That Special Sailing 'Lady'

[KIWI]

I'm not talking about some dating service i am referring just meeting a nice lady to sail with,,, If just it's to sail the world or anywhere a single man is treated like a leaper,,,people "Ladys" think it's all about sex

And it's bloody hard to meet the right lady I know there would be a lot of people out there who would give their eye teeth to meet the right Lady.


I am in the same boat I know I will never meet the true boatie Lady Sadly but that life and my life will turn to **** ,,, but thats life


Graham
From NZ who would love to sail the world

[crazyhorse]

Tauranga Yacht and Power Boat Club (Sulphur Point) used to have a group called "WOW" (women on water ..the bar must have closed! :-). They are a crazy bunch of sail fanatics who will love you for your boat, not your body. I dont know if they still meet?

[imagine2frolic]

Many start out thinking they want to sail. When they see they have to give up many conveniences they try, and change you. I went through a dozen relationships with this very problem.

I met a mountain climber. She's happy to not have to carry her bed, cooking utensils, and food to sleep under the stars. It's not easy to find a lady that is willing to put up without the conveniences found on land, but they do exist, I married her twice to make sure she doesn't escape......i2f

[senormechanico]

i2f,

Bravo!

Steve B.

[Boracay]

What's wrong with sex?
Anyone who assumes that a close ongoing relationship between two adults must exclude sex may have "issues".

I'm with i2f. Western women have had it very good for a long time.

Try looking at what is available in other countries. You might get a pleasant surprise.

[Starbuck]

The assumption here, Boracay, may be that you think you know what the OP is referring to. That's not how I read him at all. Seems to me he's suggesting women are wary about being invited out to sail for fear that it's the man who has the ulterior motive, and that makes it more difficult for a nice guy to find the companionship he's looking for.

But I could be wrong…

[Golden Wattle]

Hi Boracay,
Hmm, western women?
Every clear thinking man on this site is now ducking, Good Luck.

Cheers

[Pelagic]

Sorry, but I am in a non serious post mood today and this one begs a rant!

OP I humbly suggest that you stop whining and go out and hunt your own.

Think of it like choosing a horse and do not assume that both horse and rider want the same thing.

• Some look for a strong plough horse “of many hands”
• Some enjoy an intelligent cutting horse or lively jumper,
• Others unfortunately are only interested in “Dressage” and are willing to pay the price.

The bottom line is that most women respond to the man, not the circumstances over which they ride together. So do not focus on the terrain, but instead find a woman you can relate to.

A strong and loving hand will get you a reciprocal response and after all….isn’t that what partnerships are all about?...Be in 2 or 4 legged.

[David_Old_Jersey]

Originally Posted by Golden Wattle

Hi Boracay,
Hmm, western women?
Every clear thinking man on this site is now ducking, Good Luck.

I married one from the east she was a complete f#cking nightmare But to be fair I knew that beforehand......and that's why I married her

Looking forward to the input from our female members

[Golden Wattle]

Originally Posted by David_Old_Jersey

I married one from the east she was a complete f#cking nightmare But to be fair I knew that beforehand......and that's why I married her

Looking forward to the input from our female members

Ramsgate?

[David_Old_Jersey]

Originally Posted by Golden Wattle

Ramsgate?

Isn't that where they make fish? I think even I would have noticed

[captain58sailin]

I met my Wife 27 years ago and knew she was for me. She was working as a deck hand for my Brother on a charter boat, and I convinced her to come work with me on my charter boat, we were a great team working together every day, and it was strictly professional. I couldn't help but fall in love with her, alas it wasn't meant to be and with a broken heart, I went out into the rest of the world and learned to let go and love again, though it never led to marriage. And she went out west to the Bering sea and became the first and as far as I know the only female crab skipper there. Though we lived in the same small town, we rarely saw each other over the years. We finally got together 4 years ago, and we are coming up on our 3rd anniversary and we are more in love than ever, we compliment each other and we have a great time together on the boat. So don't give up the ship, leave your heart open and the right one will come to you. Of course you have to watch out for the wrong ones, they are around too.

[chris_gee]

I think there are a few issues here.

1. It is quite common to find many married people unhappy that their wives do not share their dream of cruising or even sailing much at all. That is an area in itself. What they find pleasurable or attractive and different aspirations at different ages are factors.

