Reluctant Wife

[Azul]

Originally Posted by justwaiting

Getting ANYBODY to do something they obviously don't want to do is going to be difficult, and once they have dug in the heels harder again. Its easier to lead than push, its easier to discuss than argue about an outcome and its easier to get commitment to a plan when the others involved have been part of developing the plan - thats human nature not a male/female thing.

What would you say to someone that might suggest thinking men and women think and communicate in the same way is irrational, as is headbanging about what has now become a hypothetical situation with no correct answer? Typical example: woman comes home from a hard day at work in a job she usually loves where today she had an argument with her boss. Often she just wants her mate to listen to her, empathasize, feel her pain somewhat. Man goes into problem solving mode, takes over conversation and starts offering unwanted advice. Woman clamps up, thinks man is a terrible listener and puts him on panty restriction for a few days. Happens all the time and guy has no idea what happened or why. Of course, I probably haven't convinced you to stop headbanging as Shakespeare said "a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still."

It can be surmised in many ways that the OP is challenged from a communication standpoint and that the wife has dug in her heels. We all pretty much know how this is going to turn out in the end, so we are just having a lively discussion to pass the time and exploring ways that won't work to convince her to go sailing. Hopefully the poor OP hasn't had to sign up on Sailnet with a different avatar to avoid identification if he accidentally leaves his computer screen up.

We have a saying in North Carolina that sums this up. "It's like trying to teach a pig to sing, you waste your time and annoy the pig."

[Sailor g]

Originally Posted by vtcapo

I am convinced after reading through these posts that there is little hope in my situation. At every opportunity she mentions we have to sell THAT boat. Her past experiences we me and boats negates all possible compromise. It appears that my future concerning boating with my SO is bleak.

You wonder why there are not many female point of views, it’s because it’s a MANS world and for all intents and purposes a boat is a floating man cave. Those of you who have found a SO that can acclimate to “the life” have a rare find. Congrates! You have beaten the odds because just as men are hard wired for exploration and adventure women are hard wired to want babies and live in a SECURE NEST, even if they are well beyond child bearing age.
RT

Gosh, it always surprises me that a woman doesn't want to be in a small space with some of the posters. I'm sure you are just frustrated because you can't do what you want but being rude doesn't help anything.

I had only been on a sailboat a couple of time when we decided to buy a boat. But...
1. My husband said If I didn't like it we will sell the boat & move back. Making me feel no pressure.
2. He was a sailor & I trusted him & his abilities. Probably the most important to help the partner feel safe.
3. We went out daily so I could learn & become comfortable.

We bought it, set off for Mexico & 5 years later I still love it. Just saying, maybe it's not the boat.

[Kiwikat]

Originally Posted by Charlie

Interesting how few women's perspectives we are getting here.

I was hoping for maybe a little more input from the OP by now. There are a lot of assumptions here........

[vtcapo]

Originally Posted by Sailor g

Gosh, it always surprises me that a woman doesn't want to be in a small space with some of the posters. I'm sure you are just frustrated because you can't do what you want but being rude doesn't help anything.

I had only been on a sailboat a couple of time when we decided to buy a boat. But...
1. My husband said If I didn't like it we will sell the boat & move back. Making me feel no pressure.
2. He was a sailor & I trusted him & his abilities. Probably the most important to help the partner feel safe.
3. We went out daily so I could learn & become comfortable.

We bought it, set off for Mexico & 5 years later I still love it. Just saying, maybe it's not the boat.

Rude?

Our 34 years of marriage hasn't been a honeymoon. Matter of fact we never had one. But she IS a keeper (so must I or she would have left me a long time ago).

But my situation is not that I want her to drop everything and sail around the world. That ship sailed a long time ago. I just want to keep the boat and do local sailing and maybe a vacation to the Islands. She doesn't have to sail with me. She can come aboard after a days sail and enjoy a cocktail for two. If I head out to the Islands she can fly and meet me there.

"...maybe it's not the boat." No, IT IS the boat and what it represents. She views it as an indulgence. Like I said before, an expensive floating man cave.

As to why we haven't heard from the OP...... He is probably taking a deep breath after reading through these posts and saying, geeez, and I thought I had it bad...

RT

[Twotimer]

wow.....just wow.......well...it goes a little sumthin' like this.........

