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Old 05-09-2013, 17:31   #16
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Re: Teaching Wife To Sail

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Originally Posted by rebel heart View Post
I've taught sailing, done deliveries and skippered charters, and hold a 100 ton master's license. When it came time to teach my wife sailing....

.. she went to J world for a week. Best $800 bucks I ever spent.
Exactly. It's like teaching your wife to ski. Don't. Pay for the lessons and have someone else do it.
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Old 05-09-2013, 17:32   #17
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Re: Teaching Wife To Sail

When we got married, my wife wanted to make sure that I did the lawn the way she wanted it done. So she sent me to lawn care school. She also wanted to make sure that I dodn't cook wrong, so she sent me to cooking school.

Oh, no - wait - that's right...we each learned to work with each other's strengths. Of course, she had significantly more experience with gardening and cooking, so she taught me to bring up my skills and we worked together to find where our strengths and weaknesses were.

I would never want to tell anyone else that my way is the only way to do anything. But I am fascinated by the idea that husbands and wives can learn from each other and work together to develop shared skills related to their common enjoyment in every other subject except sailing - and maybe bowling. Oh, and skiing, apparently.
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Old 05-09-2013, 18:06   #18
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Re: Teaching Wife To Sail

Ach! It's my German wife coming out on me...

The really nice earlier post by a lady is one of the best I've read on this recurring subject.

The OP made great points, too.

What works for you may not work for you-all.

That's why they invented YMMV.

The one thing that seems to be missing, so far is this: you may want to consider having a lesson on YOUR boat with the two of you. That is, if you can agree on which instructor is the one to do it!

The trick is to have FUN. It can be done many ways.

Good luck, glad to hear it's working for you.
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Old 05-09-2013, 19:02   #19
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Re: Teaching Wife To Sail

My wife went and took dinghy sailing lessons on a lazer one. She was the captain and got to make all the decisions and learn independently and with an instructor. She loves sailing now and I sleep soundly on passage with her at the helm.

So my advice is for anyone trying to learn how to sail a cruising boat is to learn how to sail an dinghy first.
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Old 05-09-2013, 19:12   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rebel heart View Post
I've taught sailing, done deliveries and skippered charters, and hold a 100 ton master's license. When it came time to teach my wife sailing....

.. she went to J world for a week. Best $800 bucks I ever spent.
I so agree with you on that... Thumb!
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Old 05-09-2013, 19:48   #21
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Re: Teaching Wife To Sail

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I've disagreed with this sentiment repeatedly on other threads. I understand why a naval frigate needs a captain, but not why a recreational sailboat co-owned by two competent sailors who happen to be married to each other need a relationship where one is dominant and the other subordinate.

But what if.....?

When "what if" happens, the person at the helm deals with it, sometimes requesting the assistance of the other partner. If I'm down below and we're bearing down on an obstruction, the last thing I want my partner to do is put the boat on autopilot and come down to request orders. She knows how to turn the boat, reef the sails, heave to, sound the horn, call mayday, et cetera.

I tried this once with a friend and it turned out to be a disaster. When the ship hit the fan I knew my boat better, I had studied the charts where the other person had not, and I had read a really good book and had knowledge the other person didn't have.

The boat was trying to round up and broach at the bottom of each wave, and my friend was enjoying the wild ride and not realizing how seriously out of control the boat was.

Of course we weren't married. If I were married, I would HOPE that we would work together. I would HOPE that we would recognize each other's strengths and weaknesses. I would HOPE that we would discuss various scenarios and who would do what.

When things are hairy and scary one person has to be the person who makes the final calls.

On my boat, it's me, unless i have someone else who BOTH knows more than me AND understands my boat. But it would be my choice to turn the helm over to that other person.

One of the problems is that one person may know more about cruising while the other knows more about racing. I lost a rudder because I had a racer at the helm who didn't want to do the prudent thing, stop sailing, pull the headsail in and use the engine. In the ten seconds of delay, the boat bottomed out stern first and the rudder shaft was bent about 30. it wasn't his boat, and he was racing.

But I don't take racing risks with my boat. i never race her. I can't afford the possible damage from pushing her to her limits.

He thought (and probably still does think) that he knew more than me, and he does -- about racing. He was looking ONLY at the speed and not how out-of-balance the boat was (we had lost the mainsail to a hardware failure, and the headsail really was too big for the 20+ knots we had).

