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Old 25-06-2013, 19:41   #1
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Laughs: You know Someones not a Sailor when...

This is not a joke, it's a true story but it is so funny it may as well be a joke.

So I walk into a bar and sit down at the bar and order a drink. Not long after this young guy comes into the bar and asks for a beer. He does not like the taste of the beer after a few gulps and asks for a different beer. This repeats a few times until the barmaid gets annoyed and he settles for the last one he got. He is yapping about hoppy taste and lack of clarity and all these terms about beer that I've never heard a beer connosuir talk about. The place is reputable and selling quite mainstream brands of microbrewed beer so its a memorable thing.

The barmaid walks away to avoid having him ask for yet another type of beer and he strikes of a conversation with us and the waitress.

Now it's important to remember that we are at least 15nm inland near a river on which there is very little moorage and it's illegal to sail due to commercial traffic.

He says that he "just left" his sailboat anchored in a well known English Bay because he had some problems.

Apparently he dropped the entire keel in the water somewhere and it's sitting on the bottom so he needs a new keel.

I asked him what the heck he was doing leaving his boat in the water. He said that its fine he was just going to leave it there and buy a new keel. Sort of like they keep these things on a shelf somewhere in stacks sorted by boat make and model.

I asked him if the standing rigging was still there. He said oh yeah, everything is up and he sailed the boat back after dropping the keel.

I asked him how he lost his keel. He said he hit a rock at 30 knots, the thing just broke off. I asked him if he was motoring or sailing at that speed and he said he was motorsailing.

Now we were about two hours from where he said his boat was anchored, not including getting to the boat on the water. Why he would stop in this particular bar as a first stop to have a few stiff drinks after suffering such a catastrophe he never truly explained.

In reality, he was trying to impress the waitress. He didnt know that he was sitting next to a guy who owns a sailboat.

I asked him what kind of boat it was. He said that it was a 34 foot San Juan. I suggested that he might want to go back to find his boat on the bottom, and if it was still floating to find someone to take it of his hands for free because it was now pretty well worthless. He said that it was no big deal (hahaha) he just needed a new keel and he'd be off to the races.

I asked him how much he figured the new keel would run him and he said about five hundred bucks. I almost spit out my drink in laughter.

I told him, you know that boat is worthless now and its probably sinking (I was playing along because he obviously had no boat and the waitress and barmaid were silently grinning, trying to keep from bursting out in fits of laughter at this point) because you cant sail it. He assured me that he could still sail it it was just hard to steer.

I said well it shouldnt be hard to steer my man, the problem is that if you break the keel right off the water should be jetting upwards of five feet from where the former keel bolts should be as the boat struggles to get to the bottom of the ocean. I explained that steerage was the least of his worries. A tiny wind just on bare poles would capsize the bloody thing.

He finished his beer, said not one more word to that waitress or anyone else, and quietly left.

Talk about game! Lol
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Old 25-06-2013, 19:59   #2
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Re: Laughs: You know someones not a sailor when...

Your analysis that he was just trying to impress the ladies is probably right, mc. Chances are, he heard someone (a real sailor) relate a tale of losing his rudder and all the grief that caused (maybe even gaining the sympathy of a lovely lady in the bargain) and decided to give it the old college try.

Problem was that he couldn't remember the word "rudder," so he just substituted the one word he thought it might have been. Poor lubber.

* * *

I'd say you know someone's not a sailor when they refer to the sails as sheets because they heard someone say something about sheets on a sailboat once.

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Old 25-06-2013, 20:08   #3
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You Gotta Know When to Hold Up, Know When to Fold Up, When to Walk Away, and When to…

If you hook up with a large-mouth liar, loosen the drag, give him some line, and let him run! Then a few questions that let him know I know a little bit, and watch him start to calculate/navigate a bit more carefully. I take it as a personal challenge to keep a straight face and keep asking "innocent" questions for as long as I can.

But I do like a hoppy beer.
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Old 25-06-2013, 20:13   #4
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Re: You Gotta Know When to Hold Up, Know When to Fold Up, When to Walk Away, and When

Quote:
Originally Posted by Starbuck View Post
If you hook up with a large-mouth liar, loosen the drag, give him some line, and let him run!

LOL thats what I did. That barmaid and waitress smile at me every time I go into that pub now. Makes things a bit awkward when I bring the girlfriend there though.
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Old 25-06-2013, 20:22   #5
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Re: Laughs: You know someones not a sailor when...

Quote:
Originally Posted by mr-canada View Post
This is not a joke, it's a true story but it is so funny it may as well be a joke.

So I walk into a bar and sit down at the bar and order a drink. Not long after this young guy comes into the bar and asks for a beer. He does not like the taste of the beer after a few gulps and asks for a different beer. This repeats a few times until the barmaid gets annoyed and he settles for the last one he got. He is yapping about hoppy taste and lack of clarity and all these terms about beer that I've never heard a beer connosuir talk about. The place is reputable and selling quite mainstream brands of microbrewed beer so its a memorable thing.

The barmaid walks away to avoid having him ask for yet another type of beer and he strikes of a conversation with us and the waitress.

Now it's important to remember that we are at least 15nm inland near a river on which there is very little moorage and it's illegal to sail due to commercial traffic.

He says that he "just left" his sailboat anchored in a well known English Bay because he had some problems.

Apparently he dropped the entire keel in the water somewhere and it's sitting on the bottom so he needs a new keel.

