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Old 12-12-2010, 08:19   #166
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Originally Posted by shawnkillam View Post
... By the way I was not intentionally or unintentionally quoting Voltaire but I am intrigued, Gord could you please tell me the quote I have come close to.
Thx SK
Voltaire said: "Le mieux est l'ennemi du bien.", from his “Dictionnaire Philosophique”, which Literally translates as "The best is the enemy of good.", but is more commonly cited as "The perfect is the enemy of the good."

In other words, pursuing the "best" solution may end up doing less actual good than accepting a solution that, while not perfect, is effective. One could also infer that the best makes that which is good seem to be worth less than it is.

Good point, capcook.

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Old 12-12-2010, 08:23   #167
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[

She will look at an upcoming 3 week sailing trip with me and wonder if this is another "voyage through the depths of hell with Capt. Nemo" and no, it's not because I am some sort of "*******" or anything... ..

..... OH BOY did she stress over this!....
] ... More intense case in point... being caught in a horrific belt of thunderstorms and not being able to sidestep and duck a few of them and having her fall apart at the seams over it all....

.....More intense case in point than that... sailing in some heavier winds with the main reefed and the storm jib up in a very short period swell. The D-ring popped loose from the dinghy and I had to do a "rescue mission" for the dinghy. During the entire evolution she was falling all to pieces and with tears streaming down her face at one point said to me in a frantic voice, "ARE WE GOING TO DIE OUT HERE?!?" I handled the operation well, retrieved the dinghy and we didn't die not that there was there much of a chance of that but the event traumatized her for much of the rest of the trip! I spent days afterward just kissing her ass and consoling her and all that....


...Okay, enough of her (I still love her with all my heart but she is in fact a "land-raised" woman and there is no changing that)...
Having read through this ego-boosting, back-patting, preening post, I would have to disagree with your self- assessment that you are not an *******. If I was your wife, I wouldn't want to sail with you either.
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Old 12-12-2010, 08:37   #168
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GavinC,

It is a proven fact that even large cats in the wild can change thier stripes. Given the right enviroment, and time many things can be accimplished.

My bride as a younger woman drown in a river, and was revived. She was terrified of the water, and the wind. Recently she handled the boat in the ITCZ while I llay disabled for 24 hours. She also loves to snorkel and be with the fish. It didn't happen overnight, but it happened

I think sailing out of the channel instead of crossing it. Laying the boat hove to would have given her confidence in you, and kept her calm. Don't hand her the helm in a crisis........i2f
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Old 12-12-2010, 14:26   #169
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Pragmatism

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Originally Posted by bljones View Post
Having read through this ego-boosting, back-patting, preening post, I would have to disagree with your self- assessment that you are not an *******. If I was your wife, I wouldn't want to sail with you either.


A uniquely American strain of philosophy that emerged in the late 1800's which was known as pragmatism encouraged its adherents to seek truths scientifically by advancing hypotheses through action and testing them through experience. What could not be tested, what could not be controlled, should be ignored. This concept entails being as calm, collect and focused on all possible factors that you DO have control over for a given situation and in handling problems and issues. Becoming an emotional basketcase over the "what if's", panick over occurances and situations, however minor will detract from you getting through a potentially dangerous situation as effectively or even allow a minor occurance to evolve into a potentially hazardous situation.

A Naval officer that I worked for in my youth (and his also) was a firm believer in this philosophy and perhaps it was the difference of him making it to a ripe old age! Way back when, his sensibility made the difference of whether he and his troops got out of some precarious situations in his "brown-water Navy" days. I heard he went on years later to be the Commanding Officer of a Frigate that struck a mine in the Persian Gulf and his logic, training and problem-solving skills right along with his philosophical outlook that he exuded and had imbedded into his crew made the difference of whether the vessel survived or not.

With regard to the D-ring breaking on the dinghy in rough seas, as the dear woman was panicking, I found it to be no big deal knowing that far worse things could go wrong and this was something that was easily dealt with. Although I was shocked that she could become so panick-stricken over such a minor event, I didn't allow it to affect my judgement, being the eternal pragmatist. I avoid being in any way critical of her and try to be encouraging... because she is a girl! Her emotional state rendered her all but completely incapacitated and unable to function as effectively though. Had that been anyone else, I would have immediately seen to getting them off my boat!hahaha

Over the years, she has seen things break and go wrong... it happens! Even though she has total faith in my ability to methodically tackle a given situation or occurance and has reasonable nautical skills and ability herself, she has an inherent fear of the "what if's" and of the unknown. She has always been surrounded by the conveniences in life from being "land-raised".

Now picture two inexperienced novices enduring the same situation and neither one of them is an "A hole" like me... they pull into the anchorage, jump ship, swim ashore (as described on a previous post) and slap a note on the brokers door to hock off the boat! This is the difference between "land-raised" and some of the ingenuity I have seen among cruising sailors that I have talked to (you can pick them right out! They are the ones with the laundry hanging on the lifelines!hahaha). They are incredibly knowledgeable and resourceful people and I admire them! The "land-raised" people are used to conveniences such as picking up a phone when something goes wrong, such as a plumbing leak whereas the mariner deals with it "up close and personal" with little in the way of immediate outside help and must be self-reliant.

Can you see how a stockbroker from Wall St. who has a maid because he can't even do his own dishes might have a problem? Can you see how a wife that is used to getting her nails done at a salon on a regular basis and has a spazz attack if a few raindrops fall because it might mess up her hair could have an issue? Most all cruising sailors are pragmatists, whether they know it or not and some people are likely to get out there and think "Oh boy I didn't sign on for THIS!"

