One Bed, Two Dreams

[AndyEss]

Originally Posted by sanibel sailor

For my relationship at least, making this suggestion would immediately torpedo the entire idea. If it works for you and yours, great, but I imagine it would be a particularly unique couple that could tolerate this arrangement.

I hear you John.

However, not discussing the possibility of taking on crew and sleeping with them is also risky to a relationship. I can and do single hand, but far prefer sailing with a companion. You may start a long voyage single, and figure out you can’t continue your dream without help.
Unless you are bi, practically removing 50% of the population of sailors who might be able to help you sail has its own problems.
Jealousy has a way of exploding if honesty isn’t part of a relationship.
I was married for 25 years, and was faithful. Now that I am divorced 15 years, I have a wide circle of friends.
I think monogamy is a very important and healthy cultural (and partially genetic) response to a strong pair bond necessary for the very long gestation and education process for children. Having a father at home (especially for male children) is incredibly important for socialization and good role modeling.
Once you are done raising kids (if you had any) life might change somewhat. Too many of my childhood (I am still close to many), stay at home friends appear to live in what are now lousy marriages. Some of their wives throw me hints and even propositions (being a sailor apparently has its charms) which I carefully ignore to have any illusion that men are the only instigators of infidelity.
To each thing there is a season.

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by Katapult Mike

Ha!!! That almost made coffee come out of my nose.

In answer to other posters, why do I need to do this? Gee, I don't know. I don't suppose I can put it any better than Sir Edmund Hillary: because it is there.

Does it need to be a quick Lap? No, definitely not. My first thought was to spend about half time on the boat, keep going in the same general direction, and eventually end up back in the same place. The idea of the quick Lap was that a finite voyage might be an easier sell to my wife. 15 months for a World Rally For Cruisers in not forever. And she might like the idea of a flotilla of boats around me doing the same thing. I will also say that I enjoy the ocean passages more than most people, or at least I did, when I did them Many Years Ago. So a quick Lap increases the ratio of days at sea as opposed to days lolling around in tropical "paradises." I know, I'm crazy [emoji3]

Also, the idea of the gradual circumnavigation was that I would keep crew on the boat. When I started thinking about the cost of doing that indefinitely, I realized that I was going to have to work very hard for some extra years or get very lucky with some investments in order to be able to finance that. Easier to finance for a limited duration of 15-24 months.

The idea of recruiting an Asian boat boy for cheap to look after the boat while I am not there is certainly interesting. I had not thought of that one.

Another possibility I have encountered in my web surfing is of doing the trip in stages, either taking the boat out of the water and leaving it on the hard while away, or in a secure berth someplace, presumably with someone looking in on it. A guy has written a book on this method, "How to Sail Around the World Part-Time": https://www.amazon.com/How-Sail-Arou...s=books&sr=1-1 Has anyone read that? Good insights?

While still brainstorming options.....

... another possibility would be to consider a 25‰ ownership share with 3 other like minded shareholders who are constrained not in ability, but by "other obligations" from going it alone

Careful vetting, strong legal contract and an agreed active itinerary where you overlap your time when re-position to accommodate long ocean passages.

3 months a year is a doable arrangement for most relationships and the 1/4 costs of a transferable share would allow for a better boat, kept active and well maintained by a paid Asian crew as suggested before

[Katapult Mike]

Originally Posted by AndyEss

I hear you John.

However, not discussing the possibility of taking on crew and sleeping with them is also risky to a relationship. I can and do single hand, but far prefer sailing with a companion. You may start a long voyage single, and figure out you can’t continue your dream without help.
Unless you are bi, practically removing 50% of the population of sailors who might be able to help you sail has its own problems.
Jealousy has a way of exploding if honesty isn’t part of a relationship.
I was married for 25 years, and was faithful. Now that I am divorced 15 years, I have a wide circle of friends.
I think monogamy is a very important and healthy cultural (and partially genetic) response to a strong pair bond necessary for the very long gestation and education process for children. Having a father at home (especially for male children) is incredibly important for socialization and good role modeling.
Once you are done raising kids (if you had any) life might change somewhat. Too many of my childhood (I am still close to many), stay at home friends appear to live in what are now lousy marriages. Some of their wives throw me hints and even propositions (being a sailor apparently has its charms) which I carefully ignore to have any illusion that men are the only instigators of infidelity.
To each thing there is a season.

