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Old 21-10-2012, 20:47   #106
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

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Wrong time to be considering "safety"....
Yep... I recommend them too. I got that a little back-asswards.
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Old 21-10-2012, 20:49   #107
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

Minaret, Rakuflames (Survivor), Sunchaser, and Oldragbaggers ... you have all been wonderful and supportive. The irony of this is that I've never met "Sue" and she has never met me, she just hates me. Explain that if you can. My husband is a precious man and I think I am quiet nice. In this case I am the stronger of the two of us, he just hates to see me unhappy and he does not quiet no what to do, but he does not understand the seriousness of the situation. Each of you have given great support and wonderful ideas. I have decided to take more control in the situation. Recently, I have just avoided our boat. Our last trip was not good and it almost led to trouble in our marriage.

To the person who suggested I go ahead and hire someone to get the low voltage lighting done ... you are so smart. My husband is smart and a hard worker, but these projects NEVER get done. He is always busy at work and I have been waiting 18 months for this to happen. I will hire someone and if he doesn't like the way they do it, he will do it himself next time.

Every boat project is turned into a major issue. Something that should take a day, takes three weeks. But, this is another thread. I thank each of you for your support and for making me feel better about this issue.

For those of you who were so negative about this and had so many hateful and judgmental things to say .... I assume you are voting for the other candidate on 11/6/12.
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Old 21-10-2012, 21:00   #108
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

Niceboat .... this thread has made you feel worse and now, mabe a bit better. It can be a process. I have gone through a similar situation and it is difficult ... a second marriage that is. I hope you are able to work through this.

I suggest you ask your spouse to read each post and maybe it will give him more insight into your feelings. It might assist you in making a plan TOGETHER.

Good Luck!
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Old 21-10-2012, 21:04   #109
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

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I got that a little back-asswards.


Is that some sort of innuendo? LOL....
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Old 21-10-2012, 21:09   #110
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NiceBoat,

I think you are on the right track. I don't think anyone who told you to get over it was doing it to be hurtful (just harshly honest), but swapping out the lighting with cool bright new LED lights, changing the cushions and curtains, maybe even paint the boat a new color and give her a new name and you may feel better. Hiring out the changes that make you feel good will make it happen more swiftly as you said.

Best of luck,

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Old 21-10-2012, 21:23   #111
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

I should probably just stay out of this one... but....

If my new gf or wife asked me to sell my boat because my ex slept in it a few times I would think she is being way too emotionally driven to make irrational decisions that will cost money or make me unhappy since I obviously enjoy my boat, even if I do not get to go sailing on it as much as I might like.

You want to change the cushions, bedding, mattresses etc. I get it... Go for it.
But sell the boat, that seems a bit overboard.

From the sounds of things it was definitely HIS boat and not HERS. No matter what the title might have said.

I gave up a really nice boat for someone once. It is something you do not forget and at times wonder if you made the right choice or not.

I only read the first couple of pages, but it kind of seems like you are looking for people to agree with you that he should sell his boat.

Hope you find your peace with it all,
Mike
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Old 21-10-2012, 21:30   #112
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

Hi Niceboat.When you married the guy he already had this lovely boat and you still married him and now you want to change things to suit you to make you more comfortable.You should be so grateful in this day and age to be able to have these luxurys provide for you andif you are not happy I am sure there are plenty of others ladies who would love to take your place.
Instead of doing the ME ME ME thing how about you find a boat you are comfortable with and work your little but off and buy it yourself and then perhaps you will be able to feel comfortable instead of complaining.Tough love lady get over it.
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Old 21-10-2012, 21:47   #113
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

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Minaret, Rakuflames (Survivor), Sunchaser, and Oldragbaggers ... you have all been wonderful and supportive. The irony of this is that I've never met "Sue" and she has never met me, she just hates me. Explain that if you can. My husband is a precious man and I think I am quiet nice. In this case I am the stronger of the two of us, he just hates to see me unhappy and he does not quiet no what to do, but he does not understand the seriousness of the situation. Each of you have given great support and wonderful ideas. I have decided to take more control in the situation. Recently, I have just avoided our boat. Our last trip was not good and it almost led to trouble in our marriage.

To the person who suggested I go ahead and hire someone to get the low voltage lighting done ... you are so smart. My husband is smart and a hard worker, but these projects NEVER get done. He is always busy at work and I have been waiting 18 months for this to happen. I will hire someone and if he doesn't like the way they do it, he will do it himself next time.

Every boat project is turned into a major issue. Something that should take a day, takes three weeks. But, this is another thread. I thank each of you for your support and for making me feel better about this issue.

For those of you who were so negative about this and had so many hateful and judgmental things to say .... I assume you are voting for the other candidate on 11/6/12.
You sound like a very difficult person to get along with. The words above I changed to red are red flags to me. IMHO -- You really should get some professional counseling if you want to save your marriage.

You think it's all about pleasing you. What about pleasing him? Maybe those projects take so long because he doesn't want them done. You sound very self-centered and "entitled". This whole "problem" isn't a problem at all. It's in your mind and you need help.
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Old 21-10-2012, 21:56   #114
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

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You sound like a very difficult person to get along with. The words above I changed to red are red flags to me. IMHO -- You really should get some professional counseling if you want to save your marriage.

