Before I met my wife I was focused on getting my own boat, and sailing whenever and wherever I wanted. I didn't want to develop a relationship with a woman, since women seemed to be one of the reasons I never got a boat. I had no problem dating, but I wasn't interested in more than that...unless I met a woman that wanted to do what I wanted to do, and had something to bring to the table (money) besides just the desire.
Along the way to getting my boat, I met a woman that said she wanted to do what I wanted to do, and had something to bring to the table (money). I made it unquestionable known what I wanted to do (with or without a mate), but that did not deter her...she wanted to throw in with me on the dream. We got married, pooled our resources, and bought a boat we both liked. Everything was looking unbelievably good, until the first day that we sailed together. While she had been on power boats on one of the Great Lakes
(that was her boating
experience), she had never been on a sailboat on the ocean.
Our boating partnership
at times as been very frustrating and disappointing, with me at times thinking that maybe we should separate, so that I could continue on with my dream...that now didn't seem like hers anymore. I tried everything that I could think of to get her more involved. I hired a Captain
to give her some training. We took numerous US Power Squadron classes
together (which she enjoyed to my surprise). I gave her names of experienced people she could sail and learn from, both men
and women. I hunted for other people to go sailing with us, so we could have more hands aboard. I tried to think of anything that would make sailing better, but nothing seemed to really have an impact on her. My last effort was to let her pick the time and day that she would like to go sailing (in an effort to take the feeling of pressure off of her), but that didn't really work out very good either. I could see that the more we went to the boat to sail, the less she wanted to go (she wouldn't say she didn't want to go, but it wasn't hard to tell she didn't have her heart in it.)
Finally after so real soul searching talks together, I found out what her problems were. She confessed to me that she has a depth
perception problem (we got her a new prescription eye glasses that have helped), and that she feels uncomfortable when the boat heels to much...something I don't have a problem with. Before we met she fantasized about sailing on a boat to far away places, but it was just a fantasy...probably from watching to much TV. Now the fantasy is real, and it's not what she thought it was going to be, so now she is in the process of trying to love it. This whole thing has turned into a compromise for both of us. She will try to learn to love what I do, and I will not have a fully developed dream. We will try to satisfy each other as much as we can, but if we can't then we will have to go our own ways...as much as neither one of us really wants that to happen. Time will tell if we will succeed, but I know we're hoping it will.