Cruisers Who Fail...

[MarkJ]

Originally Posted by Roaring Girl

There is often, on these and other forums, an implication that success can only be counted after a circumnavigation,.

And in real life too... a few months ago some dude decided I needed to be shown how to coil a line. I just really wanted to be able to say.... ahh yes, I learned that on my first circumnavigation....
And if I have a tough time, Nicolle has it worse...


I have never thought failure is about the lack of long passages or circumnavigations. Mind you, some people could do with the experience of a good long one. Once you have done an 500 miler, then 100 miles is a walk in the park. That sort of thing.


Failure must be more than just making ones mind up about what is comfortable for them in their 'adventure'. It must involve an 'emotional death' where, like the protagonist in a movie, they are physically and mentally on the ropes. The Hollywood hero, in the next scene, overcomes all. The failure in real life does not.

So what if someone says: Oh, I dreamed about it but once I got out here for 6 months I just got bored! So I went home and got a fun job. Is that failure? No. Its just realisation. Failure is where the person is forced to go on against their will because of financial constraints, or worse, pride....

[thinwater]

Originally Posted by MarkJ

And in real life too... a few months ago some dude decided I needed to be shown how to coil a line. I just really wanted to be able to say.... ahh yes, I learned that on my first circumnavigation....
And if I have a tough time, Nicolle has it worse...


I have never thought failure is about the lack of long passages or circumnavigations. Mind you, some people could do with the experience of a good long one. Once you have done an 500 miler, then 100 miles is a walk in the park. That sort of thing.


Failure must be more than just making ones mind up about what is comfortable for them in their 'adventure'. It must involve an 'emotional death' where, like the protagonist in a movie, they are physically and mentally on the ropes. The Hollywood hero, in the next scene, overcomes all. The failure in real life does not.

So what if someone says: Oh, I dreamed about it but once I got out here for 6 months I just got bored! So I went home and got a fun job. Is that failure? No. Its just realisation. Failure is where the person is forced to go on against their will because of financial constraints, or worse, pride....

He had a great adventure, can say to himself he did what he set out to do - most of it and all of the important parts - and now he has a fun job. Perfection.

[Christian Van H]

These are some of the best responses I have ever read on this forum. I want to thank each and every one of you for taking the time to post. It's obvious that there is a tremendous amount of real life cruising experience weighing in on this one. I knew going in that there would be very few first person responses coming from this bunch, but hoped that you've picked up a few stories of less than perfect dream cruises along the way.

With your permission, I'd like to take you to a current blog from an actual member of this forum who recently had a pretty bad experience, but one I believe they will recover nicely from...please see here: Voyages: October 27, 2009 Charleston, SC...

This is not posted to be dissected by our team of forensic sailing pathologists (which could kill this thread)...it's used here as an example of a real life experience that could possibly end a dream. These particular cruisers are tough though, and no doubt will bounce back with gusto.

[Vasco]

Most sailors want to "go cruising" someday, one day. Most talk about it but few get to do it. That's my first point, few finally get to go. Case in point, my own. Three of us in my club were discussing cruising and we all made a pact to "go south" in September. The other two were retired. We (my wife and I) were not. Come September we left. The other two couples never did go cruising.

Once you get out there you see many a boat where the couple is not in total agreement about cruising. In most cases it's the wife or female partner that doesn't like it. She has never liked sailing but it was ok on day sails at home and the social life at the club was great. They end up cruising, albeit many grudgingly, because it was the husband's "dream". Two people on a boat, away from their usual life and friends, and one doesn't like it. There is only one ending to this story, they quit.

That , in my view, is the number one reason the "dream" fails. It must be a dream both want and sadly, that is seldom the case.

Cruising is much better with a partner you can share the experience with.

[sneuman]

My $0.2:

I think for most people it's very difficult to leave shore-side amenities. People are very attached to their "stuff" and the stuff becomes the raison d'etre of their lives rather than the more wonderful, if less tangible, experiences. I think for many people the thought of giving up their TV habit and trips to the mall is just too much. They thought they could do it, but couldn't.

The specific gravity of above can be compounded by shore-side obligations, such as getting a kid through college.

