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Old 20-05-2014, 10:52   #256
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Re: Wife is Close to Axing Cruising Dreams

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Originally Posted by Prairie Chicken View Post
Idora, I agree with your premise, but have to disagree with some of your stats. In my experience, 95% of the men I knew well enough to judge (I was a single woman who worked & socialized in a male-dominated world) cheated on their wives at some point. Well, perhaps some just wanted to but never got there... if you get my drift.

On the other hand, I never had the impression women cheated much at all. Perhaps that's because I never had a woman come on to me. (Well, ok, once, but she was with her husband at the time.)
Your stats are atypical, well outside the norm.

70% of men admit to cheating, 60% of women admit to cheating. The people who did the study theorize that the number of women who actually cheat is higher, possibly closer to 70% also. Women still feel more stigmatized about cheating than men, thus more men are willing to admit to it and fewer women.

The bottom line I got out of all of it is that 70% of men and women in marriages in the US cheat on their spouse. Since all of the cheaters are not married to each other, it's safe to say that there is a very, very small percentage of marriages where no one is cheating.

Considering the rampant obesity in the US, I find the thought extremely disturbing.
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Old 20-05-2014, 11:03   #257
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Re: Wife is Close to Axing Cruising Dreams

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the number of women who actually cheat is higher, possibly closer to 70%

Considering the rampant obesity in the US, I find the thought extremely disturbing.
Hey! Fluffy girls need love too!!
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Old 20-05-2014, 11:10   #258
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Re: Wife is Close to Axing Cruising Dreams

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Old 20-05-2014, 11:11   #259
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Re: Wife is Close to Axing Cruising Dreams

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Most folk are quite content living with some one between 10-14 hours a day.. however 24/7 is often not what they signed up for..
Would probably have agreed with you a decade ago, but after 9 years together with a wonderful Filipino lady...we both hate to be apart....even for a few hours..
She is my best friend, keeps me laughing and always has my back.
Here in the Philippines.... Temptation and opportunity for extra marital affairs is readily available.... It is even discretely accepted in their culture.....
But when you find the right partner... it is not even a thought to play with a stranger.
I am a lucky guy!
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Old 20-05-2014, 11:21   #260
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Re: Wife is Close to Axing Cruising Dreams

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Would probably have agreed with you a decade ago, but after 9 years together with a with wonderful Filipino lady...we both hate to be apart....even for a few hours..
She is my best friend, keeps me laughing and always has my back.
Here in the Philippines.... Temptation and opportunity for extra marital affairs is readily available.... It is even discretely accepted in their culture.....
But when you find the right partner... it is not even a thought to play with a stranger.
I am a lucky guy!
Glad you got it right.

A friend of mine has not been so lucky. A group of us have been going out there for over 20 some years, (I do some medical charity work) going to Cebu ..... he finally bought out there and lives 6 months of the year.

Over the last 6 years, My clinic has treated him 3 times for gentleman diseases, and he was in a monogomous relationship each time with a local!

Because of the lifestyle and as you say, tacit approval of extra curricular activities.., I would want a full medical first and a family history.

this lady he lives with now, she was the last "gift giver" and they both sorted out medically and he chose to carry on.

A GREAT country and lovely people......... but will tell you what you want to hear rather than the truth sometimes. If you get a good woman it makes all the difference.

You are a very lucky man.
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Old 20-05-2014, 11:54   #261
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Re: Wife is Close to Axing Cruising Dreams

Too true Weavis...
The Sex Trade here is crazy as are the foreign tourists who encourage it with their fantasy excursions into copious boom-booming!

I don't blame the girls... They are just trying to support their families and last year's Typhoon Yolanda has now swelled the Visayan numbers working in the bars for the first time.

If your friend could only realize that meeting a girl outside the trade is very easy.....
Edit:
Problem with his 6 month part time relationships is that it is
difficult to control a wandering pecker or a working girl....

Hopefully he wont need your services if he commits full time to a partner.

By the way... I also hear that the male tourist tell the girls what they want to hear... Rather than the Truth.

Communication with Filipinos is an art form because of their face-saving "Hiyia" culture.