One final question, BLJones... do you wear spiffy "yachting attire" about the dock and sip cocktails with the other "yachters" at your marina? Because all kidding aside, it really is all about the spiffy yachting attire...
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Old 12-12-2010, 15:01   #170
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Its all down to comfort zones.. I sailed with someone who was great till F7 and over then it was headfirst down a quarter berth... the wind and waves were just to much... never seasick... loved most journeys and all destinations.
Me I cant handle motorways... 6+ packed lanes and trying to think what the 5 x 3 cars ahead and beside me could do wrong... take me back to that 7metre swell...
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Old 12-12-2010, 16:06   #171
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I have to admit that GavinC is a bit long-winded (but then so am I) and getting an audience to tell your experiences to these days is not easy. But his basic points, after distillation, are valid. Some folks are just not "sea-people". Others prefer the sea more than the land like boatman61 (I think).
- - But Boatman61 is right on about "comfort zones" for everybody else. Once you are "outside" things can get dicey and there are few people who can continue to function effectively and a lot of people who cannot.
- - However, education and experience (mostly experience) goes a long way towards expanding that "comfort zone." So although it might not be evident from GavinC's posts, I would suspect that his wife's comfort zone is considerably larger now than it was when she first started sailing with him.
- - I am a strong proponent of taking it slow and easy when trying to convert a land-lady to a sea-woman. I have found the percentage of successful conversions is higher if you don't scare the piss out of them the first few times out.
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Old 12-12-2010, 21:15   #172
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Has it occurred to you to ask her what she wants? Has she actually responded that she wants her mani/pedi. Or has she said she wants someone with a little bit of compassion and understanding, and not just an ego that needs to be polished?
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Old 12-12-2010, 22:43   #173
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i gotta agree with osirissail. you all just talked about me! i am land raised (middle of kansas) but my heart is global. i have only been on a boat in the ocean a few times, but somehow i know that is where i need to be..have you ever saw a pretty girl smile at you and your heart skips a beat. or you win something and get that euphoric (guess thats how to spell it) feeling? you know how sometimes the blood just starts rushing through your body when something exciting happens, or even the feeling of an adreneline rush? well thats me everytime i get close enough to smell salt water.. i cant explain why someone with no bluewater experience would give it all up for the unknown, but i can say there are some of us who embrace the unknown as the begining of a new era. it is my destiny (starting in april) to give a part of my life to the sea, in terms of time.. but, if i should end up giving my life to the sea for keeps, well that would be better than never having my adventure, and never having my stories or memories when i grow old. Just something I gotta do
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Old 12-12-2010, 22:52   #174
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i understand where you are coming from Gavinc.. took my wife on a scuba charter, she was eager to go.. got into aome 4 foot waves for about 2 miles, and then she was too sick to go dive.. she tries, but i always have to put "limitations" or make special adjustments to accomodate her..sometimes it sucks, but she tries.. she is going to try cruising with me, but i have a strong feeling that i wont make it out of land site befor i have to turn around....and then go alone, he he..
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Old 13-12-2010, 10:47   #175
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This is such a cool thread. I think the salt spray in some of your brains sharpens the wit. I myself am selling the house and shopping for a boat for perhaps the same reasons that Herman Melville wrote about in his magnificent novel Moby Dick. I end with his first paragraph:

Call me Ishmael. Some years ago, never mind how long precisely, having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen, and regulating the circulation. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping onto the street, and methodically knocking people's hats off, then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can. This is my substitute for pistol and ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to the ship. There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the ocean with me.
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Old 13-12-2010, 14:47   #176
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Hi to everyone
This is my first post here. My husband and I retired in August 2007 and 2 weeks later had emptied our home and boarded a flight for a Sicily where a 46 foot aluminium boat had been awaiting our arrival for 9 months. We have been living full time at anchor in the Med for just over 3 years now. After this time I feel qualified to pipe in and make a contribution as to what things contribute to successful cruising and help avoid quitting (either right away or later).

The first is that if you or your partner were never truly happy back home you are unlikely to miraculously develop a happy personality on the water. Donít expect miracles to happen.


Secondly you must be comfortable living for long periods alone with your chosen partner. If you feel you could not be shut up together in a space not much bigger than the size of your bathroom for an extended period, donít go cruising LOL. Maybe try it out if you donít have the funds to charter .

The boat makes less difference to success or failure (although a sturdy, seaworthy boat in good condition does improve the odds). Sufficient funds to maintain the boat well also improve the odds.

Previous blue water sailing experience is not essential (we had very little) although that too will help. Owning a trailerable yacht and living on board for weeks at a time is an excellent and relatively inexpensive way of knowing if cruising will suit the two of you if the bathroom technique doesnít appeal.

Oh, forgot to add that a sense of humour is essential, and donít even think of insisting that she eat off plastic plates and drink from plastic glasses. That will doom the project right from the start .
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Old 13-12-2010, 15:01   #177
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Angela,

welcome to our forum!

L'm looking forward to many more threads and post from you.
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Old 13-12-2010, 15:04   #178
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Many thanks John
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Old 13-12-2010, 15:31   #179
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If it doesn't warm up soon I'm going to quit!! Been in Fernandina Beach trying to get the boat ready for another 6 months of cruising. The high temperature each day is what the low usually is. Down to the twenties at night. Can't wait for global warming.
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Old 13-12-2010, 18:39   #180
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I have removed quite a few posts. We don't need personal attacks or commentary. Discussion of the topic is great, but when you feel the need to belittle another user or make things personal it isn't.

Thank you.
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