I knew that sail, and I knew my boat's tendency to squat on her ass, and she did that big time at that moment.
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Old 05-09-2013, 19:54   #22
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Re: Teaching Wife To Sail

You'd referenced this experience in another topic some short time ago. While I may not have contributed to that one, my read on it was simple: I agree that YOU were responsible. I also felt that you blamed someone else for your shortcomings in that situation.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Rakuflames View Post
I tried this once with a friend and it turned out to be a disaster. When the ship hit the fan I knew my boat better, I had studied the charts where the other person had not, and I had read a really good book and had knowledge the other person didn't have.

The boat was trying to round up and broach at the bottom of each wave, and my friend was enjoying the wild ride and not realizing how seriously out of control the boat was.

Of course we weren't married. If I were married, I would HOPE that we would work together. I would HOPE that we would recognize each other's strengths and weaknesses. I would HOPE that we would discuss various scenarios and who would do what.

When things are hairy and scary one person has to be the person who makes the final calls.

On my boat, it's me, unless i have someone else who BOTH knows more than me AND understands my boat. But it would be my choice to turn the helm over to that other person.

One of the problems is that one person may know more about cruising while the other knows more about racing. I lost a rudder because I had a racer at the helm who didn't want to do the prudent thing, stop sailing, pull the headsail in and use the engine. In the ten seconds of delay, the boat bottomed out stern first and the rudder shaft was bent about 30. it wasn't his boat, and he was racing.

But I don't take racing risks with my boat. i never race her. I can't afford the possible damage from pushing her to her limits.

He thought (and probably still does think) that he knew more than me, and he does -- about racing. He was looking ONLY at the speed and not how out-of-balance the boat was (we had lost the mainsail to a hardware failure, and the headsail really was too big for the 20+ knots we had).

I knew that sail, and I knew my boat's tendency to squat on her ass, and she did that big time at that moment.
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Old 05-09-2013, 20:00   #23
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Re: Teaching Wife To Sail

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Originally Posted by Rakuflames View Post
I tried this once with a friend and it turned out to be a disaster. When the ship hit the fan I knew my boat better, I had studied the charts where the other person had not, and I had read a really good book and had knowledge the other person didn't have.

The boat was trying to round up and broach at the bottom of each wave, and my friend was enjoying the wild ride and not realizing how seriously out of control the boat was.

Of course we weren't married. If I were married, I would HOPE that we would work together. I would HOPE that we would recognize each other's strengths and weaknesses. I would HOPE that we would discuss various scenarios and who would do what.

When things are hairy and scary one person has to be the person who makes the final calls.

On my boat, it's me, unless i have someone else who BOTH knows more than me AND understands my boat. But it would be my choice to turn the helm over to that other person.

One of the problems is that one person may know more about cruising while the other knows more about racing. I lost a rudder because I had a racer at the helm who didn't want to do the prudent thing, stop sailing, pull the headsail in and use the engine. In the ten seconds of delay, the boat bottomed out stern first and the rudder shaft was bent about 30. it wasn't his boat, and he was racing.

But I don't take racing risks with my boat. i never race her. I can't afford the possible damage from pushing her to her limits.

He thought (and probably still does think) that he knew more than me, and he does -- about racing. He was looking ONLY at the speed and not how out-of-balance the boat was (we had lost the mainsail to a hardware failure, and the headsail really was too big for the 20+ knots we had).

I knew that sail, and I knew my boat's tendency to squat on her ass, and she did that big time at that moment.
You're the 4th Hunter owner I've heard that has either bent or lost a rudder; I'm going to start keeping a list.

And the guy wasn't that good of a racer. You don't win races with a bent rudder. Trashing the boat to the point it's inoperable or your crewmates hate you isn't good racing and frankly is shitty seamanship.
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Old 05-09-2013, 22:24   #24
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Re: Teaching Wife To Sail

My wife teaches me more about sailing than I teach her, I think.
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Old 06-09-2013, 02:12   #25
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Re: Teaching Wife To Sail

One of the best ways to make your wife hate something is to try to teach it to her.
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Old 06-09-2013, 02:43   #26
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Re: Teaching Wife To Sail

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rakuflames View Post
I tried this once with a friend and it turned out to be a disaster. When the ship hit the fan I knew my boat better, I had studied the charts where the other person had not, and I had read a really good book and had knowledge the other person didn't have.

