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Old 10-01-2017, 17:32   #1
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Help! Trying to get the wife in the game.....

I am closing in on the big 50 this year and have dreams of retiring early and coastal cruising in the near future (live near Annapolis). Been reading up on it (I am a Hobie 16 sailer, Laser etc.) but the other half is not sold on the idea. I feel I still have a shot at success if I keep chipping away at the idea; I can sense that she is warming up just a bit.

Anyway we are taking a big boat cruise next week to the southern Caribbean so I thought a nice day sail from a private charter while hitting the islands could help. We visit the islands as follows -
1/16/2017 St. Thomas, USVI 7:00 AM 5:00 PM
1/18/2017 Barbados 8:00 AM 5:00 PM
1/19/2017 St. Lucia, WI 8:00 AM 5:00 PM
1/20/2017 St Kitts, WI 8:00 AM 5:00 PM
1/21/2017 St. Maarten, NA 7:00 AM 5:00 PM

Looking for ideas to get her on the water and excited about the future possibilities of cruising on a yet to be purchased 35-45 sailboat. Recommendations on which islands would be best to try to book a day sail or if anyone in the area wants to help me out that would be greatly appreciated like you would not believe...
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Old 10-01-2017, 17:39   #2
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Re: Help! Trying to get the wife in the game.....

Get a Cat!



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Old 10-01-2017, 17:48   #3
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Re: Help! Trying to get the wife in the game.....

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Get a Cat!



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My wife was having none of it......Until she discovered a Lagoon 450. I'm now working 4 jobs.
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Old 10-01-2017, 18:08   #4
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Re: Help! Trying to get the wife in the game.....

I think that would certainly help but a CAT may be beyond my budget to try and retire this early....
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Old 10-01-2017, 19:26   #5
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Re: Help! Trying to get the wife in the game.....

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Help! Trying to get the wife in the game.....
I thought this was going to be a very different post
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Old 10-01-2017, 19:27   #6
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Re: Help! Trying to get the wife in the game.....

For your wife to have any staying power at cruising, she will need for it to be fun. It's kind of a tricky balance, because if she's a physically oriented woman, likes outdoor sports, your chances are better. Some women never take to it.

1) Having it be fun will be a composite of a lot of factors: she will want to learn, to do the sailing parts, not just caretaking you. If you take her out and make her cold, wet, and miserable, and then don't let her do any of the fun things, the attempt will be doomed.

2) Sailing lessons aimed specifically at women work quite well for confidence building, and getting over the earliest beginning stages, some of those are taught by women. It's like taking your new boy or girlfriend skiing, for their very first time, and buying them beginner lessons. You get to go off and ski your slopes, and after lunch you ski together and try to make it fun for both.

If you treat your wife as if she were your best friend's wife, with that level of thoughtfulness and kindness, you will be well on your way.

Ann
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Old 10-01-2017, 19:33   #7
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Re: Help! Trying to get the wife in the game.....

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I thought this was going to be a very different post
I think that ship has sailed long ago.....we are past our prime my friend - LMAO...
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Old 10-01-2017, 19:36   #8
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Re: Help! Trying to get the wife in the game.....

Find boating friends and let her enjoy a bite of the lifestyle. You should know her well enough by now to tell if there is a chance.

Is there? If my lady wanted to buy a ranch in Wyoming the loss of water would break my heart but I could try it. If she wanted to live in San Francisco I'd put a bullet in my head.
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Old 10-01-2017, 19:57   #9
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Re: Help! Trying to get the wife in the game.....

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Originally Posted by Ann T. Cate View Post
For your wife to have any staying power at cruising, she will need for it to be fun. It's kind of a tricky balance, because if she's a physically oriented woman, likes outdoor sports, your chances are better. Some women never take to it.

1) Having it be fun will be a composite of a lot of factors: she will want to learn, to do the sailing parts, not just caretaking you. If you take her out and make her cold, wet, and miserable, and then don't let her do any of the fun things, the attempt will be doomed.

2) Sailing lessons aimed specifically at women work quite well for confidence building, and getting over the earliest beginning stages, some of those are taught by women. It's like taking your new boy or girlfriend skiing, for their very first time, and buying them beginner lessons. You get to go off and ski your slopes, and after lunch you ski together and try to make it fun for both.

