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Old 17-03-2011, 13:39   #31
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Re: Is the cruising life a lonely life????

Absolutely not. I found it to be a most social lifestyle, far more social than I ever had time for ashore. But I sailed with my husband and after crossing oceans several times, we didn't throw the other overboard so we learned we were really good together. And that made it even easier to socialize with all the other couples out there, plenty of whom had children. Don't wonder. Just try it. You can always come home if you don't like it.
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Old 17-03-2011, 14:37   #32
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pirate Re: Is the cruising life a lonely life????

Many of us develop a friend in the boat. A pal always said "goodby boat" when he left it on a mooring. I have a never-ending list of chores to do, even underway. I'm busy. I read. As Barny discussed, some of us don't need much company. I cringe when I see a dinghy approaching, and rarely invite anyone over nor do I accept many invitations when asked. Inevitably, however, when I do, I have a good time.

At this stage in life, I wouldn't want a lady companion on the boat for more than a night, even if I found a compatible one. Maybe Lindsay Lohan or Beyonce for a week but I like things the way they are. I'm not a hermit but people always assume I am. Even hauled out, as now, I'm in my motorhome alone way in the back of a big yard behind my shop. The boat is 20' away.

I don't suffer fools well. Even reading this forum can upset me when I read crap proferred by some clueless "sailor." You know who: they already know how great it's going to be when they get "out there." They're all sailing around the world, but hadn't even heard of the Gulf of Aden until this Somlia thingy.

Or the guy in the anchorage running the genny all night. Or the megabucks boater who comes roaring over in the West Marine inflatable with the 50hp on it, asking to borrow a phillips screwdriver and a hacksaw blade. Aaaaarrrrgggghhhhh!!!!! Helpless folks really. You already know their anchor will drag, even if they have a Rocna. If he brings me a cold beer back with the tools, great, but I won't go over to his boat for one.

I'm no Pardey or Slocum or any kind of circumnavigator but there has to be some baseline of information and seamanship or I just don't want to talk to you at all. I'm dismayed daily by the folks on here who haven't done their homework.

I can do the self-pity thing, and I'm not as close to my kids as I'd like but lonely? Nope. Don't have time.

Happy St Patty's day all. I know a place where it's all you can drink for a dollar. I'll be having $2 worth. I'm Irish.
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Old 17-03-2011, 14:50   #33
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Re: Is the cruising life a lonely life????

wow some really deep words on this thread...I wasent expecting this much when I posted...Thanks for your honesty

Rgds

ps. this has inspiered an other question I feel shoud have its own thread.
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Old 17-03-2011, 15:51   #34
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Re: Is the cruising life a lonely life????

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Originally Posted by jobi View Post
wow some really deep words on this thread...I wasent expecting this much when I posted...Thanks for your honesty

Rgds

ps. this has inspiered an other question I feel shoud have its own thread.
Well go ahead and ask it. You seem to have a talent for asking the questions that get people opening up on some interesting stuff.
Maybe you should start a career as a talk show host!
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Old 17-03-2011, 17:41   #35
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Re: Is the cruising life a lonely life????

Jobi, you'll never be lonely in the sweet company of your boat
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Old 17-03-2011, 18:43   #36
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Re: Is the cruising life a lonely life????

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Well go ahead and ask it. You seem to have a talent for asking the questions that get people opening up on some interesting stuff.
Maybe you should start a career as a talk show host!
I think I am asking the questions many non sailors average landlumbers may have...my road was a long and bumpy one...it took some time to get where I am...meaning comfortable with my past and present...I am now looking farward with peace of mind but still have questions about livingaboard...its easy to dream about this, but there a fine line between dreaming and real life!

not to insult anyone, this is in no way my intent; but to most peapoles livingabords are marginals vagabonds...in fact when I started talking about my desire to live on a boat and travel, even the mother of my kids questioned my sanity...to her if I was sane id start an other buisiness and get back on the sadle (make money$$$) but this is not my wish...iv been wishing to sail for more then 25 years but never had the chance to comit...now I do and will try it with both feets on the boat.

cheers
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Old 17-03-2011, 19:21   #37
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Re: Is the cruising life a lonely life????

I don't want to insult anyone either but there's some truth to what you say Jobi - a lot of "peapoles livingabords are marginals vagabonds...". My advice is: don't burn your bridges by selling up - keep your land base because it's your ticket out and most cruisers present that ticket earlier than expected. The "marginal vagabond" life is a dream and then you wake up.
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Old 17-03-2011, 19:23   #38
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Re: Is the cruising life a lonely life????

Sailing offers moments of solitude that are awesome, and I miss them greatly when they are not in my life.

At the same time, I enjoy social interaction, and I miss it when it is not in my life.

