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Old 02-12-2012, 08:38   #151
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Re: "What make the perfect boat woman...perfect"

I have been very lucky. I can't say I have hit much chauvinism in my life before, either personally or professionally. Never considered I had anything to prove, just got on with things.

Captain's Jeffry's "Marge in Charge" comment was actually the most insulting thing I have ever had aimed at me (I must have had a pretty sheltered life if this is the worst I have come across). His problem though, not mine . I am out here cruising and having the time of my life. I am not particularly concerned if some men think I am incapable, my only concerns are what my husband thinks of me.

I don't have a point to prove, so there has never been any need for me to be "brash and edgy". And I would never consider not waking up my husband for help fearing this puts me in a bad light, where on earth did that thought come from David? Would you ever not consider waking up someone you were sailing with when help was needed just because you would consider this a sign of weakness? That is a really odd concept.

Honestly men, how would you feel if sailing was female dominated and someone aimed a comment like that at you, calling all male captains they had met "annoying fat people who attempt to take the lead in any discussion, begging for attention with their point of view revolving around what they saw on television the night before"?

Just about to pour myself a glass of red and watch the sunset . Ignorant comments like that really aren't worth worrying over. Ladies, don't let all these negative comments put you off sailing. Thankfully not all men feel the same way.
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Old 02-12-2012, 08:47   #152
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Re: "What make the perfect boat woman...perfect"

Just had my coffee Seaworthy on the other side of the globe ;0)

'Large and in Charge' is another saying here in the U.S. but I have always just thought meaning the person 'in charge' thinks they are 'large' mentally...

Sayings are weird...and I don't really think Capt. Jeffrey meant it by that letter of the definition or maybe he did.

I don't have anything to prove either until suddenly I feel put in that position by someone else, and then yes, I have choices, either to bite the line, turn the other cheek, or open discussion and not take it personally...
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Old 02-12-2012, 08:53   #153
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Re: "What make the perfect boat woman...perfect"

I doubt Jeffry's "Marge in Charge" was meant to insult anyone. Likely had heard the expression and related it to a woman who is capable. I'm sure he didn't do research on the phrase. I'm a little surprised anyone does, but that's me.

It's not just a sailing woman's sailing ability that would make them perfect (in my eyes) but social skills as well. How many times have you been a hostage in a conversation with a "Boomer McBrag"? Whether male or female, bending your ear off about how great they are. Or some other form of endless talking to fill airspace. Any good person with social skills has the ability to listen, be kind, help others and the ability to join social events and situations. Know when to hold their tongue and knowing when to speak their mind.
I think of how nice it is to be with a partner who is social, pleasant and engaging with them out in public or alone. No one sails 24/7. In the over-all picture of cruising and staying in port and traveling, sailing is less than 5% I would say. So your significant other better have some other traits going on for themselves.
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Old 02-12-2012, 09:01   #154
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Re: "What make the perfect boat woman...perfect"

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I doubt Jeffry's "Marge in Charge" was meant to insult anyone. Likely had heard the expression and related it to a woman who is capable. I'm sure he didn't do research on the phrase. I'm a little surprised anyone does, but that's me.
......
.
I had just never heard this expression at all before, so I googled it to see what it meant. Insatiable curiosity here . Didn't like what I found though .
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Old 02-12-2012, 09:10   #155
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Re: "What make the perfect boat woman...perfect"

Very good point Celestial in regards to overall personality...
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Old 02-12-2012, 09:14   #156
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For the record, it wasn't just the choice of a neat little saying that has negative connotations that made that comment miserable, but rather the whole tone of "some of my best friends are [fill in group you are about to offend]" .

This whole discussion started in regards to guests/ crew sailing with couples. Different arrangements are going to work with different couples, but it is useful to see where a specific arrangement is not working. For example, the couple where the husband fed into guests considering him in charge. This kind if thinking is very detrimental to crew relations overall.

