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Old 01-10-2015, 10:11   #1
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Need To Be Free, Inexperienced

Hello All
This may be long winded and for that I apologize. My wife and I have been doggedly pursuing our dreams of living on a boat, while working as geologists/oceanographers. Six years of financial hardship have finally gotten us our degrees in geology. YAY!

However, as often is the case while pursuing your dreams you drift aimlessly, unsure of you next step and then the storm hits. We graduated and received offers from some prestigious schools to study for our masters but money was tight and we could not obtain work in our area. After six months of searching for jobs and being unsuccessful, we called on the family for help.

Help came quickly and readily from my wife's mother. "Come to Florida, Ponte Vedra is beautiful! There is lots of work!" . We gave notice to our part time menial jobs, packed up, spent the last of our money and moved the family to Florida. Perfect timing, the waters were rough, tensions were high, and little did I know but mutiny was on the horizon.

We got to Florida and immediately began to settle in. I started to look for work, and told my wife to relax a bit as we were finally in a safe harbor. I made corrections to my resume', began networking and suggested to Robin (my wife) that she begin sailing lessons. Three days later, after some minor progress had been made, we were hit by a rogue wave on the starboard and our ship was capsized.

The water was so calm I did not see it coming. My wife and I had taken my son to the pool in which he and I were wrestling and she was catching some sun. She left and went back to the house to make dinner, phone calls, I honestly do not recollect. A bit later we followed to get a drink and my son's swimming goggles. Looking back I can see that she was a bit farther away than necessary and often distracted, but we were in a safe harbor, the skies looked good, I didn't even think to look out at the harbor.

We got home, opened the door and that's when I first had the sensation that something wasn't right. I can't put my finger on what it was. Just a subtle change in the wax and wane of the wind and water. With the suddenness of a cat who just spotted prey or a bird who just realized it may become prey, all my senses snapped to attention and my eyes landed on my wife.

"What are you doing?!" I Asked. "Nothing" She replied. But in her eyes I saw there was darkness, red skies and night had fallen. "No. Seriously, what are you doing?" I demanded. She sighed her eyes grew cold and I felt a cold wind in the back of my neck. "I was talking to Beth, and I was telling her I don't love you any more , and have decided to leave you.she said.

The boat rocked as the port side deck suddenly dropped, I reached out for something to grab on to, a line, a cleat, anything but my hand found nothing. I heard a sudden ring and I tried to look back and saw to the aft A bell buoy plunge as the water fled out to sea. "Is there some one else?" I asked. "Does it matter?" she said. I fell forward and I knew . I rolled over and there she was as unforgiving and unrepentant as the ocean. She crashed in to my ship . We rolled in slow motion, I was drenched in tears and begged Poseidon for forgiveness , mercy. There was none I remember the sound as the tiny ship cracked in two and the way I felt as the cold water ripped at my soul.

That was five days ago , I am in distress and adrift. My wife and children are lost at sea and I am starving alone and drowning.

Sorry I got carried away with my story....


I am looking to continue following my dreams , and would like to learn how to sail. I am also in an untenable position and need to escape. I am 39 a quick learner and would be willing to give you my hands. I live in Ponte Vedra Beach , Fl. and if anyone needs a deck hand , is willing to teach and understands that I know nothing about seamanship , Let me know my e-mail is Jonathan Dot Simpson AT Maine Dot EDU
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Old 01-10-2015, 10:26   #2
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Re: Need To Be Free, Inexperienced

Forget the geology, and write a novel.
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Old 01-10-2015, 11:22   #3
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Re: Need To Be Free, Inexperienced

A heart felt welcome to the 'newly single men sailing off into the sunset cliché club'. There are many of us here.

First off, it's not all good or bad, it just is. Secondly, enjoy your freedom and don't try to replace what you had right away, you will fail. Instead, find out who you are, start to enjoy your own company and the perks that come with not having to try and keep someone else happy. Be selfish, sit around all day and watch T.V. In your underwear. Don't drink too much, but if you feel like having a beer you don't have to explain to anyone.

Do not confuse solitude with loneliness.

Your freedom won't last long, there are too many people looking for people. At some point you will be ready to trade freedom for companionship.

Go sailing.

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Old 01-10-2015, 12:08   #4
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Re: Need To Be Free, Inexperienced

Oh, I'm not the only member of the newly single men..... club on here? That's good to know, you know OP, the first month is the worst. Something very, very similar happened to me this summer, though in my case, in part because I bought the boat and was gone a lot it happened, but it still happened and it hurt more than I thought it would. It still does. it's hard to accept but you will and time will make it better.

It is really good you are on here looking for crew positions and keeping active and moving forward with you life and not sitting around feeling sorry for yourself.

What is your plan now? You are looking for work, and learning to sail? Is your end goal to save up some money and sail far? If you need any one to talk to you can write me here or through PM
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Old 01-10-2015, 12:26   #5
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Re: Need To Be Free, Inexperienced

check the yacht clubs nearby. also see West Coast Trailer Sailing Squadron -Florida
These are easy ways to get sailing experience.

Ditto on the novel writing advice.
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Old 02-10-2015, 07:27   #6
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Re: Need To Be Free, Inexperienced

Don't sweat it. It's like sailing. You need some idea of where you are and where you want to go, then chart a course and and since you already got rid of the anchor set sail.

