Is There Such A Thing As The 'Sophomore Blues' In Cruising?

[SmartMove]

I'm not really sure exactly what I am asking. We spent nearly 6 months outfitting, working our butts off to make Smart Move a cruising boat. We spent one full season cruising and are now into our second.

Our family finally figured out we were really serious about this after the first year. I don't know, I guess they thought we would get tired of the lifestyle quickly. When we didn't, by their standards, now some of them have gotten 'needy' (for lack of a better term) and want us to move back to land -- there is a lot of guilt being sent our way.

This year, after working so hard on the boat and replacing everything that was at or nearly at the end of its life so we wouldn't have to worry about them, all of the things we are fixing/repairing/replacing is a bit demoralizing. Please don't tell me that is boat life, I know it and expected it, it is mostly the things we couldn't do ourselves that we had to rely on others for that has had problems.

The other day the chain broke off the plug for the kitchen sink and it was nearly my undoing. I was so ready to sit down and just have a good cry, but I didn't I got my pliers I use for making jewelry and fixed it as best I could.

I can honestly say I love the life, the freedom, the boat, our cruising friends, everything -- but I seem a little off this year and sometimes I wonder why it has to be so hard. Now I'm whining, sorry. But has anyone else experienced anything like this? Maybe it is just the guilt from the kids, but money plays into it too. I really didn't expect to be spending much money on the boat this year after putting so much into it over the last 1-1/2 years.


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[goboatingnow]

keep going, its just a black day thing, next time you see a beautiful sunset or clink a few gins down with the better half, remind yourself how privileged you are and you are doing things that a tiny minority of people get the guts to do. Being different takes effort Im afraid, but the gains are enormous.

On your deathbed, your fondly remember the fantastic places you visited , the people you met and strength of your relationship. You'll never think about the money

dave

[Tayana42]

Work through it. Don't accept guilt!!! Yeah, continued expenses you weren't expecting are a downer. We've had more than a few. But, I realize our boat is 25 years old so everything on it or in it that I haven't replaced is 25 years old (except me and my wife that is). So I have to expect issues and visits from that guy Murphy.

You can do it. The gain is so much more than the pain on most days. A good cry once in awhile isn't such a bad thing.


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[mike d.]

Keep going and don't look back! Most of the time when others(family) make you feel selfish etc. It is because they are jealous! Only you can decide if it is worth it. Only you can tell if it is to much financially. You are doing what most only dream about, with their boats. If you let a small breakdown get to you, you need to take a deep breath, and say look how far you've made it, mostly on your own. Don't let some else take your dream away. You will regret it the rest of your life!!!! I can sympathize with things breaking, but with those things breaking and you doing your own repairs makes you dependent on no one!!!!!!

[oldragbaggers]

But don't we have days like that on land too? I had a day like that a couple of weeks ago and cried in my car....in the cold....in rush hour traffic....all the way home from work. And guess what, the bulk of the problems involved kids and grandkids and a healthy dose of guilt. So what will be better by giving up on your dream and moving back to shore, unless the real problem is that you are actually the one needing them?

[sailorboy1]

[QUOTE=SmartMove;1741457]
The other day the chain broke off the plug for the kitchen sink and it was nearly my undoing. I was so ready to sit down and just have a good cry, but I didn't I got my pliers I use for making jewelry and fixed it as best I could.

/QUOTE]

Go ahead and sit down and have the cry, ............................ then get back to work! No problem with that.

[MarkJ]

Families and friends can pile on the guilt trips. And it doesnt stop after a few years.
Now I have been out cruising for more than 6 years people have stopped... Namely because as soon as somone thries that crap on me I give them both barrels and dont talk to them for a year or two.

Its your life. Dont let others beat you into giving it up.

Maintenance etc.... Theres MANY boats here who do not enjoy their cruising because the NEVER cruise they just work like slaves on their boats. All day every day they do unnessecary bulltwaddle instead of going to the beach, reading a book, going to some local market just for fin, sightseeeing, touring, hanging out. Many never do that: they slave their guts out hour after hour, day after day until cruising is like a sentence forever to hell.

I do one hour work on the boat each week day.

The rest I do stuff all, get drunk, chat up chicks, LIVE LIFE.

Try it

Mark
PS I did not do my 1 hour work today. Shame on me!

[sailorboy1]

Now that I think of it, there have been some boat project items on my boat to do list for 4 years. I feel I maintain my boat really well, but I don't get too worried about items that aren't going to get any worst. I kind of look at those projects as ones that get in the way of going out for a nice sail.

[barnakiel]

Well.

Too much money spent? Wrong boat choice. Huh? Too big? Too old? Too complicated?

Good news: with all the stuff now new, much fewer things will play up, hoorrray you are in for a lazy year now!

Guilt coming / sent your way?

Are you living your life or theirs?

Stay well clear from people who are trying to make you feel guilty. They are the flock. The flock does not like to see individuals doing things differently. They are the rock. Good news: a charted one!

Now for the blues: There is an old Chinese proverb that goes something like this: "If you think you have to much to do, then find yourself something to do!".

Now go and do not sin anymore.

And do NOT (over-)worry. Just feel free to feel, and trust your gut. Many people hear the call, few follow it. From our 10 years+ of sailing and living aboard I can tell you it is a good life we are living.

Sursum corda!

Cheers,
barnakiel

[Reach]

It was interesting to hear you call it the "Sophomore Blues", since I remember specifically that my 2nd year of cruising was a big challenge (now into year 7).

I realize for me there was a bit of an identity-crisis to get through. Namely, leaving job/family and connecting with being a full time cruiser, after the first year felt like an extended 'vacation'.

As a first mate - this didn't have much to do with overt maintenance issues, although everyone on the boat experience the effects.

If one happens to feel some kind of uncertainty even though totally understandable - family may also sense that and try to draw you in (with the best intentions)?

Happy to say that year is a distant memory once life took shape in this environment. Not only daily routines, but getting a feel for 'who you are' out here, having friends new & old, near & far who know you for just that.

Best wishes!

[Arthur Garfield]

get boat closer to family members guilting you?
The $ money situ is personal call though,if land living,wouldn't you have similar
unexpected costs pop up?

I'm pulling for you both to have smiles in whatever you do !



All the Best

[Jim Cate]

Re guilt tripping from kids:

Try a thought experiment:

If you were suddenly incapacitated and required full time care, would your children step up and take on those duties, even if it meant giving up all their activities and dreams for themselves? Perhaps, but many would not. And that is what the guilt trippers are asking of you...

Chances are that you gave up much of your personal life for twenty odd years to launch your kids into adulthood... maybe even more. You have paid your dues and you get to have a life too. By all means, continue to be supportive to your kids... but this does not mean physical attendance, nor even financial support... rather, emotional support and perhaps advice on this or that. It doesn't include 24/7 babysitting!

You only have an unknown number of years left. Use them wisely!

Jim

[Cheechako]

Chain broke off the sink plug? Uh oh... here goes another chain vs nylon debate!

[Livia]

Originally Posted by Reach

It was interesting to hear you call it the "Sophomore Blues", since I remember specifically that my 2nd year of cruising was a big challenge (now into year 7).

I realize for me there was a bit of an identity-crisis to get through. Namely, leaving job/family and connecting with being a full time cruiser, after the first year felt like an extended 'vacation'.

es!

Ditto what Reach said on the identity issues. My own sophomore blues were at the end of our first year but changing countries really helped!

[oldragbaggers]

Excellent thread and it will be nice to have all these little tidbits of wisdom and experience tucked away in the back of my mind if I happen to find myself feeling blue for some unexplained reason when we hit year two.