You think it's all about pleasing you. What about pleasing him? Maybe those projects take so long because he doesn't want them done. You sound very self-centered and "entitled". This whole "problem" isn't a problem at all. It's in your mind and you need help.
EXACTLY Taken from a man's point of view of course, but I don't think NiceBoat really wants to hear from others that don't agree with her.
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Old 21-10-2012, 22:17   #115
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

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EXACTLY Taken from a man's point of view of course, but I don't think NiceBoat really wants to hear from others that don't agree with her.
Her husband has a man's point of view too.

My opinion doesn't matter in this situation but his does. She should be having this discussion with him (not us) and listen to what HE wants, and be ready to compromise.

I can imagine him saying "Yes dear" aloud; while he's really thinking "I'm still paying for the last divorce, I don't want another so I'll placate this woman." But NiceBoat needs to realize all these vibes she's getting from Sue's residue on the boat are really a reflection of NiceBoat's own emotions. If she didn't have those thoughts they wouldn't exist, and she's giving life to the "problems".
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Old 21-10-2012, 22:27   #116
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by NiceBoat
Minaret, Rakuflames (Survivor), Sunchaser, and Oldragbaggers ... you have all been wonderful and supportive. The irony of this is that I've never met "Sue" and she has never met me, she just hates me. Explain that if you can. My husband is a precious man and I think I am quiet nice. In this case I am the stronger of the two of us, he just hates to see me unhappy and he does not quiet no what to do, but he does not understand the seriousness of the situation. Each of you have given great support and wonderful ideas. I have decided to take more control in the situation.


This just indicates to me that she has in the past allowed him to keep the boat to himself, and now is considering that if she really wants to make it her own she needs to have some degree of control over it instead of just him. Seems perfectly logical to me.


Recently, I have just avoided our boat. Our last trip was not good and it almost led to trouble in our marriage.

This is hardly surprising given the situation, and is probably one of her major concerns. She doesn't want to repeat this incident. Anyone who's NEVER gotten into a major fight with their spouse on their boat hasn't done much sailing.


To the person who suggested I go ahead and hire someone to get the low voltage lighting done ... you are so smart. My husband is smart and a hard worker, but these projects NEVER get done. He is always busy at work and I have been waiting 18 months for this to happen. I will hire someone and if he doesn't like the way they do it, he will do it himself next time.

Standard procedure for many beleagured boat owners who work. Hiring someone will display a level of involvement and claim a little of her own "space".


Every boat project is turned into a major issue. Something that should take a day, takes three weeks.

Pretty sure she's just commenting on the normal nature of boat work, not accusing her husband of being a slacker.


But, this is another thread. I thank each of you for your support and for making me feel better about this issue.

For those of you who were so negative about this and had so many hateful and judgmental things to say .... I assume you are voting for the other candidate on 11/6/12.



SailFastTri-

"You sound like a very difficult person to get along with. The words above I changed to red are red flags to me. IMHO -- You really should get some professional counseling if you want to save your marriage.

You think it's all about pleasing you. What about pleasing him? Maybe those projects take so long because he doesn't want them done. You sound very self-centered and "entitled". This whole "problem" isn't a problem at all. It's in your mind and you need help."


You sound like a much more difficult person to get along with. I think she's been quite rational and reasonable. Her whole problem here is that she hasn't been self-centered enough, something it's easy to do in a serious relationship. She has needs too, and while his are being met hers aren't.
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Old 21-10-2012, 22:32   #117
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

Very good Minaret. You have effectively countered. The fact remains that her relationship needs some help and she should find a qualified relationship counselor. This isn't the best place for relationship advice, even if it involves a boat.

JMHO
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Old 21-10-2012, 22:37   #118
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

They say a man thinks with his d%#k but a woman thinks with her emotions.
Advising someone to "get over it" isn't helpful and neither are subtle and some not so subtle borderline misogynistic comments.
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Old 21-10-2012, 22:37   #119
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

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Very good Minaret. You have effectively countered. The fact remains that her relationship needs some help and she should find a qualified relationship counselor. This isn't the best place for relationship advice, even if it involves a boat.

JMHO
That I can agree with. But she did seem to get SOME good out of this, mostly from speaking with other women who are in vaguely similar situations, of course. And it shouldn't have cost her anything, though in this case it may have cost her some displeasure at being railed at by a bunch of doods. Still a lot cheaper than therapy.
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Old 21-10-2012, 22:42   #120
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

Some people like teak, some don't. Some like acres of white plastic...... not me.

Style & taste, ambiance, seem to me to be a big part of NiceBoat's situation. But Minaret nailed some solutions. I would never paint teak, even in a way that could be retrieved. I do like it, and have a lot of it. But, I have a white headliner and light color carpets, and need it. You can have too much of something.

The ambiance can be changed a bit - don't go on the boat unless some great friends come along too. You will enjoy yourself so much you wont notice where you are. People are always more important than stuff. But make sure you do get onto the boat a bit, even if it is only that way.

When its just the two of you on board, work on the specs for the dream boat you both like. The one that you are heading off into the sunset on one day. We already know it wont have much teak on it, but what else makes for a happy space? Become engrossed with him and the future, not where you are for the interim.
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