Real Cruiser's Quiz: How do you stack up?

[Cadence]

Originally Posted by seaskip

No one cares mate! Catch up will you. And I think Groucho had something to say about clubs that I heartily agree with😎
And I'll add one
31? I can't possibly go on to the next spot up the coast cause there's no ice. 😀

My Mom and Pop belonged to a place that had the sense to call itself a Boat Men's Assn.. It was the PBBA. I called it the Poor Bastards Beer drinking Assn..

The nice thing about it was no one was pretentious. It was come as you are.

[artisthos]

I think I found this on this site and found it so funny I stored it.

Preparation for Solo Sailing

Sleep on the shelf in your closet.

Replace the closet door with a curtain.

Six hours after you go to sleep, have your wife/girlfriend open the curtain, shine a million candlepower flashlight in your eyes, activate an air horn, and yell "Roger Blough to the sailboat approaching Grays Reef!"

Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your bathtub, and move the showerhead down to chest level.

When you take showers (don't we all whilst racing?), shut off the water while soaping.

Every time there's a thunderstorm, so sit in a wobbly rocking chair and rock as hard as you can until you're nauseous. For the full effect wear the dog's hidden fence electric collar, and go out to the mailbox and back.

Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to high.

Leave a lawnmower running in your living room for several hours a day to simulate recharging.

Have the paperboy give you a haircut.

Store up garbage in the other side of your bathtub.

Wake up every night at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich using stale bread, if anything. Cold soup or canned ravioli are optional.

Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. When it goes off, jump out of bed, get dressed as fast as you can, run out into the yard, and adjust the tension on the clothesline.

Once a month take every major appliance completely apart and then put them back together. Do this in the dark with a flashlight clenched in your teeth, and your wife/girlfriend occasionally dropping a plate onto the floor behind you.

Use 24 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for 5 or 6 hours before drinking.

Install a fluorescent light on the bottom of your coffee table and lie under it to read books.

Raise the threshold and lower the sills on your doorways so that you either trip or hit your head every time you pass through one of them.

Lock wire the lug nuts on your car.

For your "after steak and merlot" dessert, prop up one side of the cake pan while it's baking. Then spread icing really thick on one side to level out the top. This is optional, but extra credit given for those oven-less Rearick types.

Tether yourself to a four-wheeler, jump into a swimming pool, and have your wife/girlfriend drive laps around the pool until it runs out of fuel (the four wheeler, that is). Should be done at night, in at least third gear, while wearing a strobe and blowing a whistle.

Practice acquiring the sun in your signal mirror at a busy 4-way intersection. Attempt to direct the beam down all 4 streets. Aerobic run, which is sure to follow, will generate adrenalin similar to waiting to reef until the boat has been knocked down.

Run into the kitchen and sweep all the pots and pans onto the floor after having previously covered the floor with BB's. Maneuver as fast as possible between the cupboards trying to put it all away. Must also be done at night with clenched flashlight in teeth.

For Ron "Radio" Wells, start calling your friends at six-hour intervals and let them know where you are.

Tether yourself to the hood of your car, and use your hacksaw to cut off the luggage rack, while your wife/girlfriend drives down a two track, at night, in the rain.

[seaskip]

Originally Posted by Cadence

My Mom and Pop belonged to a place that had the sense to call itself a Boat Men's Assn.. It was the PBBA. I called it the Poor Bastards Beer drinking Assn..

The nice thing about it was no one was pretentious. It was come as you are.

Sounds like a lovely place. And thanks for reminding me of some good times. There was a group of us that just seemed to meet up time and again in different anchorages. As you do. All in what you might call, very basic small cruising yachts. And the oldest of us was a guy about 65 or 70, on what we learned after many chats in the sunset, was his last cruise on his pretty venerable ply trimaran. See, he had the last stages of the big C and knew the time was coming up. And he had this saying that we loved every afternoon, gazing across the water. He'd say,"I wonder what all the poor people are doing"?
And the response that he taught us, which was almost church like in tone was, " we're all here".

