How to Explain to a Woman what Liveaboard Means ?

[VirtualVagabond]

Fingers crossed, Don.

For what it's worth, PSA tests are just preliminary and often turn out to be a false alarm.
Also, if your worst fears are realized, it frequently is so slow that it might as well be benign. My father was diagnosed with PC at 60 and was told something else would get him long before the PC, and they were right. He died at 85, and not from prostate cancer.
Chin up, lad

[off-the-grid]

Originally Posted by virginia boy

The thought of living in a condo in the suburbs of Wash DC for the rest of my life makes me depressed. It feels like a slow death to me.

Same here! only make it NJ. Ad the old cubicle job, and that only makes it worse. Really wish I had someone to share this boat with, but I'd rather be alone, than live THAT life.

Dakota450 - How old are you. I have a friend who's mom has the exact same problem as you. Her husband does nothing but sit on his ass.

Originally Posted by Sun Goddezz

Question for all...Flip the places of the people. If "she" asked you to up and move to another country entirely to spend the rest of your life with her...would/would have you do that for her or let her go? Always consider the alternatives.

Yes! Even more so, I believe in the idea of compromise. Of merging and sharing dreams, as long as each of you are interested in and willing to live the each others dreams. For example cruise and/or live aboard part of the year. Live in that country, wherever it is part of the year. We've even talked about that idea many times. Unfortunately she doesn't feel the same. I just got the old, I don't see this as a long term thing speach

[Don1500]

At this point I have to go. I won't have a place to stay here by the end of November.

As far as my lady. She is getting used to the idea of coming out for an extended trial. I told her it would likely be in March or April for the first leg of my journey from Texas to Hampton, Va. That trip will take about 2-3 months, depending on if I feel like stopping someplace. I want to be in VA in June. It will mostly be in the ICW but I will venture outside for parts of it. I expect her to stay at least to New Orleans, but I know she will have to go home by Mobile. (That's my new clock, I'll take a plane to see you at half past Biloxi.)

[Domenic]

It sounds like the center of attention is on what you want. If that’s the case you should stay solo. There is a reason why a person want’s to bug away from the system. She may not want to bug away.
I met a couple some years ago in Alameda California. They had been cruising for eight years. They were both in their late 50’s. The boat was a forty footer+. The women had went because she was in love with her husband, and she bought into the dream. Like all dreams there is a wake up time. The couple in Alameda had no car, no money, no health Insurance. She needed women stuff. Get the salt out of her hair, nails done. Women stuff. Stuff that makes them feel a women. He was sick, and the vessel needed a major rebuild. They had sold their home to buy the boat. The cruising money had run out years before. Work along the way just was not there. They were like two homeless people on a sinking boat with one hand pump between the two of them. They were taking turns pumping as I was talking to them…the boat was really sinking!
For one reason or another…the day comes when the cruising has to stop, and you are cast ashore into the real world.
My suggestion? If you sell house, and tea pot, put most of the money in the bank. Plan a two year bug out. If you want to do more cruising, come back ashore, work for money for the next year or two of cruising. You will have to do repairs to the boat. Don’t touch the money in the bank. As an adult male, if you take her to sea…you have a duty to keep her present, and future safe. And if that is not a part of the dream, bug out solo, and good luck with a dream that must someday come to an end.
To the women in question; If a women live with a man...eight out of ten men will never marry the women. Not much of a future.

[osirissail]

Originally Posted by Domenic

. . . She may not want to bug away.
. . . The women had went because she was in love with her husband, and she bought into the dream. . .
. . . The couple in Alameda had no car, no money, no health Insurance. . .
. . . She needed women stuff. Get the salt out of her hair, nails done. Women stuff. Stuff that makes them feel a women. . .
. . . Work along the way just was not there. . .
. . . the day comes when the cruising has to stop, and you are cast ashore into the real world. . .