Very tough situation...so I am the early side of 50 and bored as hell.....one of the things I have wanted to do all my life go back to school.......well karma came and voila....First thing I heard was....I am not going to compromise.......(why is it that men seem to be the ones that have to compromise to make things "work") Please be4 you flame me don't tell me about how you suffer in silence for the collective men's being. The dude worked for 30 years in probably a job that had there been a better option he would have taken it. I know few men that are so in "love" with their house that they cannot wait to work year round taking care of another project....but hey.....not many folks want to be alone so........If one or the other has fears lets talk.....but no ...the training most people seem to exhibit is the passive aggressive one......so that is pretty much out.......in other wordds her needs are greater than yours......THAT is what she is telling you. And god forbid she takes the initiative and looks into a way to make it work...eg...the good suggestions that some people have shouted out. That actually might make a difference.....no it has to be the guy to do all the inducing.
Being the healthy individual I am, I will not feed your pathology. If you have needs that are unspoken but yet you act against the collective good...you are out of there. I will live in a tent in a muddy field before I feed your illness.

That said...went to school....still in school...she took up with a dude a few months after....and stole a lot of stuff.....hmm.....my bad...not! I do not wish her bad, I do not have the energy or desire to...mad yes but that is life....
School is a blast!!! Would do it again......When the chips are down that is NOT the time to find out your partner is less than you deserve. A bigger crime to oneself is to not be who you are......even if it means going it alone.......There are plenty of social situations to help with the "aloneless" factor....Just seek them out.

She knew the score...she fed you a line just to keep you on her plan......that is a major trust issue my friend....good luck in your choices but always go for the one that brings you the most happiness. Guilt you can get by the pound at any place.

All women are not like the above nor as the op stated. There are some awesome ladies out there and they have so much to share if and if one is open to it.......Everyday when I meet a women like that I think how lucky their spouse/partner is. Learn to accept who you are...warts and all and who they are with all their stuff........no judging...just mutual support and wow.......watch how the garden grows.......give more than you receive.....oh lord the resentment and anger and frustrations is gonna kill you.

Whatever you choose...best of luck..........

[David_Old_Jersey]

I wonder if OP has considered simply telling her .

Just sayin'

[Therapy]

Originally Posted by David_Old_Jersey

I wonder if OP has considered simply telling her .

Just sayin'

Tell her what?

[micah719]

Lol....DOJ has my vote.

H: "Dear, we are moving aboard the boat."

W: "But...."

H: "Pack."

[David_Old_Jersey]

Or simply make her take the Dog / woman / car trunk test

[micah719]

Where does the dog come into it?

[Ex-Calif]

You lock a dog and a woman in a car trunk (boot) for you Brits.

Come back in a few hours and see which one is happy to see you...

That's the keeper.

[Sailor g]

Originally Posted by vtcapo

Rude?

Our 34 years of marriage hasn't been a honeymoon. Matter of fact we never had one. But she IS a keeper (so must I or she would have left me a long time ago).

But my situation is not that I want her to drop everything and sail around the world. That ship sailed a long time ago. I just want to keep the boat and do local sailing and maybe a vacation to the Islands. She doesn't have to sail with me. She can come aboard after a days sail and enjoy a cocktail for two. If I head out to the Islands she can fly and meet me there.

"...maybe it's not the boat." No, IT IS the boat and what it represents. She views it as an indulgence. Like I said before, an expensive floating man cave.

As to why we haven't heard from the OP...... He is probably taking a deep breath after reading through these posts and saying, geeez, and I thought I had it bad...

RT

Was talking specifically about comment" she's got a genetic disorder-being a female" you had on your post but it looks like its been removed. Some of us females love sailing. Boats are indulgences but I think we deserve it after working so hard. Mine is no man cave- its set up to live comfortably
Including comforts for both of us.

I'm sure the OP is someone who likes getting others stirred up then sits back, laughs & watches. Haven't heard much from him.

[justwaiting]

Originally Posted by David_Old_Jersey

I wonder if OP has considered simply telling her .

Just sayin'

Reading the OP i got the impression that is what basical happened and in return got told himself, sounds like a reasonable responce to me.

[JerseyMermaid]

Originally Posted by micah719

Lol....DOJ has my vote.

H: "Dear, we are moving aboard the boat."

W: "But...."

H: "Pack."

I LOVE this...but more b/c in my case, it will be with the "H" and the "W" reversed. LMAO.

I've been "not issued in the sea bag" for a long time now. This time, it's my turn to spin the tables.

[DumnMad]

This sometimes works:"God I give up! If sailing is for me then you have to turn her around."