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Old 04-03-2017, 17:33   #31
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Re: So Your Wife/GF Doesn't Want to Sail, Here is Why and Here is What You can do Abo

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Originally Posted by gamayun View Post
Thank you for this. I am the sole (female) owner of my boat and often sail with men on both ends of the spectrum with respect to experience. It is very difficult for me to "ignore the noise" and so it's easy to get mad or to try to talk it through when it might not be the best for the situation. The best advice I've been getting about this lately is to start thinking and acting more like the Buddha and maybe try to redirect the onslaught when it happens.
There are few sailing (etc.) duties, if any, and I can think of none at the moment, that a man can do that a woman cannot, or that a woman can that a man cannot. It is undoubtedly time to recognize that, but both you and sailorlady are perpetuating the things that seem to offend you by not being, as you suggest, more Buddha (etc.) like. It is difficult being an early bird, but the reward is there. Hang in there.
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Old 04-03-2017, 17:51   #32
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Re: So Your Wife/GF Doesn't Want to Sail, Here is Why and Here is What You can do Abo

My wife is simply not interested in the mechanics of sailing. She doesn't drive either. But she likes being on the boat and helps out doing whatever she can and feels comfortable with. I was a single hander for 15 years before I met her and she was a true landlubber. However since I was a dyed in the wood sailor she had to come aboard and over time she crew comfortable and loved being on the boat. Despite my telling her she needs to learn some basic stuff in case I become incapacitated... she refuses so far.

Before her I dated a young woman who could do anything mechanical and so on. She was the complete opposite and would have been the sort of SO who could do anything on the boat.

You simply cannot and should not change people about some things... If you can't operate and sail your boat alone... you probably should have it.... or have competent crew (you pay even) to use it.
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Old 04-03-2017, 17:53   #33
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Re: So Your Wife/GF Doesn't Want to Sail, Here is Why and Here is What You can do Abo

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Originally Posted by Sailorlady323 View Post
I am a female licenced Captain and have sailed oceans. You just have to keep to your job and ignore the noise. Remember we are capable of doing more than one thing at a time.
The guys are serial computers -one thing at a time. Many of the "instructors on the dock don't even know how to tie a cleat hitch properly. Just enjoy your sailing . Its a great life. We can only change them by demonstrating our competence.
It's accepted that women are wonderful multi taskers but I was doing some reading and it seems that it has been blown out of proportion. Yes women can keep conversations going with several different women but not with any great detail retained. When it comes to doing a job well women, like men need to concentrate on the task at hand. Great that your a go getter!
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Old 04-03-2017, 17:59   #34
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Re: So Your Wife/GF Doesn't Want to Sail, Here is Why and Here is What You can do Abo

Having been crewing for awhile
I can say for certain that
Two of the Best, Toughest & Smartest owners/skippers
I have sailed with have been Female.
Maybe I was just lucky, but I wouldn't bet on it.
They got no "Macho Bullshit" to prove
It was the Males with more money than brains
who were the real jackasses.
As far as the guys on the docks go
I've found it hit or miss if they are jerks.
A jerk treats everybody like ****
Cheers
Neil
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Old 04-03-2017, 18:01   #35
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Re: So Your Wife/GF Doesn't Want to Sail, Here is Why and Here is What You can do Abo

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Originally Posted by robert sailor View Post
It's accepted that women are wonderful multi taskers but I was doing some reading and it seems that it has been blown out of proportion. Yes women can keep conversations going with several different women but not with any great detail retained. When it comes to doing a job well women, like men need to concentrate on the task at hand. Great that your a go getter!


Actually, the whole multitasker claim is mostly bunk. Lots of research has shown that humans (of all ages and sexes) are generally poor at multitasking.
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Old 04-03-2017, 18:28   #36
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Re: So Your Wife/GF Doesn't Want to Sail, Here is Why and Here is What You can do Abo

I understand your good faith, but the post is based on a false assumption (sexism).

Truth is, marine operators, as an attitude, scream and yell orders. To anyone.
I find a personal pride in making almost perfect maneuvers when mooring, and l hate being told something, IF:
unnecessary
Untimely
Wrong
Perfunctory.

And that is what l yell back to any blue collar pretending to address any captain on helm.

Even gentle and well intended guys open mouth for plain evidence, just stressing the obvious....ouch!

Ok, their work.... the many sub-standard sailors (?) and inpoliteness.

Beyond crazy pricing, i hate marinas for this very reason.

Fishermen are a far better choice, and commercial boat are too
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Old 04-03-2017, 18:28   #37
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Re: So Your Wife/GF Doesn't Want to Sail, Here is Why and Here is What You can do Abo

What a great post! And great responses, as well. I've learned quite a bit from this post.

My husband retired 2+ years ago. We moved south and bought a house and two boats; a sailboat and a fishing boat. We've only used the fishing boat a handful of times. It's for sale. We bought an '89 Jenneau. I've never sailed before. My husband has sailed almost his entire life.