[edited to highlight salient points] Excellent post and in many ways illustrates exactly the wrong types of people who dream/think they can live aboard a sailing boat and cruise long term.
- - It is quite natural and we all do it - "the grass is[must be] greener on the other side of the fence" syndrome. So they burn their bridges and leap out of the frying pan into the fire.
- - No amount of dreaming is going to make you a successful long term live aboard cruiser. It is quite the opposite actually, life living aboard is harder and requires much more work, physical and mental, to enable you to be successful. On shore you have a social network and no end of governmental committees and agencies who will "take care" of you despite your efforts to screw up life.
- - No such thing exists when living aboard and cruising the oceans and seas. Nobody to save your butt(s) but yourself.
- - That's the reality, but there are people who were never born to be "good little docile citizens" in the massive web of life in a first world country. The wild frontiers on land don't exist anymore but the people who were born to be frontiersmen(women) still exist/being born. They are self-driven, self-reliant, and self-sustaining. Not afraid of getting their hands dirty, their fingernails broken/short. Muscles aching after a day of sanding bottom paint or cleaning bilges or fixing/replacing broken machinery makes them feel alive and vibrant.
- - These people take to the oceans and seas in sailing craft and thrive. They have no illusions about what is necessary to stay alive during a storm or thread a unlit/unmarked channel with a malfunctioning engine. Planning ahead and setting up safety systems to deal with potential problems/disasters is natural and part of their thought processes.
- - For these folks long term live aboard cruising is a validation of their humanity and independence as a thinking rational entity. These are not "sheep type folks" dependent upon the sheparding of the governments to keep them safe and content.
- - On the other hand, daysails, weekend cruises and even sabbatical cruising on well equipped floating "condo-style" vessels can be enjoyed by most anybody safely. I would hazard that there is a little bit of "frontiersmen" in everybody and these short term cruising experiences keep that spirit alive even though they are most comfortable living in the womb of society.

[Alaska JD]

Originally Posted by Domenic

My suggestion? If you sell house, and tea pot, put most of the money in the bank. Plan a two year bug out. If you want to do more cruising, come back ashore, work for money for the next year or two of cruising. You will have to do repairs to the boat. Don’t touch the money in the bank. As an adult male, if you take her to sea…you have a duty to keep her present, and future safe. And if that is not a part of the dream, bug out solo, and good luck with a dream that must someday come to an end.
To the women in question; If a women live with a man...eight out of ten men will never marry the women. Not much of a future.

There is much wisdom in this post. All things change and all things end.

[Domenic]

Many women are great seamen. What if one is a novice? The Captain dies, or falls over board, and is lost…what does the novice do?
Answer; Do you really want to know?

[wolfaroo]

Originally Posted by osirissail

[edited to highlight salient points] Excellent post and in many ways illustrates exactly the wrong types of people who dream/think they can live aboard a sailing boat and cruise long term.
- - It is quite natural and we all do it - "the grass is[must be] greener on the other side of the fence" syndrome. So they burn their bridges and leap out of the frying pan into the fire.
- - No amount of dreaming is going to make you a successful long term live aboard cruiser. It is quite the opposite actually, life living aboard is harder and requires much more work, physical and mental, to enable you to be successful. On shore you have a social network and no end of governmental committees and agencies who will "take care" of you despite your efforts to screw up life.
- - No such thing exists when living aboard and cruising the oceans and seas. Nobody to save your butt(s) but yourself.
- - That's the reality, but there are people who were never born to be "good little docile citizens" in the massive web of life in a first world country. The wild frontiers on land don't exist anymore but the people who were born to be frontiersmen(women) still exist/being born. They are self-driven, self-reliant, and self-sustaining. Not afraid of getting their hands dirty, their fingernails broken/short. Muscles aching after a day of sanding bottom paint or cleaning bilges or fixing/replacing broken machinery makes them feel alive and vibrant.
- - These people take to the oceans and seas in sailing craft and thrive. They have no illusions about what is necessary to stay alive during a storm or thread a unlit/unmarked channel with a malfunctioning engine. Planning ahead and setting up safety systems to deal with potential problems/disasters is natural and part of their thought processes.
- - For these folks long term live aboard cruising is a validation of their humanity and independence as a thinking rational entity. These are not "sheep type folks" dependent upon the sheparding of the governments to keep them safe and content.
- - On the other hand, daysails, weekend cruises and even sabbatical cruising on well equipped floating "condo-style" vessels can be enjoyed by most anybody safely. I would hazard that there is a little bit of "frontiersmen" in everybody and these short term cruising experiences keep that spirit alive even though they are most comfortable living in the womb of society.