Good book to read is "Culture Shock"..a guide to ethics and morality in the Philippines.
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Old 20-05-2014, 12:12   #262
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Re: Wife is Close to Axing Cruising Dreams

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I also hear that the male tourist tell the girls what they want to hear... Rather than the Truth.
Never!!
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Old 20-05-2014, 13:00   #263
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Re: Wife is Close to Axing Cruising Dreams

An old shipmate of mine married a Filipina and she told him to get orders back to Subic Bay, and they could live like kings on his Navy paycheck.

They moved back there and rented a huge house, and she hired a housekeeper and a cook, then basically sat back and relaxed as a rich woman. We pulled in on the boat (sub) and he met us on the pier with a cooler full of beer. As we were drinking, he told us how great it was to live there, so cheap, tons of fresh food, custom tailored clothing, plenty of women. He did mention that he was out one night and ended up in bed with another woman. He woke up a couple nights later at home and found a menacing face staring at him, and she was holding his privates stretched out with a razor about to amputate it! He managed to talk her out of it.

Turns out, he had gotten lipstick on his collar and he didn't think anything of it, just threw it into the laundry bin. The housekeeper found it and was furious, seems he had been sleeping with her too. His wife never found out, but the housekeeper taught him a valuable lesson!
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Old 20-05-2014, 13:44   #264
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Re: Wife is Close to Axing Cruising Dreams

This is no different than the guy with a fishing boat--usually a bass boat or guns etc. They just need to get to the place where they realize they are not joined at the hip and like to do some different things. I love to trave--before we were married we made a concious decision to have our children first--then we were going to travel. Well that did not work out as a few years before retirement my husband became ill--I still want to travel--but he does not(although there is nothing stopping him)he just does not want to travel out of country. A number of years a go I took a sailing course and love to sail. He does not want to take a course but says he will be first mate--I am not looking to do an Atlantic crossing but would like to learn more about coastal cruising. All the years he hunted and fished I did not go on the hunting trips with him and not always on the fishing either. My advice would be to let your wife do some things she would like to do--if she is not wanting to sail--make sure you help her realize her dreams too--they do not have to be the same dreams--just because you are married. Provide funds for her to do something she dreams about--First find out what her dreams are. My daughter and son-in-law recently have also become very interested in sailing. Of course they must work--so are not always available for sailing. WE ALL HAVE DREAMS AND GOALS--WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT THEM.
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Old 20-05-2014, 14:12   #265
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Re: Wife is Close to Axing Cruising Dreams

to Weavis --- of course he is still wrong!
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Old 20-05-2014, 14:21   #266
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Re: Wife is Close to Axing Cruising Dreams

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to Weavis --- of course he is still wrong!
who is? What is? Is there any money in it and where is my script?
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Old 20-05-2014, 14:28   #267
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Re: Wife is Close to Axing Cruising Dreams

Wifey B: Rule number one in my book is honesty and open communication. It won't solve every problem but it sure makes it possible to solve many.

As to 90% of your friends cheat, I might advise broadening my circle of friends. Not because I'm judging your current ones, but you're getting a skewed view. It's good to have friends different than you. There are three older couples in our lives who play very important roles in our lives and they don't cheat, never have, never will. Now they've conservative compared to us but it's freaking awesome to see couples who have been happily married forever. It's uplifting. Frank and Betty, who we sort of adopted as parents, have been married 30 years, David and Beth have been together 38 years and they're still in their 50's (childhood sweethearts) and James and Anna have been together 20 years since about two years after his first wife died from cancer.

We have friends our ages and younger who don't cheat and we have friends who have honest and more open relationships and still don't cheat as normally it's them together and they've agreed before. But they communicate. I mean like two girls who are married but they do like to be with a man occasionally. If a girl friend came to me or a male friend to my hubby and told us he was cheating we'd really try to talk to him. Not to tell him not to cheat, but to tell him to talk to his spouse about what's going on in their marriage. My hubby and I don't do anything we aren't ok with each other knowing and this isn't just sex I'm talking about. It's sort of like telling a kid not to do anything they'd be ashamed of their mom finding out about.

Find the lifestyle that works for you, but if it involves lying to a spouse or partner that's a tough way to live. And don't bet they don't know and aren't hurt badly by it and by you hiding stuff from them. But it's really no different than the original question the OP posed. He should think how he'd feel her reading what he's said here and why hasn't he said those things to her.

