Scared sh@#less!

[El Pinguino]

Shiphandling 101

1/ Never approach anything at a speed greater than you would like to hit it at.

2/ A stopped ship is a drifting ship

3/ make speed your friend.

The secret of succesful shiphandling is in there...somewhere.....

[Cheechako]

Well, you are right that much of what you visualize about "the perfect cruising life" isn't real. But you need to GET OUT THERE, go thru your trials and tribulations and you will learn from that. You will become more confident as you learn. Docking a long keel is a bit of an art but it is very doable once you learn to do it. In many ways I prefer it. Learn how to use prop walk to your advantage. Yes 45 ft is big to handle. Keep it simple. Learn how to reef on a moments notice. Don't carry too much sail area. Leave the spinnaker in storage.

[angelfish2]

Sea frog, as you can see most around here are afraid of one thing or another. It is completely normal. I've been sailing on and off for 50 years and docking still scares me to death! However, being afraid can be a good thing in that it keeps you "in the moment", and sharp. I think the best advice is to have someone else who has experience go out with you the first time. And there certainly is no shame in asking that person to go with you again until you are more comfortable.

Now, as far as your wife is concerned, please look around for some kind of sailing course for her. She doesn't have to train to be a captain, but does help to have some familiarity as to how a sailboat works. Heeling is probably one of the things that really scares a newbie. But after it is explained to them that "no, we won't tip over", there is a reason why we lean one way or another, they have an intellectual knowledge and it makes sense.

I think the idea of taking baby steps is really, really wise. For example, take some day sails, then go some place for a couple days. After that, stay out for a week....well, you get the message.

Please know that you DO have to take that very first step, but once you do, it really isn't so bad. Just put one foot in front of the other and you guys will do just fine.

[Sea Frog]

Pals, I can not express how much I appreciate all the valuable advice I got from this thread. It is priceless! Thank you very much for all the input and everything!!! I will be extra careful in order not to spoil things and turn my family off, but I do understand that you have just to cast off and face your fears. That's the only way. It is better to do something and be sorry than to not do it and be sorry for not trying. And I will for sure either invite an experienced friend or hire an instructor for the beginning of the trip.

Originally Posted by Kenomac

Sea Frog,

What year, make and model boat do you own?

It is a rare thing, Aloa 45 MS central cockpit ketch heavily modified, 1977 in very good shape structurally. And yes it does have a washing machine now! (seriously I can not even imagine cruising without one, we use it on a daily basis).

[Sheriffdep]

First post here. But, really wanted to post due to knowing the realization your going through. I have 20 years + of power boating experience up to 41' high HP boats. Short navigations yes, long navigations no. I can dock a sailboat, however not put up the sails at this point. Previous pilot so understand wind/navigation.

My plan is to start in 2019 spring, bounce around for a few months in the caribbean and then head west through the Panama Canal and onward to the South Pacific for 2-3 years total. Sailboat will be a 53' ketch.

Likely your main issue is your wife. You don't know or are unsure of her reactions to the various lifestyle and most specific part is she hasn't a clue about the sailboat or maybe even desire to join you in the work.

That is likely your largest hangup, along with the responsibility of her and your son's safety. If she is not on board with all of it, then you might re-think the whole plan. She will be miserable, you will with no doubt be miserable, plus you will have your marriage to think about at that time. Give up the life you dreamed for her happiness, or cut her loose and get on with your dream. This happens all the time to people, just not specifically cruising.

Best advice I read on this thread was for you to hire a trainer (FEMALE) for her only, and let them take the boat and your wife learn what she absolutely needs to know, especially if you share watches while sailing to different places. Plus, she needs to understand the functionality of the vessel for when you come up to mooring balls, anchoring, and navigating shallow areas around islands. This, will tell you much about if she will be on board. If she hates it, then no sense in making her go on trips.

1. Docking or coming alongside an object: SLOW but under control is the best. There are times where you let the tidal flow, current, wind help you negotiate the docking rather than fighting against it. Always pre-plan for what those effects will have on the vessel then motor on and dock. If your slow, and you hit anything, there will be minimal damage or no damage at all.

Watch others at a boat landing or marina. Watch how they approach the dock, and think of what you would be doing. then get out there on a quiet evening or morning and make numbers attempts yourself.


I hope the above helps, once you figure those items out, you will likely start enjoying the adventure. Its the doubt in your confidence that is clouding everything. Just think if someone tried to explain the inner workings of your boat----if they are wrong, you would likely feel very confident in correcting them, because you are confident in your work and why you chose to do one thing or another. Work on that part, but for your docking and sailing and the experience will build.