I really enjoyed your post, very nicely said.

[off-the-grid]

Originally Posted by Domenic

Many women are great seamen. What if one is a novice? The Captain dies, or falls over board, and is lost…what does the novice do?
Answer; Do you really want to know?

That really depends on your location, plans, cruising grounds, etc. There's a huge difference between cruising the ICW and doing a circumnavigation, with many possibilities in between.

The title of the thread is after all "How to Explain to a Woman what Liveaboard Means ?" not "How to Explain to a Woman what an ocean crossing Means ?

[Don1500]

I don't see her staying actually. Maybe for a few weeks or even a season, but not forever. Our bonds are not that strong. My bonds to the dream are stronger. I cannot see living ashore again, nothing there for me. I don't need a job, but I will work when I can. I don't want a house/appartment/room whatever. I'd rater sit at a dock and never sail, then sit in a house and never sail.

[Domenic]

Don, I apologize if my comments sound like an attack. As to cruising with others on board, I think that is the only way to go. Novice should never be taken off shore without back up. I love the sea. I am 75, and have been sailing since the age of 10. Sailing contains more danger than flying. To fly one needs to be trained, tested, and licensed. Why anyone can operate a vessel without training, testing, and being licensed has always gone over the top of my head? I love the sea, and fear it. God know I fear it with my whole heart. The sea is not a forgiving environment. It kills skilled seamen. A novice has little chance alone.
I will be cruising the rest of my life. Between cruising I have a life on the hard. I love the high desert, and I love being around other humans. I love being at sea in the silence of night with stars from horizon to horizon. The sea black as ink…and feel your heart jump when something just beneath the surface the length of your boat slides past, and you know what ever the beast is, it was looking at you.
I think people who need to cruise should. I also believe they should first understand why they want to cruise…and should train for it.
Ask yourself this simple questions:
“Am I prepared for a white wind?”
“Do I know how to get out of a hurricane?”
Two simple questions a sailor needs to answer yes. If you missed one you’re not ready to take a novice off shore, especially one that comes in second to your dream.

[Don1500]

Thank you all for your responses, but this question is now moot. Not giving up the boat, the girl gave me up. And I don't blame her.

[VirtualVagabond]

Originally Posted by Don1500

Thank you all for your responses, but this question is now moot. Not giving up the boat, the girl gave me up. And I don't blame her.

It was probably just as well to 'reef early'.

There'll be plenty more. Enjoy the, ahemm... interviewing process

[Patient]

Originally Posted by Don1500

Thank you all for your responses, but this question is now moot. Not giving up the boat, the girl gave me up. And I don't blame her.

Really sorry to hear that Don.

However, consider yourself lucky that the incompatibility wasnt discovered during a long passage. I had a sailing instructor that told me a tale of taking his GF along for a delivery and when they approached the dock on the other side, she jumped overboard with her bags, after not speaking to him for several days.

Wish you the best of luck and hope you find someone that appreciates the lifestyle that you have to offer. Fair winds to you.

[Don1500]

I found out when she said it that she was right. I felt more for the boat I have never seen than her. I would not compromise my dream, just as I did not expect her to do hers. If this was not her dream than it's better to find out now. She wants a clean cut so that is what I will do.

Any sailor gals out there?