His biggest concern? That I'd get sick. I told him over and over and over that I've been on all kinds of boats before and I DON'T GET SICK. The first time we took our boat out we got caught in a storm. I didn't get sick. He was impressed. Ugh.

LOL. I'm the woman who puts down the fenders and throws out the lines to some awaiting person. To be honest, usually when we dock, because we day sail a lot, there is no awaiting person. My husband docks the boat (awful tides and winds where we are), but he gets it done. I'm usually on the bow, hoping someone will come to throw a line to (spring lines and stern lines are also ready to be thrown). But if not, I either hook it or he jumps off and we get it done.

I do get a bit disturbed when I think we should trim the jib or change the angle of the boom and he doesn't think so. So I defer because he has much more experience. Except I know I'm right. And he finally gives in.

But does this BS stop me from wanting to sail? Hell, no! I love it. I LOVE, LOVE LOVE IT! I signed us up last year for the CRC Race to Cuba. We did it! It was awesome!

What this post has done for me is made me painfully aware of how much more I need to take an active role in our sailing endeavors. I really need to learn more on how to sail and maintain a boat. Do I need to be self-sufficient? No. But I DO need to learn more.
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Old 04-03-2017, 18:37   #38
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Re: So Your Wife/GF Doesn't Want to Sail, Here is Why and Here is What You can do Abo

@gamayun
An advice : place at the very beginning a "difficult" question, or a blunt "do you know how to do this??" in an easy way, and most will tune themselves down.

Dont be too gentle..
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Old 04-03-2017, 18:37   #39
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Re: So Your Wife/GF Doesn't Want to Sail, Here is Why and Here is What You can do Abo

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheThunderbird View Post
I understand your good faith, but the post is based on a false assumption (sexism).

Truth is, marine operators, as an attitude, scream and yell orders. To anyone.
I find a personal pride in making almost perfect maneuvers when mooring, and l hate being told something, IF:
unnecessary
Untimely
Wrong
Perfunctory.

And that is what l yell back to any blue collar pretending to address any captain on helm.

Even gentle and well intended guys open mouth for plain evidence, just stressing the obvious....ouch!

Ok, their work.... the many sub-standard sailors (?) and inpoliteness.

Beyond crazy pricing, i hate marinas for this very reason.

Fishermen are a far better choice, and commercial boat are too
Sexism most assuredly does exist in the world. There is no false premise.
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Old 04-03-2017, 18:57   #40
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Re: So Your Wife/GF Doesn't Want to Sail, Here is Why and Here is What You can do Abo

Anyone who does not insist on their partner learning how to handle a vessel, be it power or sail, is dumb! In my opinion!
When my sweetie and I moved aboard, I told her she must learn not only boat handling but maintenance as well. She asked me why and I told her if we were traveling between ports and I died or fell overboard, she would need to have the knowledge and skill to either pick me up if I went overboard or wrapped me up if I fell off my perch, she would be the one who was responsible for getting the boat back to port.
She thought for a moment and looked at me and said,"that makes sense".
Cheers, Phil
PS she is as good or better boat handler than I am after about 60 years experience
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Old 04-03-2017, 19:01   #41
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Re: So Your Wife/GF Doesn't Want to Sail, Here is Why and Here is What You can do Abo

As long as you got money, you can get any girlfriend, wife or mistress to sail with you. It is all about the money.. Ask me how I know this.
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Old 04-03-2017, 19:12   #42
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Re: So Your Wife/GF Doesn't Want to Sail, Here is Why and Here is What You can do Abo

My lady docked the boat sans motor (ie under sail) within a year of joining me. One should have confidence in your partner and let them learn. She's more than welcome to take the helm so I can sit my lazy rear and relax. The only thing she doesn't do is haul the anchor because it's too heavy. She paints she waxes she helped rebed hatches. She knows how to tune rig and use the loos gauge. She hasn't taken the boat solo but if she wants to we both know she is fully capable.
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Old 04-03-2017, 21:37   #43
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Re: So Your Wife/GF Doesn't Want to Sail, Here is Why and Here is What You can do Abo

I totally disagree with some of the comments made regarding female ambedexterity. Femals cannot do two things at once. Show me any wonman that can have sex and a headache at the same time.
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Old 04-03-2017, 22:03   #44
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Re: So Your Wife/GF Doesn't Want to Sail, Here is Why and Here is What You can do Abo

Sexism exists, gets overridden by courteous human respect eh?.

The Yelling Skipper (or crewperson), male or female, makes everyone unhappy. A bane to everyone's joy. Refuse to sale with them. Few people put up with yelling, or abuse, on shore. So why do you see so many blokes on boats (or wharves) yell at crew, or partners?

Because they're incompetent. That's what it shows.

I wish I'd quietly explained that to some of the Yellers I've seen trying to dock. Never did though. Maybe later.
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Old 04-03-2017, 22:09   #45
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Re: So Your Wife/GF Doesn't Want to Sail, Here is Why and Here is What You can do Abo

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Originally Posted by Time Theory View Post
As long as you got money, you can get any girlfriend, wife or mistress to sail with you. It is all about the money.. Ask me how I know this.
Cause you got no money.....??
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