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Old 21-10-2012, 14:11   #31
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

Ah, So its his hobby then with a bit of a dream too, I'm guessing. Some guys have boats, some tractors, Some motorcycles or an RV. Pretty much every guy wants at least one or all of them... Its a Guy thing.

He had the boat before you came alone. Its his happy place I'm betting. I don't really see him selling the boat either. He's already shown that he's chosen the boat over the first wife....
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Old 21-10-2012, 14:12   #32
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

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Don .... do you sleep in the bed of your wife's former lover/husband? Just wondering
No, but I still sleep with my wife who slept with someone else in her past! So what is your point? Is it that the "stuff" is more important than the "person"?

You asked the question, sorry if you don't like the answer.
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Old 21-10-2012, 14:13   #33
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

ok. change the colors of interior and exterior.
burn white sage inside.
sukk it up.
is hard to find a boat you like--is easier to find a good mate than a decent boat-
-the white sage should help you overcome your evil spirits..lol...so will slipcovers. and new spare boom covers....keep old ones--they prolly have many years left in em.....
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Old 21-10-2012, 14:16   #34
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

Interesting point. We dream, we talk, we don't plan.
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Old 21-10-2012, 14:22   #35
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

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No, but I still sleep with my wife who slept with someone else in her past! So what is your point? Is it that the "stuff" is more important than the "person"?

You asked the question, sorry if you don't like the answer.

No, but as you so often do ... you have some nasty comment to make. My point is the same as yours. The relationship is the important part, but you might have to discard some of the stuff, becasue the "stuff" is the baggage. It is the baggage that can bring the heavy spirit. I love my husband very much and would never discard him, I would gladly (as I have made clear from the beginning) discard the boat!

So, if you don't have something nice to say .....
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Old 21-10-2012, 14:23   #36
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

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ok. change the colors of interior and exterior.
burn white sage inside.
sukk it up.
is hard to find a boat you like--is easier to find a good mate than a decent boat-
-the white sage should help you overcome your evil spirits..lol...so will slipcovers. and new spare boom covers....keep old ones--they prolly have many years left in em.....

Zee ... you are always a hoot!
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Old 21-10-2012, 14:35   #37
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

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No, but as you so often do ... you have some nasty comment to make. My point is the same as yours. The relationship is the important part, but you might have to discard some of the stuff, becasue the "stuff" is the baggage. It is the baggage that can bring the heavy spirit. I love my husband very much and would never discard him, I would gladly (as I have made clear from the beginning) discard the boat!

So, if you don't have something nice to say .....
I am sorry, but you asked the question. You asked for serious answers and I gave you mine. You should have told everyone the answer you wanted if you just wanted agreement.

Telling someone they have to get rid of something just because they had it "back then" is just petty and a power play where you want to press a "me or it" issue. I don't see how you can agrue otherwise!

When does this stop, friends, clothes, cars, etc.

PS - I don't really know why you even posted this in a boating forum, it doesn't have anything to do with boating other than having a boat as part of the story. Doesn't Dr. Phil or someone have a web site?

PSS - You have been a member for like 2 weeks, how much of an expert are you on my posts to call me nasty?
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Old 21-10-2012, 14:48   #38
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

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Originally Posted by Don Lucas View Post
I am sorry, but you asked the question. You asked for serious answers and I gave you mine. You should have told everyone the answer you wanted if you just wanted agreement.

She kinda did, you just didn't notice.

Telling someone they have to get rid of something just because they had it "back then" is just petty and a power play where you want to press a "me or it" issue. I don't see how you can agrue otherwise!

The voice of a man who knows little about women. Emotions you or I may never understand come in to play here. It may not make sense to you, but it does make sense to her and that's all that matters. Sometimes being a good husband means dealing with stuff you don't understand, and while it can be frustrating it's the right thing to do. "Happy wife, happy life".

When does this stop, friends, clothes, cars, etc.


Wherever she decides it does.

PS - I don't really know why you even posted this in a boating forum, it doesn't have anything to do with boating other than having a boat as part of the story. Doesn't Dr. Phil or someone have a web site?

In my experience this sort of thing is shockingly common in the boating world. It is a serious issue worth discussing here.

PSS - You have been a member for like 2 weeks, how much of an expert are you on my posts to call me nasty?
Please remember the forum's readership is vastly larger than it's membership. Every post you make here is read by many more lurkers and passers through than members. The ones who make the leap from lurker to active member should be encouraged...
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Old 21-10-2012, 14:49   #39
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Don Lucas View Post
I am sorry, but you asked the question. You asked for serious answers and I gave you mine. You should have told everyone the answer you wanted if you just wanted agreement.

Telling someone they have to get rid of something just because they had it "back then" is just petty and a power play where you want to press a "me or it" issue. I don't see how you can agrue otherwise!

When does this stop, friends, clothes, cars, etc.

PS - I don't really know why you even posted this in a boating forum, it doesn't have anything to do with boating other than having a boat as part of the story. Doesn't Dr. Phil or someone have a web site?

PSS - You have been a member for like 2 weeks, how much of an expert are you on my posts to call me nasty?

