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Old 13-05-2010, 10:46   #1
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New Strategy with Nervous Sailor

Ok, so I know this is cowardly of me, but I think I have found a way for Himself to work thru his 'on the water nerves'.

The clubs beercan races have started and he has been hooked up with a boat that needed rail meat. So every Tuesday night he is schleppin over to the club and going out on one of the most competitive boats in the line up and getting the snot scared outta him.

His comment after the first night (with eyes still somewhat wild from the ride) "You should go. YOU would love it!" He clearly didn't...

Heh. No doubt. But even better than me going and gettin my adrenal fix for the day is him going and experiencing really aggressive sailing repeatedly. Until he gets inured enough that he isn't terrified all the time, which he seems to be at this point.

Huge kudos to my man for goin on a third try this week. He is determined to get past being a fornicatin cat and this seems like JUST the way to accomplish this painlessly for me and with out putting a huge strain on us. His pain and anxiety is not optional at this point unfortunately. But at least he isn't having to go thru it with me as an audience. And he can't exactly argue with the guys he's sailin with... they wanna WIN!

Some other captain can scare him silly till he gets over it and then he and I can go sail and not be paralized by his fear. Admitedly this tactic might not work so well with most timid spouses.. but I think it may be JUST the ticket for us!!

; -}
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Old 13-05-2010, 12:03   #2
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You're a hard woman

Have you tried using beer as a training tool?

"Where are we going to today?"

"We are going to.............drink beer. lots of beer "

"when are we going to do that?"

"after sailing 100 miles into a force 10 in the freezing rain. "

"mmmmmmm..........beer "

Fellas are not as complicated as they seem
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Old 13-05-2010, 12:11   #3
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My question is; how in Neptuneís Court did you get matched up with a landlubber? Of all the swabbies seeking nautical mates................

But to get to the subject, familiarly is a good tactic if one is willing to go through the stress. That's pretty much how the Navy does it. Put'm on a ship and sends'm to sea, and 99.9% of the time it makes a better man of'm.
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Old 13-05-2010, 12:20   #4
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Originally Posted by David_Old_Jersey View Post
You're a hard woman

Have you tried using beer as a training tool?

"Where are we going to today?"

"We are going to.............drink beer. lots of beer "

"when are we going to do that?"

"after sailing 100 miles into a force 10 in the freezing rain. "

"mmmmmmm..........beer "

Fellas are not as complicated as they seem

Wait, your telling me that someone might actualy think that guys are complicated? Ever?

I find that hard to belive!
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Old 13-05-2010, 12:31   #5
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"rail meat" lol i love racers
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Old 13-05-2010, 18:27   #6
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let see... Himself wouldn't follow the beer ploy onna bet, on the other hand.. he is a scotch man.... However if he is going to be sailing he can't be buzzed, so the booze doesn't hit until we make it back ta the marina, by which time all the invented drama is over. And the booze would only help if I got him chip faced before so he'd RELAX!!

hurmmm... have ta think on that one, cause you are correct, of course, guys aren't complicated, just difficult and stubborn most of the time ; -)

And as far as Neptune's Court goes... obviously I picked him for reasons other than his sailing prowess... His skills in other areas more than make up for the dearth in this one. I am just viewing it as a bonus that he really wants to do something I love!
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Old 13-05-2010, 18:28   #7
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"rail meat" lol i love racers
what? is that politically incorrect?
an 'm notta racer per se... I just like ta go fast...

>; -}
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Old 13-05-2010, 18:41   #8
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Wellllll...........if this was a guy doing it that way to his girl then it would already be 7 pages and the OP would be pounded to jelly by now.

But since you are a girl we have to treat you different and listen with interest while sounding like the idea is a good one..........even if it is freakin' nuts.

Cause........if momma ain't happy...............................

I think a better solution would be to get a cat (that would mean a catamaran) then there would not be the need for the rail or the meat. You can then have him happy and relaxed and use him for the other kind of meat.

Girls gotta eat too right?

Oh yea.
Yer a mod too so everybody has to pay attention if not stand to it!
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Old 13-05-2010, 18:55   #9
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wow Therapy... m sure glad that you included all them smiley faces in that post or it might have seemed not so nice...

A good thing to keep in mind is he really WANTS to learn to sail and I am not strong arming him into racing... he thought it up all on his ownself. I don't think he realized how freaked he would be, but like I said he keeps goin back for more...

We would love to get a cat and have discussed it and have some tiny hope that in 3 years when he will be fully retired and able to cruise we will be able to AFFORD to go up to a cat... please to keep in mind we are currently in a '67 Cal 28... and restoring her slowly, ourselves, with parts and equipment mostly gathered at swap meets. Most cats would be considerably outta the price range we hope to be in in 2 years when we would like to sell our little hole in the water and trade up. We can cross our fingers and hope for dumb luck, but that's about all...

and as fer bein a mod... well just fold that into a sharp pointy shape and... whatever... I don't ask for or get any special consideration because I am a mod. God . what a laugh. Read my postings from before I joined the secret service... sheesh, I can't tell you how often I feel like giving someone a piece of my mind and then think, oh no, TJ and Frank would not approve and James would quit sharin his popcorn, and then I erase and don't say the blunt thing that was heading out...

so pound away dude, if you think it needs to be pounded... girls like me are tougher than you think. and I am learning that mods are positively impervious...

and keep in mind ya don't HAVE ta listen... vote with yer finger and don't open a thread or read it if ya think it's lame...
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Old 13-05-2010, 19:07   #10
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Has Himself said what he is so anxious about? Is it making a mistake? Is he worried about falling overboard? Is he frightened of injury? For most racers its just fun and nothing to get so anxious about.
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Old 13-05-2010, 19:17   #11
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well to whatever extent he can identify it the issue seems to be he is afraid the boat will get out of control and maybe flip. that he will land in the water and have problems getting to safety.