If you treat your wife as if she were your best friend's wife, with that level of thoughtfulness and kindness, you will be well on your way.

Ann
Excellent advice. Especially the part about "her own lessons". I wish I had done this long ago because, even though my boy friend taught me to sail, I still feel like I have to check with him to be sure I am doing things right. He's not a demanding guy. No, that feeling just comes from my own personality. I'm probably a little older than your wife but many of us raised by baby boomers are sort of caught between true women's independence and old school roles of femininity. We can change a tire and balance a check book, but we might also defer to our partners even when we don't have to. Lessons will give her that independent knowledge that will really help her feel as though you two really are in it together. And it will be more fun too!

Also, I strongly suggest you mix up roles when you charter. You do what she does and she can take your jobs. At least for a while. If she is just doing the same old things, but they are harder to do (because of being on the boat) she will start to resent the whole enterprise.

And to that, I think your sailing plan is a little ambitious. You are not giving any time to just relax and be at ease. Let her relax. If she feels good she is more likely to want more. If you wear her out she will tell you to stuff it.
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Old 10-01-2017, 20:30   #10
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Re: Help! Trying to get the wife in the game.....

Watch a few videos made by this couple, share them with your wife. Similar boat to what we have cruising some of the same areas. The videos really give you a feel of what it's like.

Forget about the boat for now, unlike what the others are recommending.... it's all about lifestyle. Most important, your wife needs to buy into the lifestyle before you even bother looking at boats.

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Old 10-01-2017, 20:31   #11
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Re: Help! Trying to get the wife in the game.....

Show her the inside of a Leopard 45 or 48. That's all she'll need to see and she'll be sold!

Take her on one or two of the catamaran sail & snorkel excursions. Private charter is nice, but if you are late to the ship, they'll leave you. I'm a bit paranoid about things like that happening to me. I always book through the line even though you pay out the nose. I think of it like a nice little insurance policy.


Are you going on CCL, NCL, or RC?
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Old 10-01-2017, 20:48   #12
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Re: Help! Trying to get the wife in the game.....

Miami boat show is coming up...I agree with Eggbah....show her a Leopard or a Lagoon and I think you will have success
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Old 10-01-2017, 20:59   #13
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Re: Help! Trying to get the wife in the game.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eggbah View Post
Show her the inside of a Leopard 45 or 48. That's all she'll need to see and she'll be sold!

Take her on one or two of the catamaran sail & snorkel excursions. Private charter is nice, but if you are late to the ship, they'll leave you. I'm a bit paranoid about things like that happening to me. I always book through the line even though you pay out the nose. I think of it like a nice little insurance policy.


Are you going on CCL, NCL, or RC?
CCL we are with 11 other friends and they are signed up for a cat snorkel excursion through them on St. Thomas which is fine (though expensive) but we have done those before. I actually prefer to do none cruise ship stuff, call me an adventurer. Example wife wanted to do the falls in Jamaica last year, I hired a private van from Falmouth and drove to the Blue hole way off the beaten path, we had a blast. I love the thrill of exploring. I don't like to follow the herd.....
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Old 10-01-2017, 21:11   #14
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Re: Help! Trying to get the wife in the game.....

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CCL we are with 11 other friends and they are signed up for a cat snorkel excursion through them on St. Thomas which is fine (though expensive) but we have done those before. I actually prefer to do none cruise ship stuff, call me an adventurer. Example wife wanted to do the falls in Jamaica last year, I hired a private van from Falmouth and drove to the Blue hole way off the beaten path, we had a blast. I love the thrill of exploring. I don't like to follow the herd.....
I've only been to St Thomas from your list and we went to St. John on a beach/snorkel excursion.

After the excursion, start talking to her about how awesome it would be for the two of you to be able to just hop on your own boat and sail down and do whatever you want without the crowds, talk about bringing friends along, etc. Use the "cruise high" (that's the feeling you get when someone else makes your bed and cleans your room) to your advantage and make it about her to get what you want. She'll probably start talking more about it than you!

Trust me, being a female...I know how we work!
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Old 11-01-2017, 03:42   #15
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Re: Help! Trying to get the wife in the game.....

Greetings and welcome aboard the CF, btexpres.
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