The boat was trying to round up and broach at the bottom of each wave, and my friend was enjoying the wild ride and not realizing how seriously out of control the boat was.

Of course we weren't married. If I were married, I would HOPE that we would work together. I would HOPE that we would recognize each other's strengths and weaknesses. I would HOPE that we would discuss various scenarios and who would do what.

When things are hairy and scary one person has to be the person who makes the final calls.

On my boat, it's me, unless i have someone else who BOTH knows more than me AND understands my boat. But it would be my choice to turn the helm over to that other person.

One of the problems is that one person may know more about cruising while the other knows more about racing. I lost a rudder because I had a racer at the helm who didn't want to do the prudent thing, stop sailing, pull the headsail in and use the engine. In the ten seconds of delay, the boat bottomed out stern first and the rudder shaft was bent about 30. it wasn't his boat, and he was racing.

But I don't take racing risks with my boat. i never race her. I can't afford the possible damage from pushing her to her limits.

He thought (and probably still does think) that he knew more than me, and he does -- about racing. He was looking ONLY at the speed and not how out-of-balance the boat was (we had lost the mainsail to a hardware failure, and the headsail really was too big for the 20+ knots we had).

I knew that sail, and I knew my boat's tendency to squat on her ass, and she did that big time at that moment.
The basic issue here is that you apparently turned your boat over to someone who was not competent. In other words you abdicated your responsibility as skipper.

I agree with Bash. My wife is perfectly competent to run the boat - with me aboard or without me (she takes a "girls only" trip very summer - she's the skipper). We works as Bash and co work. The one at the helm calls the shots. The other one is the crew.

The only time that changes is when there is a need for simple brute force - I'm stronger than she is. So far - this has only happened once, when a Gennaker got away from her and was in the water. We traded places.
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Old 06-09-2013, 03:27   #27
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Another option is to look up women cruises in you area,

In New England the water sailing">Blue Water Sailing club sponsors a trip every summer. A few boats all crewed by women. I think experience in a comfortable environment is the best teacher.

On our trip to Bermuda we met a women who was sailing the family boat in the race with a crew and her husband was flying down to meet her.

On our boat we split the task automatically for every trip.

If one person takes the boat out of the slip the other stows the fender and lines and raises the sails on the return the other person takes helm while the first person douses the sails and gets the boat ready for anchor or docking. Plenty of docking, sailing practice for everyone.
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Old 06-09-2013, 05:10   #28
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Re: Teaching Wife To Sail

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Originally Posted by Whaubner View Post
Another option is to look up women cruises in you area,

In New England the Blue Water Sailing club sponsors a trip every summer. A few boats all crewed by women. I think experience in a comfortable environment is the best teacher.

On our trip to Bermuda we met a women who was sailing the family boat in the race with a crew and her husband was flying down to meet her.

On our boat we split the task automatically for every trip.

If one person takes the boat out of the slip the other stows the fender and lines and raises the sails on the return the other person takes helm while the first person douses the sails and gets the boat ready for anchor or docking. Plenty of docking, sailing practice for everyone.
We do the same. One of us at the helm during (un)docking one day and the other one the next day. Keeps us both in practice for both tasks, skipper and crew
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Old 06-09-2013, 06:36   #29
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Post Re: Teaching Wife To Sail

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So my advice is for anyone trying to learn how to sail a cruising boat is to learn how to sail an dinghy first.
I first took my wife sailing in an Albacore last summer. Since then, we have acquired a Sandpiper 565. Now she doesn't want to be in the Albacore any more - she has reached that age where schleping under the boom and over the daggerboard housing is no longer on. Might have something to do with capsizing last time out too

We both think the Sandpiper was a marvelous step. All the benefits of the dinghy experience in terms of learning to sail, plus still small enough to jump overboard and pull it in the last 100 feet if required (only twice) She is comfortable learning in this craft in a way she would not be if we had launched the Ontario 32 this year.

Boulter
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Old 06-09-2013, 08:55   #30
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My husband and I just bought our boat- he's been sailing for decades and I was brought up on powerboats. I know squat. I read and try and actually we do pretty well, but there are some times he just expects me to "know" somehow and these times it really hasn't been the best of times, lol. I have often thought of just signing myself up for a course so I could just learn without it being so personal. We plan on cruising for years and this just seems like it would give me a huge boost in confidence. Guess I'll go look some schools up- I wonder how much this will be!

Monica
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