Remember---- others will feed off your confidence level, and if your not outwardly showing confidence it will make others question your ability and you don't want your wife to start worrying about safety at sea.


Sheriffdep

[Hasbeen]

Originally Posted by El Pinguino

Shiphandling 101

1/ Never approach anything at a speed greater than you would like to hit it at.

2/ A stopped ship is a drifting ship

3/ make speed your friend.

The secret of succesful shiphandling is in there...somewhere.....

I like your first point.

I ran tourist boats in the Great Barrier Reef for 10 years. I had kids who had started as deck hands progress to senior skippers with me.

With lots of jetty work they quickly gained experience. You would see them go from nervous careful boat handlers to competent & then to over confident & some times showy boat handlers.

I used to point out to them that there are only 2 types of skippers. Those who have gone for astern, only to have the thing stay in ahead, & those who are going to go for astern only to have the thing stay in ahead.

It pays to be going slow enough to be able to handle this, WHEN IT HAPPENS TO YOU.

[sailorboy1]

Originally Posted by El Pinguino

Shiphandling 101

1/ Never approach anything at a speed greater than you would like to hit it at.

Of course that isn't possible unless you are instead willing to drift into something else!!

[Kenomac]

Originally Posted by Sea Frog

Pals, I can not express how much I appreciate all the valuable advice I got from this thread. It is priceless! Thank you very much for all the input and everything!!! I will be extra careful in order not to spoil things and turn my family off, but I do understand that you have just to cast off and face your fears. That's the only way. It is better to do something and be sorry than to not do it and be sorry for not trying. And I will for sure either invite an experienced friend or hire an instructor for the beginning of the trip.


It is a rare thing, Aloa 45 MS central cockpit ketch heavily modified, 1977 in very good shape structurally. And yes it does have a washing machine now! (seriously I can not even imagine cruising without one, we use it on a daily basis).

Hey, I thought you'd enjoy seeing what my temporary washing machine looks like. Until the parts arrive, it's this fellow and a five gallon plastic bucket. But it sure beats hunting down a laundromat.

It's really not a big deal, sometimes you'll need to improvise.

[JPA Cate]

Sea Frog, there are some threads here on CF about the use of spring lines in docking, and un-docking. You might enjoy re-reading them. It will give you some ideas to practice.

Use the CF Custom Google Search.

Ann

[SailFastTri]

I recommend this book for you and your wife. My wife approves of this recommendation and she's read it. We've been vacation cruising together for almost 20 years.
https://www.amazon.com/Its-Your-Boat.../dp/0939837692

[weavis]

One thing I have found with crew.
NEVER EVER shout a them in anger or exasperation. It might be merited but is a relationship killer.

How to prevent shouting:

• NEVER go in too fast and cannot stop.
• NEVER place the responsibility for the boats welfare in their hands until they are competent to assume it.
• If you make a slightly harder connect with the dock than you would like, learn to smile and say "good job"
• Fix the scratches yourself. That will teach YOU to go in with more control next time.
• Enjoy the life with your family.

[double u]

with all due respect to the docking-backing-&-maneuvring-experts: the solution to the problem imho does not lie in procedures, courses to take or equipment, it is a problem of psychology, helpful reading here:
Cruising Blues and Their Cure by Robert M Pirsig

[J Clark H356]

Get out there and sail your boat. That's the only way to learn how to use it correctly. You will figure out what you like, what you don't and what needs to be really fixed. If you don't get comfortable in this boat, sell it. You'll have found out what you really need and your next level can be the way you want it, Too many people buy the boat before they know what they need or want, then let the boat dictate their experience. Don't let that ruin your dream. Learn from this, then move to the next level.

[barnakiel]

Originally Posted by double u

with all due respect to the docking-backing-&-maneuvring-experts: the solution to the problem imho does not lie in procedures, courses to take or equipment, it is a problem of psychology, helpful reading here:
Cruising Blues and Their Cure by Robert M Pirsig

+1! bump

READ IT, people.

"...the desire to "get back to reality"..."

I call it the desire to get back to regularity. Everything is real, but people are mostly interested in repeating easy and repetitive routines. Land people, cruising people, sailing people, all of us.

Seeing this is liberating to some, frightening to others.

Choices, choices ....

Cheers,
b.

[Xdeth]

Everyone will have stories of the times they wish they could get a do over docking. Even in small sailboats the keels and windage up top cause issues powerboaters will not grasp, "why is this guy drifting?". A powerboat recently got really close behind me waiting for fuel and before I pulled out I told him, hey I'm not very good at this", he said he wasn't either and as our crews held each other inches off as I slid by I realized this probably never going to get any easier. On the way in another sailor was pulling out I gave him three boat lengths room and as they passed they thanked me for that, we get it