do you get out of sailing and the outdoors vs. what she gets and wants out of sailing? What is she feeling when the boat is heeling/overpowered? Does she feel that she could safely control the boat if something happened to you? How much has she been praised for her sailing efforts? How much has she been encouraged to ask questions about sailing? How many potential female sailor role models has she met? How would she describe her dream trip?
__________________

__________________
Pat, from the Desert Sea http://desertsea.blogspot.com
rgscpat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2015, 11:42   #47
Registered User

Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 3
Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

If you are still in Hawaii have her take a course at the university. Taught by the women's sailing teem and I had a riot. Half the pleasure was being with students that didn't have a worry in the world. Biggest worry was where they were going to eat. No pressure and sailed in the harbor until the last day.

Happy to take you out if you are still around Honolulu.
__________________

__________________
Paul Gibfried is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2015, 12:03   #48
Registered User

Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Los Angeles Harbor
Posts: 118
Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

Just in case you missed it, what Steady Hand said. )
__________________
Rough Magic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2015, 13:09   #49
Registered User
 
kellyp08's Avatar

Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Northeast Harbor, Maine
Boat: Sou'wester 50 yawl
Posts: 131
Images: 10
Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

That's the problem with many (not all) women: they see no fun in being dirty, wet, sea-sick and cold. And some-mostly American women- do not like to be "bossed around". Funny thing about it; girlfriends used to "love" sailing. But when they catch the "fish" they throw the bait away.
__________________
kellyp08 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2015, 13:45   #50
Senior Cruiser
 
skipmac's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: 29° 49.16’ N 82° 25.82’ W
Boat: Pearson 422
Posts: 12,393
Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by kellyp08 View Post
That's the problem with many (not all) women: they see no fun in being dirty, wet, sea-sick and cold.
Don't know too many men that enjoy this either.



Quote:
Originally Posted by kellyp08 View Post
And some-mostly American women- do not like to be "bossed around".
You're kidding, right? If not I guess you don't get out much. I don't know too many women anywhere in the world that like to be bossed around. I have several women friends in Europe that would have a very firm "discussion" with anyone trying to boss them around.


Quote:
Originally Posted by kellyp08 View Post
Funny thing about it; girlfriends used to "love" sailing. But when they catch the "fish" they throw the bait away.
Maybe you just had the wrong girlfriends or maybe they realized they had the wrong fish when it was reeled in.
__________________
The water is always bluer on the other side of the ocean.
skipmac is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2015, 14:20   #51
Don't ask if you can't handle it
 
sailorboy1's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: On the boat somewhere
Boat: Hunter 410
Posts: 12,334
Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

I like to think that couples like the same things!!!! So you need to start by having a conversion to see if you are a couple.Then if one has had a bad sailing experience think of the type of sail you like and ask them to come along.
__________________
jobless, houseless, clueless, living on a boat and cruising around somewhere
sailorboy1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2015, 14:50   #52
Moderator
 
Don C L's Avatar

Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Channel Islands, CA
Boat: 1962 Columbia 29 MK 1 #37
Posts: 4,405
Images: 35
Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by subnate View Post
I'm trying to figure out the best way to reintroduce my wife to sailing, she had a horrible experience with lessons that totally shook her confidence, and convinced her she could't ever possess the skills to sail. Long story short she took lessons in Hawaii with an instructor that I guess raced and thought she should too,he screamed at her the whole time, and ended up telling her that this might not be for here. My wife loves everything about the ocean and I know if I can find a way to show her sailing isn't whatever that guy shoved in her head, she could at least have a chance at enjoying it. But I'm just starting lessons now, so I'm not a wealth of knowledge. I have some ideas, but maybe you guys have better ones, any idea would be well appreciated.
Let's recall what the OP said. His wife loves the ocean, she is (or was) ready to sail, but had a really bad experience with an instructor. I'd probably quit sailing too if I had an rude, arrogant guy tell me I am not cut out to be a sailor, or I'd punch him in the nose. Sailing is fun, first and foremost... maybe a day with a really GOOD instructor on a Hobie Cat, after that Caribbean cruise on a multihull, will really seal the deal for her.
__________________
DL
Pythagoras
1962 Columbia 29 MKI #37
Don C L is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2015, 14:51   #53
Moderator
 
JPA Cate's Avatar

Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: aboard, cruising in Australia
Boat: Sayer 46' Solent rig sloop
Posts: 10,722
Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by subnate View Post
I'm trying to figure out the best way to reintroduce my wife to sailing, she had a horrible experience with lessons that totally shook her confidence, and convinced her she could't ever possess the skills to sail. Long story short she took lessons in Hawaii with an instructor that I guess raced and thought she should too,he screamed at her the whole time, and ended up telling her that this might not be for here. My wife loves everything about the ocean and I know if I can find a way to show her sailing isn't whatever that guy shoved in her head, she could at least have a chance at enjoying it. But I'm just starting lessons now, so I'm not a wealth of knowledge. I have some ideas, but maybe you guys have better ones, any idea would be well appreciated.
Hi, subnate. The background to my response is based on the past 25 yrs. cruising.

I have to thank Steady Hand, he took the time to point out in a reasonable fashion most of the recommendations I would have made first off.

