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Old 31-05-2019, 07:28   #61
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Re: 92-year old Navy veteran on boat delivery.

not all 92 yr olds are alike. my mommas uncle, our sailing maestro, solo saileda gaff rigged sloop without an engine until he was 95 then fell over in his breakfast. yup just like mary hartman mary hartman only not soup it was scrambled eggs. my dad was frail at 91 and dead at 93. he could not sail for anything, much less walk any distance. my momma is 90 and going strong and travels a lot, even cross country, on her own.
so.
if the dad can walk and talk and is healthy for an old farte, take him sailing. short hops first. if he no likee, he goes back home. no sweat. bucket lists are bucket lists. we revere our old fartes. they gave us wisdom and life. some even fought for our freedom in ww2. they get a break, but not at the cost of safety.
short hop first then assess then continue.
make sure you have an exit plan for just in case.

ps ww2 vets donot deserve nursing home..let him have his way... with a plan and paperwork just in case. my dad died in a nursing home scenario--part of a total care community-- was horrible. take him sailing.
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Old 31-05-2019, 07:52   #62
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Re: 92-year old Navy veteran on boat delivery.

Take him. G.d only knows how long you will have him around. See the reaction of your wife as: I want to be alone with you. But make her clear: it is your dad and you two can still be «*alone*» together for many years. Ask her straight: what if it were your father that wanted to come? The answer can be revealing.
I resent that my father passed away before he could join us on a longer trip. He and his ancestors had all the parents/brevets/licenses you could come up with to navigate a >39.000 brt merchant ship.
DO IT. And enjoy it, he will perk up. I am gruffly and sickly while on land and have nothing when on the water!!
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Old 31-05-2019, 08:00   #63
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Re: 92-year old Navy veteran on boat delivery.

Such a ridiculous question. He's 92. He gets to decide.
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Old 31-05-2019, 08:16   #64
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Re: 92-year old Navy veteran on boat delivery.

There sure are a lot of thoughtful posts in this thread, so I'll try to add a couple of cents. Bottom line is I'd take him with a lot of contingency planning.

The thought of printing out the thread for both wife and Dad to read was excellent. It shows them both your thoughts and internal conflict. Sounds like the three of you have already had some heart-to-heart talks.

+1 to all the posts that it's about his mobility and how sharp he is. If he can climb down into the hulls for bed and the head he's probably doing OK. My MIL is 86 with a number of friends in their 90s who are sharp as tacks. I pray to be doing as well when I get there. We go kayaking on the coast of Maine every year and the 86 yo would kick any of our asses for trying to stop her from taking a kayak out on the open ocean when SHE wants to. She grew up paddling skin kayaks in the sound of Oslo Norway without a PFD.

I mentioned contingency plans. We've made a point that one of us is out and keeping watch on her visually from a distance in another boat every time, there's a tracker on her PFD, and she has decided to no longer go out when the waves are more than a foot or two. She's aware and appreciates our being there while recognizing she still has autonomy.

If I were in your Dad's shoes, I'd be really hurt and upset not to be invited to come along and if along would appreciate being there more than you may realize. Especially if you used to sail together. My 30 year old son occasionally makes some asinine comment about my age and it hurts. While in generally great shape, I've had my injuries, heal slower, and already know there are limits now that I'm 63 so don't insult me.

You've already mentioned coming into ports along the way. His joining your trip doesn't mean he has to be committed for the entire trip. My other half was on a week long bus tour with her Mom and the bus seats were so horrible they aggravated her injured neck. A flight home the next day from Savannah to DC was only $230 so she flew and her Mom stayed with the tour.

If your Dad wants to come along, consider just having him with you at the beginning and the end, to avoid the roughest part near Hatteras. And if he is along for more, then making sure everybody knows he is going home by plane as soon as there is the first hint of something to be concerned about.
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Old 31-05-2019, 09:12   #65
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Re: 92-year old Navy veteran on boat delivery.

Since you asked, here's my two cents: My Dad passed away last year at 87 and we all miss him. Your time with your Father is limited and precious.

If he wants to go and considers it a bucket list item, take him. If your wife, understandably, wants to learn and not be distracted by caring for him, find a care giver that sails and bring them along. Give him options for involvement, such as weather, watch schedule, etc.

You won't need evacuation insurance going up the US east coast. You're a taxpayer and you have the US Coast Guard. They can't replace the care giver but if there's an issue, they can advise you as you head into port. They probably won't do a helicopter hoist at his age, so stay near the coast so they can send a boat if it's really life-threatening. They'll grumble a bit at first but when they find out the sail was a bucket list trip for a Navy vet, they'll honor him, you, and your decision to take him along. Be comfortable with radio procedures and be ready to pass vitals when the time comes. With any luck at all, you won't have to deal with an emergency and you will all have a memorable time.
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Old 03-06-2019, 07:10   #66
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Re: 92-year old Navy veteran on boat delivery.

No.1 rule for skippers - make sure as many souls arrive at your destination as left your departure point. Very unfair to compromise your Skipper's intentions with this. Undrstand and wholly support the sentiments that this fine old gentleman gave us our lives though his actions and sacrifice and that he fully understands that the Sea can get you no matter what you do.
Perhaps , on behalf of all of us , the OP can wish him well.
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Old 03-06-2019, 07:17   #67
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Re: 92-year old Navy veteran on boat delivery.

It really needs to be your captains decision. I personally would say no to an offshore passage you suggest with that crew.
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Old 03-06-2019, 07:25   #68
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Re: 92-year old Navy veteran on boat delivery.

