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Old 21-10-2012, 13:10   #16
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

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Originally Posted by Richard5 View Post
A husband who wants his wife to "get over it" is not being very loving.

A wife who wants her husband to accomodate her every desire is not being very understanding.

In between there is matrimonial bliss.

Well Said. An I hear you. Thanks.
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Old 21-10-2012, 13:21   #17
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

true. I just heard blah blah blah..
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Old 21-10-2012, 13:24   #18
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

Trading boats is a expensive time consuming project. That said if money isn't the main issue and you want to sail together go boat shopping he may find something he would like more. All boats are a compromise unless you don't have the money to change he could find a different boat. Or maybe he LOVES THIS BOAT too much and that killed the first wife off. In that case keep this boat knowing she was never really a part of it.
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Old 21-10-2012, 13:26   #19
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"Force him" to buy a bigger boat.


Win win.
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Old 21-10-2012, 13:27   #20
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

If Sue hated the boat and being on it, whereas you enjoy sailing it, I'd suggest the problem isn't the boat it is your attitude to Sue, and doing stuff to the boat isn't going to fix the problem.

Doing something to Sue might, but that is sinful and only leads to more problems, so cutlasses at dawn on the foredeck is off the "how-to" list.

Witchcraft and superstitious ceremonies won't fix the problem either.

It would be a thing to discuss with hubby. The boat is just a thing. At this point, I have to bail out because I'd need to begin asking questions that are out of place on a a public forum, us being strangers and all. Hope it all works out for the best.
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Old 21-10-2012, 13:38   #21
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

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Witchcraft and superstitious ceremonies won't fix the problem either.
May not work for you, but it may work for her. And she's looking for something that will work for her. And are you really saying you aren't a superstitious sailor about something? Surrrrreeeee
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Old 21-10-2012, 13:42   #22
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

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It sounds like you have already made up your mind. Why ask if you know the only option that will work for you is to sell?
No, I've not made up my mind. It's just that he won't allow me to paint any of the the teak and she is dark and depressing. It lowers my spirit even more. Other suggestions I make are vetoed as well. So, when it really comes down to it .... it is his boat, not our boat.

He wants to keep the boat and does not want to consider other options: buying another boat, put a boat in charter, charter when we actually have time to sail (we boat still work full-time) In that case, don't insist I be a part of it. I've told him how I feel and I don't want to be manipulated into seeing it his way. That is right up there with "get over it."

He can keep the boat, enjoy it, and have it just the way he wants it. It just will not be something we can enjoy together. It is simply a choice he must make. Life if full of choices. It can be his hobby. I love sailing and he loves sailing, it is a shame we cannot sail together. Fortunately, we live in an area where there is much sailing to be had and we can sail with friends and social groups and that will be a way to get to sail together and for me to be my own sailing in.
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Old 21-10-2012, 13:44   #23
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

No, no superstitions. Left the pagan fold a while back, no future in it. Not a good one, anyway.
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Old 21-10-2012, 13:50   #24
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

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No, no superstitions. Left the pagan fold a while back, no future in it. Not a good one, anyway.
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Old 21-10-2012, 13:55   #25
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

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It occurs to me that I am uncomfortable on the yacht, because it belonged to "her" ... we will call "her" Sue.
Sounds pretty petty to me! Sounds like just an excuse to not sail instead of just saying so.

Heck your husband used to "belong" to the ex, maybe you just don't feel comfortable with him!

Why would you be jealous of anything that used to be part of the old couple, haven't you already won that battle?
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Old 21-10-2012, 13:55   #26
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

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Originally Posted by NiceBoat View Post
No, I've not made up my mind. It's just that he won't allow me to paint any of the the teak and she is dark and depressing. It lowers my spirit even more. Other suggestions I make are vetoed as well. So, when it really comes down to it .... it is his boat, not our boat.

He wants to keep the boat and does not want to consider other options: buying another boat, put a boat in charter, charter when we actually have time to sail (we boat still work full-time) In that case, don't insist I be a part of it. I've told him how I feel and I don't want to be manipulated into seeing it his way. That is right up there with "get over it."

He can keep the boat, enjoy it, and have it just the way he wants it. It just will not be something we can enjoy together. It is simply a choice he must make. Life if full of choices. It can be his hobby. I love sailing and he loves sailing, it is a shame we cannot sail together. Fortunately, we live in an area where there is much sailing to be had and we can sail with friends and social groups and that will be a way to get to sail together and for me to be my own sailing in.
I had a feeling this was more than just about "Sue."

