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Old 09-07-2015, 09:49   #31
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

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Originally Posted by Steady Hand View Post
Howdy!

My Simple Suggestions:

1. Get your wife involved with a group of women who sail as an "ALL GIRL" crew (socially), but NOT on a racing boat (not as race crew on a racing boat).
My local yacht club has a women's sailor program like this. They take turns going out on each other's boats once a week, figuring out how everything works on their own boats. Its a safe, supportive environment. After the sail, I understand they drink a little wine too...

You might want to be sure she is really comfortable on the boat...a good place to sit. Also, head facilities are much more important to the ladies. Personally, I'm happy with a bucket...its both my sink and my toilet...but the ladies want more, and even "privacy" in the head. So maybe taking the doors off because they kept swinging open wasn't a good idea.

And finally, try only going out on really nice days. Go to beautiful anchorages and spoil her as best you can. Don't ask her to rebuild the head pump just because she's the only one who uses it!)

Good luck!
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Old 09-07-2015, 09:49   #32
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

What steady hand said.

Another option is take her to new members nights at a couple of clubs that fit your style. She might be more interested in sailing for the social aspect than for the sailing, I know my wife is.

Along the same lines, give her some lady friendly sailing reading.

I'm with your wife I hate racing and all the B.S. that goes along with it.

Sent from my SGH-I547C using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app
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Old 09-07-2015, 10:09   #33
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

I had a reluctant sailor (wife) and I almost fell into this trap. We decided to jointly take ASA 101 and 103 together. My saving grace was our instructor, Captain Roy Rogers (heard all the jokes). Very experienced, patient, and enjoys his job. We had 4 tough days that he made fun. Later we joined a charter with him as skipper and some other folks that were his previous students. Today, he works out of the DC area, and is still a good friend.

Bottom line - the right instructor matters. Point out the personality problem that the previous guy demonstrated, get some recommendations on a new skipper/instructor, and convince her that this gets so much better.

Tankersteve
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Old 09-07-2015, 10:16   #34
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

Hi!
Great to hear you are enthusiastic about sailing! (You may have to temper that a wee bit as you gentle her along this process though!)

I'd second SteadyHands advice about looking for a women's only sailing group and women instructors for her reintroduction. There is no performance pressure from a non racer group of women sailors - typically they love sailing and really want more women to enjoy it too.

I'd definitely talk to the sailing school about the situation - they should be able to help her get matched with a suitable instructor. I'd also encourage her meet the instructor before she ok's the lessons and let her discuss her concerns with them. It will reduce anxiety around the first lesson. After all she is looking for someone she can trust and communicate safely with, a bit like getting well matched with a therapist.

IMHO the idea of "women's intuition" is likely based on the ability to read emotional information in tone of voice and body language. Many women are pretty tuned to be sensitive to tone, changes in emotional state and abrupt wording. Additionally, often women aren't given opportunities to get hands on experience with boating tasks in circumstances where they are encouraged to look at any 'failure' as just a necessary part of the learning.

The Power and Sail Squadron is an excellent organization to join and they have a lot of quality on shore courses that compliment on water lessons. These will support the other set of skills a safe competent sailor needs, like safe navigation, Radio operator, Basic Boating (anchoring, docking, etc.)

Over time, the more skills she masters, the more she will love the life and the more the boat will be hers too, not just yours. BTW - her skills must also include deploying the safety equipment, driving and docking the boat and knowing how to rescue you in case you fall overboard :-)

It will likely take some years for her to gain the experience and confidence in her abilities but the journey itself is a lot of fun!

Fair Winds
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Old 09-07-2015, 10:29   #35
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

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Originally Posted by hamburking View Post
My local yacht club has a women's sailor program like this. They take turns going out on each other's boats once a week, figuring out how everything works on their own boats. Its a safe, supportive environment. After the sail, I understand they drink a little wine too...

You might want to be sure she is really comfortable on the boat...a good place to sit. Also, head facilities are much more important to the ladies. Personally, I'm happy with a bucket...its both my sink and my toilet...but the ladies want more, and even "privacy" in the head. So maybe taking the doors off because they kept swinging open wasn't a good idea.

And finally, try only going out on really nice days. Go to beautiful anchorages and spoil her as best you can. Don't ask her to rebuild the head pump just because she's the only one who uses it!)

Good luck!