The only lesson that is applicable to all cruising couples is that guests know what the arrangement is. We have seen examples in this thread where the couple works well as a team, but that teamwork might falter when under pressure from new folks on board. Of course, in that case, it is also necessary that each partner is willing to say "check with the one in charge" when appropriate.
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Old 02-12-2012, 09:22   #157
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Re: "What make the perfect boat woman...perfect"

Exactly Greenhand...and what Chris and I talked about when we got back is how we need to be VERY clear about distinctions before we have guests aboard when sailing with them. We had sailed before with this friend and had no issues when it was a week trip to Ocracoke...so we had no idea that any issues like this would come up since they hadn't before...although I take that back...there was one issue that I won't go into here, but I now see the dynamic existed before and I hadn't really understood it at the time...interesting.

I think Chris and I were in our big cruising adventure and we were still learning together what worked for us when someone came aboard who really wanted some clear definitions, which is understandable, but it didn't come out so well...
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Old 02-12-2012, 09:25   #158
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Re: "What make the perfect boat woman...perfect"

Well as you know HH, relationships are multifaceted. I have/had friends married multiple years only to end up each person doing their own thing with their own friends but living together. Maybe they're ok with it. Maybe that is bliss for them. Just cannot see a reason to be long term with someone based on that model. Perhaps they get around loneliness that way.
Weighing into the relationship model...often times our only manual for relationships are what we witnessed with our parents...God forbid! I had a teacher at UCSC tell us that our personality is formed between the age of 0 to 6 years old...we spend the next 70 years trying to undo that and discover who we really are. I'm sure this is the reason relationships work better as we age.
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Old 02-12-2012, 09:42   #159
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Re: "What make the perfect boat woman...perfect"

All true Celestial...that is why I am a very lucky woman to have Chris in my life who believes we as individuals do have the capacity of evolution, as well, I do too...

Neither one of us is under some illusion that we are perfect, or that we will not have some challenges out there figuring it all out...While it isn't always *easy* sometimes as of late, I can say that it is worth it...
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Old 02-12-2012, 10:19   #160
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Re: "What make the perfect boat woman...perfect"

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OMG .
I had to look that one up:

'Marge in charge'
An annoying fat person who attempts to take the lead in any discussion. This person often begs for attention, and his or her point of view revolves around what they saw on television the night before.

What an insult to all cruising women .
OMG!!! Come on and Relax ladies! It was an expression and to be honest, NEVER looked it up in any dictionary of sayings.

I have crewed for may Women Captains and have thorougly enjoyed the experience and learend a great deal.

Excuse tghe use of a term obviously with much more meaning than IO inetended.

Like I said I know about a dozen Women Captains and respect EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM and would go to sea with them a heartbeat

Take away from this what your minds would like to...justt sayin...


Relax!
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Old 02-12-2012, 10:22   #161
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Re: "What make the perfect boat woman...perfect"

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I doubt Jeffry's "Marge in Charge" was meant to insult anyone. Likely had heard the expression and related it to a woman who is capable. I'm sure he didn't do research on the phrase. I'm a little surprised anyone does, but that's me.

It's not just a sailing woman's sailing ability that would make them perfect (in my eyes) but social skills as well. How many times have you been a hostage in a conversation with a "Boomer McBrag"? Whether male or female, bending your ear off about how great they are. Or some other form of endless talking to fill airspace. Any good person with social skills has the ability to listen, be kind, help others and the ability to join social events and situations. Know when to hold their tongue and knowing when to speak their mind.
I think of how nice it is to be with a partner who is social, pleasant and engaging with them out in public or alone. No one sails 24/7. In the over-all picture of cruising and staying in port and traveling, sailing is less than 5% I would say. So your significant other better have some other traits going on for themselves.
THANK YOU!! Yikes! Who looks this stuff up? It was a rhyming play on word with IN CHARGE. Who knew Marge was such a mess...
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Old 02-12-2012, 10:23   #162
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Re: "What make the perfect boat woman...perfect"

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For the record, it wasn't just the choice of a neat little saying that has negative connotations that made that comment miserable, but rather the whole tone of "some of my best friends are [fill in group you are about to offend]" .