In 05 I had a massive MI. It took more than a year of rehab to recover. While I was recovering I noticed things that I didn't like. Screaming all the time, generally negative attitude and of course gimme, gimme, gimme all the time.

I told my wife that I couldn't stand it anymore and if it did not improve I was leaving. Bingo guess what? My wife told me to go. Well waited 2 months, Then I packed 2pr of jeans, some under ware and other essentials into my pack, threw them into my 15yr old truck, got my dog and split. Came to Fl. Now we were married 52 years so I'm not a total bastard. I still support her, but I have achieved peace and balance in my life and I also believe she is more content.

I am going to Pompano to pick up my Pearson and bring it to Ft. Myers.
I would have loved to have you along, but there is already someone else going.

You should never be lonely for feminine companionship. There are a lot of wonderful ladies here, that appreciate a thoughtful man.

Get to work , buy a boat and live on it. Sail whenever you can with those that bring laughter and positive energy to the boat.

May the winds always be on your course,

Capn Moe
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Old 02-10-2015, 07:54   #7
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Re: Need To Be Free, Inexperienced

don't run away, fight for her, don't give up or stop fighting until things are fixed.

I like Dr. Harley's philosphy on rebuilding marriages, Marriage Builders ® - Successful Marriage Advice, but their is no shortage of experts to consult.

good luck.
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Old 02-10-2015, 07:57   #8
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Re: Need To Be Free, Inexperienced

Good Job on the recovery! I am glad you found your place in the world. My father was always a die hard sailor , my best memory of him was when I got in to serious trouble at school and he took me to Rhode Island , and we sailed. No lectures , Just he an I. I always regretted not learning.
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Old 02-10-2015, 08:01   #9
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Re: Need To Be Free, Inexperienced

Quote:
Originally Posted by Badco_67 View Post
don't run away, fight for her, don't give up or stop fighting until things are fixed.

I like Dr. Harley's philosphy on rebuilding marriages, Marriage Builders ® - Successful Marriage Advice, but their is no shortage of experts to consult.

good luck.
I do love her, and I forgave her before she did it. I think the only way to fix us is for me to grow and follow our dreams. Living on a boat was her dream as much , no more than it was mine.
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Old 02-10-2015, 08:28   #10
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Re: Need To Be Free, Inexperienced

Quote:
Originally Posted by cards26 View Post
Forget the geology, and write a novel.
Whether it's a novel or a blog or whatever, just write. You're good at it, and you can do that on a boat.
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Old 02-10-2015, 08:37   #11
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Re: Need To Be Free, Inexperienced

Take a look at www.facebook.com/BlueOceanSails and contact me if you'd like to sail for free.

To summarize the mission of BOS, it's essentially to get folks out on the water in order to Enable, Educate and Inspire.

By bringing students, educators, citizen and research scientists together with welcoming boat owners, BOS coordinates and provides opportunities for those who desire a hands on sailing experience at no cost.

PM or msg me and we'll get you out on the water.

Cheers
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Old 02-10-2015, 08:38   #12
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Re: Need To Be Free, Inexperienced

Quote:
Originally Posted by goat View Post
A heart felt welcome to the 'newly single men sailing off into the sunset cliché club'. There are many of us here.

First off, it's not all good or bad, it just is. Secondly, enjoy your freedom and don't try to replace what you had right away, you will fail. Instead, find out who you are, start to enjoy your own company and the perks that come with not having to try and keep someone else happy. Be selfish, sit around all day and watch T.V. In your underwear. Don't drink too much, but if you feel like having a beer you don't have to explain to anyone.

Do not confuse solitude with loneliness.

Your freedom won't last long, there are too many people looking for people. At some point you will be ready to trade freedom for companionship.

Go sailing.

goat
This is a good post

And yeah it's kind of a huge cliché, hah.
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Old 02-10-2015, 08:44   #13
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Re: Need To Be Free, Inexperienced

Absolutely do not listen to the person saying to fight for her. If you had been the person making the mistakes and she left based on your failures then I might say fight to win her back. After hearing your story it sounds like she gave up on the marriage. Even if you get her back she has already shown her hand. If she gave up once she will do it again. Guaranteed! You will never know when either. You will be unhappy living like that. Just take it one day at a time. I know it hurts. Been there got the T-shirt. Time heals all wounds man. Keep active and make some friends. Oh and continue to look for sailing opportunities which is the best therapy you could ever ask for. Good Luck.
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Old 02-10-2015, 08:50   #14
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Re: Need To Be Free, Inexperienced

Really feel bad about what has happened to your life, but most of us have been thru it, one way or the other. First husband 8 years, current one 36 years. Second time around is definitely better. Just remember, the comments people make relate to their history, not yours.

The "trading freedom for companionship" attitude. If I felt I had done that when I married, I don't think I would ever marry.

And the comment about having a beer whenever you want to and not having to explain it to anyone. If you have to explain having a beer to your spouse, you don't have a marriage you have a mommy or daddy living with you.

Was glad to see that you are going forward in a direction you were interested in before the breakup happened. Good Luck and hope your future rolls out better than this past year.
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Old 02-10-2015, 09:15   #15
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Re: Need To Be Free, Inexperienced

I wrote this for Robin about a year ago.
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