Clearly, your good lady wife had a nasty experience with a poor instructor. Sorry about that. There are shouters in the world. I never sailed with one, and Jim wouldn't. It might be a good idea to see if she still has any energy left in that bad experience, possibly fears.

I personally am not too keen on the idea of chartering a big cat, etc., etc., mostly because I think the two of you need to have good times together in an atmosphere that you will be able to provide for later on. I also think she'd feel good about your asking her how she feels about Steady Hand's suggestions. It wold be a starting point for how the two of you can work together to make it fun for her. To put it bluntly, if it isn't fun for her, what would be her motivation to sail with you at all? So, whatever she needs for "fun", that's the direction you want to move in. Keep it within budget. Women don't like feeling financially threatened.

Finally, while generally, I think it is better for women to learn separate from their husbands, [mostly due to relationship dynamics, i.e., wanting to be "equal"] there are a few women that learning together with their menfolks does work for. See what your wife thinks she would prefer between classes with you or with a bunch of women. Keep in mind that if extended cruising is what you have in mind for the future, both of you need to be competent watch standers and skippers, for the others' peace of mind. The woman who is just a beautiful doll on the boat is in grave danger if anything happens to incapacitate the skipper.

One additional benefit of taking the sail training separately is that you will have slightly different experiences and new knowledge to share with each other.

Good luck with it, to both of you.

Ann
__________________
Ann, with Jim, aboard US s/v Insatiable II, in Oz, very long term cruisers
JPA Cate is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2015, 15:16   #54
Registered User

Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: On boat in summer in VA in winter
Boat: Sabreline 36 Fast Trawler
Posts: 7
Send a message via AIM to RonT
Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

Go www.cruisingclub.org and look for the updated Safety for Cruising Couples workbook. I'll be glad to explain more when we return from our month's cruise to Maine and get on the Internet again.
__________________
RonT is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2015, 15:16   #55
Registered User
 
FamilyVan's Avatar

Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,779
Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by kellyp08 View Post
That's the problem with many (not all) women: they see no fun in being dirty, wet, sea-sick and cold. And some-mostly American women- do not like to be "bossed around". Funny thing about it; girlfriends used to "love" sailing. But when they catch the "fish" they throw the bait away.
He he he. You've clearly never tried bossing around a Turkish, Sicilian or Newfie woman.

Sent from my SGH-I547C using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app
__________________
FamilyVan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2015, 15:20   #56
Eternal Member
 
monte's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Australia
Boat: Lagoon 400
Posts: 3,650
Images: 1
Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

I don't really think an all women's type session is a good idea. Maybe your gf would appreciate it but I think mine would jump overboard if forced to sail with a boatload of women
Also a cat isn't a good idea unless it's in your future plans.
__________________
monte is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2015, 16:14   #57
Registered User
 
El Pinguino's Avatar

Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Punta Arenas ahorra
Boat: 39' Westerly Sealord
Posts: 3,964
Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by monte View Post
I don't really think an all women's type session is a good idea. Maybe your gf would appreciate it but I think mine would jump overboard if forced to sail with a boatload of women
Also a cat isn't a good idea unless it's in your future plans.

New wife cheaper than new cat with a jacuzzi on the top deck.....
El Pinguino is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2015, 16:36   #58
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Baltimore, MD
Boat: Hunter C27
Posts: 1
Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

I understand! I love the ocean, the islands, and living on a boat. I am a little afraid of the wind, waves, heeling, etc. I did not grow up around sailboats. My husband has a dream of live-aboard. We started by taking a sail, having a short private lesson, and then bought ourselves an old boat. We worked together to get her ready to launch and are now sleeping on her and practicing our sailing skills. We are approaching everything slowly, learning together, and building our confidence. My husband is so patient, helping me to gain confidence. I want to do this, but it takes me longer than him! Working together to fix up our boat and learning our skills together has been amazing. He is not outrunning me. We are in this together and hope to someday meet our dreams!
__________________
sand flee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2015, 18:59   #59
Registered User

Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New London, NH
Boat: Intrepid 9 meter, 29.5 feet
Posts: 91
Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

My wife understands emotions and people. She does not understand the material world and sailboat. I, too, have essentially been a single hander. She does steer, and we have worked out a series of hand signals for anchoring. We've never flown a spinnaker. Each year I teach her again how to start the engine, tie a bowline, and how important it is to release the dinghy and sea anchor immediately, if I fall overboard. She does love the sea. She did buy the sailboat with me. She loves seeing wildlife on the ocean like giant sunfish and basking sharks (which we have only seen once in 20 years+ of sailing.
Let your expectations match her comfort zone.
__________________
Old Swampy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2015, 19:48   #60
Registered User

Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 592
Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by skipmac View Post
This would be my suggestion. Maybe charter a cat so she gets to hang out on a boat that sits level and doesn't rock.

Maybe the BVI in January when it's cold and nasty in VA.
Oh yes, here is your answer !!!!!! She probably doesn't really hate sailing, just the experience she had.
__________________

__________________
captlloyd is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
sail, sailing

Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Spouse hates my boat ntscout Our Community 402 19-02-2017 14:17
Boat partner's wife hates diesel smell RKO Monohull Sailboats 33 13-12-2012 11:02
Wife Hates Bugs ! Clinton Liveaboard's Forum 25 13-06-2012 09:56



Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 13:53.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.