Sorry Ham I am a guy also and just have to have a second bucket
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Old 09-07-2015, 10:34   #36
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

Sorry ham, can't make it to dinner tonight, had a change of plans..
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Old 09-07-2015, 10:35   #37
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

I recommend Welcome to Womanship.com . Their motto is "Nobody yells." I have met them at the Annapolis Sailboat Show on several occasions. I was already a convert, but I have seen the situation that upset your wife. They would be the best help you can get.
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Old 09-07-2015, 10:38   #38
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

BVIs, cats, all female crews, instructors, captains, and go slow.
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Old 09-07-2015, 10:46   #39
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

Take her to Cruisers University, held at the Spring Annapolis show
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Old 09-07-2015, 10:46   #40
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

Ditto on the easy charter. Mine had only been out 4 times and that was on a 22' mono. Chartered a 35 FP Mahe last summer for 10 days in the BVI, and when we got home she said, "We have to buy a boat!" We are now doing the financials to buy a new trimaran (which we demo sailed last week in New England).

I'm pretty sure she enjoyed herself!
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Old 09-07-2015, 10:49   #41
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

I really like the idea of the multihull charter in the Caribbean! That would do it for even the most hardened anti -sailor.
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Old 09-07-2015, 10:52   #42
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

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Yes I don't think I'd like to start sailing with lessons. Better to be a passenger for a leisurely sail for a while with a competent skipper. You need to feel the energy of a gentle breeze effortlessly gliding a yacht through calm waters and become addicted to that feeling first. Afterwards the addiction will overpower the stress, seasickness, maintainance, cost,crappy weather etc etc that follows
Or maybe even more baby steps, like going for harbor-side cocktails or dinner, bike riding on the promenade, go snorkeling, try kayaking or paddle boarding, go to a friends boat for cocktails, rent a boat for the night just to hang out and sleep and don't even leave the dock... then charter a boat and be calm!
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Old 09-07-2015, 10:58   #43
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

This is my suggestion. I do like the idea of her sailing with other ladies in a cruising setting and not in a race. What your wife might not understand is racing sailboats is a little intense. I am not making excuses for the guy that originally gave her lessons, bc he may have gone over the top, but sometimes a version of speaking loudly in a direct fashion is necessary to get done what you need to get done while racing. The first time I raced I was yelled at too as a kid and I remember thinking the captain was mad at me but then I learned its just part of racing. Back to the point. I would suggest that you continue your lessons until you are confident enough to take her out on a boat that you are captaining. That way you can take her places and set a more cruise setting for her. That's what I love about sailing.
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Old 09-07-2015, 11:11   #44
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

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I'm trying to figure out the best way to reintroduce my wife to sailing, she had a horrible experience with lessons that totally shook her confidence, and convinced her she could't ever possess the skills to sail. Long story short she took lessons in Hawaii with an instructor that I guess raced and thought she should too,he screamed at her the whole time, and ended up telling her that this might not be for here. My wife loves everything about the ocean and I know if I can find a way to show her sailing isn't whatever that guy shoved in her head, she could at least have a chance at enjoying it. But I'm just starting lessons now, so I'm not a wealth of knowledge. I have some ideas, but maybe you guys have better ones, any idea would be well appreciated.

Haven't anything constructive to say, but feel compelled to write: Racing Skippers are a bloody menace. Most are weekend sailors and not very good: Ref. Notorious Fastnet Race.
Had similar problem with my wife sailing the Great Lakes, she couldn't enjoy it at all. Then we lived in Australia for a couple of years and cruised tropical Queensland and she got the bug. Took lessons from a female instructor all the way to captains license.
Persevere and have faith.
For cruising ensure you have an adequate Head & Shower with a functioning galley and a dry boat, what's not to like & enjoy?
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Old 09-07-2015, 11:11   #45
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Re: Wife Hates Sailing Help!

As the saying goes, happy wife, happy life! I think the chartering idea is a great one, the cat is a good idea, however, if you are not thinking of buying a cat for sailing/cruising, then maybe just charter a great monohull boat instead so she doesn't get false hopes for something else. I love our trips yearly to the BVI's which is totally different from Georgian Bay sailing, but a new adventure each year and another notch on our sail belt. Talking with our female sailors as well as other female boaters in general as you know we will talk to perfect strangers about our feelings. find out exactly what she doesn't like about her boating experience so far and then work on those feelings first, find great books to read and get on some sailing blogs so she can see how much fun it really is. I would suggest Delos, Terrapin, Wicked Salty are just a few. good luck, be patient and a bottle of wine and ginger gravol can go a long way. Get out and feel the wind against your face. wife of Captain Dave 41 Hunter.
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