Here is how it works for me.

Right now I am doing two things that take nearly an equal amount of time and effort each day. I am earning my Freedom Chips working as a flying doctor for the Indian Health Service in the American southwest during the day time. In the evenings and on weekends, I am working on the Positive Thinking Network, and the Positive Human Network - a virtual world that I have created with over 200 web sites. The virtual web world has its attractions, but it lacks human contact. It's missing the human element, and I can tell when I am spending too much time in the virtual world.

On weekends it's easy to spend twenty hours working on the world wide web, and by the time the weekend is over, I am ready for contact with real people. I have had enough virtual reality for the week, and I relish the time that I spend with real people helping them see better in my work as an ophthalmologist.

My web world helps me appreciate the real world.

In the same way, when I am sailing, I enjoy the solitude, and I am totally absorbed in the moment. I am not lonely, but if that was the only thing I did all the time, it would not feel right to me. And when I am surrounded by people and the white noise of civilization, it's not long before I am ready for some quiet time on board.

The "civilized world" is hard to take in large doses. It reeks with hype and too much of the time it is over the top. It does not feel right and does not feel good in large doses for extended periods of time.

Getting alone brings things back into focus and restores perspective. It's definitely not lonely. It feels good.

It's not one or the other for me. It's a blend of experience that constantly changes. Some days I am totally immersed in the human experience, and other days, I am alone, but not lonely.
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Old 20-03-2011, 23:38   #39
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Re: Is the cruising life a lonely life????

There are plenty of places to cruise where every port will be full of children. Is it more solitary? Yes, just as any solo traveling is. If you want to have someone to share it all with, maybe that is your higher priority. Somewhere along the way there's a happy middle ground that affords you the autonomy, being sociable when you want, and enjoying solitude often enough to keep the soul at peace. But only you can decide if you're going to choose to be lonely with the company of new people.

It is my wish that you be at peace with yourself, whatever your decision.
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Old 21-03-2011, 06:20   #40
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Re: Is the cruising life a lonely life????

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. . . not to insult anyone, this is in no way my intent; but to most peapoles livingabords are marginals vagabonds. . .
cheers
The general land public sees lots of permanently anchored boats with people living on them littering up their view of the water and islands. These boats never go anywhere and are really just "homeless" people who can't afford to live under a bridge/overpass. The news zeros in on this group and the perception is they are the rule when "live-aboard" is the subject.
- - "Live-aboard" and "Cruiser" and "Sailor" have many overlapping areas and many different meanings. Purely, "Live-aboard" is anybody without a land home who is living on a vessel. That includes everybody from the homeless to the crew of mega-yachts and in between.
- - "Cruiser" to me are people who use the vessel to go from one place to another to see and experience what is there. Some may be full-time live-aboards or they may be sabbatical cruisers who split their time between the vessel and life ashore.
- - "Sailor" to me is anybody more interested in enjoying the movement of a sailboat through the waters and also may overlap into the cruiser or live-aboard categories.
- - So the terms are just too broad to be understood by the general public except as they are used by the news media which normally only concentrates on the "negatives" of a subject. Trying to change the perceptions of the general public or relatives is a losing business, so you try to use other words to describe what you intend or desire to do to avoid the negative connotations associated with a term like "live-aboard." I like the term "boat-person" or "boat-people."
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Old 21-03-2011, 06:49   #41
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Re: Is the cruising life a lonely life????

For me, it all depends on how successful I am at getting people to join me. I find it the most lonely, when I expect to have crew join me, but they bail out at the last minute. Along the lines of what Anjou said, the times I feel the most lonely going solo are when I visit a populated area, but do no socializing.
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Old 21-03-2011, 07:59   #42
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Re: Is the cruising life a lonely life????

Ahoy Steeve.
Of course it is lonely if you are by yourself, like I am at the moment! But you only have yourself to please and make sure that the boat is safe!
I find it incredible peaceful and the words that come to mind are "peace of mind", I am lonely, but at peace with myself, by myself.
I choose to sail alone, I really, really love it, the self reliance!

As for children, well my youngest daughter is coming aboard for another 2 weeks cruise up the Adaman sea from Langkawi to Phuket and then the Similan islands for a heap of scuba diving. Despit being "hot all the time and hungry all the time", I can remember every single day of her visit last year, for 6 weeks in Thailand. Can't remember every day of the days spent at work?

At the end of it all...., when you are older, your life is made up of memories. Sailing will bring you a goldmine of rich memories, and regrets, but Hey!!!! it beats watching the flamin TV!!?
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Old 21-03-2011, 13:43   #43
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Re: Is the cruising life a lonely life????

