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Old 08-05-2014, 11:50   #106
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Re: Wife is close to axing cruising dreams

Just wondering if your wife sails or just cooks and cleans?

If she has equal duties on board then it might go smoother; which means when she is sailing you are cooking and cleaning....

Just a thought from a married man
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Old 08-05-2014, 12:02   #107
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Re: Wife is close to axing cruising dreams

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Originally Posted by Amapola View Post
If this is not a dream for both of you, it won't work. Was she really serious about cruising or just playing along, looking for a way out? Cruising comfortably is not cheap, nor is boat maintenance. Don't give up hope though. I was once in your wife's shoes but once we started cruising, I love it.
There is passion in these posts I see, since it's ballooned so quickly in a couple days.

The part about how the dream should be for both makes sense. In this case, the husband has a dream, maybe even a passion, to cruise. Does the wife have an equally passionate, alternate and unrelated dream? If she does, then does that dream conflict in some way with his? If it's expensive, it might. In such a case, with two competing passions, there will often be one giving in for the other. This works better with some couple combinations than others.

But, on the other hand, could she not really have a passion about anything, and is dragging her feet anyway? Such an position, taken by her, would raise my eyebrows. Are both parties committed to the relationship?

And then, maybe she has a dream, but put it on hold, because she thought she might like sailing. Then, after a few years of day sailing, she decided it wasn't as snazzy as her other, original dream.

I think a lot of couples have one dominant partner and another who has "nothing in particular" to drive for, but is willing to follow wherever the "relationship" leader decides to go. When both partners have independent, fiery spirits, look out! Then things only work when, by luck, both have the same ideas and passions.

Anyway, good luck with your marriage, passions, and dreams.
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Old 08-05-2014, 12:08   #108
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Re: Wife is close to axing cruising dreams

They have a budget. From the OP they worked it out together.

First yard trip with their new boat, that they bought together, just like their Tartan that they bought together, was a tad higher than anticipated.

My experience with boats is that eventually you either have to pay to get it fixed or fix it yourself, but eventually it costs.

So, their budget got whacked eaelier rather than later.

But they still have the rest of their budget in hand.

Don't eat out a lot, scrape by with other things, and, essentially, the bottom line hasn't changed.

Conclusion: there's something else going on in her head, and he doesn't know what it is.
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Old 08-05-2014, 12:10   #109
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Re: Wife is close to axing cruising dreams

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Sure seems smarter to take relationship advice from the guy who's happily married for 20yrs with 7 yrs cruising but hey what do I know.
Sorry...being married does not give you a monopoly on happiness......Is that enough smilies?

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Sounds like I hit a little too close to the truth for someone?
Isn't this just another example of making a group of people wrong?
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Old 08-05-2014, 12:17   #110
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Re: Wife is close to axing cruising dreams

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Sail into any Tropical harbor and head to the cruisers bar and get advice from the "free" alcoholic old salt looking for someone to talk to. Bitterness often rules but they sure did dump "her" and followed their dream! For sure have met some single sailors who are thriving but I've heard it said more than once: "There is a reason why they are singlehanders"
Yes...but somehow you have forget to mention the countless unhappy relationships on the docks and usually fueled with alcohol. I was in La Paz for 4 months and saw two married couples calling it quits.
It doesn't matter if you're married or not. If a person is unhappy, alcohol induced or not, it's going to cause problems.
I won't disgree that there are reasons people single-hand. Some are intolerable to be around while others find it an easier lifestyle to be unencumbered.
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Old 08-05-2014, 12:22   #111
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Re: Wife is close to axing cruising dreams

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Sounds like I hit a little too close to the truth for someone?

I'm just trying to give the guy some useful advice as I assume he would like to stay happily married AND get to go cruising.
Not here.

I was just thinking about that poor bastard that retired to go cruising but the wife (his 2nd Mom?) ended that dream really quick the first time the wine and cheese slid of the table down below.

Now there's soap operas and trips to the mall.
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Old 08-05-2014, 12:28   #112
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Re: Wife is close to axing cruising dreams

I still think getting a good first mate is the best way for the OP to solve his problem:

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Old 08-05-2014, 12:39   #113
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Re: Wife is close to axing cruising dreams

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Not here.

