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Old 07-09-2013, 23:07   #121
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Re: Challenge: How Do You Manage Fear ?

I don't want to get into too much analysation here but I believe folks here have different definitions of fear. It is natural for me to be anxious at the beginning of a journey. As of today, I have covered 350 miles. Most overnighters. We have encountered fog, big swells, Pt. Coception, freighters and the list goes on. Am I in fear?...No. Am I anxious when in the dark, I see a black mass on the radar 1/2 mile off my port side?...You bet. I see whales all around me throughout the day, so I know they are there in the blackness of night.
For me and I say only for me is...Fear is "mind". It cannot live in the here and now. Fear is the past or projected future...a dread if you will. While I'm anxious, I am in the here in now. Dealing with what is in front of me. So if you are freaking out with what might happen, then that I see as fear. But hey...99.999% of the things we think is going to happen never does.
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Old 09-09-2013, 14:11   #122
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Re: Challenge: How Do You Manage Fear ?

yes you are correct, cs---there are many kinds of fear and a tiny bit of the butterflies is a good thing----
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Old 09-09-2013, 14:48   #123
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Re: Challenge: How Do You Manage Fear ?

Excellent Zeehag...your words below make a whole lot of sense to me! Thank you!


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alternative destinations is what planning in liquid jello is all about--stuff happens and life is a constant fluid moment.....what you do in response to the change which comes rather suddenly--is how you react to the change--which is spawned by an unconscious fear of something--each is individual, but to declare oneself with out fear is to be arrogantly ignorant of human flight fight response mechanisms,which are intrinsic to survival in extreme conditions and change.
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Old 09-09-2013, 15:40   #124
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Re: Challenge: How Do You Manage Fear ?

I am surprised noone here mentioned real, working techs. Lots of talk of "you should be brave" and "face your fears" but what EXACTLY to do to "face the fear"? Thanks goodness, novadays there are many working techniques that give good results with lots of unwanted reactions including fear. Among the simpliest are EFT and BSFF. They are openly available online, well documented and you can master them in a matter of hours or days. Google for them if you really want.
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Old 09-09-2013, 16:02   #125
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Re: Challenge: How Do You Manage Fear ?

I was afraid of flying (as a passenger) until I started imagining how cool it would be to actually fly the plane. It's a control issue, I like to be in it. Now I get a thrill out of take offs and landings.
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Old 15-09-2013, 09:41   #126
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I've spent 8 years as a liveaboard and sailed most of the way round the world, even sailed the big capes, and then suddenly menopause and the accompanying stupid irrational anxiety hit totally without warning. After a couple of boat endangering experiences in Malaysia involving middle of the night Sumatra winds of 40+ knots putting us on to a lee shore reef with 180 degree wind changes, I now freak out at anchor in anything over 10 knots. I know it is stupid and that there is no danger, but that doesn't stop the crippling terror and the accompanying nausea. I rely heavily on displacement activities or sitting on deck on watching, which calms me down.

I ave no problem at sea on ocean passages (no land to bang into) my theory being that when all hell breaks loose with the weather, and you have done all you can, your only alternative is to get off the boat, and suddenly being on the boat doesn't seem so bad after all! I spend a lot of time going through my "what if"s so if something happens I have a plan, and when things go bad, even in my nightmare anchoring scenarios, I can and do take charge, troubleshoot and get things sorted really well. Rationally I know this, but the damn anxiety still occurs. Boats are a worrying place for control freaks with over active imaginations.
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Old 15-09-2013, 10:34   #127
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Re: Challenge: How Do You Manage Fear ?

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Originally Posted by Sea Frog View Post
I am surprised noone here mentioned real, working techs. Lots of talk of "you should be brave" and "face your fears" but what EXACTLY to do to "face the fear"? Thanks goodness, novadays there are many working techniques that give good results with lots of unwanted reactions including fear. Among the simpliest are EFT and BSFF. They are openly available online, well documented and you can master them in a matter of hours or days. Google for them if you really want.
Sorry, but electronic fund transfers and b. s. for fraidies don't seem to fit here, and Google doesn't seem to know what they stand for either, so could you explain?

And, if you go back to the earlier pages of the thread, Rebel Heart posted some fear managing techniques, as did others, by way of informing us what worked for them.


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Old 15-09-2013, 10:53   #128
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Re: Challenge: How Do You Manage Fear ?

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Sorry, but electronic fund transfers and b. s. for fraidies don't seem to fit here, and Google doesn't seem to know what they stand for either, so could you explain?