In addition to all the advice above:

Study the ICW and know where you can jump in to it. Buy an ICW Pilot book (about $25), it’s worth its weight in gold.
I do this route a lot (as I’m a Delivery Skipper) and frequently use the ICW when the weather is too much for the boat I am moving. Obviously different boat have different safety margins, but you have additional concerns to add in!
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Old 03-06-2019, 08:00   #69
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Re: 92-year old Navy veteran on boat delivery.

Take your dad along!!

I am a professional delivery captain with over 200 FL-NY career transits under my keel. I have had a plethora of crew in my nearly 40 years as a mariner (USCG Vet).

One of my most memorable was a Navy vet who served 44 years before the mast and was being cashiered out after having a stoke while stationed in Japan.

I was delivering a 60’ schooner from FL-NJ and my crewmember’s boyfriend pulled her off after one day (jealousy). Well I met the MCPO at a bar and he expressed interest to sign on, but was concerned because of the stoke. I told him if he showed up the next morning, he was hired.

The next morning the Master Chief showed up in DRESS BLUES with hash marks that I swear filled his jacket sleeve and ran down his pant leg!! So, we worked out a routine where he ran the galley, relieved the helm watch and assisted on deck after I pre-set dock lines.

The bottom line to this story is that I gave a sailor, a man who spent his life on the sea, who thought he would never breath in the salt air or see a sunset on an empty horizon ever again, a chance to feel the ocean under his feet. Even to this day, 20 years later, my heart glows just thinking about the MCPO and I sailing together.

Work out a routine that has purpose and take your dad on the delivery. Time is precious, but memories last forever.

The sea, once it casts it's spell holds one in its net of wonder.
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Old 03-06-2019, 08:29   #70
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Re: 92-year old Navy veteran on boat delivery.

My father-in-law is 89 and he just BOUGHT a boat! I have to agree with Gord-enjoy life and not worry about ending it!
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Old 03-06-2019, 08:44   #71
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Re: 92-year old Navy veteran on boat delivery.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain Puget View Post
Very hard questions: and highly individually dependent.

That said, I’d take him, but with a dedicated crew member who’s job it is to work with and support him. ... if medical issues, then qualified to help. If the boat space supports - more crew than you need - make it a fun party. That may allow limited participation, or more, when he is feeling up to it... his job should be watch management given his experience (ego stroke). You are asking him to “manage watches”, not play foredeck monkey with a spinnaker. He should be the watch captain, with appropriate supporting crew.

He should agree - boat safety first, and as an experienced sailer you should extract a solemn promise if he wants to sign on as crew that he will comply with captains orders and exercise best judgement for the safety of boat and crew.
In my mind, I spin the not-too-unlikely scenario of a good squall, some rough seas, and a venture down to the head that goes awry with a broken hip. You would be in rough waters and need at least one crew to constantly tend the injured while you change course for safe harbor - in that scenario do you then have enough able bodied crew to crew the boat? That extra person does not need to be a nurse (agree with other poster that that is unnecessary/insulting) but it needs to be someone very comfortable with first aid and able to follow directions over VHF for administering care.
I also agree with many posters that the vet can decide for himself (assuming no cognitive impairment) whether he wishes to risk his life. This man has probably seen more people die than many of us and is fully cognizant that the consequences of apparently small decisions can lead to loss of life and limb. I would trust his judgement in that regard.
In my view there are two fundamental decisions - the answer to both must be yes for this to happen. First, if the vet wants to risk his life it is up to him and I agree with many posters that that is a rational and reasonable thing for him to choose. But it is not sufficient - the captain also has to determine in addition, if s/he has the crew needed to properly carry out his/her obligation to reasonably insure safe passage. The delivery captain has the prerogative to approve the crew roster, I would think. The delivery captain may also want to amend the itinerary to be a bit less aggressive (and, quite reasonably, increase the fee), like, for example, going ICW around Hatteras, as suggested above.
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Old 03-06-2019, 09:29   #72
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Re: 92-year old Navy veteran on boat delivery.

Take the shorter day runs to check him out. Remind him that he is crew and you are the 2nd in command after your Captain...no ifs and buts about it. Ditch the Captain and get someone who loves to sail to go with you for the run. Wife however comes first....I've been married for 46 years and that formula works.That being said, time is short with dad so take every opportunity to spend some with him. Maybe once you get to the destination he can go on day sails or overnight trips

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Old 03-06-2019, 10:06   #73
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Re: 92-year old Navy veteran on boat delivery.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seaworthy Lass View Post
Is it an alternative to have your father join you in Chesapeake Bay for an extended cruise?
SWL
FYI: Dad is coming! Thanks everyone for all the awesome input. We are adjusting our plans for the delivery to include additional stops along the way.

If we're successful on the initial delivery passage, I'm sure dad will be joining us for some Chesapeake Bay cruises as well.
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Old 03-06-2019, 10:08   #74
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Re: 92-year old Navy veteran on boat delivery.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gaucho View Post
I guess this has been said already, but didn't read the whole thread.

If he wants to go, and he is 90 something ... and he buys the farm on this trip: GOOD FOR HIM. Let the man go with dignity, not in a goddam dirty nursing home. Let the man live his last years (because he is there!) doing something that would make him happy.

That's all I have to say.
I'd rather have a burial at sea than die in a nursing home as well. My mom is in a nursing home with sever dementia and it is heart breaking to watch her go this way.
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Old 03-06-2019, 10:10   #75
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Re: 92-year old Navy veteran on boat delivery.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard5 View Post
Okay, it's settled. Kurt is taking pops. Now onto more pressing matters;

How many O clubs can dad get you into?
And, what anchor do you have?
Dad quit drinking a while ago! Still working on the anchor dilemma!!
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