Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 07-01-2015, 10:10   #76
Registered User

Join Date: May 2013
Location: CLEARWATER BEACH, FLORIDA
Boat: ALBERG 30
Posts: 31
Re: Spouse hates my boat

you are not washed up at 54, I am past seventy and I have a waiting list if my mate of 50 years decides to split. BTW she has never been on my boat.
__________________

__________________
JUNKFLYBOY is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-01-2015, 10:17   #77
Senior Cruiser
 
Julie Mor's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 401
Re: Spouse hates my boat

Quote:
Originally Posted by nimblemotors View Post
A divorce is a horrible thing.
An unhappy/disfunctional marriage is worse.
Very true.
__________________

__________________
“Believe me, my young friend, there is nothing - absolutely nothing - half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats.”
― Kenneth Grahame, The Wind in the Willows
Julie Mor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-01-2015, 10:26   #78
Registered User
 
Cadence's Avatar

Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: SC
Boat: None,build the one shown of glass, had many from 6' to 48'.
Posts: 4,488
Re: Spouse hates my boat

Non of our business. Sorry for your dilemma. The advice of professional help seems the soundest.
__________________
Cadence is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-01-2015, 10:51   #79
Registered User

Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Westbrook
Boat: Pearson Alberg, 35' Hull # 77
Posts: 14
Images: 3
Re: Spouse hates my boat

Sorry to hear she's given you an ultimatum. It begs the question, what is she giving up? Why are you so quick to do it without some negotiation? Perhaps she's jealous of your passion for sailing and the boat.
Who wants a miserable spouse or one that's manipulative and controlling? This is a perfect crossroad for some dialog and negotiations. If you cower to her demands...you both loose. Good luck!
__________________
compassrose88 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-01-2015, 10:52   #80
Registered User
 
seagypsywoman's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Greece
Boat: East Orient 32
Posts: 124
Images: 3
Re: Spouse hates my boat

Quote:
Originally Posted by ntscout View Post
At least in my case this boat was purchased, improved and maintained with sole and separate funds so i don't have to sell the boat in event of a divorce unless i want to even in a community property state. At 54, I think I am washed up on finding a more rational woman but i could find another boat.
If you are looking for a rational person, it is a difficult quality to find in a woman regardless of your age. Professor Higgins tried to in My Fair Lady and failed. I would say your wife is jealous and with a very good reason. Have you spent an equivalent amount of money and time wooing your wife that you have spent on your boat? Bought her flowers or a ring now and then? Taken her out where SHE wanted to go?
Valentine's Day is coming up. Perhaps you have some making up to do. Or like so many men you think it's too commercial yet never buy flowers at any other time either. Or else buy foul-weather gear for her and think you're being romantic or funny.

I see plenty of women sailing with their men but I also see the men making their women a priority half the time.
Been there, have had that done to me, got the t-shirt.
__________________
seagypsywoman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-01-2015, 10:58   #81
Registered User

Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 131
Re: Spouse hates my boat

I would take her to a boat show and see if I could get her into a new cat or production boat that is more geared to living in.
__________________
tdominic_97 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-01-2015, 11:01   #82
Marine Service Provider
 
Azul's Avatar

Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Beaufort, NC
Boat: 1968 Cal 34, 1984 Catalina 22, 1987 Sanibel 18, 1968 Tanzer 16, 1989 BW Outrage 19, BW SS 15
Posts: 521
Images: 2
Re: Spouse hates my boat

Someone might argue that women are not hardwired to be attracted to men who exhibit weak and indecisive behavior.

Along with selling your boat you could use the money to buy her gifts, you could tell her how pretty she is all the time- that you would do anything to keep her because you are old and washed up and couldn't find anybody else if she left you, that you wouldn't be able to live without her... Stuff like that.