[Cadence]

Originally Posted by seaskip

Sounds like a lovely place. And thanks for reminding me of some good times. There was a group of us that just seemed to meet up time and again in different anchorages. As you do. All in what you might call, very basic small cruising yachts. And the oldest of us was a guy about 65 or 70, on what we learned after many chats in the sunset, was his last cruise on his pretty venerable ply trimaran. See, he had the last stages of the big C and knew the time was coming up. And he had this saying that we loved every afternoon, gazing across the water. He'd say,"I wonder what all the poor people are doing"?
And the response that he taught us, which was almost church like in tone was, " we're all here".

Thanks back to you. I remember that being asked in jest, when I was a kid.

[bcripps]

I just wanted to address the accusation that I, in some way, support animal abuse. This was in reference to my comment that if you have a noisy dog, someone will poison it.

Well dog lovers beware. In recent times here in Luperon, two dogs have been poisoned and buried. These both were dogs brought into the country on sailboats: Jay-Jay and Stubby. Both lovely dogs. We don't know if it was the work of a cruiser or a local. The locals routinely poison the street dogs here, considering them vermin, like the rats. If that sounds harsh, maybe you best stay in Florida.

But as I said in a post earlier... read between the lines here folks. Awake up and learn something!

Bry

[Rustic Charm]

think I found this on this site and found it so funny I stored it.


That's funny.

[Rustic Charm]

Originally Posted by bcripps

I just wanted to address the accusation that I, in some way, support animal abuse. This was in reference to my comment that if you have a noisy dog, someone will poison it.

Well dog lovers beware. In recent times here in Luperon, two dogs have been poisoned and buried. These both were dogs brought into the country on sailboats: Jay-Jay and Stubby. Both lovely dogs. We don't know if it was the work of a cruiser or a local. The locals routinely poison the street dogs here, considering them vermin, like the rats. If that sounds harsh, maybe you best stay in Florida.

But as I said in a post earlier... read between the lines here folks. Awake up and learn something!

Bry

you shouldn't feed trolls. It was pretty clear what you meant.

[darylat8750]

Originally Posted by artisthos

I think I found this on this site and found it so funny I stored it.

Preparation for Solo Sailing

Sleep on the shelf in your closet.

Replace the closet door with a curtain.

Six hours after you go to sleep, have your wife/girlfriend open the curtain, shine a million candlepower flashlight in your eyes, activate an air horn, and yell "Roger Blough to the sailboat approaching Grays Reef!"

Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your bathtub, and move the showerhead down to chest level.

When you take showers (don't we all whilst racing?), shut off the water while soaping.

Every time there's a thunderstorm, so sit in a wobbly rocking chair and rock as hard as you can until you're nauseous. For the full effect wear the dog's hidden fence electric collar, and go out to the mailbox and back.

Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to high.

Leave a lawnmower running in your living room for several hours a day to simulate recharging.

Have the paperboy give you a haircut.

Store up garbage in the other side of your bathtub.

Wake up every night at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich using stale bread, if anything. Cold soup or canned ravioli are optional.

Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. When it goes off, jump out of bed, get dressed as fast as you can, run out into the yard, and adjust the tension on the clothesline.

Once a month take every major appliance completely apart and then put them back together. Do this in the dark with a flashlight clenched in your teeth, and your wife/girlfriend occasionally dropping a plate onto the floor behind you.

Use 24 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for 5 or 6 hours before drinking.

Install a fluorescent light on the bottom of your coffee table and lie under it to read books.

Raise the threshold and lower the sills on your doorways so that you either trip or hit your head every time you pass through one of them.

Lock wire the lug nuts on your car.

For your "after steak and merlot" dessert, prop up one side of the cake pan while it's baking. Then spread icing really thick on one side to level out the top. This is optional, but extra credit given for those oven-less Rearick types.

Tether yourself to a four-wheeler, jump into a swimming pool, and have your wife/girlfriend drive laps around the pool until it runs out of fuel (the four wheeler, that is). Should be done at night, in at least third gear, while wearing a strobe and blowing a whistle.