The other thing - and this will happen if one half of a couple has an issue with the above - is the old "water soluble marriage". I think there's inevitably one partner that's more committed to the "dream" than the other -- with some, there's an outright disconnect.

Although I haven't cut the dock lines, I had a similar experience with my ex. My dream was to live and work overseas; she was fine with that for awhile, but eventually wanted to "go home." That was an issue for us, as I had no such desire. Eventually it came to a boil and she won, but it seriously compromised the relationship and eventually helped lead to its demise.

[s/v Moondancer]

The problems I see are due to 'unrealistic expectations' and a failure to learn and investigate before they 'leap'. At times cruising is a very hard lifestyle: bad weather, long passages and repeated breakdowns are just a few of the minor problems!

Many times I write privately to those with 'unrealistic expectations' sometimes they say thanks and sometimes they are offended when I criticize what are clearly ludicrous voyages. Mostly the advise on this forum is excellent but we should never minimize the difficulty and potential dangers of what we do.

[Bash]

Some liveaboard friends spent years getting their boats ready to cruise when they retired. When the day came for them to cut the dock lines, they were the happiest couple on the water. Two years later they were ready to swallow the hook. Why? They discovered that cruising was constant work. Boat maintenance had became a daily chore for him, and such tasks as laundry and shopping took far longer for her than they had ashore. They had anticipated a far more leisurely life after retirement, and finally put the boat up for sale so they could move ashore and refurbish their golf games.

[jkleins]

We met several couples (on our first cruise some 12 years ago now ) that turned around. They went back to life as they were. They had one thing in common. The men were the ones with the dream and the ones that retired. The women had a life outside of their husbands with friends, other interests, kids, etc. The women didn't really "retire". They just got further away from the things that were important to them. These couples had never really spent as much time together at home as you did on a small boat and they found they liked each other better when they weren't so close.

We didn't meet anyone who turned due to boat troubles or money, just relationship issues. This is just one observation. Not meant to be generalized. We were just glad it was both our ideas to go cruising, so turning around never crossed our mind. We were really sad to have to go back to work.

My wife and I still think that cruising is the ultimate test of marriage. We still like to sit within 38 ft of each other even though now we have 2 stories.

Jim

[Stillraining]

This is turning out to be a fantastic thread...Really enjoying the reading that's been put fort lately..keep it coming PLEASE!

[John A]

I'm back. I was enjoying a 18 year single malt last night so I thought it better not to respond. My point was that if a person is nolonger interested in crusing, then why the heck would they be reading this forum?
We all know people who have had adversity happen in their lives. They are forced to adjust to the realities of a situation that they have no control over.
Cruising is just another lifestyle, a way to travel from one point in our lifes to another.
I've seen many who have had their dream of sailing the world terminated. The reasons are just life. The four people I've helped off their boats who stroked-out, the cancer victim, the wanders whose spouse has returned home, the people who trusted the economy, the requirements of aging parents, or the cruising lifestyle failed to match there expatations. Lifes list goes on.

If you've not experienced adversity in life, you will, trust me on this.

I lived aboard my boat for 22 years and cruised for 9. The experience was an absolute hoot! The adventures I had, dirt people can't understand.

I've quit the lifestyle but the dream lives on.
Sometimes the reality of life is a cruel task-master.

regards John

[Maren]

Boat broke (after a previous dismating, I might add)

Injured and spooked (taken from Cruisers that gave it up)

And of course, pregnant. Let me know if you want a link to that one.

[Santana]

Sometimes there are things that happen that's beyond your control.
My first circumnavigation ended in Durban, South Africa, when I had to fly back to the states because my Mother was seriously injured in a car wreck.
When I got back to the boat, there had been a fire at the yard and my 28' boat was only 19' long, everything back to the mast was gone.
Second time to go around everything went well.
So you never know what can screw up your dreams.
Hope the next try in about a year or so goes as fine as the 2nd trip..