Often it seems to manifest as fear of wind. what seems like a nice breeze to us seems like a gale to him. In some other post I gave a semi humerous description of a huge failed sailing day we had recently where he was sitting and saying I couldn't raise the sail cause the wind was too strong, we were to inexperienced, the boat was too old... and I was lookin over his shoulder at another boat raising... the spinnaker...

So not just one thing, but a collection of anxieties that just have not gone away with any reliability... They seem to be under control and then surface at the strangest times...

Learning to be comfortable on someone else's boat seems like a way to get him pass the fear of the unknown and lack of experience because I am not having much luck helping him build his confidence sailing our boat.
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Old 13-05-2010, 19:23   #12
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wow Therapy... m sure glad that you included all them smiley faces in that post or it might have seemed not so nice...

A good thing to keep in mind is he really WANTS to learn to sail and I am not strong arming him into racing... he thought it up all on his ownself. I don't think he realized how freaked he would be, but like I said he keeps goin back for more...

We would love to get a cat and have discussed it and have some tiny hope that in 3 years when he will be fully retired and able to cruise we will be able to AFFORD to go up to a cat... please to keep in mind we are currently in a '67 Cal 28... and restoring her slowly, ourselves, with parts and equipment mostly gathered at swap meets. Most cats would be considerably outta the price range we hope to be in in 2 years when we would like to sell our little hole in the water and trade up. We can cross our fingers and hope for dumb luck, but that's about all...

and as fer bein a mod... well just fold that into a sharp pointy shape and... whatever... I don't ask for or get any special consideration because I am a mod. God . what a laugh. Read my postings from before I joined the secret service... sheesh, I can't tell you how often I feel like giving someone a piece of my mind and then think, oh no, TJ and Frank would not approve and James would quit sharin his popcorn, and then I erase and don't say the blunt thing that was heading out...

so pound away dude, if you think it needs to be pounded... girls like me are tougher than you think. and I am learning that mods are positively impervious...

and keep in mind ya don't HAVE ta listen... vote with yer finger and don't open a thread or read it if ya think it's lame...
If I did not know that I never would have posted all that stuff in good humor.
There is one small bit of truth in the first part though..........
If he (and it has been mentioned many times) uses racing to learn then he will learn a lot and learn it fast.
He might sail a circle around you........well........... probably not..........I mean if you fell over of course he would........to get you back and all....you know.
I guess I am feeling a bit "teasy" tonight...........I'll go pick on the wife and see what comes of it.
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Old 13-05-2010, 19:29   #13
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Has he taken sailing lessons? If not then lessons may be a good way for him to learn more about sailing and to start feeling comfortable in heeling situations. Many women need to take lessons away from their spouses in order to develop the confidence they need. Could be the same way with a man being introduced to sailing by their woman.

I love wind but my last ex didn't like it at all. She even disliked my wind chimes and said right up front, as soon as she found out I loved sailing, that she wasn't interested in getting on a boat.

Different strokes for different folks.
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Old 13-05-2010, 19:32   #14
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There is one small bit of truth in the first part though..........
If he (and it has been mentioned many times) uses racing to learn then he will learn a lot and learn it fast.
He might sail a circle around you...
aw man, from your mouth ta god's ear...

and yeah go pester yer wife!
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Old 13-05-2010, 19:32   #15
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Sara, you're already 90% there with Himself.

Treating anxiety problems is one of the (theoretically) easiest things to do. The trick is having the exposure to the anxiety provoking circumstance without having the feared result. The brain then comes to learn that the previously learned association (Circumstance leads to feared outcome) is invalid. By doing so, the brain starts to de-couple the neural pathways that have built associating the circumstance with the fear.

(By the way, this all happens in the non-verbal, "unconscious" parts of our brain. That's why talking about it rarely does any good.)

The problem often encountered is that people don't want to be exposed to the feared circumstance. (e.g.; "What, there is no way I'm going to touch that spider and I'm sure not gonna let it crawl up my arm!") So, congratulations, you've already got him, willingly, exposing himself to it.

Now, for the second part. It is most helpful to build new associations between the feared circumstance with something that is relaxing and pleasurable.

I figure you have a far better notion of what that might be for Himself than any of us, and it might have something to do with one or more of those "other reasons" for picking him. Just a guess, there.

Repeated exposing him to the new relaxing and pleasurable associations is highly recommended, though, as it will solidify and build the new neural pathways being built.

Also, there's very little physiological difference between "excitement" and "anxiety". That difference is: When we're anxious, we tend not to breathe. When we're excited, we do. So, when anxious, remember to breathe.

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