While yes, you can sail on different boats, that doesn't like you would ultimately be very happy with the situation. It sounds like it would drive you and your relationship apart.

When I first moved onto the boat with Eric, I was so excited to have a place of our own, but have run into a lot of frustrations with decorating. Everything is different because of a nautical/marine environment. I can't just run to Home Depot and grab some hardware and hang some pictures, or paint. I have to stainless steel hardware, it has to be installed so it won't fail under heavy seas.

If I want to repaint, I need the right "kind" of paint. There are so many considerations. I felt and sometimes still feel like I have to ask Eric's "permission" to do something because I don't want to mess anything up on the boat.

That being said, he has done as much as he can to let me re-decorate in a way that makes me happy. I also don't like dark interiors so my cushions are BRIGHT.

Sounds like he needs to be willing to compromise on some things, especially if you ARE willing to keep the boat.

Have you tried couple's therapy? A third party makes a great negotiator. We highly recommend it.
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Old 21-10-2012, 13:56   #27
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by micah719 View Post
If Sue hated the boat and being on it, whereas you enjoy sailing it, I'd suggest the problem isn't the boat it is your attitude to Sue, and doing stuff to the boat isn't going to fix the problem.

Doing something to Sue might, but that is sinful and only leads to more problems, so cutlasses at dawn on the foredeck is off the "how-to" list.

Witchcraft and superstitious ceremonies won't fix the problem either.

It would be a thing to discuss with hubby. The boat is just a thing. At this point, I have to bail out because I'd need to begin asking questions that are out of place on a a public forum, us being strangers and all. Hope it all works out for the best.

I am a Christian and I wish I had a clue what you were referring to here. I love to sail and the fact that Sue did not like to sail has no bearing on this for me. The fact that this was Sue's boat does have some bearing on this and the fact that she was so mean and evil, has even more influence on me. I don't care for Sue and I don't care for this vessel, even though she is lovely. She is a classic, but she needs some updating to be practical. My husband loves her classicness and that is fine, but it does not work for me. All said and done, I am not happy on her and I don't like spending time on her. I have tried and I have updated what I can and what I have been permitted to do. But, my hands are tied. We spend a great deal of money keeping her at the marina sitting for months on end and she never leaves the marina .... what a waste, on so many levels, but he loves the idea of owning her and visiting her to make sure she is okay. I don't understand that kind of waste, but what can I say that I've not already said?!
We both work a great deal and I don't think he really likes to take her out either, or he would take her out more. He would invite friends or he would insist we take her out. But, he does not. So, I don't think he likes her as much as he pretends. It is a waste of a lovely vessel and a waste of good resources ($$$). In fact, the more I write about this, the more foolish I think it all is. This has been cathartic. Thank you!
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Old 21-10-2012, 13:58   #28
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Red Charlotte View Post
I had a feeling this was more than just about "Sue."

While yes, you can sail on different boats, that doesn't like you would ultimately be very happy with the situation. It sounds like it would drive you and your relationship apart.

When I first moved onto the boat with Eric, I was so excited to have a place of our own, but have run into a lot of frustrations with decorating. Everything is different because of a nautical/marine environment. I can't just run to Home Depot and grab some hardware and hang some pictures, or paint. I have to stainless steel hardware, it has to be installed so it won't fail under heavy seas.

If I want to repaint, I need the right "kind" of paint. There are so many considerations. I felt and sometimes still feel like I have to ask Eric's "permission" to do something because I don't want to mess anything up on the boat.

That being said, he has done as much as he can to let me re-decorate in a way that makes me happy. I also don't like dark interiors so my cushions are BRIGHT.

Sounds like he needs to be willing to compromise on some things, especially if you ARE willing to keep the boat.

Have you tried couple's therapy? A third party makes a great negotiator. We highly recommend it.

You, Charlotte, are a smart woman .... read my next post.
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Old 21-10-2012, 14:06   #29
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

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You, Charlotte, are a smart woman .... read my next post.

Charlotte .... actually, that would be my last post. Thanks
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Old 21-10-2012, 14:08   #30
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Re: HELP! Serious Poll Replies Needed - Sailboat from former marriage.

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Originally Posted by Don Lucas View Post
Sounds pretty petty to me! Sounds like just an excuse to not sail instead of just saying so.

Heck your husband used to "belong" to the ex, maybe you just don't feel comfortable with him!

Why would you be jealous of anything that used to be part of the old couple, haven't you already won that battle?

Don .... do you sleep in the bed of your wife's former lover/husband? Just wondering
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