[sweetsailing]

Great thread and one that I have read with great interest. I too am intrigued by the question posed and wonder about the answer for myself and my husband. You see, we have "the dream". First you will notice that I said, "we". I do think that we are pretty equally committed to this dream that we call sailing/cruising. We plan, we take classes, sail as much as the short Minnesota summer will allow, read forums, browse yachtworld, etc all in the anticipation of "the day" when the dream becomes a reality. For today, we have shoreside obligations that require us to work to build up the cruising kitty and get the kids off to college.

I do wonder with all this planning and dreaming...what if "the day" comes and our road takes a hard left? Is all my planning for not? What would cause the road to take a hard left? Some things that obviously can't be controlled or planned for (i.e. health, etc) or are there things that can be controlled and planned for that would prevent the road from taking a hard left? I think that is really at the root of the question.

I agree with the comments made that I think it boils down to the attitude you bring to the dream and what you are hoping to get out of it. Other than going, I find I really have no expectations, (and really isn't that what it is all about?). Of course, plan to a point but the journey of cruising is one that must simply unfold as it occurs. To those who say...people don't realize how much work cruising is...I say, I am looking forward to the day that hubby and I can spend all day changing the oil on the engine and doing it together, both of us getting our hands dirty. Or the time that it takes to make a loaf of bread from scratch. Or the time that it takes to go to the grocery store to prepare for making the bread.

The point is that cruising, for me, is about have the freedom from other commitments and distractions to full immerse oneself in the daily experience (good, bad and ugly) of what I am doing. Now in reality, I don't necessarily need a boat or an exotic location to do that, that just happens to be my chosen vehicle and address, because I also enjoy sailing, warm weather and looking a palm trees.

[MarkJ]

Originally Posted by sweetsailing

I do wonder with all this planning and dreaming...what if "the day" comes and our road takes a hard left? Is all my planning for not? .

Plan less. Enjoy more.

Someone on this boat gets a blank page and divi's it up into weeks and days and marks Today and then fills in where we guess we will be in a month; where we might be in a week and what we could do on Tuesday.
Come Tuesday there is an argument about why we are not doing what the plan says!

No we have ripped up that plan and are much happier

However: be careful with the line: We have no plan and are sticking to it! No plan means not getting anywhere at all! There must be something

"all in the anticipation of "the day" when the dream becomes a reality. "
Instead of planning like our sheet of paper, maybe you should be goal setting and focusing on reducing the time to reach that goal.

There is one of those crappy 'self help' books that has worked for me to make us get here. Its a video called The Secret http://www.the secret.tv (remove the space between "the" and "secret" I dont want to give them a free link)
You have to filter out all the horse manure its filled with, but the essential bit about goal setting is perfect. It really does give tools to turn dream seeking into reality achieving.

All the best : and we will see you out here when you decide to turn your dream to reality

Mark
PS I just watched the trailer to The Secret ... it really is a load of hogwash... LOL but they have to fillout a one sentince idea

[sneuman]

Originally Posted by MarkJ

Plan less. Enjoy more.

Someone on this boat gets a blank page and divi's it up into weeks and days and marks Today and then fills in where we guess we will be in a month; where we might be in a week and what we could do on Tuesday.
Come Tuesday there is an argument about why we are not doing what the plan says!

No we have ripped up that plan and are much happier

However: be careful with the line: We have no plan and are sticking to it! No plan means not getting anywhere at all! There must be something

"all in the anticipation of "the day" when the dream becomes a reality. "
Instead of planning like our sheet of paper, maybe you should be goal setting and focusing on reducing the time to reach that goal.

There is one of those crappy 'self help' books that has worked for me to make us get here. Its a video called The Secret http://www.the secret.tv (remove the space between "the" and "secret" I dont want to give them a free link)
You have to filter out all the horse manure its filled with, but the essential bit about goal setting is perfect. It really does give tools to turn dream seeking into reality achieving.

All the best : and we will see you out here when you decide to turn your dream to reality

Mark
PS I just watched the trailer to The Secret ... it really is a load of hogwash... LOL but they have to fillout a one sentince idea

It's funny you mention The Secret. A friend gave it to me and I put off trying to read it for months. Finally, after a constant barrage of "did you read that book yet" I tried it just the other night. You're right, it's dreadful.