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Old 06-01-2015, 16:38   #1
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Spouse hates my boat

ok, so long time lurker, not much of a poster. Really need some advice on this.

I have an older boat that I have completely restored to like new condition. Surveyor says it is in bristol condition. I absolutely adore this boat and have put so many hours into researching, restoring and using it. Recently got my 100T Captains license as well.

Here's the rub, my wife hates my boat, the slowness of boat travel and the ocean. Not only that, but she hates it when I want to use the boat by myself or go somewhere with a group of boaters. I love boating, have had boats all my life (two boats before marriage even) except when kids (and their horses, braces, education etc) depleted all available funds.

It is not a money issue - I retired early with no debt and money in the bank. I am not sure what kind of issue it is but the long and short of it is that I have been given an ultimatum about my "obsession" and told to sell it because it is damaging the marriage.

Looking for help understanding this. Almost cried today when I faxed the signed listing over to the broker. Now I am lost, I don't have any other hobbies or interests. I almost feel like a close friend has died.

What does a sailor without a boat do? Where to go on this?
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Old 06-01-2015, 16:44   #2
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

Well.

If you are prepared to be unhappy the remainder of your life, and it sound like you just might......... you have to decide what is important to you.

That is the extent of my marriage counseling.

Good luck Buddy.
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Old 06-01-2015, 16:46   #3
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

My wife read your post and suggested you keep the boat and put your wife on the market!
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Old 06-01-2015, 16:47   #4
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

No easy answers... your spouse doesn't like the things you like.... but cant deal with you doing them sometimes either.... That's a tough one.
Seems to me a strong relationship allows the other to do some things independently....


There's a song that goes "You leave me breathless, there's no oxygen in here, Everytime I try to say a word you try to interfere..."
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Old 06-01-2015, 16:48   #5
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

Sounds like the title you used speaks quite clearly to the real problem - 'your' boat.

Does that explain sufficiently who did what wrong here?
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Old 06-01-2015, 16:51   #6
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

You might consider keeping the boat. If you will always blame her for making you sell the boat then the marriage is already heading down that road.
Any ultimatums are a sign of other problems.

You have my sympathies.


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Old 06-01-2015, 16:54   #7
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

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Originally Posted by S/V Illusion View Post
Sounds like the title you used speaks quite clearly to the real problem - 'your' boat.

Does that explain sufficiently who did what wrong here?
Harsh words but it sounds like there is an element of truth in them.

Not knowing either your kind self nor your wife I would suggest you continue with the sale of "your" boat and buy the next one together. Marriage is many things and nothing if not a compromise.

It might be easier to interest her in boats by taking a few easy charters together down in the Caribbean, perhaps with another couple so she has other female company. Go slowly and forget about "your" boat.

If you do it right then instead of having just your boat and no wife you might be able to have "our" boat and the wife.

Good luck.

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Old 06-01-2015, 16:54   #8
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

Sometimes there is no answer.

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Old 06-01-2015, 16:56   #9
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

Catch 22, can the wife and you'll probably have to sell the boat to pay for it.
Keep wife and have to sell the boat?

Seek counsling, professional not internet, sounds like a control issue to me? Maybe counselor can show her the boat is not competition


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Old 06-01-2015, 17:00   #10
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dhillen View Post
Harsh words but it sounds like there is an element of truth in them.

Not knowing either your kind self nor your wife I would suggest you continue with the sale of "your" boat and buy the next one together. Marriage is many things and nothing if not a compromise.

It might be easier to interest her in boats by taking a few easy charters together down in the Caribbean, perhaps with another couple so she has other female company. Go slowly and forget about "your" boat.

If you do it right then instead of having just your boat and no wife you might be able to have "our" boat and the wife.

Good luck.

Dhillen
Probably some truth in your response. But it is not my ocean and she hates that too so I guess other charters are out of the question.

interesting, 6 hours after the listing went to the broker, the broker came back with an offer purchase outright to use at a mascot for the dealership and to offer nostaligic tours on.
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Old 06-01-2015, 17:00   #11
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

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Originally Posted by a64pilot View Post
Catch 22, can the wife and you'll probably have to sell the boat to pay for it.
Keep wife and have to sell the boat?

Seek counsling, professional not internet, sounds like a control issue to me? Maybe counselor can show her the boat is not competition


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+1. By far the best piece of advice to date.
Oh and all the best, may you sort it together.
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Old 06-01-2015, 17:19   #12
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

I'm in the same "boat" as you, so to speak, except it hasn't gotten to ultimatum level with my wife ... yet. But here's my take:

The boat isn't the problem. The issue here is that you have a passion in life (could be anything) that doesn't involve her, and she has no interest in that passion. She can't handle that. The problem is hers, not yours. Do NOT sell the boat. Continue to enjoy it. Call her bluff. Worse case: she leaves you and you have to sell the boat anyway to fund the divorce. But that's better than spending the rest of your life as a slave to her irrational demands. And if you really are passionate about sailing, when things settle down there will be another boat in your life, and possibly a more rational woman!
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Old 06-01-2015, 17:24   #13
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

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Originally Posted by a64pilot View Post
Catch 22, can the wife and you'll probably have to sell the boat to pay for it.
Keep wife and have to sell the boat?

Seek counsling, professional not internet, sounds like a control issue to me? Maybe counselor can show her the boat is not competition


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Good advice.

If you give in on this one, what will the next ultimatum be? In my experience there is never one ultimatum, only one at a time.
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Old 06-01-2015, 17:42   #14
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

This sounds like a lose, lose situation.

There is a lot going on here, more than we should or will hear, and getting professional counselling sounds like the best solution--before selling the boat.
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Old 06-01-2015, 17:45   #15
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

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Originally Posted by wristwister View Post
I'm in the same "boat" as you, so to speak, except it hasn't gotten to ultimatum level with my wife ... yet. But here's my take:

The boat isn't the problem. The issue here is that you have a passion in life (could be anything) that doesn't involve her, and she has no interest in that passion. She can't handle that. The problem is hers, not yours. Do NOT sell the boat. Continue to enjoy it. Call her bluff. Worse case: she leaves you and you have to sell the boat anyway to fund the divorce. But that's better than spending the rest of your life as a slave to her irrational demands. And if you really are passionate about sailing, when things settle down there will be another boat in your life, and possibly a more rational woman!

At least in my case this boat was purchased, improved and maintained with sole and separate funds so i don't have to sell the boat in event of a divorce unless i want to even in a community property state. At 54, I think I am washed up on finding a more rational woman but i could find another boat.
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