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Old 13-09-2009, 18:46   #16
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Originally Posted by NotJustDreaming View Post

(We ('I') have finally booked our first liveaboard course... 30 January, 7 nights, BVI.)
Just do all the prep quietly yourself, keep the kids out of his way, shove a cold beer in his hand and keep them coming.

And do NOT ask if he is enjoying it!!!!!

'ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURESELF?????????? Are you HAPPY? You arn't SMILING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

Just leave him be with beer and nuttin else

Us men have to have time and quietness, a scratch here, pick our wedgy, make a 'lil smell, an a little more time to settle down and appreciate things

Maybe a few months later send the kids to their Grandmothers and take Hubbie to the boat show, just by yourselves.


He'll be hooked. Just like a big fat tuna
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Old 14-09-2009, 14:47   #17
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Not to splash cold water, but:
Just how disinterested is he? If he really isn't willing to learn much about sailing you have to realize that at best you'll have a "competent crew" of one- You. Sounds potentially stressful to me particularly if there's a problem with the boat, kids, weather, etc.,etc, that needs two involved adults.
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Old 14-09-2009, 14:53   #18
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Does you husband get excited about anything? Maybe that is just the way he is...? or maybe he really isnt interested... but maybe the Charter will help... Some people just follow along and have a good time.... but it is a big decision....
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Old 19-09-2009, 18:57   #19
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Originally Posted by capcook View Post
NJD... being from Ottawa you must be familar with the story of the Stuemer family cruise...if not, you should get ahold of the book "The Voyage of Northern Magic".... an eye opener for sure....

cheers
Thanks capcook,
Way back when, not so long ago I guess (10 years now), I followed Diane and Hebert in our local newspaper. I recently read the book. I'm also familiar with their personal story as well. It was really interesting particularly because she was not a sailor at all. She wrote from that perspective.
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Old 19-09-2009, 19:04   #20
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shove a cold beer in his hand and keep them coming.
.....
Just leave him be with beer and nuttin else

I really thought there would be a statute of limitations on that beer thing.... I've been doing it for years!
...... it's bound to lose it's novelty ...... no????
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Old 19-09-2009, 19:11   #21
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Not to splash cold water, but:
Just how disinterested is he? If he really isn't willing to learn much about sailing you have to realize that at best you'll have a "competent crew" of one- You. Sounds potentially stressful to me particularly if there's a problem with the boat, kids, weather, etc.,etc, that needs two involved adults.
And this exactly the kind of thing I'm looking for. Thanks for your input. He's not completely disinterested. Not even disinterested. I suspect that giving up shore life takes passion (because that's how I ended up here). It is the obsession beyond distraction that is missing with my husband. Or even anything close to an obsession.

One half of a couple cannot have a consuming dream without a 50% chance of failure. That is what makes me start to think about the possibility of it not happening .....
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Old 19-09-2009, 19:19   #22
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Does you husband get excited about anything? Maybe that is just the way he is...? or maybe he really isnt interested... but maybe the Charter will help... Some people just follow along and have a good time.... but it is a big decision....
Well... yeah... he gets excited about some things...

Back on topic: This is where all my second guessing comes from. He loves vacations... doesn't give a hoot about the planning phase, the pre departure part or the I should give some input part.

If he says something like 'we haven't been to Mexico for a while', I think that's fabulous! Wow, input.

It's maybe not so bad as I'm eluding to. We came up with this dream together over a decade ago. I think I just took it much more seriously.
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Old 19-09-2009, 19:33   #23
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Originally Posted by NotJustDreaming View Post
It is the obsession beyond distraction that is missing with my husband. Or even anything close to an obsession.

Hey, hang on. Its just cruising... what's the obsession beyond distraction thingo? Do you think we are all nuts?
Its a great life, and a bit different than anything else, but the only people who are obsessed about it have a kangaroo loose in their top paddock.
Its just life... we are the same people as before. Nothing changes in most ways. We are just on vacation for life.

Quote:
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One half of a couple cannot have a consuming dream without a 50% chance of failure. That is what makes me start to think about the possibility of it not happening .....
Just go a bit slower on the poor guy... my last post may have had some humour in it but it was quite serious: people don't like to be railroaded. Let him get used to the idea on his own terms, in his own time.
Then if he is still being a problem about it decide if you want to go cruising by yourself.
Normally that kind of dedication (not obsession) will clearly underline to him that he needs to get off his butt or lose you and the opportunity to cruise.

Serious.

Mark
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Old 19-09-2009, 20:06   #24
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Hey, hang on. Its just cruising... what's the obsession beyond distraction thingo? Do you think we are all nuts?
Ummm,...

Okay, maybe obsession beyond... was a bit dramatic.

But, how else do you get from a very comfortable life with three kids in a suburb, a vehicle to travel around, grocery stores all around with every convenience, endless amounts of hot running water, two steady and realiable incomes with health benefits and great pension benefits... especially if you don't take early retirement.... to ..... pretty much exactly opposite of that ... except I still keep the three kids.

I can either be insane or obsessed beyo ... errr ... dramatic.

I do appreciate your candor. It makes it sound, well, less insane. You've been doing this too long. Maybe you have forgotten how it feels to pursue something that seems so unreachable, so unlikely and so off the beaten path. I know lots of people do it. Because I can see it here. But noone I know.
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Old 19-09-2009, 20:09   #25
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Malaysia... near Singapore

sighhh !
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Old 19-09-2009, 20:24   #26
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Thanks capcook,
Way back when, not so long ago I guess (10 years now), I followed Diane and Hebert in our local newspaper. I recently read the book. I'm also familiar with their personal story as well. It was really interesting particularly because she was not a sailor at all. She wrote from that perspective.
I can really sympathize with you... I have the same problem with my other half... Diane's book really drives home the importance of everyone being in it together else there will likely be a mutiny at the first hardship and they were having one every other day... so unless you have the bucks to get a really new and automated ship... you will need his full participation... I too have this same problem... not easy to leave the comforts of a suburban lifestyle with my two kids and all their friends and the wife with her friends...still, I know they and especially my 9yo daughter will be better off skipping a few years hanging out at the Mall (and older boys) with what they will gain from living in the world, even if for only 2-3 yrs... The good advice I have received here is to get her on the water slowly and in pristine conditions... go from there... Hope you get it worked out...

Cheers
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Old 19-09-2009, 21:44   #27
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Maybe you have forgotten how it feels to pursue something that seems so unreachable, so unlikely and so off the beaten path. I know lots of people do it. Because I can see it here. But noone I know.
Nope. Its not unreachable. And all the folks on the marina we are at (we dont often do marinas!) are just normal sort of people that you would 'know'.

There is not one overly dynamic person here. Just normal people who have found they can acheive their dreams before they expected to.


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Old 20-09-2009, 09:36   #28
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There is not one overly dynamic person here. Just normal people who have found they can acheive their dreams before they expected to.


Mark
That gives me hope.
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Old 20-09-2009, 11:30   #29
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...Just normal people who have found they can acheive their dreams before they expected to... Mark
I prefer the chasing part of the exercise. Once achieved, find myself a new dream to chase. Then again, I am probably 'the overly dynamic' type ;-))

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