I am familiar with your posts because I have been a member under another screen name for several years. I brought this to Cruiser's Fourm, because I wanted valid advise from cruisers who understand the life of sailor's and know how attached we become to our vessels. I might add that I have received exactly what I came for. Moreover, I am not asking my husband to give up his boat. That I could do all on my own and I could make it happen, but that would be quite unfair, as it would have been emotional manipulation.
What I have learned it that this is his "happy place." Even though we work entirely too much to sail as much as we would like, he just likes to go see her from time to time and "fiddle around." We spend a great deal of money for him to have that privlidge (marina rental, electric, insurance, etc..), but if it is that important to him, then so be it. However, I just am not happy sailing on her and so be that .... it makes me sad and I cannot control that as much as I've tried. So we have to compromise. My Cruiser's Forum .... because only true sailor's "GET IT" -- that's why! One day, when we retire, we will buy our yacht and we will sail off into the sunset. In the meantime, I have learned this is the compromise and I learned that for free, here on Criuiser's Forum from people who are smart and some who are just smart asses. And .... it did not cost us $180/50 minutes. Happy Now?!
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Old 21-10-2012, 14:55   #40
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

slipcovers and a voodoo and name change should be a good help???
mebbe make boat look different?
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Old 21-10-2012, 14:56   #41
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

I would suggest that you analyze the utility of the boat. What is its purpose for you? What is the boat's purpose for your husband? It seems to me that you may have very different goals--you to sail, create new memories with your husband; your husband to cherish what he has spent years of his life on, continue a legacy by sailing the same boat. It may be that the boat is also an emotional pawn for both of you--you could be seeking proof of his devotion, and he could be seeking redemption for past mistakes and lost opportunities. Not knowing either of you, this thought is a complete guess.

Not being given the blessing to paint teak does not strike me as very persuasive. But then, I am of the philosophy that you don't paint teak.

Persuasive arguments would require that you each have identified why you want a boat, what you're going to use it for and whether this boat meets your needs. If it does not meet your needs, then your job is to persuade him to get a different boat or to create a plan to get a different boat in way and when you become able. If the boat does meet your needs, then your job is to find the importance of creating new memories and taking advantage of the boat--and the husband--you have. There is much love to be created and much joy to be shared. Dark teak will hardly detract from that. Your added joy would be knowing that you can forgive your husband and his old boat for their shortcomings. And maybe, just maybe, that environment will create an opportunity to get a new boat in the future.
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Old 21-10-2012, 14:56   #42
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

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Please remember the forum's readership is vastly larger than it's membership. Every post you make here is read by many more lurkers and passers through than members. The ones who make the leap from lurker to active member should be encouraged...

Thank you Minaret. This has been a very emotional situation for me and you are right, things like this are rampant in the boating world as often men have boats before they meet the "Ms. Right." I suspected I would find my answer here and I did. I found our compromise here and I joked about it costing less than $180/ 50 minutes. But the truth of the matter is that I found my answer. I need to let him keep his boat, because it makes him happy, but I know my feelings are valid and I just have to know that It is okay if I cannot sail off on long trips on this particular vessel with him. One day, we will find the right boat for the two of us. In the meantime, this boat makes him happy and it is not about dollars and cents. If he thinks this is the best way to spend this money for now, then so be it. His happiness is important to me.
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Old 21-10-2012, 14:56   #43
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

sounds like it is time for a boat upgrade!

No excuse/reason is needed to want a boat upgrade!
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Old 21-10-2012, 15:03   #44
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

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I would suggest that you analyze the utility of the boat. What is its purpose for you? What is the boat's purpose for your husband? It seems to me that you may have very different goals--you to sail, create new memories with your husband; your husband to cherish what he has spent years of his life on, continue a legacy by sailing the same boat. It may be that the boat is also an emotional pawn for both of you--you could be seeking proof of his devotion, and he could be seeking redemption for past mistakes and lost opportunities. Not knowing either of you, this thought is a complete guess.

Not being given the blessing to paint teak does not strike me as very persuasive. But then, I am of the philosophy that you don't paint teak.

Persuasive arguments would require that you each have identified why you want a boat, what you're going to use it for and whether this boat meets your needs. If it does not meet your needs, then your job is to persuade him to get a different boat or to create a plan to get a different boat in way and when you become able. If the boat does meet your needs, then your job is to find the importance of creating new memories and taking advantage of the boat--and the husband--you have. There is much love to be created and much joy to be shared. Dark teak will hardly detract from that. Your added joy would be knowing that you can forgive your husband and his old boat for their shortcomings. And maybe, just maybe, that environment will create an opportunity to get a new boat in the future.

Very intuitive and insightful. This issue of the teak may seem silly to some. I am quite near-sighted and I have trouble functioning in low light, so I need a brighter environment to make a "home." The darkness makes me sad and makes it difficult to function. I understand that painting the teak could detract from the value of vessel. He speaks of putting in low volatage lighting, but that doesn't happen either. I think it is just his happy place and I need to let him have it. The more I think about this and soak up the wisdom of the CF readers and posters, I think he wanted this to be ours, but he really wants me to enjoy "his" boat. Interesting.
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Old 21-10-2012, 15:05   #45
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

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sounds like it is time for a boat upgrade!

No excuse/reason is needed to want a boat upgrade!

What a nice thing to say DON!
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