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Old 18-07-2015, 12:46   #76
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Re: How much say do women really have

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Originally Posted by weavis View Post
LOL.... First officer pilot in control is still not the captain. Jes sayin'

I guess my military background and subsequent life journey, makes it hard to accept shared command, for want of a better term. My experience shows that things go awry in a tense situation if both are making independent decisions. Ultimately, ONE person has to assume command.

For the cruising couples who alternate roles whilst on watch, that is no different to a watch keeper making decisions along a predetermined plan, and yet ultimately in an emergency, ONE person has to decide on a course of action.

If yaw'l are content with going along with the choices made in alternation, then thats fine. As for me, I prefer to be under the single direction of a plan and a single experienced decision maker who takes everything into account including the experience of his crew............ but he or she assumes responsibility.

I have never been aboard a boat with a shared captaincy. I have been on boats where EVERYONE is a licenced captain but one ships captain for that vessel. I have been sailing with couples who are well experienced and work well together, but deference is always to the one who is in charge ultimately. It does not diminish the abilities or capabilities of each other, it just is the way it is, even on the paperwork-Captain and crew.

No problem with making a woman the captain if she is highly experienced, even if I was married to her, but............ she takes the role in entirety for all the final decisions, and I will live with it. Just cant get round shared responsibility for the vessel regarding everything just because are married. Does not gel in military, civil marine or boating in general.

Or maybe it does and the rest of us are wrong. It wouldnt be the first time.


Sorry - weavis

We share our "captaincy". The one on watch is the person in command. If we have time we discuss - if we don't the watchkeeper makes the decision and we can always discuss it afterwards

This, of couurse, only applies to my wife and myself. Anyone else on watch obeys whatever orders we give - there is no discussion there.

This has always worked for us - even in very bad storms nad docking conditions
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Old 18-07-2015, 12:47   #77
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Re: How much say do women really have

Nancie and I decided by necessity that the "captain" is the person at the helm, too. We don't hesitate to debate strategies to deal with a future event, but there are times when a quick decision is the only choice and the person in position to make this choce is usually at the helm.
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Old 18-07-2015, 12:48   #78
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Re: How much say do women really have

Same here, but Jen does get a bit pissed off when she realises the admiral is checking the plotter from the iPad in his bunk..gotta remember not to zoom
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Old 18-07-2015, 12:56   #79
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Re: How much say do women really have

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Originally Posted by carstenb View Post
.......................
This, of couurse, only applies to my wife and myself. Anyone else on watch obeys whatever orders we give - there is no discussion there.
...................
Sure, I wasn't considering anyone else although I would likely pass that authority on to many that I've met on this forum. In our world of cruising we are usually just the two of us or with guests aboard that don't have a clue!
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Old 18-07-2015, 13:28   #80
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Re: How much say do women really have

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Same here, but Jen does get a bit pissed off when she realises the admiral is checking the plotter from the iPad in his bunk..gotta remember not to zoom
ROFL........
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Old 18-07-2015, 13:31   #81
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Re: How much say do women really have

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Originally Posted by Seaworthy Lass View Post
Weav, it is not shared at any one time. One person is always clearly "in command". That is why the system works when you have two skilled people on board. And it works better in my opinion than having one person responsible. When the "captain" is asleep during their off watch and decisions need to be made that can easily be handled by the other crew member, it is not optimal waking the "captain" up. Having someone half awake, unaware of circumstances, wasting time while getting dressed and trying to make a reasonable decision without personally being acquainted with the circumstances is way short of ideal. Also it results in sleep deprivation if this occurs several times during an off watch. Fatigue then ultimately leads to bad judgement.

And sailing is not war . Following military principles only often results in one of the crew going AWOL.

SWL
I agree with you that it wastes time by getting dressed...... Just get up there commando and deal with it!
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Old 18-07-2015, 14:11   #82
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Re: How much say do women really have

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Originally Posted by weavis View Post
LOL.... First officer pilot in control is still not the captain. Jes sayin'

I guess my military background and subsequent life journey, makes it hard to accept shared command, for want of a better term. My experience shows that things go awry in a tense situation if both are making independent decisions. Ultimately, ONE person has to assume command.

...
I agree. Only one Captain and only a single clear chain of command. A multi-headed beast is not a good or effective leadership scenario...especially when things get interesting.

