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Old 23-01-2015, 16:19   #211
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

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I don't get comments like that. How anyone can love an inanimate object more than the person he married is jaw-dropping.
My wife of 29 years, hates my boat and sailing in the open ocean, but she knows it's one of few things that I am passionate about.
I also am passionate about kitesurfing. It scares her to death, and she hates that I am involved in such a "dangerous sport," but knows I'm not going to stop.
She would never give me an ultimatum on these issues. As much as she dislikes the situation, she has made huge efforts to, at least find a common ground.

She loves to go shelling and shopping, two things I hate doing, but I go with here from time to time, as it makes her happy.

Even after all the years of marriage, I would not give up things I am passionate about. Life is to short for that crap.
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Old 23-01-2015, 16:27   #212
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

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My wife of 29 years, hates my boat and sailing in the open ocean, but she knows it's one of few things that I am passionate about.
I also am passionate about kitesurfing. It scares her to death, and she hates that I am involved in such a "dangerous sport," but knows I'm not going to stop.
She would never give me an ultimatum on these issues. As much as she dislikes the situation, she has made huge efforts to, at least find a common ground.

She loves to go shelling and shopping, two things I hate doing, but I go with here from time to time, as it makes her happy.

Even after all the years of marriage, I would not give up things I am passionate about. Life is to short for that crap.
Yes, that's the thing. It could be a boat, or a car or shopping or a new kitchen. IN my opinion, When you love your spouse you help him or her do the things that make them happy, even if it doesn't make you happy. I don't see this as loving an inanimate object more than a spouse. I see this as, how can you ask your spouse to choose between a passion and you? That is just asking for both of you to be miserable out of jealousy.
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Old 23-01-2015, 19:57   #213
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

A marriage doesn't (shouldn't) mean that you get to dictate everything your partner does or doesn't get to do. No relationship is very healthy if there aren't independent interests. Ultimatums like that would, on principle, always get the same response from me: "I hope your life brings you every thing you want. I wish you all the best."
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Old 23-01-2015, 20:28   #214
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

^^^
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Old 24-01-2015, 01:21   #215
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

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Originally Posted by S/V Illusion View Post
I don't get comments like that. How anyone can love an inanimate object more than the person he married is jaw-dropping.
Maybe there is a problem with your jaw. The guy is not happy. The wife is not happy. He is emotionally attached to his boat in a positive way. His emotional attachment to his marriage is not so positive.
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Old 24-01-2015, 01:24   #216
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

I do question the comments about getting a "better" spouse. Although I live with a wonderful partner, I don't need one in my life. We're really a pain in the ass to one another but we have fun. When people ask me where my better half is, I tell them..."below my belt, where's your better half"?
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Old 24-01-2015, 01:52   #217
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

Okay, everybody, I know I'm only one person, and judging by the last few posts, the woman hating is out in force.

Maybe you all didn't notice, but the OP decided to keep his boat, and also work on his relationship. His woman, his choice.

While a lot of capital has been made of her "ultimatum", did none of you consider it might have been an opening gambit in a negotiation.

That woman has no representation here, and I'll venture to say she is just as human as any of us, and without knowing what she was actually getting at, y'all have made huge assumptions about her---and without much basis.

Please, hold back from purely slandering women, it is offensive to us of the female persuasion.

Thank you.

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Old 24-01-2015, 02:19   #218
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

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Originally Posted by Ann T. Cate View Post
Okay, everybody, I know I'm only one person, and judging by the last few posts, the woman hating is out in force.

Maybe you all didn't notice, but the OP decided to keep his boat, and also work on his relationship. His woman, his choice.

While a lot of capital has been made of her "ultimatum", did none of you consider it might have been an opening gambit in a negotiation.

That woman has no representation here, and I'll venture to say she is just as human as any of us, and without knowing what she was actually getting at, y'all have made huge assumptions about her---and without much basis.

Please, hold back from purely slandering women, it is offensive to us of the female persuasion.

Thank you.

Ann
Excuse me Ann but if you are referring to my posts, there was no "woman hating" refered. I think there is way too much dependency put on relationships.
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Old 24-01-2015, 14:30   #219
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

No, Celestial,

I don't want to pick on anyone in particular. What gets to me is when it sounds as if some of the posters write without any thought of how they appear to the women on the forum and the Europeans, too. The general tone degrades.

Most guys will not speak up for the general humanity of the women. And, of course, "once burned, twice shy", I can understand how someone who had been mixed up with a hateful, vindictive woman would not want to have another relationship with a woman. The failed relationship woes generally cut both ways, as many abused women could attest. In spite of the potential for a relationship not working out, most people [statistically] prefer to be in relationships with a member of the other gender.

Verbally being snide about women or denigrating them on an international, public forum is distasteful for me to read.
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Old 24-01-2015, 14:47   #220
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

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Verbally being snide about women or denigrating them on an international, public forum is distasteful for me to read.
Ditto for me.
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Old 24-01-2015, 15:19   #221
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

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Originally Posted by Celestialsailor View Post
Maybe there is a problem with your jaw. The guy is not happy. The wife is not happy. He is emotionally attached to his boat in a positive way. His emotional attachment to his marriage is not so positive.
Therein lies the problem - some emotional attachment to an inanimate object which interferes with the interpersonal relationship most have with their spouse.