AndyEss, I said I wanted to hear all viewpoints, and I do. But I can't say it any better than Sanabel Sailor: "For my relationship at least, making this suggestion would immediately torpedo the entire idea." Much worse than torpedoing the circumnavigation, it would likely torpedo my marriage. And, in case I have not made that clear enough, the marriage is a far, far higher priority. Can't really compare.

[Katapult Mike]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

While still brainstorming options.....

... another possibility would be to consider a 25‰ ownership share with 3 other like minded shareholders who are constrained not in ability, but by "other obligations" from going it alone

Careful vetting, strong legal contract and an agreed active itinerary where you overlap your time when re-position to accommodate long ocean passages.

3 months a year is a doable arrangement for most relationships and the 1/4 costs of a transferable share would allow for a better boat, kept active and well maintained by a paid Asian crew as suggested before

Pelagic, this would be a great arrangement. Even 50/50 or thirds would offer lots of advantages. So (i) I would love to hear from anyone who has made something like this work (or anyone who tried and failed to make it work); and (ii) anyone similarly minded, hit me up.

[softgoodsint]

Originally Posted by mglonnro

... Two years later, I think there would be a big risk that continuing where [the couple] left off wouldn't happen. [They] might have grown into different people that still love each other and want to be with each other. Or [they] might have grown towards different paths.

Well said, mglonnro, I wanted to say something quite similar, but you said it perfectly. That's it, people keep growing, and there are times when people must do so, and whether that is "put to sea" or pack up and go to another location, the change is part of the process. And as you put it, perhaps those individuals, their updated versions, are drawn back together, good for them, or other times that growth is apart, and is where they draw the resolve to continue down their independent courses to separate futures.

Cheers and may you have favorable wind.

[Dave_S]

Originally Posted by Katapult Mike

Pelagic, this would be a great arrangement. Even 50/50 or thirds would offer lots of advantages. So (i) I would love to hear from anyone who has made something like this work (or anyone who tried and failed to make it work); and (ii) anyone similarly minded, hit me up.

See my post #4.

I'd like 1/3rds.

I have not done it but have had conversations about it with my wife and she likes the idea, not sure how hard it would be to sell the shares. There seems to be a fair amount of interest in my boat but I'm not sure that will translate into cash ?

I don't think the details about who does what and when will be hard to work out. Where the boat goes would be part of the sale contract, when might get tricky. I don't imagine fixed rules about share time, more about the pro rata share of the running costs of the time you do spend aboard. What is wear and tear V's breakages could get messy but maybe just call everything wear and tear with the exception of collisions. Upgrades by a vote system.

Be a little selective about who you sell a share to. I don't think it is for everyone but I'm sure it would work just fine for us.

[softgoodsint]

Originally Posted by Katapult Mike

... it would likely torpedo my marriage.

Yes exactly, Mike. I have proof that that much, even less than that, is enough to sink that ship. I do, however, take exception to one thing you said ... to call it "torpedo [the] marriage" is much to gentile, too mild, for that process, I might suggest to say "Pearl Harbor my marriage" being a more accurate depiction of that hair raising (and wallet emptying) event.

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by Katapult Mike

Pelagic, this would be a great arrangement. Even 50/50 or thirds would offer lots of advantages. So (i) I would love to hear from anyone who has made something like this work (or anyone who tried and failed to make it work); and (ii) anyone similarly minded, hit me up.

A quick Google found this from someone doing it

https://youtu.be/TS3mGdZL0-Q

[Katapult Mike]

Originally Posted by softgoodsint

... to call it "torpedo [the] marriage" is much to gentile, too mild, for that process, I might suggest to say "Pearl Harbor my marriage" being a more accurate depiction of that hair raising (and wallet emptying) event.

I know nothing of these things. And I would like to keep it that way

[Waihaka]

Hi Ernie, buy a CATamaran and show YouTube videos of couples cruising with cats onboard. Sorry for being facetious - I am just thankful that my lady who is new to sailing is willing to give it ago.