I was just thinking about that poor bastard that retired to go cruising but the wife (his 2nd Mom?) ended that dream really quick the first time the wine and cheese slid of the table down below.
Sigh. Should have got a Multihull..........
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Old 08-05-2014, 12:43   #114
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Re: Wife is close to axing cruising dreams

The Baja Ha Ha starts in six months. Is this the start of adventure?
My wife and I are planning on it this year (my dream) with me getting the boat to San Diego, her flying down and meeting me, doing the rally, staying in a resort for a week, then she'll fly home and I'll bash the boat back to Stockton.

My priority is making it as easy and relaxing for her as I can.

If I had her commit to taking the boat from Stockton to San Diego, do the rally then the bash back! It would be the end of our marriage or at least my sailing.

We've talked of cruising in the future and she say's she'll be happy to fly anywhere I want to go. It wouldn't take a very big incident to talk her out of it.

Financially it would be better for us to wait until next year but
I want to do the rally now because I might get hit by a bus by next year.

IF your doing the rally I would like to keep in touch and exchange stratigies.

Good luck!
Maybe see you in San Diego, Turtle bay, Bahia Santa Maria and
Cabo this fall.
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Old 08-05-2014, 12:45   #115
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Re: Wife is close to axing cruising dreams

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Sigh. Should have got a Multihull..........
Oh that's right, you cruising multihull guys never fly the hull:

My last catamaran: (NACRA F-17)

Also, not to stray too far off the subject, last years Champion Skipper in the F-16 Catamaran Cass was female.

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Old 08-05-2014, 12:52   #116
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Re: Wife is close to axing cruising dreams

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Sorry...being married does not give you a monopoly on happiness......Is that enough smilies?



Isn't this just another example of making a group of people wrong?
Never said, you couldn't be single and happy but since the discussion revolves around being in a happy "relationship", compared to crusty whining divorced guys telling him to dump her before she ruins your life...yeah, I'll claim to have the monopoly.
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Old 08-05-2014, 12:56   #117
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Re: Wife is close to axing cruising dreams

I can't help you as far as marital advice- My first wife said pretty much the same thing. But as far as hemhoraging money- remember B.O.A.T. Stands for "Bring On Another Thousand." I have had boats for forty years and learned long ago that an hour of my time saves me on average $50-$70 per hour. Get Nigel Calder's books. Get the tools you need. Do everything you possibly can- believe me when you break down in some God forsaken place- which you will- you will have a better idea of what is wrong and how to fix it and where to get the parts. Besides, cruising is about independence. Nothing worse than being dependent on the marine services industry.
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Old 08-05-2014, 13:03   #118
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Re: Wife is close to axing cruising dreams

Everyone has to decide what is best for them. A forum is not likely to help one that much either as each person on one comes from their own situation. It's got to be open and honest communication with those involved and figuring out what one wants to do.

We're lucky that we have an equal passion for the water. I had a small boat on the lake when we met. We went from lake to ocean and small to larger together. I will say this though, boating is my second love not first. If circumstances ever arose that I had to choose, I'd give up boating in an instant. I think we both know that if we live long enough that time will come. Health or injury to one of us will make it impractical if not impossible. But then we would have the memories of all these years.
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Old 08-05-2014, 13:03   #119
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Re: Wife is close to axing cruising dreams

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Never said, you couldn't be single and happy but since the discussion revolves around being in a happy "relationship", compared to crusty whining divorced guys telling him to dump her before she ruins your life...yeah, I'll claim to have the monopoly.
I just love how you polarize everything...

...crusty whining divorced guys and you...Mr. happy and we know not crusty or whiny.
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Old 08-05-2014, 13:15   #120
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Re: Wife is close to axing cruising dreams

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I just love how you polarize everything...

...crusty whining divorced guys and you...Mr. happy and we know not crusty or whiny.
Polarized? Kind of like this:

"Yes...but somehow you have forget to mention the countless unhappy relationships on the docks and usually fueled with alcohol."

I suppose it's wrong in today's PC world to call a bitter old man, a bitter old man.

Never said you couldn't be happy when single or unhappy when married but if you are smart about it, you are far more likely to be successful and happy in your relationship. If it makes me a bad person to say it out loud, I guess I'm a bad person.
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