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Ahoy Steeve.
Of course it is lonely if you are by yourself, like I am at the moment! But you only have yourself to please and make sure that the boat is safe!
I find it incredible peaceful and the words that come to mind are "peace of mind", I am lonely, but at peace with myself, by myself.
I choose to sail alone, I really, really love it, the self reliance!

As for children, well my youngest daughter is coming aboard for another 2 weeks cruise up the Adaman sea from Langkawi to Phuket and then the Similan islands for a heap of scuba diving. Despit being "hot all the time and hungry all the time", I can remember every single day of her visit last year, for 6 weeks in Thailand. Can't remember every day of the days spent at work?

At the end of it all...., when you are older, your life is made up of memories. Sailing will bring you a goldmine of rich memories, and regrets, but Hey!!!! it beats watching the flamin TV!!?


you may not know this but iv been working with and studying the reptiles of south east Asia for more then 25 years...been to Halamahera, java, PNG, sumatra, molucas, bali and my favorit place in the world Yapen aka (jobi)
hens the reason I optained a sailboat...my wish and disire is to spend the rest of my life islands hopping Aisia and finish my work...however as I write this I am torn with mixt emotions...first my kids show absolutly no interest in my sailboats...I fear this behavior is a defence mecanism
seconde I have no confidence in my larger sailboat, to me it feels fragil and easaly sinkable...I would not trust the island trader 41 with the lifes of my love ones...maybe as a coastal???

I love that your doter will visite you and trouly hope my kids will do the same...I feel it will enrich there lifes
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Old 21-03-2011, 15:59   #44
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Re: Is the cruising life a lonely life????

Are sailors lonely? Well maybe one has to look at what loneliness is. Shall we say an unpleasant awareness of an unmet need for interaction with others at some appropriate level of intimacy?

It is subjective so it depends on the individual and their perception of it at the time. It is not the same as being alone, nor is it the opposite of being around people. I imagine many live in apartments etc and are surrounded by people but their social needs are not met in a way that satisfies them.

Some people can sit down next to anyone and immediately begin a wide-ranging conversation which establishes links. Others like me are more reserved. Such diversions may lead to friendship but such things in a bar or party or where-ever usually do not. Because continued contact depends on opportunity, like bumping into them regularly, mutual interests or compatibility, and availability. In regular life one may have conversations with people, but not have a strong compatibility, rarely if ever see them again, and probably more importantly one has demands on one’s time, work, family, friends etc so that while one may be friendly it doesn’t mean a friendship is developed. Or if it is at the right level of closeness or intimacy,. I am thinking acquaintances versus close friends or partners.

If one has a relationship then friends or social contacts add to it.
If one does not then a friend or a social contact provides some level of social interaction whether it is at the desired level or sufficient for the time is an open question.

I think many people asking such a question are thinking of being alone. That is not necessarily being lonely. It can be pleasant time out.

I have spent a great deal of time alone through circumstances. Not what I anticipated but you get used to it. When I first faced an empty house instead of a full one I was very aware of the emptiness. Then I figured I was actually reading or watching tv, much as I might anyway, so it wasn’t so bad. Now I think having a full house and the noise level if say family visit is such a marked difference, that it is a relief to get back to the quiet. I enjoy some company of varied people but people have their own lives so if you are not having contact through work or other activities it is less likely. There is also a difference between what is okay at one level and having one’s needs met.

Normally that doesn’t bother me. Where it does hit as a single-hander is at anchor in some bay, maybe having a sundowner and cooking dinner and seeing couples doing the same things together, sharing activities, conversation and laughter while I have my book. That consciousness of what is missing is unpleasant and that is loneliness. Of course that is somewhat idealized and the couple may be bored silly with each other.

Sure sometimes there is a group and a bbq and some company of sorts. Close to the city in crowded anchorages many are seeking some quiet and are no more openly social, though maybe a bit more friendly, than they would be elsewhere - each in their own little box.

When cruising, people are probably much more open, because they are relaxed, they may desire different company for stimulation and they have obvious lines of contact and common interest, as to boats, passages, and local knowledge etc. So I would expect more openness to socializing then.
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Old 21-03-2011, 16:01   #45
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I've found boat people to be some of the greatest and while I've been alone- I've never been lonely (I travel with my husband) . Buddy boating is a fun time and sharing drinks & snacks is a great way to meet new friends. We all have stories of how sailors support each other- mine is when our generator stopped working while we were in Santa Maria Bay (near Mag Bay) waiting for the weather to settle. We were in the process of finding the problem when guys from 2 of the 3 boats came by to help (the 3rd was taking his extra OFF his generator). One group (the crew on a training trip) took it back to their huge sailboat with a workshop, made a new gasket, pressure tested it and brought it back and put it on. It still is working 2 yrs later. A working generator was awesome but making friends and seeing how much they support each other was priceless.
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