Marriage counseling is $100+ per hour. After months of counseling with my first ex wife the counselor suggested we find a hobby to share since she didn't like boating and fishing. The ex offered that we could buy two flutophones and learn to play them together. You can't make stuff like that up.
__________________
Azul is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-01-2015, 11:03   #83
Registered User

Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Ortona, FL
Boat: Pacific Seacraft 34
Posts: 36
Re: Spouse hates my boat

Was in the same situation 25 years ago. I sailed all my life and had a boat that I loved. Before getting married we sailed the coast of California and across the Gulf of Mexico and she seemed to enjoy it. After getting married she decided that she didn't like it after all. Sold the boat and stayed married. Now I am 73 finally getting the divorce maybe 20 years too late, just diagnosed with cancer. End result: I missed out on 25 years of boating and put up with 20 years of non-ideal marriage. My advice: Don't sell the boat!
__________________
aliddell is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-01-2015, 11:07   #84
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia East coast
Boat: Roberts EuroCat 2000 69 ft
Posts: 59
Re: Spouse hates my boat

Women and boats are a rare combination ! My solution , that worked -

Hire a large cat in a pleasant , interesting environment. e,g, Bahamas , Australia East Coast Barrier Reef. Don't lose your cool , have her do responsible jobs e.g. piloting ,Enjoy visits to clubs on the way , hire a car occasionally.

The idea is to make it interesting from her point of view. It could work for you too !
__________________
BobFord is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-01-2015, 11:10   #85
Registered User
 
SV Bonzi's Avatar

Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 29
Re: Spouse hates my boat

Compromise? Any chance you can sail to a location and she would be willing to fly in and meet you there?


Joe
__________________
SV Bonzi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-01-2015, 11:16   #86
Registered User

Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,440
Re: Spouse hates my boat

Quote:
Originally Posted by compassrose88 View Post
Who wants a miserable spouse or one that's manipulative and controlling? This is a perfect crossroad for some dialog and negotiations.

Which one are you talking about? The one with the ultimatum or the one who prioritizes their boat over their mate?

Both have legitimate complaints. There will either be a compromise somewhere or a parting of ways.
__________________
letsgetsailing3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-01-2015, 11:17   #87
Registered User
 
Aquaguy's Avatar

Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Florida
Boat: Currently looking for my next boat
Posts: 4
Spouse hates my boat

That is a tough one and I think the best advice was to seek counseling.

Now if it were me I would never give into ultermadems especially if it was something you love to do and was doing it prior to marriage so she knew this was a part of your life. That's not love, that's control and frankly it's her problem not yours. In all fairness though I am single and speak from that point of view but I like being single and will probably never marry.

Seek counseling though to get to the root of the problem because you don't want to get into another passion only to find out she doesn't like that either. Best of luck to you


Sent from my iPhone using Cruisers Sailing Forum
__________________
Aquaguy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-01-2015, 11:17   #88
Registered User

Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,075
Re: Spouse hates my boat

When she gave you an ultimatum, she effectively told you that she was prepared to leave you if you didn't do exactly what she said. Right there, is a symptom of a serious problem on her part. My suggestion would be to let the ultimatum expire, and see what happens. If she's prepared to leave you over a boat, she's not worth keeping.
__________________
Bristol 31.1, SF Bay.
MarkSF is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-01-2015, 11:20   #89
Registered User

Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,440
Re: Spouse hates my boat

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarkSF View Post
. If she's prepared to leave you over a boat, she's not worth keeping.

Wouldn't the same apply to him?

This is a relationship issue, which means some compromise is likely required from both parties.

Or, they can just part ways, but usually that's more costly than a restored boat.
__________________
letsgetsailing3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-01-2015, 11:20   #90
Registered User
 
Island Time O25's Avatar

Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,552
Re: Spouse hates my boat

Issues like that should be dealt with prior to marriage not at the tail end of it. I can't give any advice but can only say what I would have done in such situation where my partner of many years all of a sudden decided that my lifelong hobby or interest is not something she would continue to tolerate, much less like or enjoy. I would cut my losses and run from such relationship as fast as I could. And of course would do everything to keep the boat is it would be needed to woe a real boat/sailing lover/next partner.
__________________

__________________
Island Time O25 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Boat partner's wife hates diesel smell RKO Monohull Sailboats 33 13-12-2012 11:02
No-Drama Sailing - Keeping the Spouse on the Boat UnlikelyVoyager General Sailing Forum 38 15-07-2012 11:14
Wife Hates Bugs ! Clinton Liveaboard's Forum 25 13-06-2012 09:56


Our Communities

Our communities encompass many different hobbies and interests, but each one is built on friendly, intelligent membership.

» More about our Communities

Automotive Communities

Our Automotive communities encompass many different makes and models. From U.S. domestics to European Saloons.

» More about our Automotive Communities

Marine Communities

Our Marine websites focus on Cruising and Sailing Vessels, including forums and the largest cruising Wiki project on the web today.

» More about our Marine Communities


Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 19:25.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.