Wife is Close to Axing Cruising Dreams

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by BandB

If one would choose their boat over their spouse, there is already a problem.

If a spouse would put one in a position of having to choose boat or spouse, there is already a problem.

Communication. Counseling. Both may be in order for many.

Boats or Cruising issues are far more likely to be symptoms of issues than they are the root causes.

Each must find what works for them. However, if the situation is such that one or the other feels compelled to express problems or anger on a forum or facebook or any other public site, then it needs to be addressed between the two people.

Sometimes too people aren't made to be with each other. In fact, some people are not meant to be coupled with any partner. That may be one societal pressure that causes problems, the push toward having a partner, being married. It's not right for everyone. I had a friend who had been through three marriages and all I could think was, "don't you learn? Haven't you ever thought you just aren't to be married, don't like the concept even?". He was my friend, but I could not imagine anyone wanting to be married to him. He was completely inflexible and uncompromising on everything.

He's not choosing a boat over his spouse, he's choosing his DREAM.

Why would anyone want to be married to a dream killer? I wouldn't kill my spouse's dream, I would support it, as long as it wasn't something totally ridiculous.

[weavis]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

He's not choosing a boat over his spouse, he's choosing his DREAM.

Why would anyone want to be married to a dream killer? I wouldn't kill my spouse's dream, I would support it, as long as it wasn't something totally ridiculous.

umm..... it has become ridiculous to her because of the expense.

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

He's not choosing a boat over his spouse, he's choosing his DREAM.

Why would anyone want to be married to a dream killer? I wouldn't kill my spouse's dream, I would support it, as long as it wasn't something totally ridiculous.

Your dream is sailing the 7 sea's.. Totally ridiculous..
Her dream is staying put and surrounding herself with grandkids.. Totally ridiculous..

[Celestialsailor]

Originally Posted by valhalla360

The OP's gotten a lot of good advice from people.

Others on the other hand, will pass off thier comments as hummor...maybe in a passive/agressive way you could call it humor but if you can't see the anger and bitterness in some of these posts, there is no way it can be explained to you. There's an old saying about perception and reality. It does appear to be your mistake:

Slugo, pull your big boy pants up and set the agenda. If she says no tell her you're sorry but this your dream and if she doesn't want to be a part of it, so long. If you give in now you'll just regret the decision and she'll have your number.
Just do it!

Learn to lie like the rest of us.

1 Dump the boat and your (previously agreed to) dream for this apparently manipulative and dishonest person, leaving you unhappy and resentful but you have this wonderful manipulative person to love. High chance you will end up divorced eventually.

2 call her bluff, keep the boat, lose the manipulative and dishonest wife that you love but end up battling it out with lawyers, probably keeping you from your (previously agreed to) dream,

3. Do nothing, hoping the manipulative and dishonest wife will change her mind. (Kind of like playing the lottery)

Dump the wife and go sailing. You can find another 50,000 wives in Mexico

Don't give up. Give her up.

Also if you try and dump the wifey, I can guarantee you the only one owning and cursing the boat will be the wifey, along with your cruising kitty and her new boy toy.

If I had been the OP the last line of the message would have been: "I'm sure going to miss her."

Call a lawyer and review your options, and start squirreling away a kitty of your own in the meantime.

I still miss her some days.

I let that behavior go on too long and it had been out of control so long, there was no getting any equilibrium back in the relationship.

To quote Thomm225...
"Hey Dr Phil, don't you have a show to do"?

[sailorboy1]

maybe time to try something similar in a way, how about a RV?

[captain58sailin]

Kinda the same only different. Accept no substitutes!

[BandB]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

He's not choosing a boat over his spouse, he's choosing his DREAM.

Why would anyone want to be married to a dream killer? I wouldn't kill my spouse's dream, I would support it, as long as it wasn't something totally ridiculous.

As I said, there's a problem with their relationship. I'm not taking sides or placing blame.

[SaltyMonkey]

Originally Posted by sailorboy1

maybe time to try something similar in a way, how about a RV?

Truck camper!

[SaltyMonkey]

Even better for the wifey! Put her in the back!

[goboatingnow]

Originally Posted by SaltyMonkey

Truck camper!

Yep that would fit down the back streets of Milan or Paris

Dave

[crazyoldboatguy]

My wife and I are moving towards the dream. We have been married for 31 years and our 22 y/o son has flown the coop. She retires in a week - I have about 18 months left. We are about to pour a huge amount (I am not telling you'all - she does know) into this old wood boat. We are blessed in that we aren't putting all of it in. Still, a bit daunting, I must say. When I am in the shop that has no windows, she knows where I am. When we are on the boat in the middle of nothing, she knows where I am. We have done short cruises on a smaller boat for 20 years and she enjoys it a lot. We are taking a risk on the bigger boat/longer cruise but we are gonna try it while we still can.

I am blessed.

I don't know what the OP is gonna do. I have lamented some of the huge costs and included the Commodore in that - it seems to help. She knows I do what it takes to get the boat ready and safe while doing my damnedest to keep the cost down. That involves a LOT of time in the shop with no windows working on the boat - where she knows I am at all times.

[xymotic]

Originally Posted by Igotnuthin

OMG! Find a woman who has a large boat AND WORKS on it herself then you know she's invested in the dream! PERIOD!
WHAT is WRONG with you guys?!!!

I've never seen a Unicorn but I admit they might exist

[xymotic]

Originally Posted by SaltyMonkey

Even better for the wifey! Put her in the back!

I bet them wind generators work really well on the freeway

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by weavis

umm..... it has become ridiculous to her because of the expense.

I don't think it's ridiculous at all.

Now if he wanted to build a spaceship or she wanted to swim the Atlantic with her legs tied together, that would be ridiculous.

She's just not as interested in cruising as he is, and for her to pretend that she was earlier sounds deceitful.

[Greenhand]

Originally Posted by xymotic

I've never seen a Unicorn but I admit they might exist

We poop rainbows, too. Helps with keeping the head in order.