I asked him what the heck he was doing leaving his boat in the water. He said that its fine he was just going to leave it there and buy a new keel. Sort of like they keep these things on a shelf somewhere in stacks sorted by boat make and model.

I asked him if the standing rigging was still there. He said oh yeah, everything is up and he sailed the boat back after dropping the keel.

I asked him how he lost his keel. He said he hit a rock at 30 knots, the thing just broke off. I asked him if he was motoring or sailing at that speed and he said he was motorsailing.

Now we were about two hours from where he said his boat was anchored, not including getting to the boat on the water. Why he would stop in this particular bar as a first stop to have a few stiff drinks after suffering such a catastrophe he never truly explained.

In reality, he was trying to impress the waitress. He didnt know that he was sitting next to a guy who owns a sailboat.

I asked him what kind of boat it was. He said that it was a 34 foot San Juan. I suggested that he might want to go back to find his boat on the bottom, and if it was still floating to find someone to take it of his hands for free because it was now pretty well worthless. He said that it was no big deal (hahaha) he just needed a new keel and he'd be off to the races.

I asked him how much he figured the new keel would run him and he said about five hundred bucks. I almost spit out my drink in laughter.

I told him, you know that boat is worthless now and its probably sinking (I was playing along because he obviously had no boat and the waitress and barmaid were silently grinning, trying to keep from bursting out in fits of laughter at this point) because you cant sail it. He assured me that he could still sail it it was just hard to steer.

I said well it shouldnt be hard to steer my man, the problem is that if you break the keel right off the water should be jetting upwards of five feet from where the former keel bolts should be as the boat struggles to get to the bottom of the ocean. I explained that steerage was the least of his worries. A tiny wind just on bare poles would capsize the bloody thing.

He finished his beer, said not one more word to that waitress or anyone else, and quietly left.

Talk about game! Lol

I guess he knows where there's a good keel store, or maybe they sell them at Costco -- they sell everything else!
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Old 25-06-2013, 20:24   #6
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Re: You Gotta Know When to Hold Up, Know When to Fold Up, When to Walk Away, and When

Quote:
Originally Posted by Starbuck View Post
If you hook up with a large-mouth liar, loosen the drag, give him some line, and let him run! Then a few questions that let him know I know a little bit, and watch him start to calculate/navigate a bit more carefully. I take it as a personal challenge to keep a straight face and keep asking "innocent" questions for as long as I can.

But I do like a hoppy beer.

Pull up s chair and hand him a shovel -- see just how deep a hole he'll dig himself!
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Old 25-06-2013, 20:26   #7
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Re: Laughs: You know someones not a sailor when...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rakuflames View Post
I guess he knows where there's a good keel store, or maybe they sell them at Costco -- they sell everything else!
Lol. And of course San Juan sailboats are always travelling at 30 knots motorsailing near the shore bumping into rocks. People drop their keels all the time... no big deal.

Hey, what's a keel anyways? Not really an essential thing to have you can live a season without one LOLZ
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Old 25-06-2013, 20:36   #8
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Re: Laughs: You know someones not a sailor when...

Quote:
Originally Posted by mr-canada View Post
Lol. And of course San Juan sailboats are always travelling at 30 knots motorsailing near the shore bumping into rocks. People drop their keels all the time... no big deal.

Hey, what's a keel anyways? Not really an essential thing to have you can live a season without one LOLZ

I dunno ... I think losing the keel does speed a sailboat up -- or maybe thats just your life passing before your eyes, or wait, no -- it IS that fast. It's just that the movement is suddenly vertical.

I remember thinking that "sheets" meant the sails the first time I was on a sailboat. But since the boat tipped over, throwing me into the water and under the "sheet" (sail), I knew I was no expert!
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Old 25-06-2013, 20:40   #9
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Re: Laughs: You know someones not a sailor when...

Yes, 30 knots directly downwards. Maybe I was too quick to judge, maybe he hit the rock and was doing 30 knots towards the bottom

Naa, on second thought he did ascertain that his boat was safely floating at anchor despite my assertions that he would likely return to find his boat safely on the ocean floor.
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Old 26-06-2013, 01:57   #10
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Re: Laughs: You know someones not a sailor when...

Yer should have asked him if it was a blue water boat - and whether he'd had any time on small racing cats...........

Story would have been a lot more believable if he had said it was a Hunter
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Old 26-06-2013, 05:20   #11
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Re: Laughs: You know someones not a sailor when...

Maybe the guy did have a boat and did hit a rock and in his ignorance just thought that he lost his keel. Love the story tho.
30 knots! Damn I've just got to get me a San Juan.
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Old 26-06-2013, 06:05   #12
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Re: Laughs: You know someones not a sailor when...

Could be a centerboard
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Old 26-06-2013, 06:11   #13
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Re: Laughs: You know someones not a sailor when...

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Could be BS ....
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Old 26-06-2013, 06:13   #14
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Re: Laughs: You know someones not a sailor when...

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Could be a centerboard
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Good thought. If it is jammed up in the slot from the impact, it wont capsize. Naugh!!-- makes too much sense.
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Old 26-06-2013, 06:51   #15
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Yer should have asked him if it was a blue water boat - and whether he'd had any time on small racing cats...........

Story would have been a lot more believable if he had said it was a Hunter
San Juans were built to the same price point, per my understanding, so not really
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