2. Wanting a cruising partner. Talk of sailing the world or even out of sight of land is a substantial leap for someone who is unsure of their interest and capacity for sailing, let alone in you, and for most I think baby steps are required. The other aspect is in effect being captive in a confined space with someone one hasn't built a relationship with. This can be difficult as a male crew, let alone with someone who has romantic or sexual expectations. One can't blame women for being wary.

3. Forming a relationship generally. Hormones and common ties or shared lifestyle goals help with this at younger ages. Attraction, sex, bonding, and usually a home and family are the usual longer term pattern but not inevitably. However in the older age groups it changes rather. Looks fade, hormones are less dominant, children grow up, and the focus at a different life cycle stage changes. For a man it may be less of career and more on other ways of self fulfillment. For many women perhaps they want to fulfill themselves in a different way. Those who work through this have an advantage of bonding built through a long time of shared experiences. The importance of looks fades, in the sense that the sixty year old may remain attractive subjectively though she hardly remains a twenty year old.

4. However a new start is another ballgame. Having been long divorced I have had the opportunity to observe the mating game. I claim no expertise so just my observations.

The Don Juan game is not for me but I have observed those adept at it who "score" easily. One acquaintance keeps a few on the go at a time, despite being otherwise unremarkable. What seems to be the key is being in to win and not being too discerning. As explained to me the key was to look them in the eye and tell them what they want to hear. That smacks of manipulation but the subsequent flirtation game seems to me to involve a suspension of disbelief.

Obviously sexual attraction or "chemistry" is a starting point but one might if looking for a partner want to establish more in a variety of ways other than "You Jane, me Tarzan."

These days there are various shopping markets, the internet, agencies, singles nights etc. I notice that many women, and I suppose men though I have not studied them, have rather exacting specifications or even fantasies. Many older women seem to want men up to ten years younger. So if women say 55 want guys 40- 52 and those guys want women of 30-45 there could be a problem. No wonder many lie about their age or post photos that are twenty years old. I guess that helps get some diverting and entertaining interest but hardly helps if they eventually meet.

I am sceptical about the wide choice supposedly offered by these methods. Sure they may offer a wider base, and eliminate many, however they don't allow for getting to know someone and having attraction develop.

I don't think there is an easy answer for older people. I think one has to be prepared to act quickly on occasion because there may not be a second chance. Be open and friendly and perhaps something will develop over time even if initially it seems less likely. There are also more fish in the sea than in your bathtub.

Finally I think it is far too big a leap from maybe we could meet for a coffee to let's sail the seven seas.

On the other hand you are free and not entangled with someone else's life so life is different and not all bad.

Luck is a factor - so Good Luck.

[Ocean Girl]

Okay, I'm gonna pipe up here......here goes- girl in the house

What I find ironic is that this is the exact complaint I hear from my single giirfriends (me included), we know the good guys are out there but we haven't found them yet. I think the key is to not give up and to stick to your dreams. You will find her. And maybe in the most unlikely way (look at captain58sailin)

Your original comment about women being weary is correct, it may not be fair, but it is correct. I crewed on a good amount of boats in my twenties and it only takes one bad apple, I learned real quick to find family boats (husband,wife, kids).

The dating websites, well I'm no fan. BUT at the same time, my parent meet in a simular manner. My mom put an ad in Cruising worlds mag for a soul mate. Sounds pretty wild now imagine 15 years ago. She met my dad they married on his boat three weeks later and then sailed around the world, It can happen, don't loose faith. Just last week my dad was snuggling up to my mom- like school kids!

Solution? Don't give up, she is out there, just keep an eye out for her and keep to your dreams. Good guys do not finish last-that is complete nonsense.


My two cents
Erika

PS
the women who want younger men don't want soul mates so no loss there.

PSS
Maybe post something here? http://www.cruisersforum.com/forums/f30/ , CF forum (to me) has the best quality of sailors I have found, at least as best as you can judge via internet, its safe to think that it would be a good place to find a good quality mate.

Ok I'll get off my soapbox, thanks for listening

wait.. remember, its not that you can't find your mate, you just haven't found her yet.

[Ocean Girl]

Just reread my post, sorry for the atrocious spelling. In my defence it was 1 am.




Mark Twain used to say " I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way"