And, if you go back to the earlier pages of the thread, Rebel Heart posted some fear managing techniques, as did others, by way of informing us what worked for them.

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Old 15-09-2013, 11:54   #129
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Re: Challenge: How Do You Manage Fear ?

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Sorry, but electronic fund transfers and b. s. for fraidies don't seem to fit here, and Google doesn't seem to know what they stand for either, so could you explain?
You must have some other google, because it is all over 1st page of results and you really don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out what is relevant. Unless you don't want to, in which case there is nothing I (or those 2 techniques) can do. As for other "techniques" that others describe - I do not doubt that they work for them and others, but as a professional with 20+ years (fear management is one of the things I specialized in), I prefer stuff that gives reliable, verifiable, repeatable results in short time. I don't mind people spending months and years on something that can be fixed in the matter of hours and days, but I am not interested in paddling where I can motor in comfort and safety. But like I said, I don't mind if you paddle - it can be fun too! At least first few months
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Old 15-09-2013, 12:05   #130
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I think one has to differentiate paralysing panic from just fear. Never sail with people that claim to have no fear. Fear keeps you sharp active and questioning , fear keeps you alive.

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Old 15-09-2013, 14:12   #131
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Old 15-09-2013, 18:31   #132
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Re: Challenge: How Do You Manage Fear ?

Boatie, did you mean put 'em on and carry on?

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Old 15-09-2013, 19:32   #133
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Re: Challenge: How Do You Manage Fear ?

One of the great things about getting out on the water is the crystallizing effect a bit of jeopardy has on ones ability to distinguish between fear and anxiety - anxiety being one of the most corrosive effects of modern living.
In the absence of danger we have a hardwired capacity for healthy fear that we attempt to meet through anxiety. Getting the s%^t scared out of oneself is a damn healthy thing to have happen occasionally - especially in a relatively benign environment like the sea.
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Old 16-09-2013, 07:50   #134
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Re: Challenge: How Do You Manage Fear ?

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You must have some other google, because it is all over 1st page of results and you really don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out what is relevant. Unless you don't want to, in which case there is nothing I (or those 2 techniques) can do. As for other "techniques" that others describe - I do not doubt that they work for them and others, but as a professional with 20+ years (fear management is one of the things I specialized in), I prefer stuff that gives reliable, verifiable, repeatable results in short time. I don't mind people spending months and years on something that can be fixed in the matter of hours and days, but I am not interested in paddling where I can motor in comfort and safety. But like I said, I don't mind if you paddle - it can be fun too! At least first few months

Good morniing Old Frog,

Goodness, I seem to have offended you. I apologize, wholeheartedly. I made what was apparently an offensive attempt to be humorous; it was not my intent. I am sorry for that.

It is most evident, and I am the first to admit that I am not now, nor have I ever been a rocket scientist. In fact, having lived outside reach of the internet for the greater part of the last 25 years, I am among the most inept adults at manipulating it. However, while I found an alternate to "electronic funds transfer", I did not for BSFF. Therefore I lacked the information to which you have been privy for so long.

Indeed, you might have helped more by first spelling out your background, or the parts which formed the basis for your recommendations, as that would help folks like myself who use that data to rate informed opinion. It is a difficult issue for the internet, where we desire both some illusion of privacy, but wish our experience to be valued. I do not mention in public fora what my life was before I became a cruising sailor. I comment only on what I have experience of and try to own my ignorances. And yet, as I write this, I am thinking to myself, "Old Frog cannot know that what I write is a truthful representation. This is the internet. A person can write what he/she wants regardless of its reflection of reality.....and of course, I guess that's true of you, as well. So, PM me if you want to continue communication with me."

However, from your reassurance that there was something there I had missed, and at the site I clicked on for BSFF (which for the others who are reading this means "Be Set Free Fast") it refers to a scheme for learning skills to clear emotional blocks. I personally was turned off the site--it struck me like a lot of what I see, testimonials with no data, but for someone with life experiences different from mine, it might indeed offer help, particularly where emotions are getting in the way of getting on with what you need to do.

And now to managing fear: do you not think that owning the fear, then deciding how to handle the situation is one valid way to manage fear? I agree with the concept that anxiety, vague fearful state, may respond to psychotherapies of different styles, but do you not think that at sea, when one is afraid, say, to go on the foredeck due to excessive motion, that it is best to own up being scared, then put on one's tether, and do what needs to be done before the situation gets worse?

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Old 16-09-2013, 08:08   #135
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Boatie, did you mean put 'em on and carry on?

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