Wife is Close to Axing Cruising Dreams

[ArtM]

Originally Posted by BandB

It sounds to me like you and your husband have communicated and figured out best as you can what is right for you. You can find ways to share your dreams and help each other's come true.

As has been hinted at, the problem lies in expectation. Our tradition as human beings is to expect sexual fidelity from our partners.

Although we like to say that our marriage is not "about" sex, the truth is that in most marriages sex is the only non-negotiable element.

However, I think the real reason behind this is fear of loss. We aren't afraid of the SEX with the other person, we're afraid of losing something to that other person in a way that we have no control over. Thus, we attempt to control or prevent the sex in order to control or prevent the possibility of loss.

Anyway, anyone have any idea what happened to the OP, or what this thread was originally about?

[Aussiesuede]

Originally Posted by lovestosail

They just need to get to the place where they realize they are not joined at the hip and like to do some different things. .

Exactly. If my partner didn't desire to travel, then I'd simply ask em:

"Do you prefer 'Scenery' or 'Action' Postcards?

[sailorboy1]

calling Dr CF

[ArtM]

Also, I offer these bit of speculation:

More often than not -
Occasional sexual infidelity is more normal than complete sexual fidelity
Marriages are not broken up as a result of affairs, affairs are the result of a broken marriage
Human sexuality is the single most powerful force in almost every adult's life, overpowering almost all other elemental human forces except that of self-preservation
Nearly every person over the age of 40 has almost certainly had several sexual trists. Those who have not are in a small minority, or possibly in denial
Men and Women are sexual equals, on the whole, though women might be more complex in their handling of their own sexuality
Men are much more emotionally and sexually complex than people think

[JPA Cate]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

The marriage thing is a business! From diamond cartels to dress makers to honeymoon packages... Peer pressure prevents many from prioritizing what they really want in their lives.
It s only a monything when you are already vested in another lifestyle and that is what the marriage business is all about.

Pelagic:

I agree that there exist huge business gains to be made from people who want to benefit from other's lives, and that some people are both open to perceived peer pressure and other sales gimmicks. No one is required or forced to have a large wedding who doesn't want it. And if they give in to something they don't want to do, the whole deal is already compromised!

However, marriage can also simply be a commitment between two people that has a legal aspect which facilitates their lives as cruising sailors. So it has been for us. IMO, it is up to the people to decide between themselves what the exact nature of the commitment is to be, including none. To me, the details of such agreements have little to do with the marketing efforts surrounding marriage, and ought not to be confused.

Ann

[letsgetsailing3]

Originally Posted by Ann T. Cate

However, marriage can also simply be a commitment between two people that has a legal aspect which facilitates their lives as cruising sailors. So it has been for us. IMO, it is up to the people to decide between themselves what the exact nature of the commitment is to be, including none. To me, the details of such agreements have little to do with the marketing efforts surrounding marriage, and ought not to be confused.

Ann

That's the kind I would encourage people to create.

[BandB]

Originally Posted by Ann T. Cate

marriage can also simply be a commitment between two people
Ann

We honestly thought we'd just do a quickie wedding chapel wedding. But then we realized there were things we wanted to say on that day. We had songs we wanted to sing to each other and then together. Words, we wanted to share. And we wanted three people there to share that moment with us.

It was far more moving to us that we even anticipated. It was a way of expressing the depth of our love. Our commitment. We treasure that day, that time immensely. We look back at the video every anniversary. We went through some real hell to get to that point but we fought through some terrible challenges together and it was a culmination and a day we could say, "We made it." We got here together. If we can beat what we faced, then we can conquer anything together.

It's different things to different people but ours was in no way about money. Ours was less than 10% of what an average wedding costs. 3 guests versus hundreds. Every word carefully chosen form our hearts, no standard ministerial reading from a book. No till death do us part. Not even husband and wife, but instead "partners in life" as we chose to use a term available to all. And rest assured it ended with far more than a simple kiss when pronounced official.

I'm not saying it's the same for others. But at the same time, to the cynics, I am saying that for some of us it is a very special bond and it is something we treasure and we honor.

Maybe because we risked everything to be together, and were willing to risk our lives if it came to that. Thankfully, some wonderful people, in parts of our government that one would never suspect being that way, helped make it possible. Our married life has been so simple and easy compared to what it took to get there.

Again, just to all, find what makes you happy. If it's not marriage that's fine. But don't disparage it for all for to many of us it does work and is special.

[Stu Jackson]

Originally Posted by ArtM

Anyway, anyone have any idea what happened to the OP, or what this thread was originally about?

Nope. Either we scared him off or he took off on his boat!