This whole discussion started in regards to guests/ crew sailing with couples. Different arrangements are going to work with different couples, but it is useful to see where a specific arrangement is not working. For example, the couple where the husband fed into guests considering him in charge. This kind if thinking is very detrimental to crew relations overall.

The only lesson that is applicable to all cruising couples is that guests know what the arrangement is. We have seen examples in this thread where the couple works well as a team, but that teamwork might falter when under pressure from new folks on board. Of course, in that case, it is also necessary that each partner is willing to say "check with the one in charge" when appropriate.
For the record....You are completely rediculous!! Seriously! I do have friends which are fellow Captains and many of them are Women. Note the Captial W.
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Old 02-12-2012, 10:29   #163
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Re: "What make the perfect boat woman...perfect"

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I have been very lucky. I can't say I have hit much chauvinism in my life before, either personally or professionally. Never considered I had anything to prove, just got on with things.

Captain's Jeffry's "Marge in Charge" comment was actually the most insulting thing I have ever had aimed at me (I must have had a pretty sheltered life if this is the worst I have come across). His problem though, not mine . I am out here cruising and having the time of my life. I am not particularly concerned if some men think I am incapable, my only concerns are what my husband thinks of me.

I don't have a point to prove, so there has never been any need for me to be "brash and edgy". And I would never consider not waking up my husband for help fearing this puts me in a bad light, where on earth did that thought come from David? Would you ever not consider waking up someone you were sailing with when help was needed just because you would consider this a sign of weakness? That is a really odd concept.

Honestly men, how would you feel if sailing was female dominated and someone aimed a comment like that at you, calling all male captains they had met "annoying fat people who attempt to take the lead in any discussion, begging for attention with their point of view revolving around what they saw on television the night before"?

Just about to pour myself a glass of red and watch the sunset . Ignorant comments like that really aren't worth worrying over. Ladies, don't let all these negative comments put you off sailing. Thankfully not all men feel the same way.

You're spending an awfull lot of time worring about it. And Incorrectly I might add. Horrible actually!! I know MANY men Captains that I would never go to sea with. Not so with Women Captians I know and are also good Friends with. Chill.. please

Never knew the literal translatuion of that term, my bad. To me it meant someone, deserving of being in charge. That's all. WoW!

AND I have also used that term in describing men as being in charge.

Go Broncos!
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Old 02-12-2012, 10:32   #164
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Re: "What make the perfect boat woman...perfect"

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Just had my coffee Seaworthy on the other side of the globe ;0)

'Large and in Charge' is another saying here in the U.S. but I have always just thought meaning the person 'in charge' thinks they are 'large' mentally...

Sayings are weird...and I don't really think Capt. Jeffrey meant it by that letter of the definition or maybe he did.

I don't have anything to prove either until suddenly I feel put in that position by someone else, and then yes, I have choices, either to bite the line, turn the other cheek, or open discussion and not take it personally...
THANK YOU! Internet blogs are funny and things go wonky at times. Sorry about using a phrase with such a diparaging meaning. Not my intent AT ALL!

In addition. """Many of men my captain friends""" are complete idiots and do not deserve the credentials. just sayin'
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Old 02-12-2012, 10:50   #165
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Re: "What make the perfect boat woman...perfect"

Also for the record, my stunning girlfriend has used that term repeatedly when we go sailing with her son, (who has Down Syndrome), to give me credit for being, 'Marge in Charge' and getting us all home safely in trying conditions. I assure you I doid n ot know the term had those connotations attsched. Boy am I going to be angry with her, now! LOL! Take it easy Lass! No harm meant
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