[Time2Go]

Originally Posted by Katapult Mike

Pelagic, this would be a great arrangement. Even 50/50 or thirds would offer lots of advantages. So (i) I would love to hear from anyone who has made something like this work (or anyone who tried and failed to make it work); and (ii) anyone similarly minded, hit me up.

I would be up for discussing this further with you.
My wife doesn’t sail and it’s been a life long dream
to circumnavigate. Amazing how life and other interests
can cause delay. My idea is to put together a group
of 4 to do the world ARC. Each contribute 50K up front.
150 to purchase a suitable boat, 50 for refit and
maintenance Then sell it after the completion.
Operating and cruising budget is on top of the 50k
I’m not a dreamer, Have RYA Coastsl Skipper/Tidal
ICC, PADI Advanced open water and about 10,000
ocean miles
Just don’t have anyone to go with and
not enough cash to pull it off by myself
Let’s start a syndicate
Any interest??? PM me and we can start a plan
Time frame would be to leave January 2022 or later
Cheers
Neil

[jduve]

Originally Posted by Dave_S

See my post #4.

I'd like 1/3rds.

I have not done it but have had conversations about it with my wife and she likes the idea, not sure how hard it would be to sell the shares. There seems to be a fair amount of interest in my boat but I'm not sure that will translate into cash ?

I don't think the details about who does what and when will be hard to work out. Where the boat goes would be part of the sale contract, when might get tricky. I don't imagine fixed rules about share time, more about the pro rata share of the running costs of the time you do spend aboard. What is wear and tear V's breakages could get messy but maybe just call everything wear and tear with the exception of collisions. Upgrades by a vote system.

Be a little selective about who you sell a share to. I don't think it is for everyone but I'm sure it would work just fine for us.

We, did a shared catamaran on the East Coast for 5 years and all in all it worked very well. We cruised the coast from Cairns in the North to Hobart in the South, NZ, New Caledonia, Vanuatu. Only those who wanted to do the ocean or coastal passages did them. (We called them club cruises). Then members would fly in and use the boat for their allocated time. We sold the cat when it got to 9 years old. All in all I’d like to do it again. However, I would prefer fewer partners to make it easier to manage.

Cheers
Jeremy

[chrisr]

similar situation here, although not quite as extreme

she-who-must-be-obeyed is not a born to it sailor (like myself) but trys her best. we are doing it in small steps...currently living onboard our comfortable cruising cat, and doing 3 month or so trips coupled with 3 months or so stationary

then see how it develops

for her, spending time with kids / grandkids in Oz & europe is # 1, and a fairly civilised life style # 2. how we deal with # 1 is a challenge and is likely to involve leaving the boat at various ports while we travel to visit family. expensive but necessary.

# 2 we deal with by having a reasonable boat and doing the easy stuff. i can't expect her to go in for hairy chested round the horn in a 30'er stuff, or planning down southern ocean swells at crazy speeds or living like it's the 16th century

think that is called compromise, which is what makes the world go around...well that and "Yes Dear"

cheers,

[Pelagic]

I think one key aspects of choosing shareholders for syndicated ownership would be finding partners with sufficient experience and understanding of technical maintenance, to keep your operating costs in check, when cruising.

I see many dumb or lazy owners who just throw money at their boat, via marine "specialists" instead of doing their own preventative maintenance and repairs.

Cruising yacht systems on a bigger custom boat are very expensive to replace.

The inability to detect and self manage a small problem which can turn into a costly replacement exercise, is common, if the co-owners are without basic marine engineering and maintenance skills.

If as that video suggested, you are allowing 10-15% of boats replacement value as an annual maintenance budget, that tells me you don't expect to do the work yourself or that your partners dont know what they are doing.

Managing even large projects like paint recoating yourself will save you a tremendous amount and provide you with better results.

Choose partners with skills

[letsgetsailing3]

If your wife is your priority, she absolutely needs to be part of the plan, as this is a big project. She could meet you at spots along the way, or better yet join you for some less ambitions cruising.



You could certainly start smaller, and maybe have her join you or be part of some smaller trips first. Who knows, maybe she catches the bug, too.