[weavis]

Originally Posted by Stu Jackson

Nope. Either we scared him off or he took off on his boat!

[BandB]

I think he's worked things out with his wife and they've figured out a solution for themselves. And they live happily ever after. Now not sure about many of the rest along the way in the thread.

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by Ann T. Cate

Pelagic:

However, marriage can also simply be a commitment between two people that has a legal aspect which facilitates their lives as cruising sailors. So it has been for us. IMO, it is up to the people to decide between themselves what the exact nature of the commitment is to be, including none. To me, the details of such agreements have little to do with the marketing efforts surrounding marriage, and ought not to be confused.

Ann

Ann, I can tell from your great posts that Jim and you have both developed a relationship full of love, admiration and respect.

That has nothing to do with the "Legality" of marriage... but the strong characters who joined together.

I am sure you have met dysfunctional married couples that make you both cringe.
It is then that same legality that is used as a weapon rather than a convenience.
The high divorce rate implies a 50/50 chance of mutual legal destruction and the strong chance that one our both come out emotionally scarred for life.

I have already protected my loving partner with substantial assetts in case anything happens to me without warning and her long term security after I die has been arranged.
This has been a high priority of mine once I found the right person

I see this as a moral obligation as the breadwinner... Not a legal one and it is more meaningful to me to remain in control of who I am rather than to secede to a romantic/social/religious/legal convention.

We still celebrate our anniversary of finding each other and renew our vows on a regular basis by enjoying our travels together as a couple.

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by BandB

We honestly thought we'd just do a quickie wedding chapel wedding. But then we realized there were things we wanted to say on that day. We had songs we wanted to sing to each other and then together. Words, we wanted to share. And we wanted three people there to share that moment with us.

It was far more moving to us that we even anticipated. It was a way of expressing the depth of our love. Our commitment. We treasure that day, that time immensely. We look back at the video every anniversary. We went through some real hell to get to that point but we fought through some terrible challenges together and it was a culmination and a day we could say, "We made it." We got here together. If we can beat what we faced, then we can conquer anything together.

It's different things to different people but ours was in no way about money. Ours was less than 10% of what an average wedding costs. 3 guests versus hundreds. Every word carefully chosen form our hearts, no standard ministerial reading from a book. No till death do us part. Not even husband and wife, but instead "partners in life" as we chose to use a term available to all. And rest assured it ended with far more than a simple kiss when pronounced official.

I'm not saying it's the same for others. But at the same time, to the cynics, I am saying that for some of us it is a very special bond and it is something we treasure and we honor.

Maybe because we risked everything to be together, and were willing to risk our lives if it came to that. Thankfully, some wonderful people, in parts of our government that one would never suspect being that way, helped make it possible. Our married life has been so simple and easy compared to what it took to get there.

Again, just to all, find what makes you happy. If it's not marriage that's fine. But don't disparage it for all for to many of us it does work and is special.

I wouldn't want to subject anyone else to my horrible singing, but I do like the partners in life vows. I'd love to see that take off and become more of the norm.

[BandB]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

I wouldn't want to subject anyone else to my horrible singing, but I do like the partners in life vows. I'd love to see that take off and become more of the norm.

Wifey B: Well, we sang the same songs that we sang to each other the night we met. A bit corny I guess but he sang "What are you doing the rest of your life" and I sang, "When I fall in love." Then together we sang, "All My Life." After we had our version of our vows which we couldn't put here even if we wanted to as a bit X rated....can't help that...we sang together, "Close to You" and "Unchained Melody." Then after the pronouncement of being partners in life and married by the laws of the state of Nevada stuff, we sang another verse of "Unchained Melody" but with words we'd written. Not by any means a traditional recessional either but oh well. Lot's of music. It's our second love behind boating, although often the two go together as we carry a keyboard and background tracks on the boat.

No one else reading. No one else singing. Minister got one sentence, "By the power vested in me by the state of Nevada, I now pronounce you Partners in Life".

Not one moment of our life has been conventional, starting with the night we met. Maybe we need Sinatra singing "My Way." Then we also recognize that our way isn't right for others, may not be right for anyone else, isn't that sort of like what our way means.

So, leave you with a couple of words from Mama Cass:
You've gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by BandB

I think he's worked things out with his wife and they've figured out a solution for themselves. And they live happily ever after. Now not sure about many of the rest along the way in the thread.

Naah... he was just running an anal experiment.. and he got a few.

[Pelagic]

For many marriages this song comes to mind

".....you may be a lover but you ain't no dancer...."

Helter Skelter - Paul McCartney with Nirvana (The…: http://youtu.be/tyXaRJUvWtM