Spouse hates my boat

[ahun]

Quote:
Originally Posted by OutOfControl
Sort of wish I had read this 35 years ago.




My '35 years ago' is now... I am choosing my boat

[sailorboy1]

good boats are all over the place and easy to find/get, good spouses not so much

[deanowens1966]

I'm 48 and have an absolutely wonderful wife, son and daughter-in-law. It is sad to see some of the comments here.

I find it amazing that so many will blame others when we make poor choices that we regret later. It is one of the primary reasons the American society is declining.

My advice to the OP is to NOT listen to anyone here except those who say to get PROFESSIONAL counseling. Those here giving advice have bias and don't know the entire situation. I also agree that it sounds like there are other issues at play here that aren't mentioned. When you hear one side of a domestic situation it is impossible to know, without a doubt, what reality is.

The most enjoyable times I have had sailing have been sharing the experience with my wife. We are headed to Tahiti in early June this year and hope to do a little day sailing while there.

I hope the OP doesn't fail in his relationship with his wife and become another statistic, ending up like some of the other bitter and acerbic curmudgeons that have posted here.



(SIGH)
I'd rather be sailing.

[crazyoldboatguy]

Why should statistics matter to an individual? My happiness is not determined by how many other people are happy or miserable in a particular circumstance.

Regarding professional counseling - can we assume that a therapist doesn't also have a bias or preconceived notions about relationships? After all, they are human, too.

There isn't much for a professional counselor to do here, frankly. Some folks here urge a compromise - however, the wife has said the boat must go. How is compromise accomplished when an ultimatum has been issued?

[Shrew]

We would all prefer to have it both ways. Live a life loving boats, and living a life loving and being loved. Ideally, the person that we love and are loved by also loves boating. If not, really have three choices.


Give up the lover and resent the boat.
Give up the boat and resent the lover.
Keep the boat and the lover and live a split life.


You could add a fourth....give up the lover, keep the boat and risk being able to find a lover whom also loves the boat. If this plan fails, you're back to resenting the boat.


I'd think long and hard about whether I'd be happier boating alone, or not boating with the one I love.


We can only make this decision for ourselves. Yes, I am biased in my opinion as well.

[Don C L]

This is a hard one but don't give up the boat. It is a love and passion. It is not the boat, it could be anything that your wife is not, or does not want to be involved in. She, for some reason finds your passion threatening and rather than working it out with you she wants total control by way of an ultimatum. Maybe she feels you love the boat more than her and will stand no competition. My wife also is not so fired up about my boat but she does make the effort, and I give her a lot of credit for that. I love her even more for that. I also pitch in cash to a kitchen remodeling fund every time I buy something for the boat because that (the new kitchen) is HER passion. So what is your wife's passion? Help out with that, get involved with that, and I bet the ultimatum will be removed. Maybe? Good luck. Keep the boat.

[Julie Mor]

Originally Posted by crazyoldboatguy

Why should statistics matter to an individual? My happiness is not determined by how many other people are happy or miserable in a particular circumstance.

Regarding professional counseling - can we assume that a therapist doesn't also have a bias or preconceived notions about relationships? After all, they are human, too.

There isn't much for a professional counselor to do here, frankly. Some folks here urge a compromise - however, the wife has said the boat must go. How is compromise accomplished when an ultimatum has been issued?

Well said.

[jwing]

What statistics are we talking about?

If you consider that people who divorce are making the choice to be HAPPIER, then divorce should be a positive event and "the American society" should celebrate a divorce for people who do not have children under the age of 18.

On the other hand, the number of miserable people that stay in unfulfilling marriages is way too high and "the American society" should not be pressuring them to stay married. I wish that statistic was lower; wisely, I'm not part it.

Most romantic relationships end. That doesn't mean they failed. In fact, I consider all my romantic relationships to have been fabulous successes! It's time we stopped considering the end of a marriage as a failure.

[Cadence]

Originally Posted by jwing

What statistics are we talking about?

If you consider that people who divorce are making the choice to be HAPPIER, then divorce should be a positive event and "the American society" should celebrate a divorce for people who do not have children under the age of 18.

On the other hand, the number of miserable people that stay in unfulfilling marriages is way too high and "the American society" should not be pressuring them to stay married. I wish that statistic was lower; wisely, I'm not part it.

Most romantic relationships end. That doesn't mean they failed. In fact, I consider all my romantic relationships to have been fabulous successes! It's time we stopped considering the end of a marriage as a failure.

[crazyoldboatguy]

"What statistics are we talking about?"

=== I hope the OP doesn't fail in his relationship with his wife and "BECOME ANOTHER STATISTIC", ending up like some of the other bitter and acerbic curmudgeons that have posted here ===

Posted by "deanowens1966" @ 10:14


I was just commenting on that statement - I certainly would not be concerned about how the rest of the world is operating. In addition, the poster seems to indicate that folks saying that their relationship failed ended up bitter and acerbic curmudgeons. Either deanowens1966 didn't read all the posts or was only selecting those that fit the self held view of the world. There were plenty of folks posting who were living quite joyous lives once the conflict was over and they still had their boat.

[jwing]

thanks for the reply, crazyoldboatguy. I understood and agreed with your post. My hypothetical question was in response to deanowens1966 post #198. I tried, and failed, to quote the exact portion of his post that you did.

[crazyoldboatguy]

Originally Posted by jwing

thanks for the reply, crazyoldboatguy. I understood and agreed with your post. My hypothetical question was in response to deanowens1966 post #198. I tried, and failed, to quote the exact portion of his post that you did.

[Fearnow]

Originally Posted by ntscout

ok, so long time lurker, not much of a poster. Really need some advice on this.

I have an older boat that I have completely restored to like new condition. Surveyor says it is in bristol condition. I absolutely adore this boat and have put so many hours into researching, restoring and using it. Recently got my 100T Captains license as well.

Here's the rub, my wife hates my boat, the slowness of boat travel and the ocean. Not only that, but she hates it when I want to use the boat by myself or go somewhere with a group of boaters. I love boating, have had boats all my life (two boats before marriage even) except when kids (and their horses, braces, education etc) depleted all available funds.

It is not a money issue - I retired early with no debt and money in the bank. I am not sure what kind of issue it is but the long and short of it is that I have been given an ultimatum about my "obsession" and told to sell it because it is damaging the marriage.

Looking for help understanding this. Almost cried today when I faxed the signed listing over to the broker. Now I am lost, I don't have any other hobbies or interests. I almost feel like a close friend has died.

What does a sailor without a boat do? Where to go on this?

FIND A NEW WIFE THAT LOVES TO SAIL!!!

[S/V Illusion]

Originally Posted by Fearnow

FIND A NEW WIFE THAT LOVES TO SAIL!!!

I don't get comments like that. How anyone can love an inanimate object more than the person he married is jaw-dropping.

[crazyoldboatguy]

Originally Posted by S/V Illusion

I don't get comments like that. How anyone can love an inanimate object more than the person he married is jaw-dropping.

I don't get comments like that. How anyone can demand total uncompromising obedience from the person she married is jaw-dropping.

There, that's better.