Spouse hates my boat

[Island Time O25]

If a person has life long passion, whatever it is, it is horrible for his partner to deny him or her that passion. In my eyes it's akin to demanding that a person change their religion or disown their children for the sake of the relationship. There is no room for compromise in situations like that. I would not just walk away but would run as far away and as fast as possible.

[WindwardPrinces]

Originally Posted by Island Time O25

If a person has life long passion, whatever it is, it is horrible for his partner to deny him or her that passion. In my eyes it's akin to demanding that a person change their religion or disown their children for the sake of the relationship. There is no room for compromise in situations like that. I would not just walk away but would run as far away and as fast as possible.

Yes, it would be terrible if you've accurately summed this up, but you've only heard half the story. I would imagine that the wife also has a perspective, which probably disagrees with your depiction.

Is riling the OP up really the best we can do here? He has enough drama going on without us.

[onestepcsy37]

Back in the 50's and 60's there was a well known cruising sailor/writer named Peter Pye. I remember reading a short account he wrote many years ago -

"It was me or the boat", she said. Well, as every sailor knows, it's easier to find a good wife than a good boat, so I sent her home to her mother.


Peter Pye - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[woodguy]

Sounds like you and your wife need a good marriage counselor. Don't sell 'till you've worked thru your issues as best you can. You may have a tough choice to make down the road.

[woodguy]

You can remind your wife that, from her perspective, boating should be better than fast women in smoke filled bars.

[roland stockham]

Go to the broker, get a copy of the listing, take it out to sea and offer it up to Neptune with your apologies. If you give up the things you love for the sake of a relationship there is a good chance you will always regret it and come to blame them or become a miserable person who is hard to live with. Either way there is every chance of loosing both the boat and your wife.
Also think about why this is happening now, as you say you where a sailor before you met your wife and have been involved through much of your marriage so why is it a problem now? What does she want you to do instead?
Regardless of why this is happening (and it could be many reasons) either you can work it our or not but trying to become someone else to preserve a relationship is likely to end badly. You have to talk about it, you need to explain why it is important to you and she has to tell you why it upsets her. That may take a while and be some struggle because often people don't really understand why they feel things, just that they do. When you do that there will either be a solution or not.

[jwing]

Originally Posted by WindwardPrinces

Yes, it would be terrible if you've accurately summed this up, but you've only heard half the story. I would imagine that the wife also has a perspective, which probably disagrees with your depiction.

Is riling the OP up really the best we can do here? He has enough drama going on without us.

I agree with all the responses ahead of mine, but WindwardPrinces's (Also, roland stockham, in #111, was while I was typing.) is the one that got it right.

To ntscout: How about telling us your wife's perspective. You should know it very well. If not, find out. Don't bother with counseling; you will pay a lot of money to have the counselor ask your wife her side of the story, then ask you to repeat what she said. Then the counselor will guide you toward the most likely solution that most people could figure out if they understood and had empathy for each other's perspectives.

[billgewater]

Conversation overheard between two barflies at Darwin's Dinah Beach yacht club...(where serious cruisers partake of the more than the occasional ale)....
"Blood oath mate. A woman is easier to get than a boat!" ....and often easier to manage.
You must have been mulling over all this as you were rebuilding your pride and joy boat.

Man or mouse?

There are plenty of women who seek a bit of adventure - if you really want one. They often appear out of the woodwork. Some are gems.
My own wife says "Get a life."
I suspect that some women confuse allegiance to them and the boat. As passion dwindles the expectation is that you will fall in line with their wishes and demands. A boat is not a sexually attractive option but I do suspect that some women think you see the boat in that light. They can become jealous of the boat as if it diminishes their control over the relationship.

But seriously, it depends on many factors and some rational discussions about lifestyle and what you both want. Best of luck.

[accomplice]

My first wife never liked sailing much. She tried it a few times, for me, but really always hated it. While she told me I could always go sailing without her, she was jealous and called the boat my mistress. I ultimately told her that I would happily give up the boat and sailing for her. That made her feel a little better, but only for a little while. The marriage was miserable for both of us. I'm now on wife 2.0 and I see what it means to really have a partner. We picked out a new boat together and enjoy it together.

I think there's more to the story here than just the ultimatum. She wants to know that she comes first. It comes from a place of insecurity and selfishness. Even if she isn't a sailor, if she loves you, she'd support your passion.

You can sell this boat. And you can trade the wife later too. You can always get another boat later. No, it won't be the same boat, but you'll enjoy it too. As for the wife, I bet you'll make sure the next one isn't like the last one.

[Cadence]

Originally Posted by WindwardPrinces

Yes, it would be terrible if you've accurately summed this up, but you've only heard half the story. I would imagine that the wife also has a perspective, which probably disagrees with your depiction.

Is riling the OP up really the best we can do here? He has enough drama going on without us.

You nailed it. Not our business. We may have only heard a small piece of it.

I can't believe the no. of people that want to be dear Abby or Dr. Phil. Maybe they are leading dull lives or have problems of their own?

I wish the monitor would pull the plug on the thread.

[lesterbutch]

I do hope you will keep in mind the difference between a lifetime "partnership" and an innanimate object. As much as I love boats I would sink it before I would put my marrage in jeopardy.

[MarkSF]

Originally Posted by Cadence

You nailed it. Not our business. We may have only heard a small piece of it.

I can't believe the no. of people that want to be dear Abby or Dr. Phil. Maybe they are leading dull lives or have problems of their own?

I wish the monitor would pull the plug on the thread.

What do you mean, it's not our business? The op ASKED for advice. At that point, it became our business, didn't it?

[Venture21]

I have the same problem with my wife...only she has not forced me to sell the boat.
She knows that sailing is a passion in my life. I'm 65 now and have come to the conclusion that if we are headed for divorce and we have to split everything, I'll simply buy another boat, one that is suitable to live on and live out my days sailing, retired and of course poor. I just hope that I can stay out of those retirement homes. Or better yet, how about a retirement home on a large sailing ship; sailing to far off lands...around the world. Am I dreaming? Honestly, I try to always include her in whatever I do. Yet she does not wish to sail. She says that the wind and sea air exhausts her. Life is far to short; do what you enjoy and of course always include your loved ones too.

[Cadence]

Originally Posted by MarkSF

What do you mean, it's not our business? The op ASKED for advice. At that point, it became our business, didn't it?

If you think so. I don't have PhD in it. Advising someone without all the facts is stupid. When I first read the OP my thought was ditch the bitch. Then I thought again or maybe thought.

[Azul]

If you ask 1000 people to guess the weight of a cow, the average of all the guesses will be really close to the actual weight of the cow. That's how internet advice works here on CF.

I think the OP has been given a lot of good advice to sort through, and perhaps has developed a few new insights into his situation.

Now some of the PC crowd here will claim that I am comparing women to cows or some other nonsense. The fact remains that if you are not fun to be around, confident and show some respect to your woman she will make you miserable and then leave you. The OP needs to work on what the young guys call his "inner game" or there is no hope for him to have a good relationship with a woman of any real value. Shed the "washed up" thinking and grow a new pair!