And if your life involves multiple partners or your spouses does, really be careful out there. In fact that is the part that would scare us. Oh and dudes who cheat, bet you most of your wives do too. The odds then of you two getting an STD are huge, because we already know the people you cheat with have multiple partners.

Not saying we do or ever would but just hypothetically if my hubby and I were going to be with another girl it would be shared and in our home and a best friend who we adore and someone we know is clean and someone who knows we come first with each other and it would be something we both wanted. And that would not be cheating.
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Old 20-05-2014, 14:33   #268
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Re: Wife is Close to Axing Cruising Dreams

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Originally Posted by lovestosail View Post
This is no different than the guy with a fishing boat--usually a bass boat or guns etc. They just need to get to the place where they realize they are not joined at the hip and like to do some different things. I love to trave--before we were married we made a concious decision to have our children first--then we were going to travel. Well that did not work out as a few years before retirement my husband became ill--I still want to travel--but he does not(although there is nothing stopping him)he just does not want to travel out of country. A number of years a go I took a sailing course and love to sail. He does not want to take a course but says he will be first mate--I am not looking to do an Atlantic crossing but would like to learn more about coastal cruising. All the years he hunted and fished I did not go on the hunting trips with him and not always on the fishing either. My advice would be to let your wife do some things she would like to do--if she is not wanting to sail--make sure you help her realize her dreams too--they do not have to be the same dreams--just because you are married. Provide funds for her to do something she dreams about--First find out what her dreams are. My daughter and son-in-law recently have also become very interested in sailing. Of course they must work--so are not always available for sailing. WE ALL HAVE DREAMS AND GOALS--WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT THEM.
It sounds to me like you and your husband have communicated and figured out best as you can what is right for you. You can find ways to share your dreams and help each other's come true.
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Old 20-05-2014, 14:57   #269
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Re: Wife is Close to Axing Cruising Dreams

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On the other hand, I never had the impression women cheated much at all. Perhaps that's because I never had a woman come on to me. (Well, ok, once, but she was with her husband at the time.)

When I bartended back in college, I learned that women cheat every bit as much as men, but they tend to go about it differently. Men seem to like their booty closer and more convenient. But women seem to have a radar that starts to buzz once they achieve a geographic distance from their partner which whispers into their ear

"You're officially single at the 100 mile mark".

More times than not, when a woman I was serving said she was from out of town, there was a very good chance of her leaving the bar with some lucky lad. And since I don't gamble, my only real reason to frequent Las Vegas in my 20's was summed up in 2 words "Girls Weekend" usually disguised as a Bacholorette party. All of em were in town for one thing and they weren't going home, ahem, empty.
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Old 20-05-2014, 14:59   #270
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Re: Wife is Close to Axing Cruising Dreams

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As to 90% of your friends cheat, I might advise broadening my circle of friends. Not because I'm judging your current ones, but you're getting a skewed view. It's good to have friends different than you. There are three older couples in our lives who play very important roles in our lives and they don't cheat, never have, never will

We have friends our ages and younger who don't cheat .
Lovely. Wonderful.......... Only you DONT KNOW if they cheat or cheated. You have their word for it but you dont really know. You may "feel" you do, but you really dont.

Sometime in the early 90s, I spent a month working in a sexual health clinic as they call them now, in a town on the south coast of England. No names recorded for the clients. In that month, a day did not go by without me catching sight of people I knew. Some highly respected people and some people I associated with personally.

The biggest shock to me, and as I write this I can still feel the shock, was seeing my own dad.

Of course being the mature physician I am, I hid. I left the building and didnt go back in till I saw him depart. I was in the cafe across the road. For those that have visited this place... you might know the place I mean.

I never mentioned it to my dad. Never said a word. Not a word to my mother either..... no one...... ever. (later I found out by accident who it was, and was again shocked by his poor taste)

So the only person who EVER really knows the truth is the person who did or didnt do something regardless of what they say.

Being of Irish ancestry, I have just 2 rules:
  • 1/. dont believe anything.
  • 2/. then dont believe anything at all.
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