However, when cruising as a couple you have to soften the leadership role a bit to keep the peace. Before my late wife and I took off cruising again, I was doing some professional captain work with a pro crew and also working as pro crew under another Captain. So, when we took off to go cruising I was still a bit in "pro" mode...that did not get us off to a good start.
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Old 18-07-2015, 14:23   #83
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Re: How much say do women really have

Im seeing what you are telling me is that it is a "special circumstance" being married.

This, of couurse, only applies to my wife and myself. Anyone else on watch obeys whatever orders we give - there is no discussion there.


My experience with marriage is not the same as yours perhaps. Once, my wife wanted to buy a certain house. She fell in love with it. I went through all prelims on it and got it surveyed. She visited frequently and fell more in love.

It was an OK house, There were issues with location and some structural defects.

I pointed out these things, and a few others but it fell on deaf ears. We bought the house.

Six months later, the reality of what I had informed her of came to fruition.

She turned to me and complained about the house, and I reminded her that it was her wish and I had been against it.

There was silence, and then she said "Why did you LET ME buy the house?!!"

If Im going to be blamed one way or another-I get to call the shots.

From listening to thousands of patients, my experience is not a rare one.

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Old 18-07-2015, 14:34   #84
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Re: How much say do women really have

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Originally Posted by weavis View Post
Im seeing what you are telling me is that it is a "special circumstance" being married.

This, of couurse, only applies to my wife and myself. Anyone else on watch obeys whatever orders we give - there is no discussion there.


My experience with marriage is not the same as yours perhaps. Once, my wife wanted to buy a certain house. She fell in love with it. I went through all prelims on it and got it surveyed. She visited frequently and fell more in love.

It was an OK house, There were issues with location and some structural defects.

I pointed out these things, and a few others but it fell on deaf ears. We bought the house.

Six months later, the reality of what I had informed her of came to fruition.

She turned to me and complained about the house, and I reminded her that it was her wish and I had been against it.

There was silence, and then she said "Why did you LET ME buy the house?!!"

If Im going to be blamed one way or another-I get to call the shots.

From listening to thousands of patients, my experience is not a rare one.

LOL!!
Well said.
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Old 18-07-2015, 14:55   #85
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How much say do women really have

Quote:
Originally Posted by weavis View Post
Im seeing what you are telling me is that it is a "special circumstance" being married.



This, of couurse, only applies to my wife and myself. Anyone else on watch obeys whatever orders we give - there is no discussion there.





My experience with marriage is not the same as yours perhaps. Once, my wife wanted to buy a certain house. She fell in love with it. I went through all prelims on it and got it surveyed. She visited frequently and fell more in love.



It was an OK house, There were issues with location and some structural defects.



I pointed out these things, and a few others but it fell on deaf ears. We bought the house.



Six months later, the reality of what I had informed her of came to fruition.



She turned to me and complained about the house, and I reminded her that it was her wish and I had been against it.



There was silence, and then she said "Why did you LET ME buy the house?!!"



If Im going to be blamed one way or another-I get to call the shots.



From listening to thousands of patients, my experience is not a rare one.




Doc, not the wrong approach. Just the wrong wife...or maybe the wrong husband.


S/V B'Shert
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Old 18-07-2015, 15:02   #86
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Re: How much say do women really have

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Doc, not the wrong approach. Just the wrong wife...or maybe the wrong husband.


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lol........ she is on her 5th husband.......
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Old 18-07-2015, 15:14   #87
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Re: How much say do women really have

She still looking for the right boat.


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Old 18-07-2015, 15:26   #88
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Re: How much say do women really have

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Originally Posted by Tayana42 View Post
She still looking for the right boat.


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LOL

I do laugh at the stereoptypes that are universal regarding relationships. I remind myself that each marriage has a different dynamic-but sometimes Im not so sure.....

Good luck to those who are successful in a shared captaincy- just remember its always the mans fault regardless and all will be well!
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10% of conflicts are due to different opinions. 90% by the tone of voice.
Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.
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Old 18-07-2015, 15:35   #89
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Re: How much say do women really have

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Originally Posted by weavis View Post
LOL



I do laugh at the stereoptypes that are universal regarding relationships. I remind myself that each marriage has a different dynamic-but sometimes Im not so sure.....



Good luck to those who are successful in a shared captaincy- just remember its always the mans fault regardless and all will be well!

Doc, I've been happily married for 47 years. I do think there was one time when I was right. Oh yeah, it was when I said, "I do."


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Old 18-07-2015, 15:40   #90
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Re: How much say do women really have

Ogden Nash said it best, "To keep a marriage brimming with love in the loving cup; when you're wrong admit it, when you're right shut up!"
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