Think about it.
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Old 24-01-2015, 15:30   #222
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

I'm a lucky guy. In our relationship, it's our boat. I'm the nutty, slightly obsessive one, and I am the one usually spending an afternoon just tinkering, but my wife also participates in the work and the planning, and usually enjoys the spontaneous evening sail, a planned day-trip, and the occasional long weekend out. (we're talking a 19' boat folks). She gives me a dirty look when I occasionally slip and refer to 'my' boat.

I don't think she'll ever really want to sell the house, cut all ties to land and cruise for 3 years... but one extended cruise, maybe around Greece, could be in the cards...

She gets an extra hug tonight, I think.

(seriously guys, it's not that hard to eat your cake and have it too, even if you have a spouse that really doesn't care for the boat. I know several couples who can manage to co-exist happily like this: each grants the other their space to indulge in their individual likes, and they seek out opportunities to involve the other to their comfort level, even if it's just socializing at the boat club.

As the wise ones have already pointed out, fights and ultimatums over a boat are symptoms of a much deeper disagreement. To the OP... maybe it's too much boat - meaning it's so big/demanding that it takes too much of your time and attention. Can you get your boat fix in smaller doses, maybe... such as downsizing?. Might be something to discuss.)
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Old 24-01-2015, 16:47   #223
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

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Originally Posted by Ann T. Cate View Post
No, Celestial,

I don't want to pick on anyone in particular. What gets to me is when it sounds as if some of the posters write without any thought of how they appear to the women on the forum and the Europeans, too. The general tone degrades.

Most guys will not speak up for the general humanity of the women. And, of course, "once burned, twice shy", I can understand how someone who had been mixed up with a hateful, vindictive woman would not want to have another relationship with a woman. The failed relationship woes generally cut both ways, as many abused women could attest. In spite of the potential for a relationship not working out, most people [statistically] prefer to be in relationships with a member of the other gender.

Verbally being snide about women or denigrating them on an international, public forum is distasteful for me to read.
For me that would mean twice burned and three times shy but I showed up for the next chapter anyways. Joking aside, I never felt too burned (if you don't count the time I lost a house) but maybe wiser in my slection of initial friends and the time I now take to get to truly know someone.
There is something different I see with the women of couples I meet while sailing compared to the women I meet who are non-voyaging. One is not better than the other but different in the way they approach life. My significant other is not interested in my adventures but admires my conviction to it. In turn I support her horse and craft endeavors. The glue which binds us are formulated by love and experiences we have while together. we don't need one another, we just enjoy each others company.
By today's standards we have more traditional values. Perhaps that helps.

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Originally Posted by S/V Illusion View Post
Therein lies the problem - some emotional attachment to an inanimate object which interferes with the interpersonal relationship most have with their spouse.

Think about it.
I tried but my brain began to bleed. I am emotionally attached to my boat. It happens when you dismantle a boat and put them back together. It happened when I rebuilt the diesel myself, When I replaced every wire, every piece of rigging and made every cushion. I watched the boat develop into a beautiful thing from something which was otherwise broken and ugly. How could I not get emotionally involved.
When my boat takes me safely from one port to another, sees me safely through bad weather or starring at her as I row to shore of a new destination. On night watch when the boat seems alive and all the stars are out to see. Maybe for you it's different but from what I read on this form and the circles I sail in, most of us feel our boats. I notice most boats with a female name or some other reference to something more than an inanimate object.
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Old 24-01-2015, 16:56   #224
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

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For me that would mean twice burned and three times shy but I showed up for the next chapter anyways. Joking aside, I never felt too burned (if you don't count the time I lost a house) but maybe wiser in my slection of initial friends and the time I now take to get to truly know someone.
There is something different I see with the women of couples I meet while sailing compared to the women I meet who are non-voyaging. One is not better than the other but different in the way they approach life. My significant other is not interested in my adventures but admires my conviction to it. In turn I support her horse and craft endeavors. The glue which binds us are formulated by love and experiences we have while together. we don't need one another, we just enjoy each others company.
By today's standards we have more traditional values. Perhaps that helps.


I tried but my brain began to bleed. I am emotionally attached to my boat. It happens when you dismantle a boat and put them back together. It happened when I rebuilt the diesel myself, When I replaced every wire, every piece of rigging and made every cushion. I watched the boat develop into a beautiful thing from something which was otherwise broken and ugly. How could I not get emotionally involved.
When my boat takes me safely from one port to another, sees me safely through bad weather or starring at her as I row to shore of a new destination. On night watch when the boat seems alive and all the stars are out to see. Maybe for you it's different but from what I read on this form and the circles I sail in, most of us feel our boats. I notice most boats with a female name or some other reference to something more than an inanimate object.
Now you are getting all gushy again! Lol good story!
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Old 24-01-2015, 17:26   #225
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Re: Spouse hates my boat

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me that would mean twice burned and three times shy but I showed up ues. Perhaps that helps.


I tried but my brain began to bleed. I am emotionally attached to my boat. It happens when you dismantle a boat and put them back together. It happened when I rebuilt the diesel myself, When I replaced every wire, every piece of rigging and made every cushion. I watched the boat develop into a beautiful thing from something which was otherwise broken and ugly. How could I not get emotionally involved.
When my boat takes me safely from one port to another, sees me safely through bad weather or starring at her as I row to shore of a new destination. On night watch when the boat seems alive and all the stars are out to see. Maybe for you it's different but from what I read on this form and the circles I sail in, most of us feel our boats. I notice most boats with a female name or some other reference to something more than an inanimate object.
i guess if you'd rather work on a boat than a marriage, that's one issue. As to anthromorphizing a boat, that's something I am reluctant to put a label on.
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