Practice acquiring the sun in your signal mirror at a busy 4-way intersection. Attempt to direct the beam down all 4 streets. Aerobic run, which is sure to follow, will generate adrenalin similar to waiting to reef until the boat has been knocked down.

Run into the kitchen and sweep all the pots and pans onto the floor after having previously covered the floor with BB's. Maneuver as fast as possible between the cupboards trying to put it all away. Must also be done at night with clenched flashlight in teeth.

For Ron "Radio" Wells, start calling your friends at six-hour intervals and let them know where you are.

Tether yourself to the hood of your car, and use your hacksaw to cut off the luggage rack, while your wife/girlfriend drives down a two track, at night, in the rain.

Now That is FUNNY!
My grand sons kept asking me why I was laughing!

[Jim Cate]

I think I found this on this site and found it so funny I stored it.

Preparation for Solo Sailing

Sleep on the shelf in your closet.

Replace the closet door with a curtain.
....

Good one! And so perceptive...

Jim

[SimonV]

Real cruisers don't give a S#&t.

Sent from my GT-N7105T using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app

[s/v Beth]

I was going to comment on this thread,
but being a real cruiser
I just went back to bed...

[Paul J. Nolan]

Originally Posted by thinwater

25. If your boat tacks through 45 degrees at anchor continuously, do something about that;

My understanding is that anchoring from the stern will solve the problem.

Paul

[Cadence]

Originally Posted by bcripps

I've had so much fun with this, I just had to share. More input wanted. Grow the list. Hate mail welcomed.

1. If you can't figure out the NOAA weather reports and rely on Chris Parker, don't leave sight of land.

2. If you buddy-boat, get a life; one of your own.

3. If you have a wheel in your dingy, you must suffer from a learning disability: turn left to go right?

4. If you have two wheels in your cockpit, you have more money than sense. And if you had sense, you would have a tiller: simple, effective, takes no room, and tiller tenders are cheap. But then you wanted to be Captain. With a capital “C” but remember, the size of your wheel is in direct proportion to the lack of size of your ____! (Four letters; first one is “D” and the last, “K”).

5. If you worry about “best before dates” on your canned goods, you are going to save a lot of money on groceries.

6. If you pronounce CAY like O-KAY, stay in the Florida Keys and no one will notice.

7. If you're a 68 year-old fat slob and you really think that the tall slim local, 20 year-old in the skimpy black dress is in love with you; that's just sad. Sober up big guy, she's younger than your daughter.

8. If you fly the Jolly Roger, you're so cool. But still an idiot.

9. If you have to run a deck generator, go back to Florida and find someone smarter than you to figure out your electrical system.

10. If you are looking for beach volley ball, George Town is in the Exumas.

11. If you have a dog aboard, they taste like chicken. If it barks all night, don't worry. Someone will poison it for you.

12. If you can't last at anchor without someone delivering water, fuel, ice, and picking up your dirty laundry and garbage, stay at the marina in Lauderdale. Please.

13. If you think a conch is a big gooey slug and not a delicious dinner, get to know a local.

14. When you see people smile when you ask, “Is there fast internet?” please realize they think you are an idiot.

15. If you talk CB on your VHF, go back to your truck.

16. If you still have the “split-level” back home, you're not cruising. You are on vacation.

17. And come on. Please try to learn a little bit of Spanish. Here's a tip: The locals don't say “Pour Favor” (or pour-four-four, as I've heard), but they will turn away and smile; and charge you double.

18. And if you're not prepared to “go native” when it comes to the daily dinner, you are going to miss a lot of the interesting places. That suits me fine. I hang out in interesting places and won't have to listen to you complain about the beef.

19. And finally, real cruisers don't refrigerate the mayonnaise. It sits on the shelf, next to the peanut butter, where it belongs.

Man! That was fun. But please; I've done my bit... someone pick up the ball, here.
Bry

Boy you got a bunch of hate mail on something I considered posted in jest. I guess some people have no sense of humor. PS I live with ten dogs +/- and no offence taken.